spanishchick00 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I've been talking to this guy on okcupid and we have plans on meeting up next week. Drinks/Dinner/Movie. And he keeps suggesting we watch a movie at his place, he took a picture of his apartment and texted me it, saying that he has a "very comfy apartment." I told him no, we'll meet at a public place for drinks/dinner. I was open to a movie if we actually went to a movie theater and see one, I certainly don't want to go to his place. Now, I'm turned off. I was fine talking to him, until he suggested I go over to his place. Code for=having sex. Guys have to work up to that. I don't think I'm going to meet up with him. And this is only the first meeting!!!! The last time a guy told me he wanted to go over to my place he kept saying he wanted a "back massage." Obviously, he wanted sex, because he brought condoms with him. And that was only the second meeting.
NJ123 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Well honestly what do you expect from OLD? Most guys on there mainly just want sex. Why do you think women get 100s or even thousands of messages that they just completely ignore. Most of them are usually sexual. I'm sure as a woman you could easily get a date with a guy in person instead that doesn't have a hidden agenda. 1
losangelena Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater. There are plenty of relationship-minded men and women on OLD. But yes, OP, it does sound like that. I've been out a couple of time with guys who pull the "come to my place" card early-on, and it is a turn off. Good thing you found out his intentions now, instead of later. Next! 9
marie55567 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Yes he wants sex. I would ditch this guy and find someone better. There are plenty out there. 5
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 Well, I guess I'll just flake out on him..unless that's going to piss him off. But I already blocked his number anyway.
Arieswoman Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Spanishchick00, You sound like one clued-up lady - keep it up ! I did loads of OLD when i was single and dating and i kept all the meetings to public places. If he wanted to go to to dinner, I met him at the restaurant and I payed my half. If we went bowling/pictures (movies - USA) I also payed my half. I needed to be very sure of a guy before he even came to collect me from my place. Most of the dates didn't get very far because i wouldn't go back to their place for "coffee". But hey, at least it sorts out the sheep from the goats as they say. It seems to me that you've got your head screwed on the right way, as we say in UK. Keep dating and good luck !
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Smart girl! Stick with your instincts, and you'll do fine in OLD. Its not that hard sniff out real intentions in OLD as long as you pay attention to the red flags. Good luck!
elaine567 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I've been talking to this guy on okcupid and we have plans on meeting up next week. Drinks/Dinner/Movie. And he keeps suggesting we watch a movie at his place, he took a picture of his apartment and texted me it, saying that he has a "very comfy apartment." I told him no, we'll meet at a public place for drinks/dinner. I was open to a movie if we actually went to a movie theater and see one, I certainly don't want to go to his place. Now, I'm turned off. I was fine talking to him, until he suggested I go over to his place. Code for=having sex. Guys have to work up to that. I don't think I'm going to meet up with him. And this is only the first meeting!!!! The last time a guy told me he wanted to go over to my place he kept saying he wanted a "back massage." Obviously, he wanted sex, because he brought condoms with him. And that was only the second meeting. He may just be one of those guys who are uncomfortable going out socially, but seeing that is a bit of a red flag too for anyone who likes going out, then passing is probably the best option.
wb1988 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 You did the right thing OP. I've tried going for sex on the first visit and I've only done it if I think the girl is real 'easy' or when I'm really worked up that my brain gets deprived of blood. Also if I even slept with a girl on a first date I'd never consider her girlfriend material (maybe when I was younger, but not now what I'm 26 no way). so are you. females are the biggest liars on the planet. Ladies ignore this guy. He's just said that he's a 44yo creep thats never had a gf. He may just be one of those guys who are uncomfortable going out socially, but seeing that is a bit of a red flag too for anyone who likes going out, then passing is probably the best option. I doubt it, he was so lazy or eager that he wanted to skip meeting up/ the date and meetup in his bed.
