The_TX_Man Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 This past week I turned 29 and have never had a girlfriend in my adult life. The thing is it has really gotten to me because I feel like I've accomplished all the requirements of what would make a decent partner. Although I'm in graduate school now I had a good job where I had paid down all my debt and got in a great financial place before going to get my masters degree (I should graduate with no debt), where I should get better employment in a much more stable field. Despite being short I am healthy, both exteriorly (as I look decent and lift weights), and interiorly (my cholesterol, blood pressure, and other blood panel numbers are all great). I'm not a virgin, I've slept with a few women. I can't just figure out why I am such a repulsive person. I know I lack confidence, but what can you do when you get rejected nearly 100% of the time? How the hell am I suppose to have confidence when women tell me I'm too good of a talker to sleep with (that is something that really broke me when I was 27). Is it really all just because I'm 5'6"? I've tried everything including not trying at all and now I only have one year left until I am 30 and women certainly must be turned off by men who have never had a girlfriend, despite how financially successful and stable they are. My questions are as follow 1. How do I explain to women that I've never had a girlfriend when they ask? Although honesty is the best policy I don't feel the phrase "Full rejection" is the best answer 2. Is there a way I can take this less personally? How can I not take this sort of failure in life personally? 3. Has the first ten years of my adult life been just a massive hint? Should I just accept that a man during his sexual peak who had been rejected by nearly every single woman as a man simply should not even bother trying? I'm being serious because if no one thinks I count as a person then I don't see why I should continue to put myself out there to get hit like this. 4. What can a guy in my position do to make himself more attractive? Aside from limb lengthening surgery (which is expensive and painful) I don't feel like there is much I can do. I exercise, dress well, eat healthy, stay out of debt, have my financial house in order. I just feel so defeated because even with what I consider to be a largely successful first ten years of adult life, it is obvious I am still not a good enough person.
LostOnes05 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I'm actually in the same space as you. It can be bothersome at times, I know. Can't worry about the women. Keep working on improving yourself. That's really the only thing you have control over. I've seen women I went to college with, marry guys they wouldn't have taken the time to laugh at in college. Why is it? No idea. Just keep being you! (I try to remind myself of this daily) 1
todreaminblue Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 My son used to worry a lot when he was a pre teen.....that he would be as short as his dad....he asked me to get him a stretching rack....his dad is five foot......i worked for many years on hsi confidence building him up.....and the biggest thing ....i told him how to be was a good sportsman...not everything in life is a win...its not wins that define you as a person its the losses...how you treat others and what you do when everything doesnt go your way..... my son is taller than me now...i am five four i would say he is around five seven......he has never had a problem with the ladies.....in fact the opposite......he has always gotten too much attention.....and the way he gets attention ....is that eh exudes charm....friendliness....confidence.....and big blue eyes that do it...even when he gets rejected .....he bounces back...his height has never...and i repeat that...never been an issue......deb
BeatsByDirk Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I definitely don think it has anything to do with how tall you are. Confidence has everything to do with meeting and keeping women in your life. Confident you can get one. Confident you can keep one. Confident enough to leave one you love who disrespects you because... Confident you can get another one. What do you do when you get friend zoned or dismissed? I would recommend anytime you are questioned by a girl you are interested in respond contrarily with confidence: "I don't know, you are such a good communicator I think I'd hate to lose you as a friend!" "I think you misunderstood my intentions, we were never friends, if you don't want to date there is no other relationship available with me!" Or "I'm concerned about your relationships experience" "Well if you have a problem with guys who have low baggage then I'm not for you!" If you're fine with just being friends make sure they know you have other just friends girls, collect a bunch of them, introduce hem to each other make them see that you are in danger of being take ... Create a bidding war for your self. Dude it's not how tall you are. Believe you are worth it, have is much fun in your life as you can while not worrying about your relationship status. If you are a fun guy always doing fun things, some woman will notice and ask to be included but how do you expect girls to want to spend time with you when your so focused on achievements, she doesn't care about your masters and your ability to pay off debt, that sounds boring!(inviting a lazy manipulator into your life looking for a free ride). Think about all the poor fat dudes with girlfriends who drink too much, they're fun to be around, it gets old but initially people want to be around the fun guy more than the responsible one!
