somedude238 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Hi folks, I recently dated a girl for 2 months until she broke up with me. She said she really likes me as a person, but views our relationship as a really good friendship and that it never felt all that romantic for her. I told her that I did have feelings for her, and I would either have to see her romantically or not at all. She walked anyway and I haven't heard from her or contacted her since. When I met her for the first time, I didn't feel an intense physical attraction to her. She seemed like a really great person worth giving a chance though, and over time, that physical attraction grew for me. She never seemed all that comfortable with the physical side of the relationship, so I took things slow. We didn't kiss until the 3rd date, and I slowly worked up to holding her hand around the 8th or 9th date. I guess I thought if I gave her time, she would develop the same attraction I developed for her. I knew something was wrong though when the kisses never progressed past a 1 second kiss on the lips. Was this just a case of physical incompatibility? I've never run into this issue before. What could I have done wrong? I've been doing a lot of reading and I haven't been able to find any specific blunders on my part for building attraction. It's like she was closed off from the very beginning. I'm also confused as to why she didn't tell me all of this earlier, before we had been on 10 or 11 dates. Was she confused and trying to make it work? Or was I being used? Thanks for your help!
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Bro, sounds like you're new to dating. If by the 2nd or MAYBE 3rd date you haven't felt a physical spark between the two of you, you should hang it up. It should feel natural, and it shouldn't feel forced. A kiss on the lips should last at least 3-5 seconds, what you described is a peck -- probably just kissed you so you wouldn't feel bad. Move on to other girls and forget about this one. Be yourself and don't be afraid to end things if the girl doesn't seem interested in you -- you may be attracted to her but she may not be attracted to you. Don't force things. 1
mightycpa Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 It happens. Unless you're some tall handsome multimillionaire, there are going to be a few girls who just don't take. Even if you are, that will happen. It's nothing personal. It happens to everyone except for the ones who don't try. 1
Satu Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Its all about type and polarity. You didn't get a match, but don't let it bother you. 1
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 It sounds like it was a good thing that it ended. The right person will have that spark, and you will know. I promise! 1
Author somedude238 Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 Thanks everyone for the feedback. I've kept NC and am starting to feel better but still am trying to figure out why she kept going on date after date with me and acting like everything was fine, initiating contact with me, etc. Even on the last date, I had no idea she was planning to break it off. We were walking, I was talking, she was laughing, then 2 minutes later brought up the dreaded "I need to talk to you about something." I usually have a pretty good grip on reading people, so I'm just really confused about what happened.
OrangeParty Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Thanks everyone for the feedback. I've kept NC and am starting to feel better but still am trying to figure out why she kept going on date after date with me and acting like everything was fine, initiating contact with me, etc. Some people, both men and women, unfortunately do string others along. Sucks that it happened to you, but don't let it get to you! As others have said, there's no match between you, so you can now concentrate on finding a woman who will make your heart flutter.
mightycpa Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I've never run into this issue before. What could I have done wrong? I've been doing a lot of reading and I haven't been able to find any specific blunders on my part for building attraction. It's like she was closed off from the very beginning. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but not everybody is going to like you that way. The reasons don't matter, because they will vary from person to person. If even half of the girls you meet like you in this way, you're doing damn good. I'm also confused as to why she didn't tell me all of this earlier, before we had been on 10 or 11 dates. Was she confused and trying to make it work? Or was I being used? Used for what, exactly? Did you buy her diamonds and fancy dresses and jewels? Did you put her up in a penthouse in Downtown Manhattan? Lavish upon her with cash and gifts? I doubt it. Maybe she just liked you and she was on the fence, giving you a chance and when you pulled the trigger the way you did I told her that I did have feelings for her, and I would either have to see her romantically or not at all. she examined her feelings, made a decision and took you at your word. I think it is probably that simple.
Author somedude238 Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 I hate to be the one to break it to you, but not everybody is going to like you that way. The reasons don't matter, because they will vary from person to person. If even half of the girls you meet like you in this way, you're doing damn good. Believe me, I've had my fair share of situations where the feelings weren't mutual. I guess what I was trying to say here is just that I hadn't yet been in a situation where a girl with no interest dragged it out for months. In previous situations, it was pretty clear there was no interest and we both simply parted ways after a date or two. Used for what, exactly? Did you buy her diamonds and fancy dresses and jewels? Did you put her up in a penthouse in Downtown Manhattan? Lavish upon her with cash and gifts? I doubt it. I'm more referring to her using me to make another guy jealous, or what have you, while not being upfront that she had zero interest in getting serious from the start. Maybe she just liked you and she was on the fence, giving you a chance and when you pulled the trigger the way you did I think she did like me to some extent, but she laid it out pretty clearly that she wasn't interested in me romantically when she said she viewed our relationship as a good friendship. So I don't have any regrets in being direct that I am only interested in seeing her romantically. If she really did have feelings for me, then I left the door open for her to let me know. Yes, I'll miss her friendship, but I know cutting contact is what I need to do to A) move on and find someone who KNOWS they like me, and B) avoid continuing to be strung along. Been in this situation before, and I just don't have the time or energy to keep making myself miserable.
planb1973 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 You didn't do anything wrong. It just didn't work. She was probably on the fence about you and needed more time to make up her mind. I dated a woman last year for 4 months. We got along fine and had a good time. After 4 months she blurts out that she just wanted to be friends. Mutual intimacy never quite developed between us. The good news we actually became good friends instead, even so far as setting each other up on dates.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I've found that people who are "on the fence" are a waste of time. Even if they warm up, whats to keep them from cooling back down? If you don't click by the first few dates, you should just hang it up for your own sake.
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