Zaghareet Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 “You are my lover and I am your mistress and kingdoms and empires and governments have tottered and succumbed before now to that mighty combination.” – Violet Trefusis (Violet to Vita: The Love Letters of Violet Trefusis to Vita Sackville-West, 1910-1921) Some might say that what we did was wrong, but then why did it feel so right? So not knowing if I should reach out to you at this time, or even if you want me to, I am writing this letter saying all the things I wish I could, and would if you were here. I miss you, and having gotten used to talking to you everyday, I am frantic with all my pent-up thoughts, and unexpressed opinions. You were much, much more than a passionate lover, you were a good friend, and someone who understood the complexity of my thoughts and emotions and the intensity of my deepest, darkest moments. You knew all my dirty little secrets, and my hurt insecurities and the pain and struggles of my past few years. It will be difficult getting over you, as I pine in angst and unrequited love…. for I am OTHER and not the one you are with nor wish to be with. And it is on me that all the hate and anger will ride, as if I was the one committed and not you…. For is it not the other woman who is seen as the slut with the magic cunt that sings like a siren and draws men into their doom? You being the helpless pawn in my manipulative web, emotionally blackmailed and unable to escape…. isn’t that what you are even telling her now? But you and I know better, that there was no gun pointed at your head when you walked through my door, that your finger dialled my number of it’s own volition and you waited with anticipation for my emails as much as I did yours. She may be the woman of your day to day life, chosen for her conventional and uptight normality, the perfect foil to your desire for a simple existence that would not rock the boat, proving that despite your previous failed marriages you were successful in the end at a stable homelife you perceive will prove some barometer of achievement. So why then me? The drama-filled artist, the passionate dancer, the tortured, dark spirit that goes to unimaginable depths of despair, and the intensely passionate lover that takes you to the height of ecstasy… A place we both know she could never take you to, she wouldn’t even know how….. She may have made your meals, but I would make a meal of you, and she may lay beside you, but I would lay upon you, caressing every inch of your body, with hands and lips and tongue and body. The attraction and arousal between us a desperate and palpable thing, too great to have ever ignored, an experience you could only have with one such as me. She will never be able to take you there, and we will likely never go there again…. However our connection was much more than physical, as it was an emotional caring and sharing of two people who could converse on endless topics of politics and science and faith and humanity…. time slipping away as we bantered back and forth, and debated complex issues and shared painful feelings. We both laid bare our souls to the other, speaking truth in stark reality, and it is that connection with you I shall miss most. For to whom am I to reveal these thoughts to now? So in this time of transition and flux, when neither of us knows what the future will hold, I want you to ponder this. For she has found out about US and our illicit affair, and you no doubt are dancing on hot coals to the devil’s own tune, thinking of what consequences will come, but remember that I am here, and open and vulnerable and foolishly, and insanely in love with you despite it all. I will not call you, nor contact you, for that is now your step to take, but my door and heart and hands are open should you choose to. You’ve told me many times that I am one who lives and loves with my heart on my sleeve, fearless is my openness and vulnerability, and frightening to many because of it. But that is how I am, and I can’t be any other way. I love as intensely and passionately as I dance, with an open heart and a soft skin…. The world is not kind to ones such as me, for I speak my voice with truth and I express my feelings with ardor and I do so with no shame and no regret ever. The other woman is meant to be duly chastened with guilt and shamed by her misbehaviour and lustful intent, but I have none of that, nor ever will I for like Cleopatra, Elizabeth Taylor, Camilla Parker-Bowles and all the misbehaving other women before me, I have chosen to brazenly follow my passion, and I am better because of it, and so I think are you. And that is all I am going to say about that. ** I wrote this to my Involved Lover a week after he went no contact from Dday and his livein GF blocked me from their Facebook pages. He did NOT respond, nor did he respond to a voicemail left or answer any of my phone calls. There has been no closure, just a sudden death that feels like truly a death. This happened in Nov 2014 and I am 3 months out, and still devastated and think about him everyday. My heart is truly broken.... 4
