CalvinM Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I (33 male) met a woman (34) on pof last year just before Christmas. She lives in the same city and has a daughter who was 6 at the time. We got along well, but I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time, so we ended things on good terms I'm not sure if it's relevant, but we weren't intimate. I didn't want to complicate things with her daughter (who I never met). She had just gotten divorced and I wasn't prepared for that sort of thing (shared custody with an ex-husband who treated her badly, her words). A few weeks ago while browsing visitors to my profile I saw a familiar face. Hers. So I sent a quick message to see how she was doing. She messaged back right away saying she'd been single for a while and wanted to try online dating again. I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch downtown to catch up, she suggested a place. The day of, I got cold feet and said I'd need to reschedule. When she asked, I was honest. I told her I was having a lot of anxious feelings about her. I want kids, but I'd like my own. My step dad remarried my mum when I was 14, but in my head I'd always imagined trying and all the joys of planned pregnancy. She's not sure she wants more. A couple weeks later she text me with an offer of no strings attached sex. We meet, we sleep together and if her daughter isn't there, I can stay over. I politely declined, which made her pretty upset. She accused me of being aloof, hot and cold, a jerk, etc. I tried to explain to her that I wanted kid(s) of my own. I think eventually. I've been thinking a lot lately that she's a really great person, I'm attracted to her, she's attracted to me and we get along well. I messaged her last week about it and she said my decision made her really sad. She's seeing someone now and it's only been a few dates, but she wants to see where it goes. I told her I'd been going over my decision and that my step dad helped raise me (she wanted me to open up more) so I told her that I'd be open to things, but that I didn't want to let that stop me from giving her and I a shot. She thanked me, but told me I'd missed my shot, that she was seeing someone who wasn't so hot and cold. This afternoon I got a fb friend request from her. She messaged me shortly after something like "if I'm single next month, are you willing to date?" I replied that I thought she was seeing someone. She said that it wasn't serious. She also sent me some photos of her in lingerie she did with a female friend who is a photographer. I'm torn. I really like her, but I don't want to be that guy. Should I cut ties and move on, or...?
Rock Chick Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Time to move on. If she offered FWB to you, then says her current guy is a fling, then the girl isnt ready to settle down. Who needs that drama (not to mention potential diseases). Hold out for a lady without kids if that's what would make you happiest. 2
Author CalvinM Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 I don't think the current guy is a fling. And the offer was made before they started seeing each other. I think she just really wanted to see me again, and offered sex because I flaked the first time. Her: "If I meet you, to see if we can date, I'd rather be completely single so I give it a real chance." Me: "Just so we're clear here. I'm never going to bring this up again." Her: "So if I'm single next month you won't be interested in meeting?" Me: "I definitely would want to see you, but I can't suggest that if youre with someone else." Her: "Okay, I will definitely contact you if things don't work out with the other guy. I still want to meet you, just not at the moment."
Popsicle Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Yes, you should cut ties and move on. Unfriend her too. Don't be that guy. You don't want her for a R, and she's just offering sex because she hopes you'll change your mind. Surely there are other women you can sleep with.
Versacehottie Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I think you should get over your hot/coldness and "rules" about what you want because someone in the future may be amazing but either not stand for it or fit your checklist. However, I don't think this girl is really it for you for the character reasons that fill your story. She sounds like she is drama, not exactly trustworthy or gf material. She flip-flops as much as you do. That said, she may be doing just about anything to get her foot in the door with you. Offering FWB and sending lingerie photos. That just sounds desperate. Either desperate for a bf, desperate for you specifically or doing same tactics with a lot of guys. Pass, move on.
Author CalvinM Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 We talked on FaceTime last night. She told me things weren't working with the other guy and that she was ending it with him. Not because of me, but because she doesn't see a future there. We chatted for almost three hours, we have a lot in common (we're both from the same city, for instance). This morning she said she wanted time to think through her thoughts to decide if she wanted to pursue things with me. Later this afternoon she said she'd decided she wants to see me again and if I'm open to it, to give us a shot. I no longer have cold feet and am very much looking forward to seeing her. Comments, criticisms, suggestions?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Are you asking us if we think she's relationship material? You pretty much already spelled it out for yourself - you want serious - she doesn't. Move on. Date other people. I would have slept with her when she gave the invitation though, what a waste lol.
Author CalvinM Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 She does want something serious/long term. Her: "I am attracted to you and I think we share a connection. That's all I know. And that I'm excited to meet you." Me: "Me too. It's very exciting." Her: "I think we both want the same thing (a meaningful relationship) right? So that's all we need to know."
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