Placebeyondthepines Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 This is the phrase that killed me. I will make it short, i was with this girl, LDR, spend one year in the same town, then she left and we drifted appart. She said she has a lot on her mind, doesn't know what to do with her life, etc. I was always there for her, made time to skype, whatssap and every single other way of communication. She started changing and made me want to end it, because of how she acted. Anyway, as i said, i was faithfull to her and weird enough, she was too, even if her feelings changed. Lead me on, stopped me every time when i was about to leave, but finally i snapped and left. When we had the talk, she told me i was too available, like i did not have anything but her, like i was needy (false, i had a social life and job, i MADE time for her, but that is a different thing). How the hell does this work? How can a person be too available for the person he loves? If you show interest and show that you are someone you can depend on, that makes you needy? How many of us heard this crap?
mightycpa Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I wouldn't worry too much about the words. Nobody really knows what to say when they break up with you, unless you've done something horrible. So, there's a grain of truth in her words, but she's sugarcoating it for you. Put yourself in her shoes, and imagine dating someone that is "too available" for you. I mean really imagine what that feels like. Now, how much do you really like this person? The answer to your question is right there in your post. She just didn't want to come out and say it plainly.
carhill Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 If you were being your authentic self, which means this is how you treat people you care about, then write it off to incompatibility or low attraction. IMO, it's probably both. I've met some women in life who firmly believe that demonstrated love and care is fake and hokie and have told me directly exactly that. However, I firmly believe that, if their attraction was high, they'd feel differently. So, use this as a learning tool and more quickly end interactions with women you deem incompatible when canaries such as you outlined start dying. Move on quickly and decisively. Why? Because that leaves more of your life energy to spend on those who do value and appreciate and validate your authentic self and love you in return, mindful of the reality that it could all change tomorrow. That's life!
FancyFace Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Dumpers will say pretty much anything once they are ready to give you the boot. I got told, I am an great girlfriend, amazing person, the kind any man would want...and yet I still got dumped. Makes no sense does it? Nope! Don't try decipher what she meant or why she said what she said. The painful truth is she just did not want to be with you for whatever reason. The person who will want to be with you wont think you are too available. In fact, they will welcome your emotional availability (which by the way, is a very hard trait to come by in the dating world) and consider it one of your best qualities. 4
lauri Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 She has probably a million and one reasons why she broke up with you in her mind. My ex broke up with me and had every excuse in the world...but the most important thing that she left out was that she lost interest in me and was starting to become interested in another guy. That's all this is...all her excuses are just her making reasoning for why she lost interest. Long distance does this to people...but it sounds like you were making this girl your world (I did the same during my long distance period) to try to keep her interested and around. It's a hard thing to do / balance. So yeah, you probably were "too available" because she wanted to be with a guy who "challenged her" and she could "chase". There is probably a new guy who came into her life that peaked her interest, and he was doing things that made her go crazy over him (i.e not being available) and put the blame on you for not doing what he is doing. My ex started to do that towards the end of my relationship with her...all because she found someone else who was doing the things she liked, at the time of course. That novelty wore off and then she came running back to me - but who cares because I've moved on. If I took her back, she'd do the exact same thing again once the next chance for her to upgrade comes along. You'll be okay. Don't let her words affect you...all you can do is look at yourself and say you did what you could do to make it work. She made the mental choice to check out, meet other guys (I'm assuming) and risk losing you. Now that she's done this, she has. Give her what she wants and see how hurt she will get to see you move on, be happy and live a good life without her. 1
Author Placebeyondthepines Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Actually, the weird thing is that I ENDED IT. She drove me to do that, but it was me and she contradict herself a lot of times, but the real reason was this: i was too available. I was too available to make this relashionship work, after she left, funny innit? I was convinced i knew this person, but she flipped 180 in a matter of weeks, not even months. I was certain there is no guy involved, she did not have time, however, attraction i think it was not a problem, however, she told me many times when we started, that i was the opposite of her type. She liked tall blonde men, while i am medium size, dark blonde, etc, but this was at the start. It is hard to digest. You try to make a relashionship work and you are considered weak because you make time for her? You ship her things that she needs from home. etc, do things that a normal person would do for someone you love and i am considered weak and needy? It something that messes with your head a lot.
