hotpotato Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 By the way...if that is what you meant....then that's figgin nuts....and dangerous!!! You should never ever agree to go to a man's place on a first date or meet up....or even the second or third...UNLESS you want to have sex with him. That's a no brainer and to think otherwise is incredibly naive...and as I said dangerous! He could be a serial rapist for all you know.... Just saying. I think i've already said that in this thread. We've already been through that in this thread. I also take issues with people trying to solely blame the woman. Heck, there was a time when i was 18 and didn't know much about dating.
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Oh, and frankly i'm done with all of that. If a man asked me to come over for a move/cuddle/ or whatever I'd just never talk to him again. If this happens at the end of the date, I'd just get up and leave. He's already wasted me time, and I won't allow him to waste another moment. I need a real man, one who is honest, forthright, and wants to get to know me. I don't have time for boys and their games.
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 um, not necessarily I'd rather a man not work up to it. Just ask me, "Hey you wanna eff?" Then I can say no and not waste time.
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I'm saying that a man should be honest and forthright and not play game. If you wanna eff say you want to eff, then I'll just say no. I agree it's not good practice to go over to random dudes houses! I get that men want to ease their way in, I'm just sayin they *shouldn't* do that. I totally get that anytime a man wants to get a woman alone he wants to eff, unless a woman finds that unicorn of a man who means what he says and says what he means.. Oh...if everyone would just be more honest and forthcoming... the world would be a much happier place! Unfortunately though, that's not reality. If a guy's MO is sex...he is gonna use any method to get it. Including inviting a woman over to watch a movie....and "hoping" he can seduce her (through wine, food, seductive words) and get her into bed. No it's not right ... it sucks. And men who do that are douchebags. That's why when a guy invites you (you in general) over on a first or second date....it's best to not accept... unless as I said befote you want sex also....
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I think i've already said that in this thread. We've already been through that in this thread. I also take issues with people trying to solely blame the woman. Heck, there was a time when i was 18 and didn't know much about dating. Yeah I hear ya.... and 100% agree... However after a certain age...a woman really should know better....IMO.
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Oh, and frankly i'm done with all of that. If a man asked me to come over for a move/cuddle/ or whatever I'd just never talk to him again. If this happens at the end of the date, I'd just get up and leave. He's already wasted me time, and I won't allow him to waste another moment. I need a real man, one who is honest, forthright, and wants to get to know me. I don't have time for boys and their games. Amen woman!!!! I am totally with ya on that one!!!
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Oh...if everyone would just be more honest and forthcoming... the world would be a much happier place! Unfortunately though, that's not reality. If a guy's MO is sex...he is gonna use any method to get it. Including inviting a woman over to watch a movie....and "hoping" he can seduce her (through wine, food, seductive words) and get her into bed. No it's not right ... it sucks. And men who do that are douchebags. Somebody gets it! That's why when a guy invites you (you in general) over on a first or second date....it's best to not accept... unless as I said befote you want sex also.... I've had guys take it further and try to be my bf to get some sex. Smh. I agree, many men will use whatever tactic they feel like they have to to get sex. I say just got a strip club and get a lapdance real fast. It's all really dumb. He's expending effort to take me on the date, listen tme talk, just to get some sex.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) I don't know Hotpotato, I think a lot of Men do the same thing. It's pretty universally accepted by anyone who has dated and/or been sexually active that a date inviting you into their home is basically an invitation to have physical contact/sex - regardless of the reason they invite you in. Plenty of Women don't want a "serious" relationship and just want a casual relationship - or maybe they don't feel like the person is a good match but they're down for a ONS. If a guy asks them "hey lets eff", it's going to make them feel used/slutty (even though they intended to sleep with that guy). For the record - I'm not a slut shamer, I think its fine for Women to have sex with as many guys as they want. I am just saying what goes through a lot of Women's minds. As far as my comment about women being "easy". I did not mean it in a derogatory way towards women in general. What I meant is if a woman sleeps with a man after the first date - and was expecting more - a relationship - then it was her fault for being easy. Everyone knows being invited in after a first date is looking to escalate towards sex - the guy's intentions are clear. I think everyone agrees first date sex is a bad idea if you want a serious relationship. That is what I meant. You are approaching dating wrong by expecting guys to speak your language - no one else does! Why would they? If Women want sex - they are usually never straightforward about it. Women are usually the worst offenders at self slut-shaming. Edited February 21, 2015 by barcode88