Author Zaghareet Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 With 3 months out and still no word, not a single peep from my AP. Well then it is official, as I have truly descended into the depths of psycho-chick behaviour with this last breakup. I have contemplated behaviours that in my sane state would never consider and I have wallowed in a sense of helplessness and rage, then angst and panic as I realize I am powerless to do anything. It is not a nice place to be. Why can’t I stop crying? Why can’t I stop caring about this man who clearly cares nothing for me? The truth of just how insignificant and ultimately unloved I truly was is just now really permeating my understanding. His words may have been couched in concern and understanding, as he was a master at manipulating my trust and emotions, but in the end I was nothing more to him than a meaningless ****. And if I am truly honest, it is that fact that hurts the most. I honestly thought he cared about me and I let myself fall in love with him and opened my heart and intimate thoughts to him and he stomped all over it and me and spat in my face, and all I feel now is heartbreak, anguish and a massive sense of impotence. I hate it when I feel hopeless and powerless, they are places I can’t stand being, and that is exactly where I am right now. And I hate that I think about him everyday, I hate that I hope that one day he comes back, I hate that I even want to hope that he does. I can’t wait for the day when it doesn’t feel this bad anymore…. When will that be? 3
privategal Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 For now you are feeling abandoned. It is very devastating. To me, Ive been living in a state of what I read was equal to post traumatic stress syndrome. Its real tough, it can't be rushed. The pain though temporary, at least to this degree is debilitating and its gotta run its course. Id never known this level of greif and empathize with you and will send up a little prayer for you. Be good to yourself. Block him and just heal. Hope does us no good, we should be working toward accepting it's done. My level of crazy was a string of hateful emails, then a string of apologetic, then a string of Im done ones, I just erased every ounce of dignity, I lost my balance, my sense of logic, I went (perhaps still am) temporarily insane. It was/ is a crisis, I know somehow, I will make it past it. I see now what Im made of its not pretty. My coping skills are broken, its due to rejection, abandonment, damaged self esteem. Please be gentle with yourself. I didn't want to go back to ic, didn't help before, but I will hit rock bottom, lose my job and last shred of sanity if i dont. Take care of you. Only you now. 1
Poppy47 Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 You and he had different affair experiences. What you felt was not necessarily what he felt. It took me a long time to realise that. Poppy. 7
TigerCub Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 “You are my lover and I am your mistress and kingdoms and empires and governments have tottered and succumbed before now to that mighty combination.” – Violet Trefusis (Violet to Vita: The Love Letters of Violet Trefusis to Vita Sackville-West, 1910-1921) Some might say that what we did was wrong, but then why did it feel so right? So not knowing if I should reach out to you at this time, or even if you want me to, I am writing this letter saying all the things I wish I could, and would if you were here. I miss you, and having gotten used to talking to you everyday, I am frantic with all my pent-up thoughts, and unexpressed opinions. You were much, much more than a passionate lover, you were a good friend, and someone who understood the complexity of my thoughts and emotions and the intensity of my deepest, darkest moments. You knew all my dirty little secrets, and my hurt insecurities and the pain and struggles of my past few years. It will be difficult getting over you, as I pine in angst and unrequited love…. for I am OTHER and not the one you are with nor wish to be with. And it is on me that all the hate and anger will ride, as if I was the one committed and not you…. For is it not the other woman who is seen as the slut with the magic cunt that sings like a siren and draws men into their doom? You being the helpless pawn in my manipulative web, emotionally blackmailed and unable to escape…. isn’t that what you are even telling her now? But you and I know better, that there was no gun pointed at your head when you walked through my door, that your finger dialled my number of it’s own volition and you waited with anticipation for my emails as much as I did yours. She may be the woman of your day to day life, chosen for her conventional and uptight normality, the perfect foil to your desire for a simple existence that would not rock the boat, proving that despite your previous failed marriages you were successful in the end at a stable homelife you perceive will prove some barometer of achievement. So why then me? The drama-filled artist, the passionate dancer, the tortured, dark spirit that goes to unimaginable depths of despair, and the intensely passionate lover that takes you to the height of ecstasy… A place we both know she could never take you to, she wouldn’t even know how….. She may have made your meals, but I would make a meal of you, and she may lay beside you, but I would lay upon you, caressing every inch of your body, with hands and lips and tongue and body. The attraction and arousal between us a desperate and palpable thing, too great to have ever ignored, an experience you could only have with one such as me. She will never be able to take