casualfriday Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Imagine you are play wrestling with your bf and you not only win but you realize that you could TOTALLY kick his butt if you wanted to. You arm wrestle and you win. Easily. You guys are moving heavy boxes or furniture and you have to do most of the heavy lifting. You are walking in the city at night and you realize that if anything happens, you are better able to defend yourself than he is. Would you date a guy like that? Is it an issue or just an old fashioned gender stereotype that a man should have to be stronger than you or better able to fight if needed? I'm pretty much THAT guy. I'm naturally skinny and it's very difficult to put on weight or gain muscle. I don't have trouble meeting women or getting dates, it's just that my body type usually winds up being an issue in almost every relationship in some way or another. Only one ex-gf was completely honest. She told me point blank that she didn't feel safe going certain places with me because she felt that she would have to defend us both if something happened. With other guys she felt protected and relatively safe, with me, it was like she was vulnerable. With other girlfriends we'd do silly stuff like arm wrestle or play-wrestle on the floor and they'd be like "Really?! I can beat you that easily?" Then we’d go at it again and I’d be clearly be giving it my best effort, with the same result. Then..right after college I was helping a female friend move her stuff out of an apartment. She is a small, petite, Asian, maybe 5’2 and 110 pounds or so but she is a little powerhouse! Very strong for her size. It was just us two, all morning. Her other friends were no-shows. She’d pick her end of a heavy piece of furniture with little trouble and I’d be mostly struggling with my end. I’d have to keep stopping and take little breaks, while she was in constant motion. She was grateful for the help but seemed frustrated though too because she was getting a lot more done a lot faster.
Nolan 93 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Well it can be a turn off for some I would say. But with my current ex I am a tall guy who is strong and she loved that I can carry her easily she is asian and 5'4 130 pounds. She went back to the ex and he is about the same height and weight and scrony couldn't even pick her up. So i think depends on the girl man. For a guy like me yes I think it shows your weak in a way, but you can always fix that with gym.
NJ123 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Pretty much depends on the woman I'd say. Some wouldn't care since some are likely attracted to skinny guys. But if you think you're really out of shape than you should join the gym.
mariekatie Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 It can be quite a turn off honestly. I'm not petite and struggle with self-esteem issues regarding weight for years so i would not go for a guy who is weaker than me. I would like to feel protected.. That being said, all my exs were lighter than me but they were stronger. I'm not attracted to skinny guys on the first impression but if he's really nice, why not? I'm weak so most guys are stronger anyway. Don't worry too much, or just look for someone "smaller"
Purepony Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Take some keratin, bedlam and start working out. Do that a month and you'll gain about 10 pounds
LoveIsMyReligion Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I used to be pretty skinny myself, but then I hit the gym which in turn increased my appetite an made me the beast that I am today. Focus in your weight problems first I think you have priorities backwards. Maybe even start with some dumbbells at home.
todreaminblue Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 weak to me is running from an assailant who can beat you....... strong to me is...staying in spite of the fact you know you can be beaten to a pulp weak to me is staying to fight because you know you will win and beat them to a pulp strong to me is knowing when to walk away in spite of the fact you would win..... I would want a guy to stand beside me win or lose.....not to leave me in spite of fear......i could not respect a man who abandoned anyone out of fear......I do respect men who havent ever fought before.....they dont have to throw punches to be true fighters...or soldiers...they just have to love what they fight for...in spite of fear...they stand up....that to me is..pure strength....i can take care of myself...ill talk my way free of a fight 99 per cent of the time......and i dont run...i dont expect a guy to save me..and i have dated smaller guys than me......not as strong......but they were .....fighters.....deb 1
Els Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 If it is genuinely so difficult for you to put on muscle that you are physically weaker than the majority of women despite putting in significant time working out... then you need to see a doctor and get your testosterone levels checked. If your T-levels are fine and you are otherwise healthy, there is really no reason that should be the case. IMO self-defense or protection in this day and age is 90% observational skills and quick thinking, so brawn plays little part in it. That being said I would still find it a turn-off if a man was physically weaker than me. Fortunately I haven't met many guys at all that were weaker - skinny doesn't always equal weak. 3
Chief Wiggum Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Your confidence may be an issue. No, not with the girls. But perhaps with hitting the gym or taking up a physical activity? Everyone's body develops differently. A friend of mine -- now 5ft 5 at most -- in school was skinny, weak and not made for competing with us in sports. Now years later, assuming he spent more time in the gym and playing football, he's become one of the best 5-aside players in our town. He's far stronger and confident than what I remember of him. Guess what I'm saying is, don't be deterred from hitting the gym or whatever. Regardless of how small or weak you may THINK you are.
