purplesorrow Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Depends really on the MM. Mine's wife has reconciled with him multiple times and he did it over and over again. If a man does it ONCE, and shakes like a leaf, and is authentic, and becomes equivalent to a born again Christian toward the marriage, then yes he may be worth the pain. If not, no. Have you ever been married? I would suggest they never reconciled. As it doesn't appear his view of cheating changed.
Quiet Storm Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I don't apologize for having the courage to be real, true and vulnerable in my ability to love and express love. The fact that he is incapable of returning the feeling is really his disability. At least I was authentic in my feeling and when I ****ed him it meant something. And in the end that is all that matters, that my approach to him and my feeling and care for him represented a depth and truth. He in the end was deceptive to both his GF and me. Incidentally, have noticed this bizarre need in this forum for the OW to feel bad or guilty about having an affair. I have no guilt about that. I was not in a relationship, he was and it is not my responsibility to police their relationship. Some use this situation as a means to then say to the OW, well then sorry you are sad, but what did you expect? What I expect is to be treated with dignity, courtesy and respect.... regardless of his home circumstances, no situation given the level of physical and emotional intimacy we shared would warrant a person to then reject and abandon another in such a cold and callous manner. That behaviour is indicative of a selfish and weak man, with no conscience. And that in the end is what upsets me more, the cruel and insensitive way in which he has wounded and ended this. I did not deserve that, no one deserves that.... not even the hated, evil OW. I'm not a BS. You did not deserve this. I just think women need to protect themselves from men like this. You admit he is a weak and selfish man with no conscience, but you still have all this love and passion for him. Why? You still defend your feelings for him. Its great to love intensely and passionately, but it will just hurt you if you waste it on men with poor characters. I'm not preaching to you about affairs being wrong, I just want you to see how unworthy he is. Part of being an adult is to protect yourself from people and circumstances that have the potential to hurt you. Would you give all your love and devotion to a homeless crack head? Would you give it to a criminal who robs old ladies? In your own words he is a weak selfish man with no conscience, so he should be in the same category in your mind as the lowest members of society. It's awful that he exploited your emotions and passion, but that's what people like him do. There is nothing wrong with loving as fiercely as you love, but when the subject of your love is a liar and a cheater, it likely will end in hurt and pain for you. This doesn't mean that you deserve being treated badly, but if you have high expectations of a man with poor character, you will be disappointed. 4
purplesorrow Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 This is true. A few of the comments are helpful, authentic and come from the place of the heart, others are callous. I think it would be hurtful if OW went to the betrayed boards and said maybe it you took care of things at home better than maybe he wouldn't have cheated. Depending on the comments some do not help the Op but further the divide and pain. And do you really believe this? It's on his wife? Didn't you take care of him? Why didn't he stay with you if you provided something or what his wife didn't? It's because it has nothing to do with either of you and who you are. It has everything to do who he isn't. Take all the great that is you and invest in a man who augments and doesn't take away from it. Peace
purplesorrow Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 No I do not believe this and mentioned it would be as hurtful as some of the callous comments that the BS place on this board. You need to read both boards. OW are not always Angels to the bs. They judge the bs for trying to salvage a life and family they helped to destroy. 2
AlwaysGrowing Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 1. I am a thousand times better 2. He ain't no prize If you value the BS as nothing than 1000 X 0=0, does it not? If one does not care who they hurt/disrespect in the pursuit of their own happiness, should that same person be at all surprised when others do not have empathy for their pain? 2
xxoo Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 My motto is, 'what you put up with, you promote.' . This is a very good motto for everyone in the equation, including the MM who usually has far more excuses than courage and respect. 1
elaine567 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 This man had history - failed marriages, a live in girlfriend and then an OW. RED, RED flags I feel heart sorry for the OP BUT what this man did is what countless MM do every day. He led her up the garden path, but when danger threatened, he pushed her off the cliff and didn't even check if she had made it to the bottom still alive or if she was hurt and bleeding. OP The letter you wrote is the stuff of romantic fiction. The "broken woman" forever lost in love with the unobtainable hero, is a romantic tragic role that some woman choose to play in real life. DO NOT be that woman. 2
Author Zaghareet Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 This man had history - failed marriages, a live in girlfriend and then an OW. RED, RED flags I feel heart sorry for the OP BUT what this man did is what countless MM do every day. He led her up the garden path, but when danger threatened, he pushed her off the cliff and didn't even check if she had made it to the bottom still alive or if she was hurt and bleeding. OP The letter you wrote is the stuff of romantic fiction. The "broken woman" forever lost in love with the unobtainable hero, is a romantic tragic role that some woman choose to play in real life. DO NOT be that woman. Can't help it, always have been, always will be. And that is the result of my primal wound of being an adopted child rejected at birth, then multiple times again and again by mother, father, family, birth family, and countless men in between. A sad, sad record skipping and playing the same tune over and over and over again. And I know this, I intellectually understand this in an extremely complex way and yet, I find myself falling into the same situations and traps, and before I know it I am emotionally in it and it is a done deal and I can't stop how I feel. I have tried.... with alcohol, with drugs, with food and exercise, and countless other things but the thoughts and feelings do not stop. So what do I do now then? Kill myself I guess, and believe me I have contemplated that on many occasions....
