losangelena Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Is it worth lying about a FWB who was around for a few months and passing her off as an ex gf? I don't like it but I know women despise men who haven't even been really wanted That's not patently true. My BF, who just turned 31, hadn't been in a relationship before me. For him, it was a confidence issue. At about 5'7", he used to weigh just over 100 lbs until he started bulking up at the gym. Now, a year later, he's at about 130—still not huge, obviously, but even those gains gave him the confidence get out there and meet women. I mean, yes it can be a bit more difficult to date him sometimes, because he doesn't have a lot of experience, but it's not awful. He's not jaded, he's in no way a player. He's kind and generous and funny, and I'm so glad all those girls he tried to talk to were turned off, because now I have a great boyfriend. OP, it may not seem like it now, but one day you're gonna make the right woman very lucky to have you.
AVarma Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 That's not patently true. My BF, who just turned 31, hadn't been in a relationship before me. For him, it was a confidence issue. At about 5'7", he used to weigh just over 100 lbs until he started bulking up at the gym. Now, a year later, he's at about 130—still not huge, obviously, but even those gains gave him the confidence get out there and meet women. I mean, yes it can be a bit more difficult to date him sometimes, because he doesn't have a lot of experience, but it's not awful. He's not jaded, he's in no way a player. He's kind and generous and funny, and I'm so glad all those girls he tried to talk to were turned off, because now I have a great boyfriend. OP, it may not seem like it now, but one day you're gonna make the right woman very lucky to have you. Honestly this brought a bit of a tear to my eye. You rock losangelena! You didn't mention it but was he a virgin before you? Did he tell you before or after (I'm assuming you've had sex).
somedude81 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 That's not patently true. My BF, who just turned 31, hadn't been in a relationship before me. For him, it was a confidence issue. At about 5'7", he used to weigh just over 100 lbs until he started bulking up at the gym. Now, a year later, he's at about 130—still not huge, obviously, but even those gains gave him the confidence get out there and meet women. I mean, yes it can be a bit more difficult to date him sometimes, because he doesn't have a lot of experience, but it's not awful. He's not jaded, he's in no way a player. He's kind and generous and funny, and I'm so glad all those girls he tried to talk to were turned off, because now I have a great boyfriend. OP, it may not seem like it now, but one day you're gonna make the right woman very lucky to have you. How interesting. You're situation sounded very similar to my own. I'm 5'5 and I got my first girlfriend when I was 31 years old. My ex always said that I was sweet and funny. Understandably I didn't have a lot of relationship experience, but she didn't seem to care. Unfortunately she suddenly dumped me after six months and completely destroyed my heart. I do hope things work out between you and your BF. If you ever do decide to end it with him, please don't suddenly drop it like a bomb on him.
planb1973 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Listen I got my first girlfriend when I was almost 30. I had only had sex once and that was when I was 19 and it was just a one night stand. I know first hand how the lack of girlfriend experience can kill your confidence, and that is what this all comes down to. How to gain confidence. DATE! A LOT! Get online, join meetup groups, ask girls out. Rejection hurts but you get better at it. Keep trying. Being fit and financially secure and dressing well helps but having confidence that women want to be with you is the real deal. I am now in my 40's and found my confidence a bit later in life, but once I found it I have had no problems finding women, even better I get to choose who I want to be with. One thing that helped me was that I used to look in the mirror every day and tell myself that I loved myself just as I was, then when walking to meet a woman for a date I would repeat to myself "you are awesome and women love you." Then I would walk in like I owned the place, smile, make eye contact, flirt, and be a gentleman. Oh and that first girlfriend I had back in my late 20s, I was so nervous having sex I was shaking uncontrollably like I was freezing, I told her I was really nervous and she thought it was hot. Go figure. 1
rdet123 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Another girls input here: I am a tall girl...5'10 actually. When I was younger I always said I would prefer to date taller guys than me. But, the funny thing is that I have had MULTIPLE crushes on guys shorter than me. One was even 2-3 inches shorter than me and and was the reason I broke up with my then boyfriend because I realized I had feelings for another man and couldn't do that to my boyfriend. I never confessed my feelings for this guy, but it just goes to show that tall girls do go for short guys. I think it is all how you carry yourself. Don't act like your height even matters. Act confident in who you are and the attraction will be there for a woman. I've even had crushes on guys that weren't the best looking guys out there, but something about their personality made me want to jump their bones! lol Keep your head up!
Standard-Fare Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 There is nothing more unattractive to a woman than a guy that feels sorry for himself. It is pathetic, it kills passion and she does not want someone who is weak. She needs a rock. Currently you are a pebble. Sort it out. This guy gave great advice. Go back and reread his entire post. Reread it 10 times. If you're completely down on yourself, if you've already given up on yourself, why in God's name would anyone else want to give you a chance? No one wants to plow through that rubble of insecurity and self-doubt to find the diamond in the rough. You have to immediately present yourself as the diamond. 1
somedude81 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Asking guys who have had no success with women to suddenly become secure and confident in themselves is like asking a penguin to fly.
DukeNukem47 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 As a fellow short guy, the best way to get girls is PUA/game. That's really the only way to be consistently successful. Become comfortable with rejection. You will experience a ton of it. Remember, you have the biggest dating disadvantage in the western world. So go into each interaction without any expectations. Women likely won't be interested in you anyway.
planb1973 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Asking guys who have had no success with women to suddenly become secure and confident in themselves is like asking a penguin to fly. True. But you give a man hope and he might find it.
somedude81 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 True. But you give a man hope and he might find it. How did you get your confidence up? In your previous post you said "How to gain confidence. DATE! A LOT! Get online, join meetup groups, ask girls out. " I definitely see getting a confidence boost by going on a lot of dates and basically having success with women. But when one is constantly getting shot down by women, he isn't going to get any confidence from that. Confidence comes from success. But what do you do in the meantime until you actually start having success?
Standard-Fare Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Confidence comes from success. But what do you do in the meantime until you actually start having success? Step 1, stop whining, and stop harping on an identity based on rejection and self-pity. Step 2, fake the confidence until it's real.
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