Calling ex-gf on valentines day! need urgent

February 12, 2015

*please spare a few mins with a fellow haertbroken pall aka me and drop me some hints or comments,ty in advance! *

Well as the title says i want to call my ex-gf on a date this Saturday and basically i have no idea what to do next,(if u read *BUT PLEASE NOT COZ I WAS PATHETIC* my previous posts u'll get the whole story) that's why i'm asking u guys for some examples or advices , she-s fresh 18 year old i'm 20 , we we're togheter for 10 months , i was her second bf but i think the first real love on her side since she told me she never was so happy in her life,soulmates,perfection all the cute love stuff.

We've broken 4-5 months ago, i kept 2 and a half months Long Contact then i went strict NC for the last 2 months (broke 2 times NC after 3 weeks in the first 2 months after BU(too soon i guess)), no Merry Christmas messages or Happy new year texts,NOTHING! our relationship was under a lot of pressure ..well a 17 year old girl with a strict dad which forbid her to see me then our mom pressuring as aswell.. having high-school exams, schedules not allowing us to meet to often (2-3 times a week) but we w'ere so inlove wer had no fights for like 7-8 months except the last month when i got clingy and needy and she started looking for reasons to Break-up with me and to make me hate her lol.

I made some original heart-broken mistakes as most dumpees do after BU and i only pushed her away further i guess.. finally she saw that nothing she tried made me hate her or want to break up with her so she finally said she might fall in love with my best friend,but obviously she used him as a emotional tampon after BU and i guess to help her move on and not feel lonely since she has like 1-2 to zero actual friends(antisocial introverted-type).

Since she got single again she had some kisses with 2-3 of her classmates while being drunk at some parties... guess she had some secret crushes i never knew about huh? anyways i know that is not the life she wanted coz she hates that way of living but i can see that i wasn't the only one handling hard with the BU! thing is she added me as friend 7 days ago on a social site we shared/played in our togheter times but still no texts or anything(damn stubborn girl) my last hopes linger to what she said to me one time.. aka if she ever wants to leave me she would be afraid i wouldn't take her back,then after i denied her let's stay friends request she told me that maybe we will meet again in a new city away from here and starting from the beggining ( weird i say.. wierd).

And the most obvious sign i say is that one of when ur ex includes you in her future plans, as she did that twice, one time told me we will hang out in the new city we wil move in after she finishes high-school, and the other one when she told me she wants to pass by her house one day to show me some drawings . After 2 months of NC i dare to say she might miss me or wonder why i'm not clingy needy anymore... i want to ask her on Valentine's day if she is free or having any dates so i can ask her out... i think i have an 50 % chance for her to agree, but i'm not sure my reason is good enough to make her meet me, even though i heard about some lovers getting back togheter on Valentine's, so what u guys suggest me to tell her? i only asked her back one time after BU but at the wrong moment(maybe but only maybe she is missing me and doubting her choice mlel) :v she still hugged me after that part,i guess it may be*MAY BE* different this time after NC, AFTER all, if she says no and denies me like a piece of sh*t,what do i have to LOSE? there are still millions of women in the world! but i am getting curious if i ever get a chance with this girl ya know... sry for long post but i'm in a hurry to prove my new better unclingy and unneedy SELF , i'll accept negative and positive feedback aswell! i'll post back after V-day to tell what happened,THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!!

February 12, 2015

Didn't even have to read all that. Don't do it. Don't be that guy that can't move on.

Don't even reply to this message if you're going to say, "b b but."

February 12, 2015

well, i have nothing to lose and if i get the clear message even after all of this time she is not interested then i'll leave her alone for good! i don't wanna live my whole life with this regret, WHAT IF?what IF? and again i must say is that i have nothing to LOSE! except some time on the phone .

February 12, 2015

Why oh why would you, its a **** day anyway, doesnt mean anything just forget it and do something different that day.

It will just look very sad and desperate

February 12, 2015

there are still millions of women in the world! but i am getting curious if i ever get a chance with this girl ya know... sry for long post but i'm in a hurry to prove my new better unclingy and unneedy SELF , i'll accept negative and positive feedback aswell! i'll post back after V-day to tell what happened,THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!!

You're in a hurry to prove the new better "unclingy" and "unneedy" self? Well, unfortunately by doing what you intend to do, only solidifies that you are still clingy and needy. There is no new you. You're clingy and needy...period.

