Tolu2d Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 So my ex of 1 year now has a new boyfriend. She just put it up on facebook for the entire world to see, and we only broke up 4 weeks ago. I can't understand how she can be so heartless. I know I dodged a massive bullet, but now I just feel like I'm back at square one as sadly I still love her. I wish I didn't, but I do.
Friskyone4u Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Tolu Not sure what caused this breakup but my guess is she initiated it and maybe even made some stupid excuse it was something you did. The possibility is strong that if she did break up with you that this new boyfriend was already in the picture and you just did not know it. She obviously cares little about you so just stay off her FB and start looking for a new girlfriend. You will survive and learn from this. 2
PegNosePete Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Unless you want to see all of their holiday snaps, you better block her on FB. 1
Satu Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Snip: So my ex of 1 year now has a new boyfriend. She just put it up on facebook for the entire world to see, and we only broke up 4 weeks ago. To avoid further upset, go totally NC, which means: No direct contact, including replies. No indirect contact via third parties. No social media. No 'little birds' bringing you news. Delete, block, ignore. 4
Kevin_D Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Many women nowadays seem to believe that it's okay to behave like this. I've heard so many women say "I'm single now, so I do what I want and I'm not going to feel bad about it!". I guess these women don't really care about how we feel, they just don't want to look bad. 3
sabd Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Some people just ARE that heartless. In their minds, they're doing nothing wrong (the relationship is over so they are free) and that's how they justify their behaviour. She doesn't care and you really don't need to be seeing what she's up to - delete, unfriend, block!
mightycpa Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I'm not sure what you expect from her. Should she be wearing black and be in mourning until you get over it? This is completely unrealistic. She's living her life. She's not heartless. She's maybe giving her heart to someone else, that's all. She's not doing anything to you. Let that last sentence sink in a little bit. She's not doing anything to you. That's the source of your trouble. You want her to feel these things for you, just like she used to do. You want to change reality. You can't. In the same way you can't turn your emotions off, or transfer your emotions to feel this way for someone else, neither can she. She likes who she likes and she probably doesn't even know why. We all know, without even knowing him, that he's not the greatest guy in the world, so you can feel comforted that it is not about this characteristic or that attribute. It is beyond her control. Believe it or not, it's not personal. She didn't sit down one day and dream up a way to hurt you. She just followed her desires, yours be damned. You're probably the farthest thing from her mind as she posts those pictures. I know it feels personal, but it isn't. You really need to start viewing the world in terms of you, not her. You feel bad; it has nothing to do with her, it's all in your head. She's having a great time, and that has nothing to do with you. You need to find a way to give up your expectations of her; she's a shining example of exactly what you need to do. It takes more than time. It takes some action on your part, some way to allow you to change. You have to let go of the past and begin to look forward. You didn't waste your time with her, but you're wasting it now. Every minute you spend thinking about how it used to be is a complete waste of your time and energy. As with anything that isn't good for you, you need to avoid her right now, in every way possible. No phone, no texts, no social media, no peeking. Not to make her miss you, but to make you not think about her and to change your perspective. Get busy with the things in your life, and realize that she is no longer one of them. 4
Author Tolu2d Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Thanks for the replies. I'm going to block her now and go complete nc. My aims are just surrounding getting back into the shape I was during college, and continuing my travels. I just wish I could stop loving her and just move on right now! Valentines day is going to be a crap day! I appreciate all of the support I keep getting on here. 1
Satu Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I'm not sure what you expect from her. Should she be wearing black and be in mourning until you get over it? This is completely unrealistic. She's living her life. She's not heartless. She's maybe giving her heart to someone else, that's all. She's not doing anything to you. Let that last sentence sink in a little bit. She's not doing anything to you. That's the source of your trouble. You want her to feel these things for you, just like she used to do. You want to change reality. You can't. In the same way you can't turn your emotions off, or transfer your emotions to feel this way for someone else, neither can she. She likes who she likes and she probably doesn't even know why. We all know, without even knowing him, that he's not the greatest guy in the world, so you can feel comforted that it is not about this characteristic or that attribute. It is beyond her control. Believe it or not, it's not personal. She didn't sit down one day and dream up a way to hurt you. She