Author Zaghareet Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 If you value the BS as nothing than 1000 X 0=0, does it not? If one does not care who they hurt/disrespect in the pursuit of their own happiness, should that same person be at all surprised when others do not have empathy for their pain? Again, I make no apology for knowing my value and status in comparison to his GF. He chose her and in the end I guess he valued her circumstances more. But I would much rather be me, with all my emotional drama, including my drive, talent and insight.... The fact that he prefers her is bully for her. But that doesn't detract from what I know and feel and believe of myself. And again, NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY to maintain the fidelity of their relationship... that would be him. So don't put that **** on me please.... BS perhaps?
Rainbowlove Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Can't help it, always have been, always will be. And that is the result of my primal wound of being an adopted child rejected at birth, then multiple times again and again by mother, father, family, birth family, and countless men in between. A sad, sad record skipping and playing the same tune over and over and over again. And I know this, I intellectually understand this in an extremely complex way and yet, I find myself falling into the same situations and traps, and before I know it I am emotionally in it and it is a done deal and I can't stop how I feel. I have tried.... with alcohol, with drugs, with food and exercise, and countless other things but the thoughts and feelings do not stop. So what do I do now then? Kill myself I guess, and believe me I have contemplated that on many occasions.... And it's in these moments that we choose a different path. My father = drunk My mother = mental illness and left me at 6 Both abused me on different levels Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual I am not in contact with either. Abandonment issues, yep. PTSD, yep. And who knows what else. But those issues and my parents DO NOT define who I am. Nor does my FOO issues control my life and choices I have made. I am not my father. I am not my mother. Their lack of love does not make me unlovable. We all have a story. We all have history. Some of that history is unpleasant, ugly and destructive. At some point in our lives we gain control and rewrite our own history. We see who we want to be, who we don't want to be and make choices to become the person we need to be to find happiness and peace. You can take control of your life. You can choose better. You deserve better. It's time to make new choices. 7
Selfish Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Can't help it, always have been, always will be. And that is the result of my primal wound of being an adopted child rejected at birth, then multiple times again and again by mother, father, family, birth family, and countless men in between. A sad, sad record skipping and playing the same tune over and over and over again. And I know this, I intellectually understand this in an extremely complex way and yet, I find myself falling into the same situations and traps, and before I know it I am emotionally in it and it is a done deal and I can't stop how I feel. I have tried.... with alcohol, with drugs, with food and exercise, and countless other things but the thoughts and feelings do not stop. So what do I do now then? Kill myself I guess, and believe me I have contemplated that on many occasions.... First of for those blinded by the chips on their shoulders. I'm a ws not a bs. I have no judgement clouded by my own pain to give one an excuse to ignore my words. And now to this. You are an adult. You choose your actions and your path. What happened to you as a child does mot have to define you or dictate your life. You don't have to be a victim of yourself if you choose not to be. Have you done IC? If you are suicidal have you called a hotline or reached out to someone? You say you love who you are and make no apologizies but then you say you are suicidal and it is the only way out. People who genuinly have good self esteem would not be in your place right now. My advice is for you to stop being at the mercy of your feelings and passions and emotions. And instead take charge of then and put them to positive use. Passions can do so much good and so much harm. The respect and dignity you have for give to other people even those that you don't know. Making positive choices in your life, one at a time will lead you to a better place. Of course the hurt and pain will be worked for. But kindness and empathy to others mixed with your zest and passion would truly make you an incredible person. 1
Selfish Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Again, I make no apology for knowing my value and status in comparison to his GF. He chose her and in the end I guess he valued her circumstances more. But I would much rather be me, with all my emotional drama, including my drive, talent and insight.... The fact that he prefers her is bully for her. But that doesn't detract from what I know and feel and believe of myself. And again, NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY to maintain the fidelity of their relationship... that would be him. So don't put that **** on me please.... BS perhaps? No but if you want to be treated with respect and dignity then you need realize that means treating others with respect in dignity. You aren't responsinle for his actions to cheat. That is 100% on him. But you are responsible for your descision to take up with a man who lies to his girlfriend. you may not have been the one cheating but you were an accomplice. And please, don't insult the poly world. Polyamour is all about openess and honesty in a relationship. Affairs are not the same. I'm not saying you need to feel bad. I understand that many people really don't care if they hurt others outside their circle. Succesful business people oftentimes and others. But be honest with yourself and take responsibility. 2
