Author kryptonide Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Well - if sounds like you were just part of her highschool experience - she got rid of you at that point, and doesn't seem to have any interest now, meaning that you were part of her past. Moreover, anything on Valentines Day, even if you haven't been in contact for a long time, comes off as incredibly needy and desperate - a lot of people associated with serious romance, so contacting her then indicates that you still think of her that way, which screams that you're not over her...hence needy. If you really want to reach out to her, at least do it a few weeks (not days) after Valentine's day, on a date that holds no significance to either of you... if i don't break NC now i will stick to it forever man unless she contacts me first.. so yea i might not contact her again .. never ever! the only way to do it is to think of all the negative emotions she gave me and silly situations she put me in, i feel like in a vicious circle which won't let me get out already! X(
Mi7522 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I say if you have it in your head to call her then do it but don't do it on v-day do it before or after, you most likely will not get the response you are looking for but if you need to do it to help yourself move forward then there is no harm doing what you want. You might feel like you have lost some dignity afterwards but sometimes people need a swift kick in the rear to propel themselves forward. Good luck OP and let us know how it goes. 1
Author kryptonide Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 I say if you have it in your head to call her then do it but don't do it on v-day do it before or after, you most likely will not get the response you are looking for but if you need to do it to help yourself move forward then there is no harm doing what you want. You might feel like you have lost some dignity afterwards but sometimes people need a swift kick in the rear to propel themselves forward. Good luck OP and let us know how it goes. i don't believe in luck but thank you.
fluidian Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 if i don't break NC now i will stick to it forever man unless she contacts me first.. so yea i might not contact her again .. never ever! the only way to do it is to think of all the negative emotions she gave me and silly situations she put me in, i feel like in a vicious circle which won't let me get out already! X( That's potentially a bit harsh. I've broken no contact with people after several years, and it's perfectly fine...at that point you're sufficiently distanced from any kind of emotional state that the conversations are usually pretty fun. If you have any lingering feelings or desire to get back together...no contact is likely where you should stay as it will just make things tougher on you. Best of luck dude... 1
Author kryptonide Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 u're pretty much right flu... hwmm .... look, i know this! i am 100 % sure she will appear again somehow.. with some xcuse in my LIFE! but since i do not know when it is going to be it makes me anxious and impacient! i know for sure that if it would be 1-2-3 years a reconciliation would be very likely to happen but it is very possible to get with another girl till then and move on completely... or i might still be single and she would come back.. i dunno there's plenty of scenarios, for now i will choose to stick to NC! i know she's wondering what's happening that i'm not contacting her anymore but i will let the curiosity eat her alive so she can feel how i felt when she broke my big heart! so keep NC vs break NC... i can't even say for sure yet coz i've heard ppl saying that dumpee's should contact sometimes in rare cases first and that if u want a reconciliation u have to break NC at some point.. :=v
Simon Phoenix Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 It's a bad idea in general, but doing it on Valentine's Day makes it the worst idea. It just shows you are clinging to what you had before. Calling an ex out of the blue is bad idea jeans in general, but doing it on a "special" day from before does nothing but show that you are still hung up on a past relationship that died. Never ever contact an ex on Valentine's Day, on a birthday, a holiday, an anniversary. That just shows you are stuck on the past, a past that she willfully got rid of by breaking up with you. And judging by your posting defending your view, you are too wound up to even carry on this conversation. I hope you stick to NC and further sort yourself out. It will help you in the long run. 2
darkbloom Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I'm just going to throw this out there. I am the dumpee and I would NOT appreciate my ex contacting me on valentines day. Nor would I ever, ever, ever, let the most lame made up holiday be my excuse to break NC. Unless I wanted to be humiliated and have my heart stomped on WHILE WATCHING EVERYONE YOU KNOW ON SOCIAL MEDIA POST ABOUT THEIR LOVES AND MAKE YOU WANT TO GO INTO A MURDEROUS RAGE. It seems as though you have your mind made up. I wish you the best of luck. But seriously. Don't do it. It starts all back at square one. 2
Invictus01 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 MAKE YOU WANT TO GO INTO A MURDEROUS RAGE. Please don't kill anybody
Invictus01 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Dude, while the Valentine's Day is a made up BS holiday, an ex trying to get in touch on that holiday DOES have a certain degree of significance. Pick any other day if you wanna break NC, just not this one. 1
darkbloom Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 If I was going to go on a murderous rampage it would have been valentines day 2013 when he cheated on me! But alas, I did not. But I know the feeling and it sounds like the OP may or may not end up in that state of mind after he gets soundly rejected on VDAY.