hotpotato Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Yes, and you know it. Ive tried giving men the benefit of a doubt, but 99.9999999% of the time that come to my place for a massage meant sex. I had guys invite me over for a movie then get irate or flat out confused when I wanted to watch a movie. Imo if a man wants a bootycall he should be man enough to ask for it and give me the opportunity to say yes or no 4
Gloria25 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Yes, and you know it. Ive tried giving men the benefit of a doubt, but 99.9999999% of the time that come to my place for a massage meant sex. I had guys invite me over for a movie then get irate or flat out confused when I wanted to watch a movie. Imo if a man wants a bootycall he should be man enough to ask for it and give me the opportunity to say yes or no Thank YOU... I mean, I'm tired of the guys using "dating" OLD sites to troll for sex. NEWS FLASH!!! there ARE websites for hook ups guys - please go there. Like "Tinder", "Craigslist", "Adultfriendfinder", 'Sugardaddies', etc. And, even if "I" wanted sex...please, why not be tactful and work your way into it. I mean, if within the first few messages you're asking/insinuating sexual stuff - you're gonna turn me off cuz you are like a dog in heat. NOT sexy at all. 1
hotpotato Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Thank YOU... I mean, I'm tired of the guys using "dating" OLD sites to troll for sex. NEWS FLASH!!! there ARE websites for hook ups guys - please go there. Like "Tinder", "Craigslist", "Adultfriendfinder", 'Sugardaddies', etc. And, even if "I" wanted sex...please, why not be tactful and work your way into it. I mean, if within the first few messages you're asking/insinuating sexual stuff - you're gonna turn me off cuz you are like a dog in heat. NOT sexy at all. That's a simple concept but well beyond the grasp of most men on OLD! 3
ascendotum Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 That's a simple concept but well beyond the grasp of most men on OLD! Probably not, just that your odds of getting a successful home date will much better on the mainstream dating sites than those hookup sites, which the exception of Tinder those others will be full of scammers and fake profiles or cost $ and where its likely 15M:1F (genuine). Deadset easy for you to score on CL/AFF but not so much your twin brother. Women these days (even young ones if they read dating advice in their girly magazines) should be pretty clued up this sort of 'come over to watch a movie at my place' or 'I can give your stiff neck a massage back at your place after we have a few drinks here at this bar' first/second date suggestion.
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 I don't meet a stranger from the the Internet at his place or even go over to his place or have him pick me up at my place on the first meeting and the fact that he "texted" me a picture of his apartment saying how "comfy" his place is a red flag. Craigslist killing anyone??? They should at least ask that on the 4th date if things are going good.
Revan32 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Yes, and you know it. Ive tried giving men the benefit of a doubt, but 99.9999999% of the time that come to my place for a massage meant sex. I had guys invite me over for a movie then get irate or flat out confused when I wanted to watch a movie. Imo if a man wants a bootycall he should be man enough to ask for it and give me the opportunity to say yes or no You invite guys to your places for massages and get mad because they think you meant sex??? lol Who does that? haha I do a lot of online dating. Sometimes girls are totally up to coming over to watch a movie. And do other things... So you can't blame us too much for trying. I met a girl in a bar one time who called me the next day to come watch a movie with her because her roommate was out of town. I went over fully expecting sex and went for it. She then gets mad at me for coming on so strongly and tells me to leave. I leave expecting to never hear from her again. A few days later she actually calls me to apologize because she had apparently told her friends what happened, and all of them sided with me that a girl inviting a guy over to "watch a movie" means sex.
hotpotato Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 You invite guys to your places for massages and get mad because they think you meant sex??? lol Who does that? haha I do a lot of online dating. Sometimes girls are totally up to coming over to watch a movie. And do other things... So you can't blame us too much for trying. I met a girl in a bar one time who called me the next day to come watch a movie with her because her roommate was out of town. I went over fully expecting sex and went for it. She then gets mad at me for coming on so strongly and tells me to leave. I leave expecting to never hear from her again. A few days later she actually calls me to apologize because she had apparently told her friends what happened, and all of them sided with me that a girl inviting a guy over to "watch a movie" means sex. No, ive never invited a guy to my place. Read again The massage was just an example. Ive had -foot rub Cuddling -let me cook for you -lets watch a movie Yes, I can blame guys for trying because he has wasted my time. I could have been with someone who actually wants to date and get to know me. If he had be honest from the get go(liie the first few old messages), I wouldnt have bothered with him. Im a do what I say, say what I mean kinda person, and I dont have time for games or code language. 1
