vickimonster Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Hi guys, right NC is a good way to heal I can see that however it isn't that easy and I need to know what you lot think. I can make sure I don't contact him, but he still gets in touch with me. I don't feel I can tell him we should have NC, he would think I was being childish, and that isn't really what I want him to be thinking when I still want him back!!! Today for example he sent me a brief e-mail asking if I got the tickets to an event I always go to, so I sent a really short reply, basically thanks for asking, yes, hope your well. Do you think I am making a mistake maintaining contact at this level??
simon_uk Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Hi Vicki i know what you mean, my ex did the same thing last week. I tried the NC and then all of a sudden I get a text from her asking me to do her a favour. I was friendly and I said no problem, plus a bit more loving stuff which didnt get me anywhere and I regret saying it. Since then I have heard nothing in 7 days, so i am assuming that a) she is done with me or b) she just assumes I dont want to know. Either way it is killing me. So my advice to you would be, keep the NC up and if he does contact you, just try to be polite and friendly but not show your true feelings for him. I hope that is of some use? Simon
eastern_mystique Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Hey Vicki, Apparently when you're doing NC you're not supposed to tell the other person that you're doing NC! That defeats the whole purpose of it, if they know what you're going to do! The point of NC is to: 1.) make yourself feel at least okay about not being with them, chance to get on with your life, get used to not being around them as much. 2.) but also to give them the chance to miss you. if you're always in contact with them it's like you're "pushing" them and they instinctively "pull" away. Once you stop contacting them, there's no pushing, so they are more likely to be drawn to you. Which sounds like what's happening with you. I don't think you're making a mistake in responding to him - it proves that NC is working for you if he's getting in contact with you, without you initiating anything. However, like Simon says (no pun intended), make sure you don't get too lovey-dovey in any conversations you have with him, he'll most likely feel pressured and awkward. Actually maintaining a kind of emotional distance/formality is good, he'll pick up that you're not so open or affectionate and it might bother him. Personally I'm not in favour of total NC - I think it's a bit harsh. If you're still on good terms with your ex, I think contacting them once a week is fine. However if things ended on an acrimonious note, perhaps it's best to not contact them full stop. Anyway, let us know of any new developments!
Author vickimonster Posted April 4, 2005 Author Posted April 4, 2005 Thanks guys that does help, it is very complicated. I made my message short and sweet answered his question, then just said hope you had a nice weekend. The other thing is, he lives with his grandma, who I am very close to. She has just got back from a holiday and I was thinking haven't seen her for about 5 weeks, I might pop round during the day this week when he isn't there. What should I do go or not??? I have to say this geuinely has nothing to do with him, me and his grandma have agreed not to discuss the break up, we just chat and have a cup of tea, we are good friends.
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