just followed her desires, yours be damned. You're probably the farthest thing from her mind as she posts those pictures. I know it feels personal, but it isn't. You really need to start viewing the world in terms of you, not her. You feel bad; it has nothing to do with her, it's all in your head. She's having a great time, and that has nothing to do with you. You need to find a way to give up your expectations of her; she's a shining example of exactly what you need to do. It takes more than time. It takes some action on your part, some way to allow you to change. You have to let go of the past and begin to look forward. You didn't waste your time with her, but you're wasting it now. Every minute you spend thinking about how it used to be is a complete waste of your time and energy. As with anything that isn't good for you, you need to avoid her right now, in every way possible. No phone, no texts, no social media, no peeking. Not to make her miss you, but to make you not think about her and to change your perspective. Get busy with the things in your life, and realize that she is no longer one of them. ^^^ This ^^^
Satu Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Thanks for the replies. I'm going to block her now and go complete nc. My aims are just surrounding getting back into the shape I was during college, and continuing my travels. I just wish I could stop loving her and just move on right now! Valentines day is going to be a crap day! I appreciate all of the support I keep getting on here. Start transferring the love to yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat someone you really love. 1
Friskyone4u Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Good for you. Block her completely. Yes Valentines will be ****ty. So make your goal that next Valentines Day will be fine because she will be a non factor in your life. She obviously had this boyfriend lined up or was with him without you knowing it. In a way she did you a favor . Believe me, it would not have been easier if you had actually caught Her cheating 1
central Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 You're an ex. Why should she worry about what you see in her posts? If you'd gone NC, you wouldn't know - or care. I don't know who dumped who, but it doesn't matter. If you'd dumped her and met someone the next day, would you go out of your way to hide it? Probably not. You're just not over her, so it still hurts. It's not her fault - or problem. Go NC. 1
Author Tolu2d Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 She had this guy lined up all along, she was always texting with him. One thing is, I said something in anger to her and I now really, really regret it. It was something very personal and something I never should have said...ever. These lasts few weeks have been complete turmoil.
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 She had this guy lined up all along, she was always texting with him. Your relationship was over for her before it ended. As others have suggested if you disengage from her social media you will not have this salt rubbed in your wound.
ForgingAhead Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Tolu2d, As others have said, this guy was already in the picture.. It's horrible to know someone you loved could do that, and you most likely saw the signs. Listen.. Valentine's day is over rated, don't buy into the lively sappy stuff the media tries to sell you. Be strong, generate some anger, realize YOU are the master of your domain. Keep your power, build on this learning experience, and grow strong and become a lion! It will be difficult to not think about her, but you made a big step on taking care of yourself by blocking her.. Keep distracted, do something for yourself, refocus, and start living and cease to just exist. You're a champ! She's all over the place and will repeat history. Go easy on yourself, at least try to. 1
minimariah Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Delete, block, ignore. THIS! you two are done, what she does with her life isn't your business anymore. i know it hurts but it is what it is. focus on you and moving on, baby steps. NC is very important, don't torture yourself with any updates or infos about her and her new life. 1
lauri Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Here is the sad reality - she dropped you because she feels that she is moving on to an upgrade. She may be flaunting online that she is happy and in a great relationship, but so what? Let her do this all she wants. That doesn't mean anything. Some people can be extremely selfish...I can almost promise you, that if things go sour between her and the new guy she will come sniffing around and look to jump back to you because she finally realized "how great you two had it together". If you take her back, she will keep you around until she finds another perceived upgrade. She checked out a long time ago and was moving on / ready to branch swing to the next guy months before she did it. She isn't going to be mourning the loss of your relationship because she has mentally prepared herself for months and has thought up many reasons why things won't work out between you two...and because of that, she completely disregards your feelings as she is only interested in one thing...herself. Let her go man, its over forever. Delete and block her and live a great life w/o her. 5
Author Tolu2d Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 I really appreciate all the replies I've been given, it makes me feel strong to know I have others on here who can help me and give me advice. I wish we could all just get into a room together and chat.
