mgthemis Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 [font=arial][/font][color=black][/color] Hi there, I would just like to start off with a little bit of background about my 'situation' i am a 16 year old male and i have been bullied for about 8 years of my life at school about my appearance, my parents havent put much positive input into my life and have bullied me too. As a result i have become so insecure about myself it isnt funny. I start to have panic attacks around a large group of ppl and i have become pretty messed up. My main problem is my wieght, my facial features and my hearing loss of which has caused a speech impedement. 'lisp'. As a result i have never kissed a girl, dated or anything of the sort. I have tried hard though but most replies are complete rejections, i have been on blind dates like over MSN and one time, a girl has actually took one look at me and laughed and walked right off. Meanwhile friends that i have grown up with have had several girlfriends and jus go to parties and girls come up to them and start making out with them.. one of the reasons i find this has happened is because of my Insecurity which are from bullying and complete hurtful rejections. This leads to me hating myself and having no confidence which eventually repeats the cycle of me getting rejected. sounds all complicated sorry lol.. but yeh i hav seen many counsellers ect. nothing seems to help! at times i have seriously thought about suicide ect. but yeh i am not that stupid; but i am really unhappy and i am jus dying for someone to tell me that they love me and they like me for who i am.. i need that reasurrance.. i need positive input from somewhere.. What should i do to get over my low self esteem? lack of confidence? and to find someone who cares.. has the world become that shallow? why cant ppl jus see through my lisp and other stuff and like me for who i really i am.. i know some ppl will say im only 16 and i hav plenty of time to find a gf.. but im really mature for my age and i have tried really hard and i can jus see myself dying lonely..
newby Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 i was going to say you are really young and confidence will come with age, when you realise that other peoples opinions matter less and appearances arent as important as you think when you are in your teens, however that is not particuarly helpful as you are not happy now. you dont want to be looking to the future for your happiness. however i think that relaxing more about all of this stuff will help you. are you still overweight? if you are then you can do something about that cant you? not because i think people should judge you on that but it would make you feel better to take action on what bothers you also somebody that knows how to take care of themselves is much more attractive than someone who doesnt. also stop thinking of yourself in terms of the past, you were bullied, you are not now. stop thinking of yourself as the misfit who was bullied.
Lucky Dog Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Hi mgthemis, I think you need to take some positive, and possibly drastic action before anything gets worse. Bullying (especially long-term bullying) can have devastsing short and long term effects on someone. I think in your case, that it comes from school, as well as at home, is twice as dangerous. You need to find a therapist that can help you and stick with them. I would even go so far as to say that you need to find someone to help you talk to your parents about their behaviour. I would suggest to your therapist that they invite your parents in for a group session, and suggest that they change their behaviour. If your family situation does not improve, I would suggest finding a safe and legal way to leave home (go stay with a friend or relative, join a student exchange progam, etc.) As far as the kids at school. there will always be a#$%*&$ at any school anywhere, so I think you might need to develop more confidence and self-esteem through your sessions with a therapist, and maybe working out, playing sport, or something that will make you more comfortable with your image, but in the end, you need to beleive in yourself so you just don't care what they say. Good luck and be strong
erika2610 Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Trust me, you're not the only one who's been through the awkward stage. I'm 26 yrs. old.. I went through it basically from 7th grade until maybe 11th grade I think. I went through all of it.. hung out with the not so popular kids, picked last for sports. I even stopped going to the bus stop because it was so bad. But once I hit maybe senior year, the kids got more mature.. they stopped. And once I got outta school, all those kids went away along with my problems. I learned that it didn't matter what other people thought. I didn't start dating until I was maybe about 18 or so. Immature kids will find anything to pick on you about. Me.. I wasn't brought up in a money family, not the most popular girl. I was also shy. In school, all that mainly matters is appearance. My main point is don't pay attention to those other people. I been outta school for maybe 10 years now, and don't have those problems anymore. People bully other people because it makes them feel better about themselves..
Pendawn Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 I am going to say 2 words to you, which may seem nuts but please listen: Clay Aiken. I am sure you know the guy, he was on American Idol and he's sold like millions of records. Here's this guy and he's geeky, and he wears glasses, and he dresses dorky, and he has a speech impediment and a lazy eye. And you know what MILLIONS of women want to sleep with him! MILLIONS! Every guy out there has something special and unique to them, you just have to find it. Maybe you haven't uncovered your passion in lif eyet but you will, start exploring hobbies and interests, don't worry so much about dating just be yourself and make friends with girls. Really most REALLY succesful relationships are from people who started out as friends. I really reccomend you read Clay Aiken's autobiography called "Learning to Sing". He had a horrid family life, he was bullied constantly at school, his mom dressed him really badly, his step-father beat him, and like you he had no confidence. But he learned that the only person who can change that self-image, is you. You have to have faith in yourself. You haven't had the start that a lot of people have with people giving them reassurance and love and support, that just means you must be an EVEN stronger person. Your personality must be strong and proud and courageous. Give yourself the confidence, believe in yourself. Good luck!
paradox Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Are you religious? Maybe church can somehow help in terms of giving you that confidence. Also have you tried online dating? Loads of girls are looking for a date, so there is a high chance of you finding someone out there. I may be wrong, but if you dress up nice and treat a girl like a princess, throw her compliments and stuff like that, however you look you'l score high points
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted April 5, 2005 Posted April 5, 2005 Don't think something's wrong because you've never had a girlfriend at the age of 16. I know a "normal" 16 year old who has never had a girlfriend; I also know a "normal" 22 year old who has never had a girlfriend. It's all relative. Confidence does help a lot, though, and that may be hard to come by at your age and position, so at least don't go for the whole self-pity act, because there's nothing that will turn a girl away faster.
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