Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Iknowme Thanks for your comment. What I am having a hard time with, again, is that because I choose to sleep with him I lost his respect. WTF? I didn't lose respect for him. Why the double standard. I hate that. I was "done" once I gave into his advances. That makes it sound like I was prey. And I am aware he strongly dislikes me. But what pisses me off is that I have every right to strongly dislike him, but I don't. The way you make it sound was that he was just being a guy even though he tempted me I made the wrong choices. If I had made different ones he would have treated me differently and not ended up disliking me.
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I hate that a guy can try to sleep with you and it's like this freaking little test. Do it and I won't respect you. It's like here offering someone a cookie and when they eat it you call them a fat ass. 1
losangelena Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I don't think he ever respected you. A man who has to talk you into sex doesn't respect you. 2
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I also don't think it's true he never liked me and all he wanted was sex. His texts were very sweet and consistent before I got needy.
Zahara Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I hate that a guy can try to sleep with you and it's like this freaking little test. Do it and I won't respect you. It's like here offering someone a cookie and when they eat it you call them a fat ass. He didn't lose respect after sleeping with you. If he was forceful, he never respected you from the beginning. I don't think he ever respected you. 1
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I think he was excited about me. After we met he took his Tinder profile down.
Zahara Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I also don't think it's true he never liked me and all he wanted was sex. His texts were very sweet and consistent before I got needy. Like and respect are two dfferent things. He could have liked you because you were feeding his ego and it feed him the attention that he needed. And a guy will spew honey from his mouth to get what he wants. And they can be consistent for as long as they need until they get what they want. 1
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 maybe he didn't respect me because he didn't know me and I was just some girl he was hooking up with but couldn't he have grown to respect me.
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 this is all making me angry with him.
stillafool Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 OP, it seems there is no getting through to you. The only way you can get your self respect back in this situation is to NEVER CONTACT THIS GUY AGAIN! Got it? Nothing you say or do to him is going to change the way he feels about you. Just take this as a lesson and don't make the same mistakes with the next guy. This one is GONE!
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I don't know what sucks more. believing he was just a player and used me, or believing it was real and I screwed it up.
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 stillafool, so you this as being my fault?
Zahara Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I don't know what sucks more. believing he was just a player and used me, or believing it was real and I screwed it up. Your behavior was bad but you didn't screw it up in terms of it's potential. There was no potential. 1
stillafool Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 stillafool, so you this as being my fault? Not your fault for having sex with this guy, if that's what YOU wanted. Chasing after him when he clearly doesn't want you is definitely your fault. You have to realize when it is time to walk away and cut your losses. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Adarling, you're truly crazy.... Prove us wrong by dropping this ***** and moving on. 1
Iknowme Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 But thats the thing, him bringing his friends and lack if enthusiasm with setting this up should have been a red flag. When he pushed you into sex you should have lost respect for him, left and really make him make up fir it. The double standard i hate is the its ok AND EVEN RESPECTED for guys to sleep around and have lots of sexual partners. Its disgusting. My best friend is male model good looking, a year inhead in all his classes an is going too one of the most prestigious music boarding schools and has his first serious girlfriend and lost his virginity at 18. Me or him would almost never have casual sex we don't at least know well and like, it's just not interesting, i cant sleep with someone whos personality i don't like. There was this kid who slept with like 30-50 and as freshmen you think thats impressive but you quickly mature and realize how disgusting it it. The guy wasn't attractive or had any redeeming qualities either. The people who sleep around are people with emotional issues. My friends who had loving parents and few to no traumas never had much of interest in sleeping with alot of girls and matured at a normal rate. But the guys who had ****ty parents and bad traumas where the guys who couldn't mature and slept with anyone they could or people they disliked. I would recommend, if you want to find a good guy that you don't sleep with them quickly and if actually like you and are worth your time they will wait. As for this guy i don't know whats blinding you so that for you to see but he couldn't communicate clearly, he treated you like ****, and forced you into sex. He sounds like a ****ed up disgusting guy and no, guys who sleep around don't change unless some major life changing **** happens. Ill give a tip on how to get rid of your attraction thats worked for me and that is start focusing on all his negative attributes and why you two would never work. Also why are you chasing him so badly if hes "well within your league" and such an *******? 1
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I'm so glad I found this forum. you guys have been great. I really appreciate all your feedback. I think I just needed to hear certain things, and really work it out. My worst fear is that I am just that screwed up. That I have to see a therapist. That I have deep rooted issues. That I am tragically insecure. And that these things will take years to fix. That I will waste all my baby making years trying to figure things out then I will be old and weathered and bitter and end up with a bunch of cats in a run down little apartment in the woods behind my sisters house.
