Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Just a few hours ago, you thought he might be feigning interest just because he hadn't texted you in 22 hours or whatever it was. You need to stop, while you're ahead. Everytime you delve into one of your own threads, the hole gets deeper and deeper. I never assume. That a guy feign interest in order to get sex. I assumed he might not be into me. But then he texted... And called me too. And talked about Saturday's plans. Most men don't pretend to like a girl knowing full well that they just want sex. Most men have been honest with me. They told me from day one they only wanted fun. They were honest. I really don't think it's healthy to assume that early sex leads to there being a massively increased chance that a guy will use you for sex...... A user is a user irrespective of how soon you have sex.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 I'm used to texting or calling or at least IMing every day. So if someone won't do any of the above I'll also assume he didn't feel spark. If you remind yourself that you hardly know the guy and that it's very possible he will turn you off when you get to know him better, then you'll have less agony about the final outcome. I have no idea whether or not he'll annoy me so much that he'll drive me away. Odds are, one of us will! Most dating leads to nothing after all....
Diezel Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I never assume. That a guy feign interest in order to get sex. I assumed he might not be into me. In what part of my post did I use the word "sex"? I said you were worried he was feigning interest because he hadn't texted you. Apparently, you do assume.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 In what part of my post did I use the word "sex"? I said you were worried he was feigning interest because he hadn't texted you. Apparently, you do assume. I thought he may not have been that into me. I was over reacting though. If he didn't bother texting for days it would be cause for concern since I know this guy can text - he texted daily leading up to meeting me... I had no reason to worry about his level of interest at all.
rester Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I thought he may not have been that into me. I was over reacting though. If he didn't bother texting for days it would be cause for concern since I know this guy can text - he texted daily leading up to meeting me... I had no reason to worry about his level of interest at all. This thread is precisely why texting someone daily before you know them well enough causes unnecessary drama. Once the daily contact is established you can never go back. God forbid you miss a "good morning" text because you're rushing around before an early work-day presentation or whatever the reason. I don't think I've ever been on a first date with any woman where I decided I would immediately want to be in contact every day of the week. It's too much and I have other crap going on and when I'm single I enjoy not having to answer to anyone or to make sure they get a good morning and good night text every single day. That stuff is reserved for established relationships. It was probably 6 months before I had that sort of contact with my current girlfriend, and we have been together for years. 8
Diezel Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I had no reason to worry about his level of interest at all. You do know this thread completely indicates otherwise, right? Or maybe it's just me, but if I didn't care enough or if I wasn't worrying, I wouldn't be posting a thread like this under the guise of "informational purposes"... to the tee of exacting the hours since last communication. You can play it off to us, but at some point you need to be honest with yourself about how you approach your dating life. You might say it's working for you, but sometimes I wonder how wholeheartedly you believe that. 5
organizedchaos Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 We set up a date for Valentines day on the actual date. He texted me after I left him to say he couldn't wait to see me again. That was yesterday afternoon - it is now 24 hours later, the following day. If he doesn't text me today or tonight I will rule him out, as I just don't believe he would be like this with a girl he was excited about/into. 1. Dude doesn't know you well enough to know your texting preferences. He barely knows you at all. 2. Guys won't text you daily early on, especially right after the first date so they don't appear clingy. Guys learn how this can backfire very quickly. Chill.
ivionthenet Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I have been exactly like you Leigh in many ways regarding men. I wouldn't turn on 'the switch' as you call it quite so fast, but once it was on, I was in agony. I would drop anything and everything because he would be on my mind. He would become the centre of my universe. And it would happen too prematurely. After a few painful experiences however I decided to give myself some time off and have a good revision of my self. Because you must admit too, if you keep doing the same thing, it will bring you the same results. I am sure that what you really want is not an instant spark that lasts a couple of weeks at the most, but real love that lasts a lifetime. Imagine if your guy has read this thread. He would be running for his life right now. And this thread is about who you truly are, and how much you actually value yourself. Sooner or later they all find out how 'available' you are and how needy you are. Which is why they leave. By the sound of things you have a long way to learn how to love and respect yourself, and until you do a lot of disappointment and pain to experience. I do hope that you will eventually have enough of the drama, admit to yourself that what you are doing is wrong and start getting some serious work done on yourself. That is what I did. And even though I am still single, I know what I want and I won't settle for any less. Developing great skills takes time, getting to know people takes time. Working through our issues takes a very long time sometimes. And the longer you live in denial the more of that precious time you waste. Judging by your words you give up before you even start...you say how he will probably decide he is not that into you. Wouldn't it be nice to look forward to the opposite? And know that you deserve the opposite? It's possible it happens to billions of people on the planet. 1
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Helpful, I really try not to listen to the "text" rules...I feel like if it's a mutual like it won't matter.
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 This thread is precisely why texting someone daily before you know them well enough causes unnecessary drama. Once the daily contact is established you can never go back. God forbid you miss a "good morning" text because you're rushing around before an early work-day presentation or whatever the reason. I don't think I've ever been on a first date with any woman where I decided I would immediately want to be in contact every day of the week. It's too much and I have other crap going on and when I'm single I enjoy not having to answer to anyone or to make sure they get a good morning and good night text every single day. That stuff is reserved for established relationships. It was probably 6 months before I had that sort of contact with my current girlfriend, and we have been together for years. ^^^Straight from the "horse's" (ahem man's) mouth Leigh! Pay attention! 2
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Okay I've read through this entire thread....so Leigh...what happened? Did he confirm the date? Did you go out on the date? Are you still seeing him?????? Inquiring minds.....
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 ^^^Straight from the "horse's" (ahem man's) mouth Leigh! Pay attention! I do talk to a lot of guys. The ones who are really into a girl tend to prefer daily contact. The guys who have been the most keen on me have tested me daily. I realise there are exceptions. So I won't rule a guy out if he doesn't text daily.
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I do talk to a lot of guys. The ones who are really into a girl tend to prefer daily contact. The guys who have been the most keen on me have tested me daily. I realise there are exceptions. So I won't rule a guy out if he doesn't text daily. The ones who have texted you daily have been the most keen on you? So what happened to all those guys who were so keen on you? Did you have successful, harmonious long term relationships with them? Because in my experience (and I have alot)...the guys who came on like gangbusters...texting me everyday, etc., turned out to be LESS keen on me then the guys who paced their texts out every few days. Those guys who "appeared* to be so into me, texting everyday, buying me gifts, saying all the 'right' things...ended up " taking flight" as quickly as they flew in! They weren't into ME at all...they were into the chase and challenge! Guys who are really into you/keen on you are just as nervous and anxious as you are! Therefore, they will make it a point to NOT text too often ...so as to NOT risk turning you off by their over-zealousness and neediness... Which ...if a guy was texting me every day after just meeting me ...is exactly what I would think too. Needy! Anxious! Ugh! Either that or he was a player (for lack of a better word) who only enjoyed the challenge and chase....and as soon as he closed the deal (sex) disappeared as quickly as he dashed in. You've actually got it all backwards! It's the guys who wish to proceed more slowly who are keen on you. Those are the guys who will stick around..and want to develop a long term relationship with you... The guys who come on strong texting every day, gifts, sweet talk, etc... may be dashing...but it's dash in quick/dash out quick. Not exactly the makings of your great love story, now is it. 3
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