Emilia Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Well if I didn't, I'd soon run out of options. Not so much that they are weaker - how muscular you look isn't always indicative of strength - but I used to box so beating them sometimes wouldn't be a problem! Not that wrestling is usually part of how I date and I think men who like a physically strong woman aren't the ones that are likely to be abusive later (since abusers go for the weak ones both mentally and physically) so it's not a problem. 1
Erised Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I don't care about muscle, but you can get stronger without muscle. I might have an issue if a guy was significantly weaker than I am, and it showed. It's not the biggest thing in the world. I'm fairly strong compared to most women, but not necessarily compared to most guys who workout. A guy that can easily pick me up, who I'd have to actually struggle to wrestle, etc, does matter. Anyone can get stronger, though. It's not a body type thing. I've met guys who are quite strong enough who were very thin, very heavy, and all in between.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Judging by the spaghetti arms that many men are equipped with that many women still seem to date...I'd say it's a resounding Yes. Most guys aren't that muscular or very strong, but usually at least stronger than a woman..if even by just a little. Not sure why you're so weak that you cannot keep up with a woman though, that's definitely not normal for a typical male adult. If you hit the gym with me though (or anyone else really for that matter, that knew what they were doing at least to some degree) I guarantee you'd get a lot stronger, definitely stronger than the average woman by a good amount...basically I don't believe that you can't get stronger, I know you can and I've seen plenty of small guys do it, unless you've got some medical issue going on that for some bizarre reason would prevent that. If you're an Asian guy though, aren't those women used to dating pretty skinny guys? a lot I've seen either have that typical smallesque Asian (standard model) type class III body which looks like 5'5 to 5'7 130 pounds...or some of them go for more of that porky the pig type of look, and then wear tight clothes like they're gonna pop out like a sausage. Anyway, get stronger for your own benefit...you should be able to lift and move things around. Join a gym, get a personal trainer, it doesn't have to be insane or over the top but it's definitely not going to do you any bad, it's an easy problem to fix...once you get from spaghetti arms to some mild muscular definition then you'll be fine. 2
Author casualfriday Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Judging by the spaghetti arms that many men are equipped with that many women still seem to date...I'd say it's a resounding Yes. Most guys aren't that muscular or very strong, but usually at least stronger than a woman..if even by just a little. Not sure why you're so weak that you cannot keep up with a woman though, that's definitely not normal for a typical male adult. If you hit the gym with me though (or anyone else really for that matter, that knew what they were doing at least to some degree) I guarantee you'd get a lot stronger, definitely stronger than the average woman by a good amount...basically I don't believe that you can't get stronger, I know you can and I've seen plenty of small guys do it, unless you've got some medical issue going on that for some bizarre reason would prevent that. If you're an Asian guy though, aren't those women used to dating pretty skinny guys? a lot I've seen either have that typical smallesque Asian (standard model) type class III body which looks like 5'5 to 5'7 130 pounds...or some of them go for more of that porky the pig type of look, and then wear tight clothes like they're gonna pop out like a sausage. Anyway, get stronger for your own benefit...you should be able to lift and move things around. Join a gym, get a personal trainer, it doesn't have to be insane or over the top but it's definitely not going to do you any bad, it's an easy problem to fix...once you get from spaghetti arms to some mild muscular definition then you'll be fine. Oh I'm not Asian myself, I was helping an Asian woman move. As for hitting the gym and working out as many people recommended.. There was a point in my life where I did that hardcore. My body type is not ideal for it. It would have to be a total lifestyle, prepping meals and constantly having protein shakes to assure I get enough protein and healthy calories to grow + constantly working out heavy. I made some progress but the rest of my life took a back seat. Now with part time school + career, it would really be tough. I realized that I was fighting nature, this isn't a strong point of mine. A strong point, for example, is distance running. So why not spend my limited exercise time getting better at something I am good at? There are 3 basic body types: Ectomorph Me!! Small “delicate” frame and bone structure Classic “hardgainer” Flat chest Small shoulders Thin Lean muscle mass Finds it hard to gain weight Fast metabolism Mesomorph Athletic Generally hard body Well defined muscles Rectangular shaped body Strong Gains muscle easily Gains fat more easily than ectomorphs Endomorph Soft and round body Gains muscle and fat very easily Is generally short "Stocky" build Round physique Finds it hard to lose fat Slow metabolism Muscles not so well defined Your Body Type - Ectomorph, Mesomorph or Endomorph? | Muscle & Strength I don't know what the split is among the population but let's just split it into thirds.. I'm sure ectomorphs are an even smaller percentage but let's go with that. That means that at least 2/3s or more of women have an easier time gaining muscle than I do. I think another factor is that women are not afraid of lifting heavy or building strength like they may have been in the past. So there are more women out there who are increasing their strength I basically just posted to get women's opinion to see if my experiences are typical or if most women just don't care and it wouldn't be an issue. I realize it's an individual thing. I was just curious what a random sample of women thought.
GravityMan Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 If it is genuinely so difficult for you to put on muscle that you are physically weaker than the majority of women despite putting in significant time working out... then you need to see a doctor and get your testosterone levels checked. If your T-levels are fine and you are otherwise healthy, there is really no reason that should be the case. This. Based on what the OP described, I don't think he is healthy. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Op I used to be skinny as a rail , 6'2 and 140 pounds. Now I'm 170. Go to the gym and workout, and don't halfass it. You will still build strength, and while your body type might not yield a ripped physique, you will be strong and have a more toned body. If it's hard for you, maybe find a personal trainer to motivate you.