Kinetica84 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 The advice in this thread is awesome. OP, my ex had a guy lined up, in fact she cheated. Yes mate it frigging hurts bit time, but i pity someone who has to go from relationship to relationship. I salute the people i can say yeah i can stay single and be happy. Pity the codependent fools out there and be happy in the fact you survived and got strong on your OWN! Valentines day is MANUFACTURED BS. It is actually my birthday so have a drink for me and celebrate for me lol. Don't worry bud, i got no date for saturday, im getting my best mates together, pizza, drinks, poker and some films. Can't wait to have some me time with my best buds. You should do the same. 2
Author Tolu2d Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 The advice in this thread is awesome. OP, my ex had a guy lined up, in fact she cheated. Yes mate it frigging hurts bit time, but i pity someone who has to go from relationship to relationship. I salute the people i can say yeah i can stay single and be happy. Pity the codependent fools out there and be happy in the fact you survived and got strong on your OWN! Valentines day is MANUFACTURED BS. It is actually my birthday so have a drink for me and celebrate for me lol. Don't worry bud, i got no date for saturday, im getting my best mates together, pizza, drinks, poker and some films. Can't wait to have some me time with my best buds. You should do the same. Appreciated man! The advice on here has been awesome. I'm going to keep reading and reading it. NC is the way to go!!
Kinetica84 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Appreciated man! The advice on here has been awesome. I'm going to keep reading and reading it. NC is the way to go!! You'll be okay man. There will be days it gets you. In fact, right now i feel a bit crap about things, i don't know why i just do. I have been excessively busy this week, been super busy at work and now in line for a promotion, been out every night this week, in fact this is the earliest i have been in all week and it is 22:15pm here in the UK. Even with all that, not having the time to think it has caught up with me now i am sitting down for 10 minutes. That is just the cycle we go through. It is getting better bit by bit, day by day. One thing i am doing is just opening myself up to knew social situations and meeting great new people. Just get out there mate, who knows, you could go out 2mo, meet an absolute stunner with a wonderful personality and that is the girl for you. However that won't happen if you don't get back out there and do new things. It is so difficult to get motivated, you feel deflated and thrown aside, but her cheating is HER DAMN ISSUES AND INSECURITIES. She will do again and will do it to this guy she got with. This new guy is effectively dealing with the break up for her and that will get old real quick for the guy. Trust me mate, she will end up way worse off than you are. You're the strong one here, you stood when she ran, you didn't jump into bed with the first girl you saw, you took all the pain and stood back up and continued the fight. Be proud of that.
Author Tolu2d Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 When I found out she was already in a new relation ship, we got in a fight and I said something really, really out of line and I can't take it back. I'm not going to repeat it, but it was something personal and very hurtful I'm trying my very hardest to move on now though. The past is the past and nothing can last forever.
Kinetica84 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 When I found out she was already in a new relation ship, we got in a fight and I said something really, really out of line and I can't take it back. I'm not going to repeat it, but it was something personal and very hurtful I'm trying my very hardest to move on now though. The past is the past and nothing can last forever. Whatever you said buddy, may be she needed to hear it. Truth can hurt. A lot of people will disagree with me but there are time things have to be said so that person understands what they did and how you feel. I am not saying is right or even the right course of action, but sometimes a hammer is required but only sometimes.
Author Tolu2d Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 (edited) Whatever you said buddy, may be she needed to hear it. Truth can hurt. A lot of people will disagree with me but there are time things have to be said so that person understands what they did and how you feel. I am not saying is right or even the right course of action, but sometimes a hammer is required but only sometimes. Bro, this was way below the belt and never needed saying. It wasn't about her. It's something I really regret, but it's done now and I cant take it back. She once said something really personal about something that happened in my past in the heat of an argument, so that we were both as bad as each other really. I apologised though, and that's all I can do. Need to take all the advice and move on. Edited February 12, 2015 by Tolu2d
Kevin_D Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 OP, my ex had a guy lined up, in fact she cheated. Yes mate it frigging hurts bit time, but i pity someone who has to go from relationship to relationship. You're right. I just hope that one day they realise how sad their behavior is. 1
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