A woman finds nothing attractive about a guy that behaves this way. You want to show that you're not needy or clingy, then move on with your life. It will at least create mystery and challenge -- she will find your independence attractive. That will entice her. None of this let me ask her one more time if she wants to be with me. Desperation is unattractive. The more you chase, the more you push away.

And if you really want to ask her for another chance, pick another day. Or wait for a little more time to feel some emotional stability before you shoot yourself again.

February 12, 2015

to jonji and zahara . how can a 5-10 minutes call after 2 months of NC make me look clingy? and why to pick another day? i mean last v-day we we're togheder and i haven't got her anything lel.. :v , and of course i might be in a way too happy mood right now and get all excited that it's valentine's day and i risk to get ruined/depressed again by a hurtfull and evil rejection again... what can i say ? my brain is fighting with my heart so much.. which one should i LISTEN?!?!??

February 12, 2015

You're in a hurry to prove the new better "unclingy" and "unneedy" self? Well, unfortunately by doing what you intend to do, only solidifies that you are still clingy and needy. There is no new you. You're clingy and needy...period.

I agree with Zahara that if you do this, your actions in this case would not match your words. A person who is not "needy or clingy" would be able to let V-Day pass without trying to make romantic overtures toward an ex who has shown no interest in contact with him for months.

The way to prove that you're not needy or clingy is to not do this.

February 12, 2015

She started a new chapter in her life at college. You are part of high school & part of her past not her future. It happens more than you know.

Let her be. Do not contact her on Valentine's Day.

No matter what you say to her, what she will hear is a I am a pathetic loser who is still the clingy guy you ran away from. How is that attractive?

February 12, 2015

if she says no and denies me like a piece of sh*t,what do i have to LOSE?

That's a fair question.

Only your self-respect in her eyes; stated another way, NOTHING. You have nothing to lose.

But you should know going into it that Donnivain has nailed it. You have your response already, I guess you just want it from the horse's mouth?

February 12, 2015

Of all dates Valentines day is the worst to pick. You're not her boyfriend.

It is true that she started a new chapter. Let her be. If she wants to reach out, she knows how you feel, and she knows how to contact you.

February 12, 2015

pwff,such an hard and easy at the same time,if i break NC now i won't have a reason to break it again anymore,right? and only coz she's stubborn and confused doesn't mean she's not missin me ,maybe she wants me to initiate ..i realise i'm jealous if she has someone else on v-day and be sad but i don't see what's wrong in this,and no i'm not just a part of her highschool,we wanted to go to the same college togheter and thad more future plans.any more detailed insight please?

February 12, 2015

to jonji and zahara . how can a 5-10 minutes call after 2 months of NC make me look clingy?

It doesn't matter the length of the call but the fact that you are making that call. It is never the dumpees responsibility to get a dumper back. If there is any sort of reconciliation effort, it is up to the dumper to regain the trust and security of the dumpee. She dumped you. You don't chase someone that dumped you.

and why to pick another day? i mean last v-day we we're togheder

Last V day you were together and THIS V DAY you are broken up because SHE dumped you. Very two different scenarios, don't you think?

what can i say ? my brain is fighting with my heart so much.. which one should i LISTEN?!?!??

We're not going to tell you what you want to hear. The consensus is not to contact her.

February 12, 2015

fair enough, no positive responses till now :v i would be curious to hear a females opinion on this one but once again i repeat: it's just going to be one simple question if she wants to meet up or no! if she doesn't then i'll get the message clear and sharp and never initiate contact again! i just want to clear my head out and see things clearly again! and i think i got my respect back by not answering to her last message in which she told me that for everytime we're gonna talk again she doesn't want to hear about the past! and after all of this? what if i get a positive reaction? it's just what if what if what if, but u never know! till u try!

February 12, 2015

pwff,such an hard and easy at the same time,if i break NC now i won't have a reason to break it again anymore,right? and only coz she's stubborn and confused doesn't mean she's not missin me ,maybe she wants me to initiate ..i realise i'm jealous if she has someone else on v-day and be sad but i don't see what's wrong in this,and no i'm not just a part of her highschool,we wanted to go to the same college togheter and thad more future plans.any more detailed insight please?

You're clinging on to the past.

Maybe do contact her, sometimes we need to get burned to know the fire's hot. Then come back and ask "how do I fix this". It won't be fixable.

