Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 ^^barcode re this post, am I wrong about this...generally speaking? I think early on in dating sex accompanies dating activities (usually afterwards) but yeah when you've been dating a while sometimes you just get together to have sex lol. I don't think most guys would complain about just staying in having sex - but we like to go out and do things too - and have a beautiful girl on our arms. Yeah women need to put the brakes on Sex if they want something serious, wait til date 5 or so. Myself - I'd still be open to seeing someone if they put out early though - depending on factors.
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 To add: I get that men are horny, but that doesnt excuse them or give them the right to act in any way they please. If a man needs to nutt that badly there are venues for that. I also dont think its fair that I have to emotionally support the relationship from the get go. Now Jim if we have sex its gonna be hard for you to get to know me. Thats another reason I rarely date. :lol: QUOTE=hotpotato;6172162]I can see how men could see dating differently. I could see why a man doesnt get the aspect of time wasting. After all the chance to get sex was there, and sex couldnt possibly be a waste of time. This is why I dont date much. Too many men too focused on having sex. The ones who are serious about courtship are taken.
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 To add: I get that men are horny, but that doesnt excuse them or give them the right to act in any way they please. If a man needs to nutt that badly there are venues for that. I also dont think its fair that I have to emotionally support the relationship from the get go. Now Jim if we have sex its gonna be hard for you to get to know me. Thats another reason I rarely date. :lol: I can see how men could see dating differently. I could see why a man doesnt get the aspect of time wasting. After all the chance to get sex was there, and sex couldnt possibly be a waste of time. This is why I dont date much. Too many men too focused on having sex. The ones who are serious about courtship are taken.
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) HP....it's not that men are "horny"..I mean they are...lol ....but that's not the point. They're just different ... and they develop emotional bonds differently and fall in love differently...from the way women do. You suggested that if all a man wants is sex...there are other venues for that. .Sure if ALL he wants is "just" sex he should do that. But sex is not "all" a man's wants...he wants to emotionally connect just like women do!!! That's what you're not getting. Most men who want long term actually connect through sex! Women don't. We connect through our emotions. Of course there are douchebags out there who will lie and use a woman for sex...just like there are golddiggers out there who will use men for his money. It's not easy! For either gender. Dating and developing an emotional bond and relationship is hard....it takes having a thick skin and having the ability to tolerate those early stages of uncertainty...and good communication skills! Again IMO it's wrong to be mad at men and blame them for being "horny"...men's feelings, needs and desires are so much more than that. And by continuing to think that way, you are not even making an effort to understand the man's point of view or what motivates them to behave the way they do. To the contrary, you are expecting them to think and feel the same way YOU do...and behave the same way YOU would. And if they don't...they're all horny b*stards. I'm sorry but that's just wrong. Ideally both people should be communicating with each other with respect to what they BOTH need and want in order to feel happy, safe and secure with each other.... I guess that's just too much for some people though. it's sad. Edited February 22, 2015 by katiegrl 5
hudson701 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 HP....it's not that men are "horny"..I mean they are...lol ....but that's not the point. They're just different ... and they develop emotional bonds differently and fall in love differently...from the way women do. You suggested that if all a man wants is sex...there are other venues for that. .Sure if ALL he wants is "just" sex he should do that. But sex is not "all" a man's wants...he wants to emotionally connect just like women do!!! That's what you're not getting. Most men who want long term actually connect through sex! Women don't. We connect through our emotions. Of course there are douchebags out there who will lie and use a woman for sex...just like there are golddiggers out there who will use men for his money. It's not easy! For either gender. Dating and developing an emotional bond and relationship is hard....it takes having a thick skin and having the ability to tolerate those early stages of uncertainty...and good communication skills! Again IMO it's wrong to be mad at men and blame them for being "horny"...men's feelings, needs and desires are so much more than that. And by continuing to think that way, you are not even making an effort to understand the man's point of view or what motivates them to behave the way they do. To the contrary, you are expecting them to think and feel the same way YOU do...and behave the same way YOU would. And if they don't...they're all horny b*stards. I'm sorry but that's just wrong. Ideally both people should be communicating with each other with respect to what they BOTH need and want in order to feel happy, safe and secure with each other.... I guess that's just too much for some people though. it's sad. This 100%. OP, stop projecting.