you there, and we will likely never go there again…. However our connection was much more than physical, as it was an emotional caring and sharing of two people who could converse on endless topics of politics and science and faith and humanity…. time slipping away as we bantered back and forth, and debated complex issues and shared painful feelings. We both laid bare our souls to the other, speaking truth in stark reality, and it is that connection with you I shall miss most. For to whom am I to reveal these thoughts to now? So in this time of transition and flux, when neither of us knows what the future will hold, I want you to ponder this. For she has found out about US and our illicit affair, and you no doubt are dancing on hot coals to the devil’s own tune, thinking of what consequences will come, but remember that I am here, and open and vulnerable and foolishly, and insanely in love with you despite it all. I will not call you, nor contact you, for that is now your step to take, but my door and heart and hands are open should you choose to. You’ve told me many times that I am one who lives and loves with my heart on my sleeve, fearless is my openness and vulnerability, and frightening to many because of it. But that is how I am, and I can’t be any other way. I love as intensely and passionately as I dance, with an open heart and a soft skin…. The world is not kind to ones such as me, for I speak my voice with truth and I express my feelings with ardor and I do so with no shame and no regret ever. The other woman is meant to be duly chastened with guilt and shamed by her misbehaviour and lustful intent, but I have none of that, nor ever will I for like Cleopatra, Elizabeth Taylor, Camilla Parker-Bowles and all the misbehaving other women before me, I have chosen to brazenly follow my passion, and I am better because of it, and so I think are you. And that is all I am going to say about that. ** I wrote this to my Involved Lover a week after he went no contact from Dday and his livein GF blocked me from their Facebook pages. He did NOT respond, nor did he respond to a voicemail left or answer any of my phone calls. There has been no closure, just a sudden death that feels like truly a death. This happened in Nov 2014 and I am 3 months out, and still devastated and think about him everyday. My heart is truly broken.... Op. I am truly sorry for the pain you are going through It's just that the words I've put in bold really show how you're just caught up in the fantasy of the "torrid affair". Quoting some stuff about the fall of kingdoms, and comparisons to Cleopatra, etc. Just screams of how you so want this affair (that is likely to be like any other) to have grand significance and be something more. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure to you, it does, but to him and anyone else that has been there, it's just an affair. I'm not belittling you, I promise. I've been where you are - maybe not to that extent, I wrote my poems and poured out my heart and felt pain like never before over the affair and the attached man that messed with my mind, but at the end of the day, after much time, I realized that it wasn't special and it wasn't the fantasy that we make it out to be at the time. It's too common, unfortunately. I like that you have passion, I think that's awesome. I hope in time you will heal and put that passion into a relationship with someone that will give it back to you for real. 9
Criedallout Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 There are many here who understand your pain. Being tossed away, forgotten, alone, used and while this pain feels like it will never leave it slowly becomes easier. 3 months out may sound like forever to not hear from him and I understand the constant phone checking and nightly tears when nothing comes but it will get easier I promise. My exAP just disappeared on me one day, no explanation, no discovery, just nothing and I had the emotional rollercoaster as well but I'm 7 mo out. I started IC and even with reach outs from him, which I try to ignore, I'm vastly better. Try to stay busy, work on yourself and don't do anything you'll later regret. I am so thankful I did not allow my irrational mind to take away my dignity. He made a choice, it's time you choose you. He holds no power over you remember that, I still repeat it daily. You are in my thoughts as I and others know how awful it feels, one day at time. 1
Josmatjes Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I'm 6 weeks and thought I was doing great but the past two days have been awful...can't stop thinking of him, wondering if he is thinking of me.... Missing him...wanting to contact him...but I won't..I can't start this over again.... I need to just stay busy... Btw.... I could of wrote your story word for word.... I truly understand... I gave him my heart and I am now heartbroken truly...some days I just don't know what to do...I'm lost... But I put a smile on my face and carry on and as hard as it is...it does help......((( hugs)))