I mean seriously.. jealousy, neediness, those character traits are a turn off. It might have been cute at first, but this isn't how you will build a long term relationship.

February 12, 2015

fair enough, no positive responses till now :v i would be curious to hear a females opinion on this one but once again i repeat: it's just going to be one simple question if she wants to meet up or no! if she doesn't then i'll get the message clear and sharp and never initiate contact again! i just want to clear my head out and see things clearly again! and i think i got my respect back by not answering to her last message in which she told me that for everytime we're gonna talk again she doesn't want to hear about the past! and after all of this? what if i get a positive reaction? it's just what if what if what if, but u never know! till u try!

Fine but ask on Monday February 16, not before.

February 12, 2015

I mean seriously.. jealousy, neediness, .

i know but i'm not like that anymore k? i know my mistakes and these past few months i worked to become my old self again and i believe i have managed to succeed! i won't tell her about the changes coz she will see that by herself and to be clear, i never acted jealous and i've let her free most of the time, i was the best person in her life and had a great positive influence on her while she was with me she became more open and happy ! even thu her ex was an jerk she still mentioned him from time to time, just as a reminder what bad he treated her, i never acted rude or bad with her and she knows it! she was under a lot of stress and i know that she loved me like nobody else, even her only and bestfriend girl told me that she might still have feelings of love for me but she's supressing them for an stupid/immature reason..

February 12, 2015

but u never know! till u try!

Go ahead and contact her then.

You don't need anymore advice.

February 12, 2015

i know but i'm not like that anymore k? i know my mistakes and these past few months i worked to become my old self again and i believe i have managed to succeed! i won't tell her about the changes coz she will see that by herself and to be clear, i never acted jealous and i've let her free most of the time, i was the best person in her life and had a great positive influence on her while she was with me she became more open and happy ! even thu her ex was an jerk she still mentioned him from time to time, just as a reminder what bad he treated her, i never acted rude or bad with her and she knows it! she was under a lot of stress and i know that she loved me like nobody else, even her only and bestfriend girl told me that she might still have feelings of love for me but she's supressing them for an stupid/immature reason..

She would be with you if she thought this was all so great. She`s not so she didn`t.

Sorry it sounds harsh. I can certainly relate in parts but it will do no good so as Elsa says..... Let it go.

February 12, 2015

why should i wait to contact her only on MOnday 16 feb then? and what do i do if she contacts me on V-day what then? i'm aware of the fact that the dumper must try to get the dumpee back but not all the situations are the same ok? and zahara's i was asking on advice on what to tell her lel , her friend only mentioned my name once and she started crying in burning tears and said she felt guilty and somehow i think she is afraid to reach out to me coz i told her i don't believe in second chances... aka second love, we had a connection between us that happens once in a lifetime, basically ending each others sentences , it was magical man... pwff , even her one and only best friend told me that she believes my ex still has love feelings for me but she's trying to supress them for some unknown/immature reason! depressive girls are not that easy to handle ya know..

February 12, 2015

She would be with you if she thought this was all so great. She`s not so she didn`t.

Sorry it sounds harsh. I can certainly relate in parts but it will do no good so as Elsa says..... Let it go.

no problem, it's true but i dunno how much a teenage girl can handle the stress of hiding her relation from a dad which she is very afraid of , she only trembled when he was calling so i guess he had a big major part in her letting me go... i feel like she sacrificed her own happiness.. like she did it for me to be happy and not see her as a burden(her words not mine) i still remember her crying face in my arms asking me : WILL YOU MISS ME? :(

February 12, 2015

You have a lot going against you here.

Her parents don't like you & they wanted you apart. She has to defy them to get back with you. That's not easy for a young girl who is financially dependent on her parents.

You broke up because you admit you were clingy & needy. Your insistence on calling her on Valentine's Day proves you still are despite your protests that you have gotten over this.

You have been broken up for months. She most likely already moved on.

You are going to contact her no matter how many times & how many people tell you not to.

You claim that if she stomps on your heart, then you will finally know for sure. That is a message you should have gotten by now.

But I suggested that you wait until After Valentine's Day because that more than contacting her on Valentine's Day shows that you have developed some sense. It looks less needy & clingy then calling her before.

I'm telling you though, as a woman, if you reach out at this time of year no matter what you say / do all she's going to hear is a negative impression of you, that is more likely to make her feel sorry for you then to want to take you back.