EmperorR Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 focus on what happened you were dumped, not why.
mightycpa Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Well, this could be the real reason: LDR. You aren't as available as you think. You are virtually available. Actually being there counts for a whole lot. 2
bohica Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 This is the phrase that killed me. I will make it short, i was with this girl, LDR, spend one year in the same town, then she left and we drifted appart. She said she has a lot on her mind, doesn't know what to do with her life, etc. I was always there for her, made time to skype, whatssap and every single other way of communication. She started changing and made me want to end it, because of how she acted. Anyway, as i said, i was faithfull to her and weird enough, she was too, even if her feelings changed. Lead me on, stopped me every time when i was about to leave, but finally i snapped and left. When we had the talk, she told me i was too available, like i did not have anything but her, like i was needy (false, i had a social life and job, i MADE time for her, but that is a different thing). How the hell does this work? How can a person be too available for the person he loves? If you show interest and show that you are someone you can depend on, that makes you needy? How many of us heard this crap? I sometimes worry about this. I always, always make time for someone. I always take a moment to respond to a text, send a nice message, return a call, etc.. It doesn't mean I am not busy. And I don't play games.....
Holmes85 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Placebeyondthepines, In all likelihood your girlfriend took a greater interest in someone else and wanted you to end the relationship for her. Even if you didn't she would have ended it for you, the outcome one way or the other would have been the same. How many times have you heard a girl saying this : - I need space - My feelings changed - I want to have a break - I am not in love with you - It's not you, it's me - I just want to be friends (despite of being in a relationship) The truth is all of these excuses are nothing more than B.S, they already have someone lined up prior to the breakup. And what is this "You are too availabe" crap, did she leave her parents too because they were too availabe for her? Did she leave her friends too because they are available for her too? What's going to happen when she gets married and she has to see her partner everyday, would she leave him because he's too available? Is she gonna leave her children down the road too because they are too available? A person who loves you, does not question their love for you, they are happy whenever you get to spend the time with them. Yours is obviously taking everything for granted. I would strongly advice you to cut this airhead right now and take the time to heal yourself and get your selfesteem back on track, once the emotions are aside and you start thinking logically then you can decide whether you want her back or not.
Author Placebeyondthepines Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Placebeyondthepines, In all likelihood your girlfriend took a greater interest in someone else and wanted you to end the relationship for her. Even if you didn't she would have ended it for you, the outcome one way or the other would have been the same. How many times have you heard a girl saying this : - I need space - My feelings changed - I want to have a break - I am not in love with you - It's not you, it's me - I just want to be friends (despite of being in a relationship) The truth is all of these excuses are nothing more than B.S, they already have someone lined up prior to the breakup. And what is this "You are too availabe" crap, did she leave her parents too because they were too availabe for her? Did she leave her friends too because they are available for her too? What's going to happen when she gets married and she has to see her partner everyday, would she leave him because he's too available? Is she gonna leave her children down the road too because they are too available? A person who loves you, does not question their love for you, they are happy whenever you get to spend the time with them. Yours is obviously taking everything for granted. I would strongly advice you to cut this airhead right now and take the time to heal yourself and get your selfesteem back on track, once the emotions are aside and you start thinking logically then you can decide whether you want her back or not. The thing is that, i have no idea if there is actually someone else. When she started acting different, i suspected it might be someone else involved, but when, when she would have had time to meet him or talk with him. We spoke a lot, but it is hard to find a window when, although that seems the logical way. I am not upset that it ended or she met someone else (if she did), i am upset that after all this relashinship, this was the BEST she could had said? I am too available? We have something together and instead of saying, hey, i don't love you anymore or hey, let's split, this is the reason, When you think you know a person, this happens. This is what makes me angry as hell, someone you gave all you had (virtually yes) and everything when you were together, has only this excuse. You are too available. There were no signs when she was here, no signs that she could act that way when we went LDR. I am a person that knows his values, goals and limits, i would had never done LDR if i would have seen this face of hers. And btw, this came after one month we spent together, the whole december, when she acted like she did when i felt in love with her. It is beyond my understanding.
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