Rainbowlove Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 First, your letter was beautifully written and touched my heart to read it. Thank you for sharing and bearing your soul's truth. Know that you are not alone in your suffering, Zaghareet. I've written similar letters and received such writings from my XAP. I think it's unfair for us to say your experience wasn't real. It was your experience and only you know what was real and what wasn't. People have said the same to me. When love ends, even affair love, it doesn't mean it wasn't real. I think we sometimes say it wasn't real to minimize the experience and to lessen the pain. What matters is it was real to you. Whether or not he felt what you felt doesn't really matter. The questions is how do you pick yourself up from here? What are you doing to take care of yourself to assist healing? 5
Lemon Drop Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Wow. It strikes me that he isn't married.... it would take some unfolding to separate domiciles, but not have to untangle a legal union, nor have to deal with children in a divorce. What you must have there is a stone cold man who is unable to feel any empathy for you... somehow his life with his girlfriend is very valuable and he didn't think he would get caught. I respond well to Ms. Frisky's realistic comments as they help me to see reality and get on with my own life, so I do find her advice to be plain logical and valuable. My xMM was supposed to have left in 2010 and he's still there, pretending to be separated. I'm glad I am not pining for him the way I was when I broke up with him when he didn't leave when he said he was going to. Some people are lions and some are lambs and the lions NEVER get eaten by the lambs, of course. What were we thinking? 2
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Where you are at is a very difficult place to be. I know it's debilitating and an emotional roller coaster. My best advice is to stay busy, surround yourself with positive people, and don't look back. 2
Chasing_mya Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I understand the pain you are going through. Its a lost that only a person that has been through can understand. Sending you hugs and know that in time things will get better. Just take it one day at a time. This could be a blessing in disguise. Right now he's probably doing damage control but regardless of his intentions you have to pick yourself up and take care of you. I know easier said than done but keep your head up and understand that this is a lesson that you had to go through. Wishing you much peace & love sweety.
Selfish Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 There are no winners. I am not sure why telling the poster she is loser by calling the wife a winner helps. I think it was in response to the competitive wording of the OP itself. She believes she is better than the girlfriend. She still sees him as a prize. 1
Quiet Storm Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I think a letter like this is often used by OW to show MM that she is dedicated, loyal and loving and will never give up on him. She is pointing out all the positives of their relationship, hoping that MM will value her and what they share. I know the letter was already sent and can't be undone, but maybe other women can learn from this. I believe this letter would actually cause most men to devalue the OW, instead of appreciating her for her loyalty and valuing their connection. OW is telling MM how much better she can meet his needs than his wife, but also kind of saying "But even though you're staying with a woman that doesn't satisfy you, doesn't care for you like me, that's OK. You are so special and our connection is so awesome that its OK that you treat me like this". Most MM realize he is giving OW a very bad deal, plus he knows that SHE KNOWS that he's a liar and a cheater. He shares the worst sides of himself and that's OK with her. And when a MM is actually considering someone for a life partner, he wants someone that values herself, cares for herself and protects herself. And when she continues to want to be him in spite of his marriage, his lies, his poor treatment... it doesn't create feelings of appreciation. I think he just devalues OW more and makes him feel like he can disregard her feelings and treat her even more poorly, because she will accept anything. There are no standards for his behavior, so he can be a total jerk and not feel bad about it, and still get rewarded with OWs admiration, attention and devotion. 15
Selfish Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 (edited) Yeah, I am sure the original poster considered that when she wrote it, but starting a post I am sorry for your pain and then concedes the wife won and her sex is better is fake and not genuine imo. I call BS when I see it. Unless they are a betrayed spouse and are on the wrong board, cross eyed Mary maybe. There are no winners. The MM respects NO ONE. He will continue to lie, cheat, and steal as long as someone sticks around for the brunt of it. I do agree he will respect the one who stands up, proclaims there are no second chances, and stands by the word to the end. Door shut. Maybe, or maybe he had a real "come to Jesus moment". The OP doesn't know and neither do you. At the time of the letter the OP relished in being a bad girl and passionate and is only really sorry she is in pain and can't have the MM. It is her that is wallowing in the loss of a competition. Perhaps if she acknoedged and felt remorse for her own wrong doing her life would begin to turn around. Maybe she is already there and this letter is where she was at before and she has started changing and taking ownership. Trying to be a better person Edited February 14, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
