Elfshimmer Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 So sunday my ex ended our 10 yr relationship. I can understand why we had been struggling for a while as I was finding hard to commit to moving in with him due to depression and past issues but deep down was ready to. Even the day before we were making plans and he was telling me how much he loved me and was gonna help me through it. It wasn't just words I could tell was sincere. I packed my stuff up and left. He then straight away deleted me from fb and few texts exchanged where he got real nasty. Saying didn't love me hadn't for ages and happy what he's done. Then saying his mum has told him be strong (why if he is happy) Monday I went back to collect more bits. He was ok with me but adamant he's made right decision we talked a bit I left and had breakdown outside. I sent text apologising. Since then nothing. I noticed thro my sister that he joined a dating site the day after and is on it constantly. I've heard nothing and not texting him is killing me. I'm struggling to get through each day. We split once before but reunited after a month and just want to reunite again.
Author Elfshimmer Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Sorry long thread. I've also written him a letter explaining my issues, help in getting and how I want to sort but not sure when to send. I don't want to make worse. We now in seperate towns so paths won't cross. Not sure how you can go on dating sites within a week of telling someone you wanted marriage kids and everything with.
Author Elfshimmer Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Still struggling today, had a set back last night. Found out his sister had her baby which we were both excited about, but he never let me know. I sent him a text saying enjoy the cuddles and nothing
FancyFace Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 You will never get over this if you keep up with what is going on in his life, writing him letters, sending him texts etc. Read the NC guide and then implement it. If you don't, trust and believe that you will not heal from this and you would have just set yourself up for a whole world of hurt. Love yourself more than you love this guy. You are worth more than groveling and begging someone to love you or worse, even acknowledge your exsistence or give you the time of day. He is not the be all and end all of life. There are other people out there, better, more loving, more compatible and most of all who will actually want to talk to you and be with you. But you need to love yourself first and the first step is focusing on your own life and not his. NO CONTACT! NO CONTACT! NO CONTACT!
PegNosePete Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Wow, what a douchebag to treat you like that. Why on earth would you want someone like that? If I acted like that my gf would kick me to the kerb so fast, she'd have to fed-ex my shadow back to me. Unfortunately, he has clearly moved on already. Chances are he hasn't been into the relationship for a long time. Why did he lie all that time about loving you and moving in etc? I don't know I am afraid. Some people do weird and nasty things or just don't have the balls to break up. I'm afraid you probably won't get a better answer than that. All this texting and stuff, it's hurting you to not get a reply - so, stop it! You need to stop all contact. I know it's hard but keeping contact will only be like picking a wound. It will never heal.
Author Elfshimmer Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I stupidly text him again today to ask how puppy was that we had. He replied to me 5 times. I made him aware I knew he was on dating site and he said can live how he wants now. Said he kept hoping we would improve but never did (I miscarried in August and depression stems from that) Said not a smidge wants it back now. I said just wanna be pleasant and he wished me a good weekend just said he needs to move on with NC. (or as I interpret spending all him time on dating site trying to cover a wound?!)
Elle1975 Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Elf, don't send the letter, hang on to it if you want to, and send it in 3 months if you feel the same way, but tell you what, he already knows everything you wrote in the letter. A miscarriage is not an easy thing to get over. I'd tackle that first. You're not in a good place right now, and contacting him is making things worse. Cut contact with him, and take care of yourself.
Author Elfshimmer Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Thank you, I so wanted to send soon. I am in counselling for my issues (have been 3 weeks) to which he was going to help me muddle through it. I know he is messaging loads of different women now - a kick but also think that is his way of coping perhaps.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Thank you, I so wanted to send soon. I am in counselling for my issues (have been 3 weeks) to which he was going to help me muddle through it. I know he is messaging loads of different women now - a kick but also think that is his way of coping perhaps. Forget his way of coping. It is YOUR way of coping, dear. Follow the wise advice given: End all forms of contact. Including keeping up with his day to day life. You did take a good step forward, by getting help. But this is no longer about him, only you. You see, you are a fully capable woman, surely you know this? You have the power to control your own misery. As often as is: We are our own misery. It may hurt, but do not cease to stop moving ahead. For yourself. This is all about you, not him. You will find better; but you must first try. This involves staying away from him. Staying out of his life. This is YOUR time to fix YOU. Nothing else in your world should involve him. Trust me, it will hurt for a great while...but you can manage. Do not be someone else's second choice (if he should fail in his dating adventure). Address your issues, as you are ..then when you are ready. Go out on dates. Friends or famikg, doesn't matter. Whatever makes you feel good.
Author Elfshimmer Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Thank you, I do fully understand this also. I just wanted to try and resolve before too late. It ended very quickly (the previous days we were saying I love you and making plans) as probably with many it ended in an argument and ended. I believe the issues could have been resolved if we had calmed and talked properly.
Author Elfshimmer Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Almost 2 weeks on and struggling just as much,. I went to his house tuesday to collect some bits - I was very cool and calm and wasn't going to mention anything. Within 15 minutes he was brushing past me and asking for hugs. When arrived he said didn't want me there long but I ended up staying 4 hours. We did sleep together which shouldnt have happened I guess. He admitted still has feelings for me, and hates how we ended up here but still says cant try again. Right till I left it was like good times with affection etc all initiated by him. We have text in the week (all initiated by me) but he always replies with pleasant replies - not sure where to turn
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