wb1988 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 (edited) The most important part when it comes to initial attraction is facial aesthetics. Even guys that are 6'2" can be virgins in their 20's due to being ugly. Even Dave Franco who is only 5'7" is considered more attractive than his much more famous and taller brother James Franco. Zac Efron, JB, etc all those guys are like 5'7 to 5'9" max. If you're in great shape then you should dress well, like you walked out of a GQ magazine. Women will either sense that you are either already successful or are full of potential. Height surgery will only get you around 7-8cm realistically and people that go for more than that become disfigured and become 'never to be heard from again'. Also think about it, do you think that you'll be much more attractive if you were only 3" taller? Do you think that suddenly you'll attract tons of girls everywhere with that extra 3" height? Try to improve facial aesthetics, go for girls a few inches shorter than you but not too short (very short girls tend to go for very tall guys for some reason) and hit on as many girls as you can because it can be a numbers game. Also yes, lie about not ever having a girlfriend. Edited February 14, 2015 by wb1988
somedude238 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I just feel so defeated because even with what I consider to be a largely successful first ten years of adult life, it is obvious I am still not a good enough person. Hey man, you ARE a good enough person. Finding a girlfriend all starts with the attitude you approach it with. You've already lost when you don't start with a mindset that you can win. How often are you putting yourself out there? Have you tried online dating? Consulting with a dating coach? In the end, it's numbers game. It's a terrible metaphor, but say you had a goal of winning the lottery. You buy one ticket and lose. It's not because you are bad at picking winning numbers. It's just that you didn't have luck that time. You just have to try again. So keep trying my man, you're going to find someone eventually, but you have to put yourself out there, and that takes time, courage, and determination. And if she's the right one, she's not going to care about whether you've had a girlfriend before. That's just a label. It doesn't have anything to do with your competency as a future boyfriend.
NJ123 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 That's not helping man. Normally if I insult I lace it with some insight or try to steer towards a direction, saying he's trash does nothing positive, what can he do with that? I still say he should lie. Yes women will probably sense a lie but probably think that he's been badly heart broken, lying about number of ****s or thinking that his ex knows something or anything apart from him never having a gf. But if you lie, than the entire relationship would technically be based on a lie if they become exclusive.
wb1988 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 OP, just keep improving on yourself and I'm sure in a few months from now you'll be laughing about posting on LS about not having a gf.
Dallers Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 (edited) My questions are as follow 1. How do I explain to women that I've never had a girlfriend when they ask? Although honesty is the best policy I don't feel the phrase "Full rejection" is the best answer 2. Is there a way I can take this less personally? How can I not take this sort of failure in life personally? 3. Has the first ten years of my adult life been just a massive hint? Should I just accept that a man during his sexual peak who had been rejected by nearly every single woman as a man simply should not even bother trying? I'm being serious because if no one thinks I count as a person then I don't see why I should continue to put myself out there to get hit like this. 4. What can a guy in my position do to make himself more attractive? Aside from limb lengthening surgery (which is expensive and painful) I don't feel like there is much I can do. I exercise, dress well, eat healthy, stay out of debt, have my financial house in order. I just feel so defeated because even with what I consider to be a largely successful first ten years of adult life, it is obvious I am still not a good enough person. 1. You don't. Not only will it be a passion killer she will already be sizing you up as being poor in bed and lacking in experience. As far as she is concerned you are an experienced lover with unlimited prospects and can do this special thing with your.... see what I did there.... you sound better already. Confidence comes from what you make yourself now not what happened in the past. 2. You really need to work on your insecurities and self esteem. So what you have never had a proper girlfriend, once it goes past a year for me I am bloody bored anyway so getting laid should be your number one priority. Unless you intend to marry this girl forget being with her long term. The single life is SO under-rated. Love yourself and she will love you for it. Simple. 3. Stop feeling sorry for yourself in number 3. We don't care, she won't care, the world does not care. For god sake some men have never seen or touched a vagina what are YOU complaining about?! 20's should be about having fun, enjoying being single, creating a better you, working on your career and getting laid. 30's are the time to look for stability. So in your situation you are practically on target. But you need to fix the problems you still have outstanding to improve your appearance to a woman rather than a girl. 4. Nothing. Forget making yourself more attractive. Understand who you are and learn to love that person. Then focus on improving him by doing the majority of the things you are scared of doing. Facing your fears. Face your insecurities, if you cannot grow taller grow stronger, healthier and fitter. Go do something you have always wanted to do. There is nothing more unattractive to a woman than a guy that feels sorry for himself. It is pathetic, it kills passion and she does not want someone who is weak. She needs a rock. Currently you are a pebble. Sort it out. D Edited February 14, 2015 by Dallers 2
Author The_TX_Man Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 Thanks for all the responses; even the harsh ones. I'm not some loser guy who lives in his parents basement. I've had a good run with a job in a laboratory before deciding to go to grad school. I'm financially in a good place, exercising quite intensely. Nor am I one of the guys who is a virgin. Is it worth lying about a FWB who was around for a few months and passing her off as an ex gf? I don't like it but I know women despise men who haven't even been really wanted
wb1988 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Thanks for all the responses; even the harsh ones. I'm not some loser guy who lives in his parents basement. I've had a good run with a job in a laboratory before deciding to go to grad school. I'm financially in a good place, exercising quite intensely. Nor am I one of the guys who is a virgin. Is it worth lying about a FWB who was around for a few months and passing her off as an ex gf? I don't like it but I know women despise men who haven't even been really wanted Yes, lie. But actually now that I'm thinking about it why are you even thinking about this? You should avoid discussing exs in general. I dated this girl who asked me about an ex I just said "would you like it if I discussed you when we break up?" and then it gets a good laugh, unfortunately the 2nd time I said it to this other girl it didn't get a laugh — you can use it only if your date has a sense of humour. 1
Author The_TX_Man Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 Yes, lie. But actually now that I'm thinking about it why are you even thinking about this? You should avoid discussing exs in general. I dated this girl who asked me about an ex I just said "would you like it if I discussed you when we break up?" and then it gets a good laugh, unfortunately the 2nd time I said it to this other girl it didn't get a laugh — you can use it only if your date has a sense of humour. Because I've been asked about my relationship history before and the zero number is difficult to work around. Although that line is great!