Author Zaghareet Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 (edited) No but if you want to be treated with respect and dignity then you need realize that means treating others with respect in dignity. You aren't responsinle for his actions to cheat. That is 100% on him. But you are responsible for your descision to take up with a man who lies to his girlfriend. you may not have been the one cheating but you were an accomplice. And please, don't insult the poly world. Polyamour is all about openess and honesty in a relationship. Affairs are not the same. I'm not saying you need to feel bad. I understand that many people really don't care if they hurt others outside their circle. Succesful business people oftentimes and others. But be honest with yourself and take responsibility. Again, no need to take any responsibility as I did nothing wrong .... Gee, you just are NOT getting this are you? You advice is couched in the drapery of your moral judgement ... From my point of view He was my boyfriend, friend snd lover. I had NO relationship with her nor wished to. Why does my lack of shame or guilt bother you so? Edited February 14, 2015 by Zaghareet
Selfish Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Again, no need to take any responsibility as I did nothing wrong .... Gee, you just are NOT getting thus are you? Okay, so you do not believe what you did was wrong. I get that. We all have different standards and morals. But even if you did nothing wrong to someone else. Cannot you not see how involving yourself with this man has done to you? You are in pain, you are suicidal, you miss him. You may hate him, you may love him. The risk of being hurt is present in every relationship. But the risk of being hurt when involved with someone who is actively lying and betraying someone else is ten fold more. But instead of lashing out and being defensive over the fact that many people view being with someone who is committed elsewhere wrong (even most ows), what are you doing for you? To help yourself heal. Have you got help for the suicidal thoughts? Your letter was well written and beautiful even though dark. Do you write for a career? What about travel or other interests? Sometimes it is good to distract ourselves for a while to get strong enough to face the demons. Even if it is just small little goals.
elaine567 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Can't help it, always have been, always will be. That is not necessarily true. Sometimes we set ourselves up to fail and perhaps by ending up with a MM, that is what happened here. Men rarely leave their partners for the OW and even if they do, the relationship has a poor chance of survival. SO you are not alone. This A was almost certainly going to end up like this, so what you need to do here is to learn from it and move on to something that has a lot better chance of ending happily. It seems like the end of the world, but we have all been there, the circumstances of each of us may be slightly different, but the truth is we move on. That man we were so hung up on, that man we were prepared to play the tragic heroine forever for, fades into nothing and as RoundandAroundWeGo says, we do often look back and go Yuck! 2
xxoo Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Again, no need to take any responsibility as I did nothing wrong .... Gee, you just are NOT getting this are you? You advice is couched in the drapery of your moral judgement ... From my point of view He was my boyfriend, friend snd lover. I had NO relationship with her nor wished to. Why does my lack of shame or guilt bother you so? Shame and guilt will not help you. Forget shame and guilt. Personal responsibility is the path to peace and power. You have a responsibility to yourself. Once an adult, no one but you forged your path, and no one but you can redirect it. In order to make better choices, and create better futures, we all need to learn from our past choices. 2
TigerCub Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Can't help it, always have been, always will be. And that is the result of my primal wound of being an adopted child rejected at birth, then multiple times again and again by mother, father, family, birth family, and countless men in between. A sad, sad record skipping and playing the same tune over and over and over again. And I know this, I intellectually understand this in an extremely complex way and yet, I find myself falling into the same situations and traps, and before I know it I am emotionally in it and it is a done deal and I can't stop how I feel. I have tried.... with alcohol, with drugs, with food and exercise, and countless other things but the thoughts and feelings do not stop. So what do I do now then? Kill myself I guess, and believe me I have contemplated that on many occasions.... **HUGS** You don't kill yourself - you seek therapy for abandonment issues. I'm so sorry you've had such a tough time with love/security/relationships since the start of your life, but you're just trying to fix all that with vices and with wandering down roads that you know on some level are self destructive. I don't know if you ever tried therapy, but I hope you consider it. A good therapist might help you with all that past pain and show you a way to deal with everything in a healthier way. You are choosing men that will keep repeating that cycle of hurt for you. You keep repeating that cycle because deep down there is a part of you that wants to 'win' in that situation to finally be loved/validated/appreciated. I'm no therapist, but I've read about these things, and I know I've done that myself in my way too. I hope you do decide to seek professional help with this to deal with it in a healthy way. Good luck.