HeartWon'tHeal Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I've been where you are and it sounds like we had an affair with the same man. He said he loved me but in the end it was all lies. It will take time to get over but it gets easier witht time. The one thing you cannot do is let him define your self worth. That's what I did. I thought I was not worth loving or worthy to be with him. As I began to heal I realized I am better off without him and happier too! 1
anika99 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 (edited) This is so very true and VICE VERSE, he feels the same way about a wife who would continue to stay with his lying cheating self. He will have NO respect for either! If the world was a better place these men would be left alone, to live a lonely life, and rot and die in their own lonely selfish misery. They are worthless. True, but the betrayed wife didn't willingly participate in the lying and cheating. When there is a dday the MM usually has to do everything he can to convince his wife that the OW has been kicked to the curb. The BW never agreed to share her husband with another woman and will usually not accept any further contact between her husband and the OW if he wishes to keep his wife. But the OW accepted the wife from the onset, accepted that there would lies and betrayal and cheating. So the OW and the BW do send the MM very different messages. Now I've heard of betrayed wives who will stay in spite of knowing about an ongoing affair in a futile effort to hold onto their husbands and in this case you are completely correct. That is a bad move on the betrayed wife's part and it does send the message to the MM that his wife doesn't value herself and she doesn't command respect. Sometimes a wife will allow herself to be walked all over for a short time after dday because she doesn't know how to handle the situation and she is off balance from the pain of the betrayal but that usually doesn't last for long. Edited February 14, 2015 by anika99 spelling 4
Author Zaghareet Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 I think it was in response to the competitive wording of the OP itself. She believes she is better than the girlfriend. She still sees him as a prize. 1. I am a thousand times better 2. He ain't no prize 1
Author Zaghareet Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 I think a letter like this is often used by OW to show MM that she is dedicated, loyal and loving and will never give up on him. She is pointing out all the positives of their relationship, hoping that MM will value her and what they share. I know the letter was already sent and can't be undone, but maybe other women can learn from this. I believe this letter would actually cause most men to devalue the OW, instead of appreciating her for her loyalty and valuing their connection. OW is telling MM how much better she can meet his needs than his wife, but also kind of saying "But even though you're staying with a woman that doesn't satisfy you, doesn't care for you like me, that's OK. You are so special and our connection is so awesome that its OK that you treat me like this". Most MM realize he is giving OW a very bad deal, plus he knows that SHE KNOWS that he's a liar and a cheater. He shares the worst sides of himself and that's OK with her. And when a MM is actually considering someone for a life partner, he wants someone that values herself, cares for herself and protects herself. And when she continues to want to be him in spite of his marriage, his lies, his poor treatment... it doesn't create feelings of appreciation. I think he just devalues OW more and makes him feel like he can disregard her feelings and treat her even more poorly, because she will accept anything. There are no standards for his behavior, so he can be a total jerk and not feel bad about it, and still get rewarded with OWs admiration, attention and devotion. I don't apologize for having the courage to be real, true and vulnerable in my ability to love and express love. The fact that he is incapable of returning the feeling is really his disability. At least I was authentic in my feeling and when I ****ed him it meant something. And in the end that is all that matters, that my approach to him and my feeling and care for him represented a depth and truth. He in the end was deceptive to both his GF and me. Incidentally, have noticed this bizarre need in this forum for the OW to feel bad or guilty about having an affair. I have no guilt about that. I was not in a relationship, he was and it is not my responsibility to police their relationship. Some use this situation as a means to then say to the OW, well then sorry you are sad, but what did you expect? What I expect is to be treated with dignity, courtesy and respect.... regardless of his home circumstances, no situation given the level of physical and emotional intimacy we shared would warrant a person to then reject and abandon another in such a cold and callous manner. That behaviour is indicative of a selfish and weak man, with no conscience. And that in the end is what upsets me more, the cruel and insensitive way in which he has wounded and ended this. I did not deserve that, no one deserves that.... not even the hated, evil OW. 1