Author casualfriday Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 If it is genuinely so difficult for you to put on muscle that you are physically weaker than the majority of women despite putting in significant time working out... then you need to see a doctor and get your testosterone levels checked. If your T-levels are fine and you are otherwise healthy, there is really no reason that should be the case. No. As I said, there was a time where I hit the gym hard and attempted to gain weight. I made some progress but it required constant effort and maintenance. However, during that time I was likely stronger than the avg. woman. I don't do that any longer. I don't want to make it a lifestyle or full time job. I've accepted my body type as it is. Not looking for advice on how to get bigger. I was just curious what women's opinions were on skinny guys versus my experiences, that's all.
Toodaloo Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 For me this would be a no go. It would prevent so many things that I enjoy doing with a partner that I suspect I wouldn't be very happy. I would also be piddled off that I can't steal your clothes. Personal preference. I am bit of a mini thugget though. I lift heavy things and throw myself about alot... if the roof needs mending up I go! I want to feel like a girl sometimes!
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 My answer is NO. I'm a European size 36, is that American size 6? My weight is 56 kg and I'm 1,7 m tall. There's got to be a bit more meat on my guy than there is on me. Because if his weight is less than mine, I would be dating a skeleton.
blueskyday Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 (edited) No biggie. A strong man is simply a man who will fight to protect you as necessary. It's not necessary for the man to win the fight, but he must be a fighter in the right situation. I've never arm wrestled or play fought with a boyfriend in a competitive way. I'm a girl. Who cares if I could take a guy? I wouldn't even try. In fact, I would probably assume the guy is holding back. What kind of dude competes with a girl like she's a guy? I also think a strong man is a vulnerable one who shows off his heart and emotional strength more than his physical strength. I've dayed a few brutes who were strong physically and thought nothing of over-powering women for fun. Not strong men but very weak minded ones for sure. Bottom line: be a protector with all your strength, whatever that is. You sound like a great guy. Edited February 12, 2015 by blueskyday 2
preraph Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I think if it isn't obvious enough that women are still attracted to you physically, then you should be able to just conceal that. And that's easy. I've only had knockdown dragouts with one of my old bfs and they weren't serious and it wasn't really a matter of who was stronger, but who was more devious and sociopathic (me). So just DON'T go wrestling or fighting with women. Just tell them it's against your principles. And another thing is I don't know where you live that you guys feel that unsafe on the street, but maybe if you'd move out to suburbia somewhere this issue of feeling safe with you would never even come up. I certainly didn't expect my men to use force on someone on my behalf. So maybe you need to move someplace a lot safer to begin with where that's not even on people's minds. And the other tip I will give you comes straight from my own experience, and that is if you're in a crowd or something like that, do take your lady's hand firmly and stay with her in a protective mode. I think maybe these ladies are picking up on something that might be prevented just by doing the gentlemanly small things that show you are protecting them --without having to actually punch someone! I dated a gay guy once who nonetheless acted like my boyfriend a lot of the time and we went to New Orleans, and he would not hold my hand on Bourbon Street and it really pissed me off. Even my other gay guy friends would have had their arm around me at the fair and things like that. So try doing that and maybe the subject of your weakness won't even come up. 2
No Limit Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I work out myself so that's a no from me. And with 5'3 I belong to the petite chicks.
blueskyday Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Being smart is the best strength. If a guy can use his wits and brains to protect a woman and avoid or get out of a dangerous situation, then that's the best strength of all. But he must always be willing to get physical if all else fails. That's the only reason to me for physical strength. I would do the same for my kids. It's instinct, real strength. Avoidance is always best though! Restraint is strength, too. 4
MissBee Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 He would have to be a particularly weak and sickly man most likely, as I've found that most guys have been stronger than me even if they looked skinny and scrawny and didn't go out of their way to work out, so something would probably be amiss if I were stronger, especially given that I don't really work out or develop my own muscles much. 1
piggyoink Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/19/style/19iht-fslim.1.8387017.html Twenty-five-year-old Junichi Shirakawa, who works at the denim boutique 45 RPM, said that his goal is to get his weight down from 57 to 55 kilograms, although his height is 182 centimeters. "Being really skinny is essential, not just for fashion and work purposes but also because girls seem to go for thin guys," he said. Both Shirakawa and his girlfriend like the fact that she weighs more than he does, and is the leader of the couple. "She's a lot stronger than I am, can lift heavy things and go drinking until dawn. I admire that about her, and feel protected when I'm around her," he said. Older than he by five years, it was Shirakawa's girlfriend who made the approach, started the dating process and decided what course their relationship would take. "Frankly, I think women should be in the driver's seat. Society and relationships work better that way," he said. Shirakawa likes to wear his girlfriend's clothes and often shows up for work wearing her blouse and jeans, to the general approval of his co-workers.
wb1988 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Even if you dated a girl that was okay with being stronger than you, would you be okay with it? Forget cardio, just lift weights. 2
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