baffled111 Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 OK, My ex and I have been having a fwb relationship for about a month or 2 now...it was basicly everything but the commitment...well, i told her that i can't do it anymore, that i can't carry on with this huge risk of me getting played. She told me over and over, no matter what i said, that she does not want a relationship and she doesnt want a bf, just a bestfriend that can understand she doesnt want a relationship. I told her if she can't explain why then i really cant understand. When i hung up with her she was starting to cry, i don't know when i'll call her, but we have kinda major plans for the end of the month, i guess i'll try to NC it until that time gets near. She was completely happy with the way things were going, so was i except that i couldn't continue without the security of a steady relationship, the fact that she could leave at anytime only left room for me to be played and hurt. I feel like we just broke up, well, in essence we did...but it hurts me real bad and i need help coping. what do i do?...I feel bad that she didnt value what we had enough for her to say ok, lets make it a steady relationship...i guess maybe if thats the way she feels then it wasn't worth it anyway, but i really can't accept that... I know part of her whole not wanting a relationship thing was that she was able to do whatever with anyone whenever without having to think about some one elses feelings, not that she would, just the fact that she was "able to"...thats part of it according to her. i dunno, i guess it really hurts that she didnt care enough about me and "us" to go steady and preserve what we had. it feels like i just dumped her and i didn't want to, but it wasn't my fault. We would both prefer things the way they were, but my issue is not wanting to get played(very realistic concern) hers is not wanting a relationship(still unexplained), so it's on her. I still am hurt that she doesnt care enough to want to make it steady...but i guess this was best for me: i'm farther away from having what i want(her), but now im not being used and theirs no chance of being played...right now im still mad, i know soon enough i will go through my denial, then back to anger, then, hopefully, acceptance...I just hope she wakes up and comes home to me, where she belongs... So NC until the even draws near? i'm not breaking our plans, no matter what and we should probably hang at least once before it occurs, other then that i think NC and pray everynight that she comes back to me...
Marshbear Posted April 5, 2005 Posted April 5, 2005 Why do you think you dumped her? It sounds like she doesn't want to be with you in a serious relationship so she wants to move on. SHe doesn't want what you want. Stop beating yourself up with guilt and remember the good times you had. If she really wants to be with you she will contact you and let you know. When you talk be nice and ask how she is doing but don't talk for a long time. Let her know you are fine and accept her decision. If it is meant to be things will work out. If not then there is a whole new life waiting for you with lots of good people who will value you and revel in it. Good luck..
Author baffled111 Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 thanks, it's not exactly like i dumped her...she wanted what we had, she had everything going for her without that parts she was uncomfortable with(commitment)...but well, she called me today and i didn't answer cuz i was busy. she called to say that her mom might call me cuz she thinks there are problems between us, she told me to just tell her everything is fine and hang up...soooo I called my ex back and asked her why her mom would think something was a matter, she said she didn't know and that she had told her everything was fine oh and the mom thing...we are both still in school and she lives with her parents... anyway, i think that her mom, who i know well thats why she would call me(thats still kinda unusual and she didnt yet), i think that my ex was pretty upset that past couple days and her mom probably picked up on it...why else would her mom think that there was a problem if everything was fine? So, im tryen to hold out from further contact, but i have to see her next saturday anyway so NC is only gonna last another week and a half or so anyway...but im tryen to move on, still would rather be with her, but im actively pursuing some one else that i knew a while back now anyway...
smile Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 man I know how you feel. I am in the midst of the same thing. Its like I am petrified of losing what I have even tho I am not quite sure I know what I have, or if I have anything. I commmend you for having the guts to get out. Half of me wishes I had the same guts. But only half of me. Bah I have no idea why I am commenting except that I know how you feel. Good luck with this new person. I wish your ex knew what she had. But she lost it and now you deserve to be happy. So go to it.
mixwell Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I think you are doing the right thing baffled.. Why should you feel bad ?? After all SHE is the one that doesnt want a commited relationship with YOU.. She shouldn't get FWB. For what ? So she can have her cake and eat it to ? I dont think so. You did good by saying what you did. I think if you do NC like you say then she will realize she is being childish and actually think about committing to you or losing you. If you mean that much to her that it bothers her then I dont see why she just doesn't want to be in a commited relationship.. She knows thats what it is going to take.. You know ? She wants to half ass it with no strings attached. so maybe now its nothing at all and will realize that you are serious about her and DO actually want to be more than FWB. I would think this kind of situation would be reversed sex's.. Sounds like something a guy would pull to get some while he is looking for someone else or doesnt want the committed title. Just play it cool.. Im sure she will change her mind about being in a relationship.. Take care !! Peace
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