Interstellark Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 My ex broke up with me four nights ago. I couldn't see it then, but I now realize it was because of my clingyness and jealousy, all stemming from my issues of insecurity. I feel like I pushed her too far with these issues and caused her to become less attracted to me and ultimately caused her to break things off. I'm devastated, but working on improving myself to figure out how to make sure this doesn't happen again. I really want your insight on how I can rekindle the relationship. We dated for nine months, the last six months were long distance, but these nine months were a very intense and extremely bonding time. After only two months I had met and stayed with her parents in her childhood home, and after only one month we both said I love you. She was very sad to break up with me (cried the whole time) and said that I am very special to her and she loves me. She said she still wants to be friends, but doesn't know how to not be in a relationship with me. She said she would want to contact me every once in a while, but I said I'll need time, so we decided that I would be the one who contacts her when I was ready. So yesterday I sent her this message : Hey, I just wanted to let you know where I'm at, don't feel any pressure to respond. This has pushed me to confront my issues of insecurity and jealousy. I understand that these issues have made our relationship difficult and happiness hard to attain, for that I believe this was the best decision. Our time together was so special to me that I would regret not thanking you for those sweet memories, and for that I will always love you ____. I know because our bond was so strong that she still has feelings for me, at least for now. Was this the right move? Based on our last conversation (the breakup) I assume she had given the choice some thought, but was somewhat reluctant to actually breakup. Was this the right choice? Do I have any chance in the future?
Mi7522 Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Only she knows herself if there is any chance of reconciliation so don't sit around waiting for her. If she has any inkling of wanting to get back together with you she will make sure to get in contact
calgary Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 half of the time, they make it out to be your fault. That's why you're blaming yourself for your insecurities , jealousy etc.. but in honesty i'd trust your gut , there's no reason not too if you suspected anything. Half the time i used to get yelled at in my relationship for coming across this way and then i found out i was right all along. Don't blame yourself and don't let her blame you either.
erklat Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 After only two months I had met and stayed with her parents in her childhood home, and after only one month we both said I love you. This was beginning of the end for your relationship. Moving too fast is neediness. It seems at first you are both equally to blame but since she lost attraction first I believe it was you. She was very sad to break up with me (cried the whole time) and said that I am very special to her and she loves me. She said she still wants to be friends, but doesn't know how to not be in a relationship with me. What a sweet deal for you - you get an active role in her moping about her new lover that will inevitably come at some point. She said she would want to contact me every once in a while, but I said I'll need time, so we decided that I would be the one who contacts her when I was ready. So yesterday I sent her this message : Hey, I just wanted to let you know where I'm at, don't feel any pressure to respond. This has pushed me to confront my issues of insecurity and jealousy. I understand that these issues have made our relationship difficult and happiness hard to attain, for that I believe this was the best decision. Our time together was so special to me that I would regret not thanking you for those sweet memories, and for that I will always love you ____. Have you been reading get your ex back manuals? The part where you act like you agree with a breakup? This is so terribly terribly clingy. Like really bad. So you are rectifying clinginess with - more clinginess. Doesn't seem right.
fluidian Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Have you been reading get your ex back manuals? The part where you act like you agree with a breakup? This is so terribly terribly clingy. Like really bad. So you are rectifying clinginess with - more clinginess. Doesn't seem right. I don't think it's necessarily clingy - I think it's how you follow-up to acknowledging that which can be the problem. If you don't believe the jealous/insecurity stuff, then it's just neediness and desperation. If you acknowledge it and move on to greener pastures - I don't see how it's any of those things other than simply acknowledging that you know what the problem is and likely helping to figure out the issues to prevent it from happening in future relationships.
erklat Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I don't think it's necessarily clingy - I think it's how you follow-up to acknowledging that which can be the problem. If you don't believe the jealous/insecurity stuff, then it's just neediness and desperation. If you acknowledge it and move on to greener pastures - I don't see how it's any of those things other than simply acknowledging that you know what the problem is and likely helping to figure out the issues to prevent it from happening in future relationships. You don't need to inform her about it however
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