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Ok lets be real. A lot of the time a guy really does just want to have sex. Its not a controversy to me lol.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 HP....it's not that men are "horny"..I mean they are...lol ....but that's not the point. They're just different ... and they develop emotional bonds differently and fall in love differently...from the way women do. You suggested that if all a man wants is sex...there are other venues for that. .Sure if ALL he wants is "just" sex he should do that. But sex is not "all" a man's wants...he wants to emotionally connect just like women do!!! That's what you're not getting. Most men who want long term actually connect through sex! Women don't. We connect through our emotions. Of course there are douchebags out there who will lie and use a woman for sex...just like there are golddiggers out there who will use men for his money. It's not easy! For either gender. Dating and developing an emotional bond and relationship is hard....it takes having a thick skin and having the ability to tolerate those early stages of uncertainty...and good communication skills! Again IMO it's wrong to be mad at men and blame them for being "horny"...men's feelings, needs and desires are so much more than that. And by continuing to think that way, you are not even making an effort to understand the man's point of view or what motivates them to behave the way they do. To the contrary, you are expecting them to think and feel the same way YOU do...and behave the same way YOU would. And if they don't...they're all horny b*stards. I'm sorry but that's just wrong. Ideally both people should be communicating with each other with respect to what they BOTH need and want in order to feel happy, safe and secure with each other.... I guess that's just too much for some people though. it's sad. Agree 100%... You nailed it
alphamale Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Ok lets be real. A lot of the time a guy really does just want to have sex. Its not a controversy to me lol. and there's nothing wrong with that
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 This 100%. OP, stop projecting. Me or the op?
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 and there's nothing wrong with that As long as hes being honest.
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Ok lets be real. A lot of the time a guy really does just want to have sex. Its not a controversy to me lol. My experiences have been completely different. In fact, it was very rare when I met guy who "only" wanted sex with me. Most wanted more (including my current obviously)....the whole shebang...including sex...and lots of it!!! Why do think that is? Just luckier than you? Meeting better guys? You get what you give. You project negativity and distrust? That is exactly what you're gonna get back. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I'll go out and say at the base level, Men want pretty much the same thing as Women. To be wanted.
clevelander321 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 2 points.. A. If a guy typically lands 8's in real life, online dating is usually filled with 4's and 5's. These girls might be good enough to have casual fun with, but not really the type you want to take out. Since there are so many online, you would just drop heavy hints before meeting to assess your chances of getting lucky. B. Many, many girls online already have a lover.. A guy way out of their league that they have sex with on occasion. They then seek out "more" with some guy online. Which means a guy to take them out, be romantic etc. Crappy position for a guy to be in. This woman then serial dates, but always already has a lover or FWB she calls at different times.