Josmatjes Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Hi, I'm the one who said that I could of written your story. Well guess what,i spoke with his wife today and he is trying mega hard to get back with he and fix things.she does not know about me. She also told me of other things that he has done. I'm sick at what I did to her, she didn't deserve it.I will live with guilt my whole life. Open your eyes....you were just like me, a piece of ass! Sorry for being blunt but I'm opening my eyes more everyday. You are better without him,trust me. I refuse to give this man one more minute of my precious thoughts! 4
Josmatjes Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 In a thread I started you said his wife was extremely abusive, abusive to him, abusive to all her friends and you know because you used to be one of her friends. No one deserves to be treated badly or cheated on, however abusive they are. Is her husband an abuser too, sometimes they attract one another and thrive in the drama. MM who cheat treat all women even there wives as a piece of ass. She was abused as a child and so was he. They definitely attracted one another. I still love him but I will never be with him again out of respect for Her and myself. There definitely is a lot of drama surrounding them, always has been. My husband and I are more low key, no drama. I will never forgive myself for my part in this part of their lives. What a mess. I really lost my head. I'm happy he is trying to work it out but when I saw her today, she told me she is looking for a job. She also lost 35 lbs, she looked great. When I saw him two weeks ago, he tells me she is back to the way she was before and she isn't looking for a job anymore. I think he was feeling me out again to see what I would say because they aren't sleeping together. Liar!! Unbelievable! Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me! I won't be a fool again and I choose to stick up for her!!
Author Zaghareet Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 **HUGS** You don't kill yourself - you seek therapy for abandonment issues. I'm so sorry you've had such a tough time with love/security/relationships since the start of your life, but you're just trying to fix all that with vices and with wandering down roads that you know on some level are self destructive. I don't know if you ever tried therapy, but I hope you consider it. A good therapist might help you with all that past pain and show you a way to deal with everything in a healthier way. You are choosing men that will keep repeating that cycle of hurt for you. You keep repeating that cycle because deep down there is a part of you that wants to 'win' in that situation to finally be loved/validated/appreciated. I'm no therapist, but I've read about these things, and I know I've done that myself in my way too. I hope you do decide to seek professional help with this to deal with it in a healthy way. Good luck. I am no stranger to therapy, having dealt with depression at various times throughout my life. I am not suicidal, but in my darkest moments it crosses my mind. Would I act on it? No... 3 kids, and 3 dogs who rely on me keep me grounded, but oddly also make me want an out at times too. My current therapy is dance and yoga... They are working, but when I am in a really dark place, alone and feeling lonely and missing him.... The pain is such that I think about it... But only think... I used to drink to numb that pain.... Not anymore, as I want to feel my pain and work it through, and that is better for me.... In the end I am very resilient and this too shall pass before another black cloud covers my world and I must struggle through again. Born under a black cloud, die under one.... Just a matter of time and which cloud deals the fatal blow.... 2
Josmatjes Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 They are liars. Everyone is different, if someone was abusive and had been abusive to me, I go away and ask them to never contact me again. I will not put up with abuse in any way, verbal or physical. He never abused me...in fact it was the opposit he treated me like gold. Abuse is also manipulation.