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I don't know Hotpotato, I think a lot of Men do the same thing. It's pretty universally accepted by anyone who has dated and/or been sexually active that a date inviting you into their home is basically an invitation to have physical contact/sex - regardless of the reason they invite you in. Plenty of Women don't want a "serious" relationship and just want a casual relationship - or maybe they don't feel like the person is a good match but they're down for a ONS. If a guy asks them "hey lets eff", it's going to make them feel used/slutty (even though they intended to sleep with that guy). For the record - I'm not a slut shamer, I think its fine for Women to have sex with as many guys as they want. I am just saying what goes through a lot of Women's minds. As far as my comment about women being "easy". I did not mean it in a derogatory way towards women in general. What I meant is if a woman sleeps with a man after the first date - and was expecting more - a relationship - then it was her fault for being easy. Everyone knows being invited in after a first date is looking to escalate towards sex - the guy's intentions are clear. I think everyone agrees first date sex is a bad idea if you want a serious relationship. That is what I meant. You are approaching dating wrong by expecting guys to speak your language - no one else does! Why would they? Yes, there are people who speak my language. There are people are who are true to their word. Nowadays I just ex these lil boys. I need a man. A real man would be real even if *gasp* if it reduced his chances of having sex. Once again, you dont understand that some women actually go on dating sites to date. If a man just wants to eff, he needs to pick a woman from tinder, craigslist or pof casual encounters, etc.This is why ice foubd dating to be a waste of time, men cant understand simple concepts.
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Ok ladies, is it difficult to understand that some of us are on dating sites to date? Someone help me explain this because obviously im not doing a good job.
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 barcode... your post reminds me of the movie "Tootsie".... remember when Jessica Lange's character told Dustin Hoffman's character (while he was posing as a woman and her friend).....that she wished men would be more forthcoming and honest..and if they just want to have sex with her...then they should be honest about that? She actually told DH's character that she would find it refreshing! Then, when Dustin Hoffman's character went back to being a man one night....at a party one night, that's exactly what he did (or said)...and Jessica Lange's character threw a drink in his face!!!! We women can be so confusing sometimes....LOL 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Yes, there are people who speak my language. There are people are who are true to their word. Nowadays I just ex these lil boys. I need a man. A real man would be real even if *gasp* if it reduced his chances of having sex. Once again, you dont understand that some women actually go on dating sites to date. If a man just wants to eff, he needs to pick a woman from tinder, craigslist or pof casual encounters, etc.This is why ice foubd dating to be a waste of time, men cant understand simple concepts. People go on dating sites for all kind of reasons. To find someone to marry, to find a relationship, to find casual dating without commitment (with or without sex). Women will almost never be forthright and say that they want sex though. Not sure how old you are - maybe we have a generational gap here, but in everyone I've interacted with in the 18-30 range (I'm 26) this seems to be the norm. I have no interest in having sex with someone I like on the first date. But I'm not going to judge people who are more casual about dating/relationships. It sounds like you're in the same boat as me - why such bitterness towards people on the casual side though?
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 People go on dating sites for all kind of reasons. To find someone to marry, to find a relationship, to find casual dating without commitment (with or without sex). Women will almost never be forthright and say that they want sex though. Not sure how old you are - maybe we have a generational gap here, but in everyone I've interacted with in the 18-30 range (I'm 26) this seems to be the norm. I have no interest in having sex with someone I like on the first date. But I'm not going to judge people who are more casual about dating/relationships. It sounds like you're in the same boat as me - why such bitterness towards people on the casual side though? See, still doesnt get it. Sone people actually want to date. Its usually a dead guveaway when someones profile says they want to date. This is not difficult.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) barcode... your post reminds me of the movie "Tootsie".... remember when Jessica Lange's character told Dustin Hoffman's character (while he was posing as a woman and her friend).....that she wished men would be more forthcoming and honest..and if they just want to have sex with her...then they should be honest about that? She actually told DH's character that she would find it refreshing! Then, when Dustin Hoffman's character went back to being a man one night....at a party one night, that's exactly what he did (or said)...and Jessica Lange's character threw a drink in his face!!!! We women can be so confusing sometimes....LOL Yeah... Asking for sex directly is rude and disrespectful. I'd expect to get a drink thrown in my face from any self-respecting woman. When it comes to Casual Sex, both Men and Women are a bit cryptic about it (Men are seen as the bad guys though since we are expected to initiate). See, still doesnt get it. Sone people actually want to date. Its usually a dead guveaway when someones profile says they want to date. This is not difficult. Dating can encompass a lot. Someone might want to date seriously and someone else date casually. Heck even if you're dating intending to find a relationship, you might get a person who you don't see yourself being with, but wouldn't mind hooking up with. Edited February 21, 2015 by barcode88
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 [quote=barcode88;6172057 I have no interest in having sex with someone I like on the first date. But I'm not going to judge people who are more casual about dating/relationships. It sounds like you're in the same boat as me - why such bitterness towards people on the casual side though? Because its wasting my time. I dont care if a man just wants sex, but I dont want to play games. Ive spent time with him and im not with someone serious. Look up sunk costs. I honestly dont get why you dont get what im saying. Some of us have very little free time, and its precious. Ive said this like 3x already lol. In short, aint got time, aint got time.