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 HP....it's not that men are "horny"..I mean they are...lol ....but that's not the point. They're just different ... and they develop emotional bonds differently and fall in love differently...from the way women do. You suggested that if all a man wants is sex...there are other venues for that. .Sure if ALL he wants is "just" sex he should do that. But sex is not "all" a man's wants...he wants to emotionally connect just like women do!!! That's what you're not getting. A lot of times sex really is all a man wants. We need to be real about this. In this thread we arexsaying that men connect through sex. Later someone will be saying that men dont connect through sex and sex is just an act. Most men who want long term actually connect through sex! Women don't. We connect through our emotions. Of course there are douchebags out there who will lie and use a woman for sex...just like there are golddiggers out there who will use men for his money. It's not easy! For either gender. Dating and developing an emotional bond and relationship is hard....it takes having a thick skin and having the ability to tolerate those early stages of uncertainty...and good communication skills! Again IMO it's wrong to be mad at men and blame them for being "horny"...men's feelings, needs and desires are so much more than that.[/Quote] I get that men are horny. Ive seen the hoops men will jump through to get a piece, but that doesnt mean they should be manipulative or dishonest. I think ive said that over and over. Yes, i am irked that I have to remind frown men that they need to take time to fet to know me and that theres more to life and relationships than sex. And by continuing to think that way, you are not even making an effort to understand the man's point of view or what motivates them to behave the way they do. I think we have figured out what moticates them much of the time! To the contrary, you are expecting them to think and feel the same way YOU do...and behave the same way YOU would. And if they don't...they're all horny b*stards. I'm sorry but that's just wrong. Ideally both people should be communicating with each other with respect to what they BOTH need and want in order to feel happy, safe and secure with each other.... I guess that's just too much for some people though. it's sad. After 10 years of dating, I figured out long afo that men are very, cery different. Men fibd live looking for sex. I think most people in this thread would agree that there needs to be vetter communication.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) 2 points.. A. If a guy typically lands 8's in real life, online dating is usually filled with 4's and 5's. These girls might be good enough to have casual fun with, but not really the type you want to take out. Since there are so many online, you would just drop heavy hints before meeting to assess your chances of getting lucky. B. Many, many girls online already have a lover.. A guy way out of their league that they have sex with on occasion. They then seek out "more" with some guy online. Which means a guy to take them out, be romantic etc. Crappy position for a guy to be in. This woman then serial dates, but always already has a lover or FWB she calls at different times. Haha, I have the opposite problem on Match for my area, nothing but 6s and higher with most being 7-8. I don't think B scenario happens as much as you think. I don't know maybe i'm naïve though. Jesus HP, Men aren't being manipulative by trying to get a girl to sleep with them. Most of our methods to get you in bed are widely known by pretty much any woman who goes dating. Haha, did that guy manipulate you into thinking you were watching a movie again? Edited February 22, 2015 by barcode88
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 My experiences have been completely different. In fact, it was very rare when I met guy who "only" wanted sex with me. Most wanted more (including my current obviously)....the whole shebang...including sex...and lots of it!!! Why do think that is? Just luckier than you? Meeting better guys? You get what you give. You project negativity and distrust? That is exactly what you're gonna get back. Then consider yourself lucky. Ive even met dudes who pretended they wanted to be my bf just for some sex. Other girls have had this issue so its not just me. And no I dont project negativity or distrust. Negative about what? Even many men will agree that a lot of tge time men just wanna tap dat. Its really not a controversy.
clevelander321 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Haha, I have the opposite problem on Match for my area, nothing but 6s and higher with most being 7-8. I don't think B scenario happens as much as you think. I don't know maybe i'm naïve though. Jesus HP, Men aren't being manipulative by trying to get a girl to sleep with them. Most of our methods to get you in bed are widely known by pretty much any woman who goes dating. Haha, did that guy manipulate you into thinking you were watching a movie again? When I was younger I used to believe women were some virginal type creatures waiting to save sex for serious relationships.. Not true in most cases.. Women have just as much sex as men, but are just pickier.. They have FWB's, exes they sleep with, one night stands etc. Or this girl is really not attracted to you, but doesnt mind being taken out. I have actually found that the most distrustful women are the ones who pretend they "wait" for sex, as either they are already having it, or just want to look like a "good girl" because they want something else from you at that time. An example could be a girl wanting to settle down, as they feel their "wild" days should be over. So they make you unnaturally wait to have sex.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 When I was younger I used to believe women were some virginal type creatures waiting to save sex for serious relationships.. Not true in most cases.. Women have just as much sex as men, but are just pickier.. They have FWB's, exes they sleep with, one night stands etc. Or this girl is really not attracted to you, but doesnt mind being taken out. I have actually found that the most distrustful women are the ones who pretend they "wait" for sex, as either they are already having it, or just want to look like a "good girl" because they want something else from you at that time. An example could be a girl wanting to settle down, as they feel their "wild" days should be over. So they make you unnaturally wait to have sex. Yeah nothing surprises me anymore either. I know they want it almost as bad as we do, they're just not as open about it.