elaine567 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Yes, I can blame guys for trying because he has wasted my time. I could have been with someone who actually wants to date and get to know me. If he had be honest from the get go(liie the first few old messages), I wouldnt have bothered with him. Im a do what I say, say what I mean kinda person, and I dont have time for games or code language. I agree, many girls are up for sex, so what's wrong with stating it clearly or is the movie, cook a meal etc. designed to trap girls who are not that keen or who are naive or unwary. Is it a bigger coup perhaps to persuade a girl who is not overtly up for it, than one who just wants a hook up?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Even girls who are down for sex don't want to feel cheap or dirty, so most guys will say come over for a drink or movie to make it sound more innocent. Basically a way to make girls feel more at ease and less shameful even though they know it's code for sex. But yeah... Kinda ballsy going for that approach on an initial meet... IF anything wait until the first date is wrapping up nicely and try to extend the date to your place. Much more viable. 2
hotpotato Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Even girls who are down for sex don't want to feel cheap or dirty, so most guys will say come over for a drink or movie to make it sound more innocent. Basically a way to make girls feel more at ease and less shameful even though they know it's code for sex. But yeah... Kinda ballsy going for that approach on an initial meet... IF anything wait until the first date is wrapping up nicely and try to extend the date to your place. Much more viable. IMe that's what guys try to do. If a guy doesn't want to make a girl feel cheap or dirty, don't ask for or try to have sex with her asap. The act of trying to get into a girls pants quickly in and of itself can make a girl feel dirty, not to mention he has robbed her of her time if she's actually looking to date. 1
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 IMe that's what guys try to do. If a guy doesn't want to make a girl feel cheap or dirty, don't ask for or try to have sex with her asap. The act of trying to get into a girls pants quickly in and of itself can make a girl feel dirty, not to mention he has robbed her of her time if she's actually looking to date. Yeah, and guess what..the guy that came over and asked me for a "back massage" and after we hooked up on the second meeting, never contacted me again. I even contacted him a few weeks later, and he never responded. So, I don't think guys should trick a girl using all those romantic/dating codes-like I'll cook for you, give me a back massage, let's watch a movie if his intentions are to just hook-up! If they only want sex, they should be upfront about it.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Yeah, and guess what..the guy that came over and asked me for a "back massage" and after we hooked up on the second meeting, never contacted me again. I even contacted him a few weeks later, and he never responded. So, I don't think guys should trick a girl using all those romantic/dating codes-like I'll cook for you, give me a back massage, let's watch a movie if his intentions are to just hook-up! If they only want sex, they should be upfront about it. Um when we are upfront we won't get sex. No girl wants to be made to feel like a slut.
Revan32 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Yeah, and guess what..the guy that came over and asked me for a "back massage" and after we hooked up on the second meeting, never contacted me again. I even contacted him a few weeks later, and he never responded. So, I don't think guys should trick a girl using all those romantic/dating codes-like I'll cook for you, give me a back massage, let's watch a movie if his intentions are to just hook-up! If they only want sex, they should be upfront about it. Lol girls would really suck at picking up other girls apparently. Barcode's right. Girls don't want to be whores, even if what they are currently doing is very whoreish. If a girl wants to get laid, and some guy asks her to come over for a movie, she'll ration it away as she just wanted to see a movie but then got caught up in the moment and had sex. None of the girls I've hooked up with straight up said they wanted to get laid. They always say something like "it just happened", like it was out of their control and responsibility. These aren't tricks guys are using, they are just ways to make girls more comfortable with doing exactly what they want to do. Besides, if all the guys who ask you if you want to come watch a movie, instead started asking you if you want to come f**ck them, you'd be on here crying about men being pigs. Girls are literally complaining about guys being too classy. 2
hotpotato Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Um when we are upfront we won't get sex. No girl wants to be made to feel like a slut. There is more to life than getting sex. If a man is that horny theres porn, hookers, and strip clubs. Just take the $$$ he would have paid indirectly for sex ( date) and spend it on paying for sex directly. 1
hotpotato Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Lol girls would really suck at picking up other girls apparently. Barcode's right. Girls don't want to be whores, even if what they are currently doing is very whoreish. If a girl wants to get laid, and some guy asks her to come over for a movie, she'll ration it away as she just wanted to see a movie but then got caught up in the moment and had sex. None of the girls I've hooked up with straight up said they wanted to get laid. They always say something like "it just happened", like it was out of their control and responsibility. These aren't tricks guys are using, they are just ways to make girls more comfortable with doing exactly what they want to do. Besides, if all the guys who ask you if you want to come watch a movie, instead started asking you if you want to come f**ck them, you'd be on here crying about men being pigs. Girls are literally complaining about guys being too classy. I dont consider lying, games, and time wasting to be classy. I wouldnt. Id rather a man be honest than waste my time. Ive had guys try to seduce with the movie thing. Ive had guys pretend like they wanted to be my bf so they could get sex. That is being a pig. 2
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