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Yeah... Asking for sex directly is rude and disrespectful. I'd expect to get a drink thrown in my face from any self-respecting woman. When it comes to Casual Sex, both Men and Women are a bit cryptic about it (Men are seen as the bad guys though since we are expected to initiate). Dating can encompass a lot. Someone might want to date seriously and someone else date casually. Heck even if you're dating intending to find a relationship, you might get a person who you don't see yourself being with, but wouldn't mind hooking up with. *pulls out hair* I dont think we should debate. There are women who really are trying to find someone. Look up sunk costs. Why on earth would I want to waste my time effin a guy if I should be out lookin for Mr Right. Even casual time with mr casual is a waste. The whole situation could be avoided by being honest. I get that not everyone is gonna feel the spark or whatever. I just do t want a guy tryingvto take up my precious time and he knows earn well hes not that into me..
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Because its wasting my time. I dont care if a man just wants sex, but I dont want to play games. Ive spent time with him and im not with someone serious. Look up sunk costs. I honestly dont get why you dont get what im saying. Some of us have very little free time, and its precious. Ive said this like 3x already lol. In short, aint got time, aint got time. Dating is one big game you get to play though sadly. Everyone meets people who don't work out - or are looking for something different. I've wasted time and money on girls I'll never see again - talk about sunk costs.. haha. Be thankful as a woman you only have wasted time. You just need to learn how to filter out the undesirables better so you don't waste nearly as much time.
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Ok ladies, is it difficult to understand that some of us are on dating sites to date? Someone help me explain this because obviously im not doing a good job. I think in many men's minds, inviting/having a woman over to have sex IS dating. And unfortunately they have come to believe that because so many women WILL agree to that! Then those same women eventually come to loveshack asking....what's going on? I have been "dating" my "boyfriend" for one year...but we NEVER go out! All our "dates" are spent at his place...having sex! What's going on?????? So in cases like that, you can't really blame it all on the guy, can you? He's just doing what he has assumed, for one year, the woman wanted! If she wants more than just sex at his place once or twice a week.....it's up to HER to communicate that to him. It's not his job to read her mind, is it? He is just doing what works for him...if it's not right for her, then again it's up to her to tell him that....NOT accept those terms for one year and then complain that all he wants is sex! That's not fair... IMO I dunno...that's how I see it. Am I missing something?
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Dating is one big game you get to play though sadly. Everyone meets people who don't work out - or are looking for something different. I've wasted time and money on girls I'll never see again - talk about sunk costs.. haha. Be thankful as a woman you only have wasted time. You just need to learn how to filter out the undesirables better so you don't waste nearly as much time. Dating is a game. Thats why I dont date much. Well I know. If he starts talking about lets cuddle, watch a movie or whatever thats an automatic x. Ive managed to find a few guys who were forthright. Women also soend money on dates (nice clothes, makeup, etc). When I was with my ex I actually spent a lot of money on new clothes. Also, not every date costs a lot of money if any. Ive been on plenty of park and museum dates.