Author Zaghareet Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 I hope you find happiness and peace. Men's attention spans and emotional capabilities are usually about the same as they were when they were 6, in the first grade. He probably skimmed the letter and it held no meaning. I wish a man with virtue could have read that letter and valued it. I do not believe these cheaters value much. Three months and no word...no he deserves nothing. I agree. Thank you for your response and support in this thread. You understand and get it. Was a bit floored by some of the responses to be honest, but in the end I agree whole heartedly with your perspective that what matters is how I feel and was in the relationship; that I can choose to think about the situation in another way and move on. No, I was not and never will feel bad or guilty that he was in a relationship. I am a polyamorous person, and don't believe in limiting love, so I never had an issue with him being in a relationship and anyways it is just my nature to bear no shame. Regardless I always enjoy reading your insightful and wise perspective in the various threads.... 1
pheonixrisen Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Hi i am not trying to be rude just stating fact 1. I am a thousand times better That may be ...For all your ground breaking intelligent conversation and your out of the world sex in his eyes he still feels he is better off with her ... but my door and heart and hands are open should you choose to. and you are still willing to wait if at any point he is willing to throw bread crumbs again while his live in gf refused to play second fiddle ....sure you are a million times better. Sorry you are going through so much pain ..at the other end the finding out of betrayal by a h/committed partner is very painful as well ...you might want to keep in mind she did not do you wrong what ever she is whether less or more ...she is who she is ..He is the one who chose to stay with her ..she is not putting a gun to his head ...he is the one who played with 2 people yet in your love letter he comes across as the better person. 3
nikki76 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I have learned from this forum that its mostly hurt and angry BS that will respond. Trust me, ive been in some pretty heated discussions with a few members on here. Sometimes it makes me so angry I can barely respond back. They are looking at it from their experience. And unfortunately, they have every right to post as the next person does. But, you cant let it stop you from posting, because as hard as it might be to imagine, there will be some great advice given by these BS. At first I thought they were just trying to rip me apart, but the further away I am from my affair, the more clearly I can see and realize how f'd I was. I think its important to get advice from both the WS and BS, dissect what they have to say and some of it will stick and some wont. It sucks, I know, but there is some really good advice on here, dont let the few members prevent you from gaining any good from it. Hope I make some sense And I promise you, with some time, you will begin to hurt less.
pheonixrisen Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Wow you have so much insight into their household to know the circumstances. For all anyone knows she could have been foaming at the mouth, throwing temper tantrums, threatening suicide if he left, threatening him with telling all their friends and family. To your I am not trying to be rude, well you are because you are NOT stating facts. You have no idea. First the stating of the facts was for the quotes originally made by the op...The rest of the post is to let her know ..There is pain on both side she is not struggling alone ...and the gf did not do her wrong it's him...their is no reason to be so condescending towards the gf...she did not get a choice to be a part of the affair dynamic.... 1
xxoo Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 What I expect is to be treated with dignity, courtesy and respect.... regardless of his home circumstances, no situation given the level of physical and emotional intimacy we shared would warrant a person to then reject and abandon another in such a cold and callous manner. That behaviour is indicative of a selfish and weak man, with no conscience. And that in the end is what upsets me more, the cruel and insensitive way in which he has wounded and ended this. I did not deserve that, no one deserves that.... not even the hated, evil OW. By betraying his partner, did he not demonstrate his weakness, selfishness, callousness, etc? When people ask what you expected, this is why. What you deserve and what you sign up for are two different things. I agree that you deserve to be treated with courtesy, dignity, and respect. 4
purplesorrow Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Right and Vice verse, if you take back and reconcile with a weak, selfish, and callous man than what you deserve and what you expect are in the same ball park. Take in a loser and you will lose in the end, no doubts. And what about those who didn't like who and what they were during an affair? Are they always resigned to being a loser? I am not and never was in the same boat as his ow. Should I assume she will always just be a side piece? It is my hope that she would no longer accept that for herself.
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