darkbloom Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Dude, while the Valentine's Day is a made up BS holiday, an ex trying to get in touch on that holiday DOES have a certain degree of significance. Pick any other day if you wanna break NC, just not this one. I agree. Being humiliated on valentines day just sounds like extra pain and suffering you don't need in your life. 2
ZiggyZoo Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Alright. I'm a female, I've dumped a VERY clingy guy before, and I recently broke NC with my ex. You want to hear my take on this? OK... As far as being too clingy. The guy I dumped was very sweet, but in my space all.the.time. so I broke up with him, and he would continue to call, leave messages on my car, and show up after my classes had ended. Holy crap, if I had ever thought about ever getting back with him, he totally wrecked it there. So, you said you did the same right after you and your ex separated, right? Well, there's a very good chance that she's already ruled you out, based on that. I also recently broke NC with my dumper, and I actually suggest you do the same. You are giving the same answers to the advice given by various people, and seem hell bent on calling her. I would say that you're in the same phase of denial that I was, that maybe they just needed to hear that WE'RE still interested and had changed. That that was what has been holding them back from calling, they weren't sure that it really, really will work this time. Right? Well, my ex ignored me, and I discovered exactly how not recovered I was. HOWEVER, it was a good thing for me, because I finally had my eyes opened. Oh, my heart got smashed all over again, and I'm back to square one, but I got my damn phone call in! So yeah, go ahead and do it. With any luck, you'll finally see that she has moved on, and you finally can too.
Kinetica84 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 fair enough, no positive responses till now :v i would be curious to hear a females opinion on this one but once again i repeat: it's just going to be one simple question if she wants to meet up or no! if she doesn't then i'll get the message clear and sharp and never initiate contact again! i just want to clear my head out and see things clearly again! and i think i got my respect back by not answering to her last message in which she told me that for everytime we're gonna talk again she doesn't want to hear about the past! and after all of this? what if i get a positive reaction? it's just what if what if what if, but u never know! till u try! Dude she has already sent the message. She hasn't contacted you, time to move on. Don't be motivated by a manufacturerd commercial BS day
Kinetica84 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Dude she has already sent the message. She hasn't contacted you, time to move on. Don't be motivated by a manufacturerd commercial BS day Wow, tough post but bang on.
CarrieT Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I'm a girl: Don't do it. What do you have to lose? Self respect. You want a clear signal? You've already gotten one.
tikay00 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 only her dad was against us even thu he never met me.. weird, her mom was agreeing with us and actually cover us up :| our "plan" was to get out of this stupid town and when we hit college we'll have all the time we want for ourselves she told me this in the month she left me.. i guess she just couldn't handle all of this anymore... as a paranthesis.. i talked to her ex which has been with her like 1,7 years , he's ok now and has other gf and somehow we ended up being friends (long story) even he wants us to reconcile and he personally told me i should give her some more time and space and eventually try one more time after she clears her head. sooo.. i have chances against me, and odds for me! as for now i think i'll agree to your idea and contact her after V-day... Dude, you talked to one of her exes? If she finds out, its over. That's desperation mode. That reminds me of There's something about Mary.
Hija77 Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Female opinion: Don't do it!! Especially on Valentine's Day!!! It WILL make you look desperate. Sorry. I know you feel you have nothing to lose, but I worry that you're just going to get kicked in the teeth. If you really feel you have to speak to her, I'd choose a different day. I don't think it's worth the hurt, but it's your life. Good luck! 1
Elle1975 Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Dude, while the Valentine's Day is a made up BS holiday, an ex trying to get in touch on that holiday DOES have a certain degree of significance. Pick any other day if you wanna break NC, just not this one. It's actually a pretty old tradition, as opposed to father's day and such.
erklat Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Don't be that guy who did grand gestures for his ex on Valentines day. It's clinginess lvl over 9000. I was that guy once.
Author kryptonide Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 after all this "positive" feedback i got i realised i was in a stupid happy blind mood when i started the thread mlel, i actually thought i could have a chance on v-day... i see now how fooliish it would've been from me to actually break Nc on v day :| gosh i'm pretty stupid sometimes... yeah i did many mistakes after BU pwff :| after all she is the one that destroyed my friendship of 18 years with my ex-best-friend... (much guilt on his part too ) ... lel some bonus story! 2 months almost after break-up we we're togheder in a special place of ours and we we're cuddling , hugging and having a good time for a few hours in the night , she was explaining me her technique of kissing guys while drunk at these parties... she was sooo sweeet (NOT!) telling me how i am her friend... not a one night stand (kisses) and how friendships last bla bla.. and i was sitting there in the dark listening to the girl i still loved how she's telling me all this nonsense... guess she really wants to enjoy single-hood right? okay then my baby girl go screw everything u can and we will see in the who was right and who will regret alll of this sharade.