Author Zaghareet Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 (edited) A little background on me. I have been through a hellish 3 years such that in this space of time these events happened to me in succession... - elderly adopted mother passed away - elderly father sells favorite son his family home for 2/3rds the price of the house and screws over his daughters, huge rift in family now, and not speaking with either siblings - separated from husband - got fired from my job - had a body lift tummy tuck that resulted in a wound dehiscence and a 6month wound vac, and 2 week post-op bilateral pulmonary embolism that almost killed me and landed me in hospital for a week. - 4 days out of hospital with my wound vac attached, flew on a plane with 3 kids and 3 dogs back to Toronto away from my ex-husband doing a major house and city move. - then during an Easter visit with my birth mother and father, my borderline personality drug addict birth sister punched me in the face 5 times landing me in hospital and bloody and black and blue for 2 months. All because she felt my two special needs sons, one with autism and the other with ADHD ruined her weekend... -a week later my birth parents called and told me they were going no contact with me, even though I was the victim since they were supporting my insane birth sister and her illegitimate baby from her convict boyfriend as she had a restraining order on her not to be near me.... Lost all that family. - have a crisis, drunken breakdown one summer night that lands me in hospital, all while kids are away 6 weeks visiting their father and results in Children's Aid investigating and causing havoc and stress like the Stazi agency they are for 6 months until I get file closed. - go with kids to visit adopted sister at trailer park, now adopted brother has segued equity from parents house to buy himself a brand new $100,000 trailer and a bigger trailer lot.... Huge fight again that weekend with siblings, and adopted sister calls Children's Aid, saying all kinds of lies but am able to prove fitness and file never opened. That formally ends all connections and relationship with any of my siblings in that family. - meanwhile throughout all this, spend a year trying to find a job, 6 months without any and in desperate financial straits. Then land one, and working full time. - all while getting my eldest son with autism the support and programs he needs to cope and our family the help we need. - coping with alcohol becomes alcoholism and gets out of hand with a weeklong bender and I enter myself in an outpatient withdrawal program and become a regular at my neighbourhood AA meetings. - recently school calls Children's Aid again about boys lunches. Once again file not opened when evidence I show that my special needs boys have severe eating issues and are currently being followed by a paediatrician every 2 months and a nutritionist not to mention my regular attendance at parenting workshops at the Autism centre. Will this never end? Oh, and so amongst all this in enters my lover, caring, understanding, a good friend, and ear to talk to, and unbelievable and amazing sex. We talk and/or email every day.... His is my boyfriend, and I fall madly and passionately in love with him except for this one little problem....he has a live in GF and is loathe to leave. And well you know the rest, she finds out and I hear no more from him.... And so comes my most recent black cloud.... - devastation and pain from unrequited love and no contact from lover.... And no wonder I think about ending it all sometimes? This is too much.... Way way too much for anyone. But I am resilient as I stated and am dealing with it. So that is my story... Edited February 15, 2015 by Zaghareet
TigerCub Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I am no stranger to therapy, having dealt with depression at various times throughout my life. I am not suicidal, but in my darkest moments it crosses my mind. Would I act on it? No... 3 kids, and 3 dogs who rely on me keep me grounded, but oddly also make me want an out at times too. My current therapy is dance and yoga... They are working, but when I am in a really dark place, alone and feeling lonely and missing him.... The pain is such that I think about it... But only think... I used to drink to numb that pain.... Not anymore, as I want to feel my pain and work it through, and that is better for me.... In the end I am very resilient and this too shall pass before another black cloud covers my world and I must struggle through again. Born under a black cloud, die under one.... Just a matter of time and which cloud deals the fatal blow.... **HUGS** You sound strong. I'm glad that you are doing what you can to combat these feelings in a healthy way. I hope your lonely,dark moments get replaced with happy ones more and more frequently. 1