Zeed Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) Will turn 32 this year and no GF :/ Confidence is my problem its been slowly shattered to the ground. And since I quit alcohol after it killed one of my BFFs cant even get ****faced to boost it. Write down my story short version. Back in Poland I went to all male school then started work with older full male staff. So never had casual sort of contact with girls. Yet at clubs I was trying to hook up FAILING 100% of time. At age of 22 I emigrated to UK and new problem came along language barrier. Still was trying to hit on girls in clubs (alcohol did help) ofc failed every single time. Got depressed and gained loads of weight ect. Anyway two years ago decided to get back in shape. So I'm running 7 miles every day and do 40 minutes of gymnastics after. Lets say I'm almost ripped atm I got full time job at university maybe does not pay epic but at lest i enjoy it and actually like to get up and go to work. This Year i decided to try some online dating investing around 2 hours every day since start of January typical POF Tinder OKC. And You know what ?? Not a single message back!!!! This weekend depression came back... If i knew its gonna end up like this I would not even bother and live happy single gamer raver life. Guess I'm a bad lair Edited February 22, 2015 by Zeed
soyou Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I'm a woman so let me give you some insights from women's (or least my) perespectives. Indeed, 5"6 can be a disadvantage for you in general when it comes to dating but its not necessarily a dead bullet on your dating life. I used to vow to never date short guys but I ended up dating a short one recently. His character, humor, cool and chilled personality, and muscular and sportive body really charm me all over the place.
AVarma Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I'm a woman so let me give you some insights from women's (or least my) perespectives. Indeed, 5"6 can be a disadvantage for you in general when it comes to dating but its not necessarily a dead bullet on your dating life. I used to vow to never date short guys but I ended up dating a short one recently. His character, humor, cool and chilled personality, and muscular and sportive body really charm me all over the place. What about the no relationship experience?
NJ123 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I think shorter guys just have to forget about the height issue. Eventually you'll meet a woman that doesn't give a **** about it. Just stay away from OLD & meet someone in person instead.
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Just focus on making strong friendships, sometimes those become the strongest of relationships!
hudson701 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Learn game. See how average short men get hot girls. It can be done.
Buddhist Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 My questions are as follow 1. How do I explain to women that I've never had a girlfriend when they ask? Although honesty is the best policy I don't feel the phrase "Full rejection" is the best answer I've not met the right one. It's true after all. 2. Is there a way I can take this less personally? How can I not take this sort of failure in life personally? By not confusing for your actual identity with your sexual prowess. 3. Has the first ten years of my adult life been just a massive hint? Should I just accept that a man during his sexual peak who had been rejected by nearly every single woman as a man simply should not even bother trying? I'm being serious because if no one thinks I count as a person then I don't see why I should continue to put myself out there to get hit like this. No. There is no conspiracy out there to keep you sexually deprived. You've had sex before, well how did that happen? Obviously there was a time when you didn't consider yourself repulsive. 4. What can a guy in my position do to make himself more attractive? Aside from limb lengthening surgery (which is expensive and painful) I don't feel like there is much I can do. I exercise, dress well, eat healthy, stay out of debt, have my financial house in order. Enjoy your life, regardless of how much female attention you get. When you stop looking for it, it will find you. I just feel so defeated because even with what I consider to be a largely successful first ten years of adult life, it is obvious I am still not a good enough person. This is incorrect. Female attention should not ever figure into your sense of self worth. Men are not defined by how many women like them, people are defined by how they think and feel about themselves regardless of the conditions. I'm autistic, automatic rejection by others (in every context, not just relationships) is a given for me. I had to learn to put that aside and see within myself what everyone else couldn't.
AVarma Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I think it was CarrieT but I'm not sure, but there is a post here on LS where a woman had sex with a 42 year old virgin. Honestly just chill. There are people out there who are much older than you and are still virgins.
Zeed Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Enjoy your life, regardless of how much female attention you get. When you stop looking for it, it will find you. Well its definitely not working for me AT ALL
NJ123 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Enjoy your life, regardless of how much female attention you get. When you stop looking for it, it will find you. Well its definitely not working for me AT ALL That's a saying people say to make you feel better about your situation. It's just to lift your spirits up basically.
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 And here we go again. Another short guy who really struggles with women. Welcome to the club. If you are short, the only way to have any success with women is to know how to charm them. Good luck on trying to figure out how to do that if you don't already know by your mid 20's.
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