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I think in many men's minds, inviting/having a woman over to have sex IS dating. And unfortunately they have come to believe that because so many women WILL agree to that! Then those same women eventually come to loveshack asking....what's going on? I have been "dating" my "boyfriend" for one year...but we NEVER go out! All our "dates" are spent at his place...having sex! What's going on?????? So in cases like that, you can't really blame it all on the guy, can you? He's just doing what he has assumed, for one year, the woman wanted! If she wants more than just sex at his place once or twice a week.....it's up to HER to communicate that to him. It's not his job to read her mind, is it? He is just doing what works for him...if it's not right for her, then again it's up to her to tell him that....NOT accept those terms for one year and then complain that all he wants is sex! That's not fair... IMO I dunno...that's how I see it. Am I missing something? That sounds like a youngn mistake. But yes, if all the dates are at his place, thars a red flag.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I think in many men's minds, inviting/having a woman over to have sex IS dating. And unfortunately they have come to believe that because so many women WILL agree to that! Then those same women eventually come to loveshack asking....what's going on? I have been "dating" my "boyfriend" for one year...but we NEVER go out! All our "dates" are spent at his place...having sex! What's going on?????? So in cases like that, you can't really blame it all on the guy, can you? He's just doing what he has assumed, for one year, the woman wanted! If she wants more than just sex at his place once or twice a week.....it's up to HER to communicate that to him. It's not his job to read her mind, is it? He is just doing what works for him...if it's not right for her, then again it's up to her to tell him that....NOT accept those terms for one year and then complain that all he wants is sex! That's not fair... IMO I dunno...that's how I see it. Am I missing something? Haha well if the relationship is based on sex, then yeah I guess you could say that =P I think most guys want a girl that they can do things together with, travel explore, dine out, bring home to mom, etc. And sex is just an added bonus on the side. @HotPotato, I buy clothes too. Yeah most dates aren't expensive (my first dates most certainly aren't), but it adds up after a few girls.
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 That sounds like a youngn mistake. But yes, if all the dates are at his place, thars a red flag. hotpotato my point was that most men on dating sites DO want to date....just like you...and most women do. Problem is...their idea of what dating entails is often very different from what a woman's idea is. Many men are perfectly fine and happy spending their "dates" at home having sex. No matter what age they are. And even though I called men who invite women over on a first date douchebags (and in some cases they are)...there are some men who "are" looking for long term relationships who will still invite a woman over for a first date....hoping to have sex.... ..cause the fact of the matter is ... the goal of most men is to hit it...sooner rather than later....and then figure out after that if they like her enough to want to continue dating her. That's just reality... so it's up to the woman, assuming she wants something long term, to put on the breaks and slow things down...to get to know each other and develop an emotional bond BEFORE sex. But I think it's wrong and unfair to be mad at men...and blaming men for behaving in ways that are natural "to them." In the end, we all essentially want the same thing...to connect with someone, develop a relationship. Where we differ is in how we go about getting there! I think by writing this...I just taught myself something too! Go figure... 2
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Haha well if the relationship is based on sex, then yeah I guess you could say that =P I think most guys want a girl that they can do things together with, travel explore, dine out, bring home to mom, etc. And sex is just an added bonus on the side. ^^^ Yeah one would hope, right? But I have been on enough boards and read enough posts from women complaining about this...that I am beginning to wonder!
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 hotpotato my point was that most men on dating sites DO want to date....just like you...and most women do. Problem is...their idea of what dating entails is often very different from what a woman's idea is. Many men are perfectly fine and happy spending their "dates" at home having sex. No matter what age they are. And even though I called men who invite women over on a first date douchebags (and in some cases they are)...there are some men who "are" looking for long term relationships who will still invite a woman over for a first date....hoping to have sex.... ..cause the fact of the matter is ... the goal of most men is to hit it...sooner rather than later....and then figure out after that if they like her enough to want to continue dating her. That's just reality... so it's up to the woman, assuming she wants something long term, to put on the breaks and slow things down...to get to know each other and develop an emotional bond BEFORE sex. But I think it's wrong and unfair to be mad at men...and blaming men for behaving in ways that are natural "to them." In the end, we all essentially want the same thing...to connect with someone, develop a relationship. Where we differ is in how we go about getting there! I think by writing this...I just taught myself something too! Go figure... ^^barcode re this post, am I wrong about this...generally speaking?
hotpotato Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I can see how men could see dating differently. I could see why a man doesnt get the aspect of time wasting. After all the chance to get sex was there, and sex couldnt possibly be a waste of time. This is why I dont date much. Too many men too focused on having sex. The ones who are serious about courtship are taken.
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