am I being too courteous (a.k.a what she was saying about me when I saw her whatsapp)

[marcelo.santos]

Hi all,

 

I speak a little bit of english.. not my natural language..

 

So, I going to have a first date with a very interesting girl and she invited me for the dating (yeah!) after some text exchanges. I'm 41 she is about 33.

 

I just have dumped from a previous gf, I'm ok - not sure of what this new dating will became, but as always, I don't want to make mistakes from the past:

 

On past relationships and dating I had I used to be a bit courteous after the 1 month mark relationship, especially in relationship I want to last, did things like: Installed the Broadband internet on her home (she pays the internet!), pay every restaurant/bar bills, give small gifts (~$15), solved problems for her that she dont want to deal with, take her car to mechanical, etc.. - nothing like... giving flowers every day, or buying rings, expensive gifts.. nothing like that.. just helping in a way my hearth guides me, not trying to impress her... This is what I do in a relationship after years.

 

I have a bad habit: sometimes I get the phone of girls I'm with (for example, when she is on the shower) and read whatsapp messages she exchanges with her best friend (another girl) - I''m not checking if she is hanging another man... this is not the point - I check what is telling about me - I always see nice things like "he is a nice guy", "I met an interesting guy", "hope it works": The point I did this 3 times on the last 3 relationships I had - on these 3 different girls I saw things like "he is to courteous, this is odd", or "he is too courteous, he is in love too early and I dont feel the same right now" or "he is too courteous, this is nice but is suffocating me sometimes" - I felt very bad about these comments - not sure if they are stupid girls that dont deserve it or I am doing beyond I should too early - I will never touch their phone again as I dont want to get hurt anymore, I've learned the lesson - this bad habit is over, this is not the matter here.

 

What do you think about being so courteous on first month.. is this bad? Should I wait 3... 6 months to do what my heart demands?

 

thank you.

[PegNosePete]

Yes, I think doing that kind of thing so soon would give the impression that you're trying a bit too hard and are over-committed.

[clia]

Hi all,

On past relationships and dating I had I used to be a bit courteous after the 1 month mark relationship, especially in relationship I want to last, did things like: Installed the Broadband internet on her home (she pays the internet!), pay every restaurant/bar bills, give small gifts (~$15), solved problems for her that she dont want to deal with, take her car to mechanical, etc.. - nothing like... giving flowers every day, or buying rings, expensive gifts.. nothing like that.. just helping in a way my hearth guides me, not trying to impress her... This is what I do in a relationship after years.

 

I think some of this stuff is over the top for one month of dating. It's fine if you want to pay when you take her out or get maybe one small gift (depending on what it is), but installing Internet, taking her car to the shop, etc. are things for more established relationships, IMO.

 

I have a bad habit: sometimes I get the phone of girls I'm with (for example, when she is on the shower) and read whatsapp messages she exchanges with her best friend (another girl)

 

This is horrible and not courteous at all. Stop snooping.

[wb1988]

Why do you do these things, because you think that she will like you more?

 

Lets say that you were in her shoes and dating someone that is trying to be a handyman. Don't you think it comes off as being overly nice, compensating and positioning yourself as a friend rather than romantic partner.

 

It's much better if you don't help and leave those things to her dad/brother/cousin/friends and position yourself as a romantic partner. After a while you can very occasionally do favours but only to make it clear that you are able to be a man.

 

This is horrible and not courteous at all. Stop snooping.

Women always want you to guess what they want or are thinking, consider snooping through their phone or email as just a way to get it done and be a better bf. Problem with the new iPhones is the touch ID so try to get the phone before it locks.

[GemmaUK]

WOW!

 

 

 

That is so very not courteous!

 

If you feel so insecure you need to check someone's phone then please get

 

 

some therapy and forget about dating.

[kendahke]

I have a bad habit: sometimes I get the phone of girls I'm with (for example, when she is on the shower) and read whatsapp messages she exchanges with her best friend (another girl)

 

that's messed up.

 

IMO, that cancels out the "courteous guy" manipulation game you've got going on here.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Don't be so needy/clingy OP. And spying on their phones isn't nice, cut it out.