Josmatjes Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 A little background on me. I have been through a hellish 3 years such that in this space of time these events happened to me in succession... - elderly adopted mother passed away - elderly father sells favorite son his family home for 2/3rds the price of the house and screws over his daughters, huge rift in family now, and not speaking with either siblings - separated from husband - got fired from my job - had a body lift tummy tuck that resulted in a wound dehiscence and a 6month wound vac, and 2 week post-op bilateral pulmonary embolism that almost killed me and landed me in hospital for a week. - 4 days out of hospital with my wound vac attached, flew on a plane with 3 kids and 3 dogs back to Toronto away from my ex-husband doing a major house and city move. - then during an Easter visit with my birth mother and father, my borderline personality drug addict birth sister punched me in the face 5 times landing me in hospital and bloody and black and blue for 2 months. All because she felt my two special needs sons, one with autism and the other with ADHD ruined her weekend... -a week later my birth parents called and told me they were going no contact with me, even though I was the victim since they were supporting my insane birth sister and her illegitimate baby from her convict boyfriend as she had a restraining order on her not to be near me.... Lost all that family. - have a crisis, drunken breakdown one summer night that lands me in hospital, all while kids are away 6 weeks visiting their father and results in Children's Aid investigating and causing havoc and stress like the Stazi agency they are for 6 months until I get file closed. - go with kids to visit adopted sister at trailer park, now adopted brother has segued equity from parents house to buy himself a brand new $100,000 trailer and a bigger trailer lot.... Huge fight again that weekend with siblings, and adopted sister calls Children's Aid, saying all kinds of lies but am able to prove fitness and file never opened. That formally ends all connections and relationship with any of my siblings in that family. - meanwhile throughout all this, spend a year trying to find a job, 6 months without any and in desperate financial straits. Then land one, and working full time. - all while getting my eldest son with autism the support and programs he needs to cope and our family the help we need. - coping with alcohol becomes alcoholism and gets out of hand with a weeklong bender and I enter myself in an outpatient withdrawal program and become a regular at my neighbourhood AA meetings. - recently school calls Children's Aid again about boys lunches. Once again file not opened when evidence I show that my special needs boys have severe eating issues and are currently being followed by a paediatrician every 2 months and a nutritionist not to mention my regular attendance at parenting workshops at the Autism centre. Will this never end? Oh, and so amongst all this in enters my lover, caring, understanding, a good friend, and ear to talk to, and unbelievable and amazing sex. We talk and/or email every day.... His is my boyfriend, and I fall madly and passionately in love with him except for this one little problem....he has a live in GF and is loathe to leave. And well you know the rest, she finds out and I hear no more from him.... And so comes my most recent black cloud.... - devastation and pain from unrequited love and no contact from lover.... And no wonder I think about ending it all sometimes? This is too much.... Way way too much for anyone. But I am resilient as I stated and am dealing with it. So that is my story... I think u need therapy... Too much drama, not healthy for u
xxoo Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Will this never end? Oh, and so amongst all this in enters my lover, caring, understanding, a good friend, and ear to talk to, and unbelievable and amazing sex. We talk and/or email every day.... His is my boyfriend, and I fall madly and passionately in love with him except for this one little problem....he has a live in GF and is loathe to leave. And well you know the rest, she finds out and I hear no more from him.... And so comes my most recent black cloud.... This makes me hate him even more. These men prey on the weak and vulnerable, knowing that a woman in a stronger place won't put up with his "little problem" of a live in GF for a moment. Replace caring, understanding, good friend with user, user, user. It's so much fun to woo and court and have a woman fall in love with you. Such an ego stroke. He's not a good man for treating you that way. He did it because he enjoyed it, despite the fact that, when push came to shove, he wasn't going to stand by you. User Zaghareet, when you create a small, stable, peaceful life for you and your kids, on your own, you may find that you have less interest and patience for family drama and boyfriends and all the rest. Having a child with special needs means you need support. Have you made connections with other families raising a child with autism? What kinds of support are available for you in your community? Do you have other mother friends who could lend and ear and a laugh over coffee, and who you could call when you need a good cry? You need to focus on developing the coping mechanisms that will allow you to release the stress in healthy ways, along with avoiding unnecessary drama by stepping away from toxic family. I am deeply sorry for the pain you are in at this time. The kid issues jump right off the page and I know how hard it is to raise even typical kids. Parents need support. I wish I could give you a hug and watch your kids for you today. You are a mother. You are important. Every day, you get up and try again. Every day, you do things that make your children's lives better. Every day, you love them and worry over them and are simply there for them. Keep going, keep learning, keep striving, keep growing. Your children will have a better start than you did, and their children will have a better start than they did. You are making a difference in their lives. 2
Recommended Posts