darkbloom Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 after all this "positive" feedback i got i realised i was in a stupid happy blind mood when i started the thread mlel, i actually thought i could have a chance on v-day... i see now how fooliish it would've been from me to actually break Nc on v day :| gosh i'm pretty stupid sometimes... yeah i did many mistakes after BU pwff :| after all she is the one that destroyed my friendship of 18 years with my ex-best-friend... (much guilt on his part too ) ... lel some bonus story! 2 months almost after break-up we we're togheder in a special place of ours and we we're cuddling , hugging and having a good time for a few hours in the night , she was explaining me her technique of kissing guys while drunk at these parties... she was sooo sweeet (NOT!) telling me how i am her friend... not a one night stand (kisses) and how friendships last bla bla.. and i was sitting there in the dark listening to the girl i still loved how she's telling me all this nonsense... guess she really wants to enjoy single-hood right? okay then my baby girl go screw everything u can and we will see in the who was right and who will regret alll of this sharade. I AM SO HAPPY YOU HAVE COME TO YOUR SENSES. everyone on this forum has broken NC. and they are trying to prevent you from hurting. Hallelujah. 1
erklat Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Yeah, we were the worst there is. Nice to see you saved. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 after all this "positive" feedback i got i realised i was in a stupid happy blind mood when i started the thread mlel, i actually thought i could have a chance on v-day... i see now how fooliish it would've been from me to actually break Nc on v day :| gosh i'm pretty stupid sometimes... yeah i did many mistakes after BU pwff :| after all she is the one that destroyed my friendship of 18 years with my ex-best-friend... (much guilt on his part too ) ... lel some bonus story! 2 months almost after break-up we we're togheder in a special place of ours and we we're cuddling , hugging and having a good time for a few hours in the night , she was explaining me her technique of kissing guys while drunk at these parties... she was sooo sweeet (NOT!) telling me how i am her friend... not a one night stand (kisses) and how friendships last bla bla.. and i was sitting there in the dark listening to the girl i still loved how she's telling me all this nonsense... guess she really wants to enjoy single-hood right? okay then my baby girl go screw everything u can and we will see in the who was right and who will regret alll of this sharade. You are not stupid. Blinded by young "love" perhaps. That is in quotes because you are no longer in love. This girl did way more than break up with you. She flaunted her adventures in your face & destroyed your relationship with your friend. If your heart is set on reconciliation this Valentine's Day, perhaps make up with him. 1
Author kryptonide Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 (edited) You are not stupid. Blinded by young "love" perhaps. That is in quotes because you are no longer in love. This girl did way more than break up with you. She flaunted her adventures in your face & destroyed your relationship with your friend. If your heart is set on reconciliation this Valentine's Day, perhaps make up with him. ya know i actually unblocked him in facebook... i gave him like 3-4 chances to reconcile our friendship WE WERE IN KINDERGARDEN FOR FLOCK SAKE! why does he have to be so stupid? whyyyy... i cared about him like a brother i would've take a bullet for him and i've told him that , he said he has other friends like that too... but i know them too and they're far away from what he's describing.. he is the kind of person THAT NEEDS ME TO REMIND him he must say sorry to him otherwise... he just doesn't know?!?!!? he actually believes he is the victim in this vicious circle? really dude?... for 2 months i cry i have suicidal thoughts... depression at everycorner of the day and night.. and you stay by her side? u meet with her? and ignoring your bro friend? ... how can he be so selfish.. did he really thought i'm gonna sacrifice my happiness for theyr sake and let em be togheder? SERIOUSLY? bro code! u never go for a friend's ex especially when he loves her and would die for her .. he knew all my pain he saw my tears... we we're hugging and i was crying... he knew what he did is wrong.. then WHY WON'T HE SAY SORRY TO ME? .... stupid emo trend self harming and shiet.. i hate em already .. so selfish kids.. i always tried to help him and be there for him... and now when i need him the most he twists the knife in my guts? :| ... i really do not know man... i loved this girl so much.. my first girlfriend.. my first kiss my everything i grow so attached to her... we indeed was soulmates and had more in common than with any person i ever met in my whole life, i guess my mind is still confusing between love and disaster right now.. as i do not know if i will ever find someone as intelligent like her and establish such a dreamlike connection... we had a fairytale love... (u're my angel... ,my bleu-green eyed angel .. u're magical u're perfect... demm she had that poetic language .) i don't mean to sound proud or sort like that.. but i am the most enduring and caring person she will ever find in her life... after all she did to me i never insulted her act mean towards her.. okay mone time at ragetime i told her to never contact me again but rephrased later... and HIM? every friend who knows my story is wondering why haven't i put this "friend" in the hospital yet? ... i say i do not know. it must be that my self-control is higher than i thought.. after all the secret meetings with her... i am wondering and asking myself everyday why haven't i beaten him ? why? i would've killed for her.. i would've done anything she asked me for ! so when he stabbed me behind my back and lied to me and her and carrying her down from an happiness-estate why haven't i destroyed him? only God knows.. maybe it's better this way... eventually she would open her eyes from infatuation and see that an smoker alcoholic , drugs user ( police almost locked him up for traffic) is not what she wants .. her dad is an alcoholic too .. hmm if i would've known she has all this BPD deppressive issues... oh how i would've helped her and secure her of my love... i ask God for forgiveness everyday and to forgive em too... i believe only my faith in God stopped me from doing momentary evil decisions and crazy things, thank the Lord i still have my minds sane after all this sharade. sorry for longing this out but this is the only place i can fully express my self and my feelings .. thank you guys for support, only a broken heart can mend and fix another broken heart.. now, who will be that person in my life? :v Edited February 14, 2015 by kryptonide
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