LifeandPerseverance Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I met a guy on tinder (shocking I know). Things have been going really well, we just went on our 3rd and 4th dates. He told me today..He deleted tinder this morning. I didn't ask, he just volunteered. Blurted it out in the car. I asked why, and he said "Because the way things are going with you, I don't see a reason to be on there. I don't see a reason to looking for other girls or talking to them." I was blown away. Thrilled, but still shocked. Meanwhile, mine goes off in the car right there and tells me I got another match. Nothing good has really developed from my use of tinder, except him. The other couple guys have been perverts or no attraction. He's my favorite out of any of them I've met. I like him, a lot. And so..I deleted tinder. This is all fine and dandy..But where does this leave us? I'm still confused. Are we both allowed to still be going on dates with other people? Are we not seeing other people now? Anyone have an idea based on how he worded it what I should expect? He's a great guy, and I like him, I just don't want the floor to drop out from under me. Also, I gave one other guy from tinder my number the other day--He seems smart, and we have had good conversations. I know he wants to get coffee. Should I still say yes? I don't want to feel like I'm going behind the other guys back, but on the flip side, I don't want to feel like Im committed and exclusive if we're not? Advice anyone?
Versacehottie Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 To me, it's a step toward exclusivity. You can: *probe his thought process a little more as to what it means to him to have deleted it and what his expectations are *you can be bold, since he did the first part and let him know you would like to be exclusive, what does he think? *or you can do nothing, assume it's heading in the direction but until exclusivity comes up from his end, keep on with what's in the works without ACTIVELY looking for more people. Doesn't mean you still don't have situations to work through. This gives it a little more time to see if it is the right thing to want exclusivity (for you). What do you want? Idk, you sound pretty excited about this guy. Why not just go for it if you do? Also depends on his personality and your style. Some people are more for easing into things. But impressive that he took the first step.
mortensorchid Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 That sounds nice that he wants to be with you and he removed his profile from the app. I see that many post here that they met their bf/gf on a dating website and that they were bent out of shape that they aren't taking their profile down and aren't exclusive yet. I would be happy myself if they did so and I also wanted to be with them. It's Tinder, but, it could be a good thing.
missk803 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Him telling you that he deleted his Tinder page because he likes you pretty much says it all, in my opinion. Plus, he went out of his way to make it known that he did it. If someone I met from a dating site went out on multiple dates with me and seem to be really into me but continues to keep an active dating profile, I take that as meaning they are still looking (immediately dropped). I think you should talk to him and see where he is as far as these things go with you guys, he pretty much started the conversation off, so I'm sure he's wondering about your thoughts also. 3
OrangeParty Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Are we both allowed to still be going on dates with other people? Are we not seeing other people now? Anyone have an idea based on how he worded it what I should expect? WHy not talk to him? He's clearly interested in you enough. Sit him down and have a talk about what you both want and expect, and see what the other has to say. How do you feel about him? Are you ready to be exclusive with him? Talk to him. He won't bite. 2
Author LifeandPerseverance Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 (edited) You can: *probe his thought process a little more as to what it means to him to have deleted it and what his expectations are *you can be bold, since he did the first part and let him know you would like to be exclusive, what does he think? *or you can do nothing, assume it's heading in the direction but until exclusivity comes up from his end, keep on with what's in the works without ACTIVELY looking for more people. Doesn't mean you still don't have situations to work through. This gives it a little more time to see if it is the right thing to want exclusivity (for you). you sound pretty excited about this guy. Why not just go for it if you do? When he called last night, I asked him to clarify. Went something like this: Me: "Well, just wanted to check, if you deleted tinder, are you still going to pursue/go on dates with girls you were already talking to?" His response: "No." *Slight awkward pause while I try to get over the shock*: "So, should I still be going on dates with other guys? Or should I do be doing the same? Or what would you like me to do?" Basically he said he'd like it if I wasn't going out with other guys either. Edited February 14, 2015 by LifeandPerseverance 3
wb1988 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 He's trying to be exclusive without trying to sound possessive. He's decided to only pursue you, and if you pursued other guys then it would be a slap in the face. Life is all about decisions and you play the cards your dealt. Choose life yo!