GemmaUK Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I have only read bits and pieces of this thread but.. 1. own your own insecurities and drunk text moments. I don't even think about my phone if I am out having a drinkie with friends. My phone stays in my bag..on the floor. 2. Value yourself. If you think this guy was just after sex...ditch the twerp! 1
Iknowme Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Also if you want sex so badly just find someone like him and have a fwb. But everything in how a guy treats you will only get worse as the relationship gets longer so if he's a dick he will be more of a dick as it goes on. Also actions speak louder then words and anyone can be sweet and caring through text. 1
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Iknowme You are a great help! Thank you. I don't know why this guy is sleeping around. I know why I slept with him, and it's some high school girl delusional view that through sex I would get love. I'm sure he has his reasons. But I'm not going to judge him. If that's what he wants and it makes him happy. For me, obviously it didn't make me happy. I'm working on focusing on his negative traits. But isn't memory a funny thing. I read this article the other day and I absolutely love it, here is the chunk that resinated: "You’re missing the version of a man that you constructed in your head. You created this version of him to fulfill a need. It could be a need to solve the problems of men in the past. It could be an unrealistic obsession with the “perfect guy.” It could be an obsession with unavailable men. Early on in your relationship or friendship, this guy somehow did things that you’ve always wanted a man you’re in a relationship to do and somehow said all the right things and that is what you end up being biased towards. He also seemingly managed to avoid doing things that men in your past did to hurt you emotionally or made you feel uncomfortable. And as soon as you witnessed this “good” behavior, you latched on to it. Box checked; this guy might be the one. You ignore all the bad stuff and hang on to the romantic fantasy of him feeding you nice lines. But all these positive traits are the components you piece together to create this image of this guy, who wasn’t actually a good guy or at least not the man for you. And it’s that constructed version of him that makes you ache, that makes you hurt. It’s the version you miss so much. It’s the version that makes you wonder how you are ever going to find a guy like him again. You can’t imagine that another guy like him, with all his unique qualities, could exist. The creation/idea you thought you were with, the guy you miss so much actually treated you horribly, made you cry, made you feel lonely. But you don’t think as much about those horrible moments when you are thinking of him, do you? The parts of him that you do miss don’t really involve the negative. Rather, it’s about the idyllic. It’s about little moments with him that were so amazing; you can just close your eyes and go back to them and feel incredibly happy and then incredibly sad. Whenever you should be reminding yourself that this guy hurt you, disappointed you, you do just the opposite. The man you managed to create, who doesn’t really exist, pops up. He’s smiling, he’s making you feel special, he’s the one who makes you feel invincible. “The idea” of him comes roaring back and sets you further behind in your progress to properly move on. Nighttime is the worst, isn’t it? The anxiety runs high. Nothing can seemingly soothe the frustration, anger, sense of loss. Being alone is painful, but even being with your friends is equally tension-filled. It’s enough to make you want to throw something against the wall, “Why can’t I just stop re-engaging, why can’t I just move on, why can’t I stop missing him? Why can’t I make this go away?” You’re not going to stop missing “him” until you first acknowledge that he was never really there to begin with. He was just a ghost."
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I'm pretty certain I suffer from Anuptaphobia too.
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 and he a was a dick. he truly was a dick.
Iknowme Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Im so happy you see the truth. And although i respect trying not to judge him when are trying to be in a relationship make sure you see the negatives just as much a the positives an know yourself and what you can and cant deal with. I for example know i cant deal with negativity and it doesn't always show itself at first but once i see that someone has a tendency to be negative i know we probably wont work out. But i also know that I'm fine with someone who's a bit possessive and I'm great at soothing insecurity so thats not an issue. Also you talked about possibly needing a therapist and speaking from my own experience, if you can learn self awareness and get to know yourself and see the tricks your mind plays on you (because it does for all of us and most of what your mind does is bs) you can cure yourself of most insecurities. That article showed a trick your mind played and it happens to allow of us. We all just need practice noticing these things in ourself so you can change them. Also it was awesome despite all the insults and negativity you received you stayed thankful and kept trying.
todreaminblue Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 and he a was a dick. he truly was a dick. I have met many dicks.......they dont change much......thats the essence of being a dick...they dont care.....if you are angry or hurt or upset...they just go on their merry way and be dicks to others..... getting angry doesnt help you getting upset feeling hurt doesnt help you what really helps you is getting over them...the only way to get over them i sto go internal and fix what they broke......do this by being good too you...doing things you love......being with people who love you back.....occupying your mind by helping others that have had dicks in their lives.....developing an armor of sorts.....and an army of peace behind you......reach out to others that need help....in a way ....its a two way street ....you help them they help you......you see your worth..they see theirs...and good feelings you can bring others...get the pay forward scheme.......and you share those good feelings..feelings of hope and fixin powers....smilin..cough...... ..i have been thinkin about screen printing a t shirt that says united against dicks on the front.with a slogan on the back saying we pre ejeculate dicks before they come. but seeing i am a latter day saint at heart always and the slogan i should be spreading is forgiveness always..........wearing it would be a problem and inciting others to wear that t shirt would be a problem at heart level......and i say to you forgive him....being a dick is a form of mental illness...i have coem to that conclusion and guys who use women fro sex are just walking dicks.........getting angry doesnt help...helping others helps......best wishes...hugs.....have a shirt....;0)....deb.
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