clevelander321 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Yeah nothing surprises me anymore either. I know they want it almost as bad as we do, they're just not as open about it. Exactly.. What I have actually encountered a lot, and heard many girls tell me, is that they will have sex with guys THEY DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH, and make guys wait who they do want a relationship with. Many women might be on the rebound.. Might be too busy for a relationship.. They do not want lots of feelings involved, but also want sex/affection/cuddling from time to time.. They do not want to be tied down and controlled by some new man immediately. And yes, women never want to "own" having sex. It will always be something that just happned, they were drunk, they dont know what came over them, they got lost in the moment, etc. So no guy with a brain would ever say after a date "Hey, do you feel like banging?".. The woman wants to be seduced in a way so they do not feel guilty or easy after. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Exactly.. What I have actually encountered a lot, and heard many girls tell me, is that they will have sex with guys THEY DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH, and make guys wait who they do want a relationship with. Many women might be on the rebound.. Might be too busy for a relationship.. They do not want lots of feelings involved, but also want sex/affection/cuddling from time to time.. They do not want to be tied down and controlled by some new man immediately. And yes, women never want to "own" having sex. It will always be something that just happned, they were drunk, they dont know what came over them, they got lost in the moment, etc. So no guy with a brain would ever say after a date "Hey, do you feel like banging?".. The woman wants to be seduced in a way so they do not feel guilty or easy after. I've been trying to say this for 6 pages
Shining One Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I have several exes in their late 30's / early 40's who periodically ask me to come over and watch a movie. Why are women such liars? hotpotato, do you indicate on your profile the minimum amount of time that you wait before sex is an option when dating? I imagine that having this specified will deter a lot of the men you're not interested in... at least the impatient ones.
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) Exactly.. What I have actually encountered a lot, and heard many girls tell me, is that they will have sex with guys THEY DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH, and make guys wait who they do want a relationship with. Many women might be on the rebound.. Might be too busy for a relationship.. They do not want lots of feelings involved, but also want sex/affection/cuddling from time to time.. They do not want to be tied down and controlled by some new man immediately. And yes, women never want to "own" having sex. It will always be something that just happned, they were drunk, they dont know what came over them, they got lost in the moment, etc. So no guy with a brain would ever say after a date "Hey, do you feel like banging?".. The woman wants to be seduced in a way so they do not feel guilty or easy after. Well gotta admit.....you actually nailed it! So glad I don't have to deal with this craziness anymore...hope I never do again. Edited February 22, 2015 by katiegrl
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I've been trying to say this for 6 pages This one here doesnt. And I do not need sex the way men do. Spanishchick is not tge only one to complain about this. Not all girls want that seduction bsYou know what I think? I think if a woman is offended by a man being honest...she should get ocer it and aporeciate the honesty. A lot of times many men really do just wanna hit that. Id rather a man be honest tyan play games.
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I have several exes in their late 30's / early 40's who periodically ask me to come over and watch a movie. Why are women such liars? Do men care? hotpotato, do you indicate on your profile the minimum amount of time that you wait before sex is an option when dating? I imagine that having this specified will deter a lot of the men you're not interested in... at least the impatient ones. I probably havent changed my profile in 5 years. I date very sparsely nowadays, maybe like every couple of years. Too many games and too much code language for me.
clevelander321 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 This one here doesnt. And I do not need sex the way men do. Spanishchick is not tge only one to complain about this. Not all girls want that seduction bsYou know what I think? I think if a woman is offended by a man being honest...she should get ocer it and aporeciate the honesty. A lot of times many men really do just wanna hit that. Id rather a man be honest tyan play games. The guy is being honest. He is setting up the opportunity to have sex. He might not even want to once he meets you in person. If he says "come watch a movie", and it is a first date, he cannot be positive he wants you either. I just do not see the game if a guy invites you over to see a movie.. It's act5ually pretty straight forward. More of a game would be some number of dates you have in your head before a guy can have sex.
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