Author LifeandPerseverance Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 He's trying to be exclusive without trying to sound possessive. He's decided to only pursue you, and if you pursued other guys then it would be a slap in the face. Life is all about decisions and you play the cards your dealt. Choose life yo! I am! And I really like him. Something odd: He's never sent me a friend request on facebook. I didn't really think about how odd that seemed (I've been busy) until tonight, when my friend mentioned to me that all of the guys she's been on dates with lately sent her friend requests on facebook soon after they got her phone number. This guy feels serious enough about me to delete his tinder, yet not to send me a friend request?! Does anyone else besides me think that's weird? I thought "oh hey maybe he doesn't go on facebook often"...but I just looked him up. He added a new friend..5 hours ago. And he has over 350 friends (interesting note: including all the ex girlfriends he mentioned to me about)--so it's not like he's a big stickler about friend requests.
NJ123 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) I am! And I really like him. Something odd: He's never sent me a friend request on facebook. I didn't really think about how odd that seemed (I've been busy) until tonight, when my friend mentioned to me that all of the guys she's been on dates with lately sent her friend requests on facebook soon after they got her phone number. This guy feels serious enough about me to delete his tinder, yet not to send me a friend request?! Does anyone else besides me think that's weird? I thought "oh hey maybe he doesn't go on facebook often"...but I just looked him up. He added a new friend..5 hours ago. And he has over 350 friends (interesting note: including all the ex girlfriends he mentioned to me about)--so it's not like he's a big stickler about friend requests. This is exactly what's wrong with dating today. How dating evolves around social media these days so much is just ridiculous. Why can't people be together without all this social media crap? It causes more complications than it needs to. It causes jealousy, attention seeking, and sometimes even cheating. Edited February 19, 2015 by NJ123 1
organizedchaos Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I am! And I really like him. Something odd: He's never sent me a friend request on facebook. I didn't really think about how odd that seemed (I've been busy) until tonight, when my friend mentioned to me that all of the guys she's been on dates with lately sent her friend requests on facebook soon after they got her phone number. This guy feels serious enough about me to delete his tinder, yet not to send me a friend request?! Does anyone else besides me think that's weird? I thought "oh hey maybe he doesn't go on facebook often"...but I just looked him up. He added a new friend..5 hours ago. And he has over 350 friends (interesting note: including all the ex girlfriends he mentioned to me about)--so it's not like he's a big stickler about friend requests. OMG, stop basing the value of your budding relationship on a Facebook friend request. You're seriously obsessing/borderline stalking this much around his social networking activity already???
Author LifeandPerseverance Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 OMG, stop basing the value of your budding relationship on a Facebook friend request. You're seriously obsessing/borderline stalking this much around his social networking activity already??? I'm not obsessing. I just thought about it tonight. And it made me feel weird. Really weird. Like if my grandmother's friends send me friend requests, and friends-of-a-friend who have met me once, why would the guy I've been seeing not send me a friend request? Just seems weird.
organizedchaos Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I'm not obsessing. I just thought about it tonight. And it made me feel weird. Really weird. Like if my grandmother's friends send me friend requests, and friends-of-a-friend who have met me once, why would the guy I've been seeing not send me a friend request? Just seems weird. The only thing weird is how this insignificant act is even an issue.
Versacehottie Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 yeah i wouldn't even stress over the FB thing. Perhaps he feels like it would feel stalker-y to you. maybe he doesn't want to seem so trivial with you. Maybe he just doesn't want FB to f*ck things up, as in he's been burned before by the jealousy it generates or has friends who have. I swear FB causes sooooo many problems for relationships--he is probably being smart. I think it's great that he hasn't asked you to be FB friends. No matter his age, he is probably trying to show you the more grown-up side of himself. If one of his first moves is adding you to his social media, that makes his interaction with you potentially seem insignificant or trivial itself. I think it's bonus points that he didn't!
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