notaneatfreak Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I've been "seeing" (sleeping) with this guy since November. At first it was just nothing serious but then after a while and then spending more time together and then doing things other than just sex and flirting i've developed more feelings for him. We have a lot in common. We're good friends now. Problem is though he is a self proclaimed bachelor. I don't see him with other women and his roommate has told me there aren't other women around. I have voiced my feelings for him early on which didn't scare him away. He's been there for me through some tough times this year. I don't know what to do because I try not to communicate with him to give him space but then I want to be with him and he gives me all these mixed signals, then he tells me he wants to be a bachelor who sleeps with women but doesn't want to commit. Am I just chasing my tail? He's told me he's scared of women and relationships because of how his dad treated his mom but he and his actions just leave me plain old confused. I am at the age where I can't be playing these games anymore. I just don't know what to do! I know I did this to myself but is there a way to get the bachelor?
CarrieT Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I know I did this to myself but is there a way to get the bachelor? Stopping giving him the milk without having to buy the cow. Seriously - as long as you are there, giving it away, he has everything he wants. 3
trolloperative Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Speak to him and if he's not prepared/willing to give you what you need then walk.
Woggle Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 He already told what he wants to assume that is where he is until shown otherwise. You will not nudge him or influence him into changing his mind.
Author notaneatfreak Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 you're clearly single - you don't have to b a dick about it
CarrieT Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 what a dumb post You actually think you're going to force someone into wanting a relationship with you by withholding sex? No, but I believe she will see where she really stands with this guy outside of being a FWB if she stops being a doormat by giving away her body without a commitment of the heart. Once he stops getting a free sex slave, he might realize that he actually misses her company and the situation could progress from there. If he doesn't miss her and doesn't want to be with her, she knows there is nothing there to build on. 2
Versacehottie Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 There's a book I read once that said something to the effect of the beginning of a relationship being like contract negotiations. Then you two come to some sort of agreement (often unspoken) of how it will progress. Basically, that's why the majority of FWB are hard to turn around into a real relationship. You are trying to change the deal. What you bargained for upfront is different. The reality is that even though they are right there doing the same thing (FWB), guys don't take the same view of women who agree to it. You give away a bargaining chip (not withholding sex) but "respect me, contemplate a relationship with me". It's kinda hard to turn that ship around. But you should try if it's what you want now. But I agree with post above, if you stay there giving him 100% of what he wants there is no incentive for him to change the nature of the relationship. Actually it will just degrade his respect for you more. He needs to miss you and perhaps he will see you in terms other than FWB. With time away he will probably think about you more as a whole person. Good luck 2
Author notaneatfreak Posted March 16, 2015 Author Posted March 16, 2015 There's a book I read once that said something to the effect of the beginning of a relationship being like contract negotiations. Then you two come to some sort of agreement (often unspoken) of how it will progress. Basically, that's why the majority of FWB are hard to turn around into a real relationship. You are trying to change the deal. What you bargained for upfront is different. The reality is that even though they are right there doing the same thing (FWB), guys don't take the same view of women who agree to it. You give away a bargaining chip (not withholding sex) but "respect me, contemplate a relationship with me". It's kinda hard to turn that ship around. But you should try if it's what you want now. But I agree with post above, if you stay there giving him 100% of what he wants there is no incentive for him to change the nature of the relationship. Actually it will just degrade his respect for you more. He needs to miss you and perhaps he will see you in terms other than FWB. With time away he will probably think about you more as a whole person. Good luck what is the name of the book?
Ruby Slippers Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 ...he tells me he wants to be a bachelor who sleeps with women but doesn't want to commit... He's told me he's scared of women and relationships because of how his dad treated his mom but he and his actions just leave me plain old confused. I can't imagine how he could have made it any clearer. He came right out and said "I don't want to commit" and "I'm scared of women". You're not going to change his mind on such a deep-seated point of view. That can only come from within. Save yourself! Lately I'm meeting lots of sexy, smart long-term bachelors in their 40s, the kind who could have a real relationship if they wanted, but choose to jump from one short-term casual involvement to another and never get too emotionally involved. They seem "successful" in their careers but not happy on a personal level. I'm holding out for love, so I haven't accepted the unspoken invitations to be anybody's playmate. I have fun on our nights out lightheartedly calling them out on their BS 1
Gary S Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 If he says he's a player, and does not want to see you often, like a player... If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's probably a duck. 1
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