February 12, 2015

You have a lot going against you here.

Her parents don't like you & they wanted you apart. She has to defy them to get back with you. That's not easy for a young girl who is financially dependent on her parents.

You broke up because you admit you were clingy & needy. Your insistence on calling her on Valentine's Day proves you still are despite your protests that you have gotten over this.

You have been broken up for months. She most likely already moved on.

You are going to contact her no matter how many times & how many people tell you not to.

You claim that if she stomps on your heart, then you will finally know for sure. That is a message you should have gotten by now.

But I suggested that you wait until After Valentine's Day because that more than contacting her on Valentine's Day shows that you have developed some sense. It looks less needy & clingy then calling her before.

I'm telling you though, as a woman, if you reach out at this time of year no matter what you say / do all she's going to hear is a negative impression of you, that is more likely to make her feel sorry for you then to want to take you back.

only her dad was against us even thu he never met me.. weird, her mom was agreeing with us and actually cover us up :| our "plan" was to get out of this stupid town and when we hit college we'll have all the time we want for ourselves she told me this in the month she left me.. i guess she just couldn't handle all of this anymore... as a paranthesis.. i talked to her ex which has been with her like 1,7 years , he's ok now and has other gf and somehow we ended up being friends (long story) even he wants us to reconcile and he personally told me i should give her some more time and space and eventually try one more time after she clears her head. sooo.. i have chances against me, and odds for me! as for now i think i'll agree to your idea and contact her after V-day...

February 12, 2015

You are both very young my friend. So this might be difficult to process at the moment.

The fact that your relationship got to this point:

finally she saw that nothing she tried made me hate her or want to break up with her so she finally said she might fall in love with my best friend,but obviously she used him as a emotional tampon after BU

Means she needs to give you a sincere apology before you break NC (yes this means she needs to break NC first).

I have 2 friends I want you to meet:

Dignity & Self-Respect

Trust them. Treasure them. Love them. They will stand by you when others try to humiliate you. They even will protect you from doing stupid things to yourself. ONLY IF YOU DON'T IGNORE THEM.

February 12, 2015

pwff,such an hard and easy at the same time,if i break NC now i won't have a reason to break it again anymore,right? and only coz she's stubborn and confused doesn't mean she's not missin me ,maybe she wants me to initiate ..i realise i'm jealous if she has someone else on v-day and be sad but i don't see what's wrong in this,and no i'm not just a part of her highschool,we wanted to go to the same college togheter and thad more future plans.any more detailed insight please?

Well - if sounds like you were just part of her highschool experience - she got rid of you at that point, and doesn't seem to have any interest now, meaning that you were part of her past.

Moreover, anything on Valentines Day, even if you haven't been in contact for a long time, comes off as incredibly needy and desperate - a lot of people associated with serious romance, so contacting her then indicates that you still think of her that way, which screams that you're not over her...hence needy. If you really want to reach out to her, at least do it a few weeks (not days) after Valentine's day, on a date that holds no significance to either of you...

February 12, 2015

i moved on once, and had a LDR with an girl online for 1 month and i felt desired and loved and it boosted my self-esteem alot eventually i saw how she is far far away from my ex and on a completely different level ( very low) after i broke up with her my ex came in the thoughts again i felt like crap again... somehow another girl from my area started showing interest and contact me a few times.. i had no idea if she wants us to be friends or more so i stopped contact with her since i got confused... since then i'm talking online with 2 other girls and i dunno how they feel about me lel... in highschool i had like 2-3 girls chasing me and bumping into me randomly but i refused them as i wasn't interested in them at that time.. u know what all these girls have in common? they're all beautifull and smart! but... till now none of them compares to my ex-gf... i grow so attached to her .. she was my first kiss my first (****) everything.. she has everything i ever desired in one single girl, HER! it was like a mirror reflection... i can see that getting another girlfriend in today's world isn't that hard since i'm not shy anymore and stuff but still... i don't want to end up lonely with someone i don't fully love... it would be awkard to enter a new relationship and still love my ex... She told me: "We do not have a relationship! we have LOVE! " now u tell me how many times u will encounter someone in your life to tell you these words? i still have her letter where she explains to me how i am the one who showed her that true love exists and how gratefull she's for me... she is so confused and she doesn't even know it.. she told me to date girls and one time even her best friend... stupid momentary decisions i guess :|

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Calling ex-gf on valentines day! need urgent

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