Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I met another Irish guy in town not yesterday but the day prior. We talked on the phone prior to meeting - he said he liked the fact that he thought we only talked for ten mins and then check his phone and realised it was actually half an hour. He was definitely excited leading up to meeting me. He said he is over being single, he is without family in Australia and he would love to find someone special. We had a great night. Which of course, I realise could be one sided - many girls think they had such an amazing date only for the guy to not be that into it. When I left him, he sent the courtesy " Did you get home ok Leigh? I had a great time and cannot wait to see you again" He said he wanted to see me for valentines day. Take me to a movie or something. That he thinks it will be hard to wait until Saturday, but we will have to be patient. I haven't heard from him since yesterday afternoon. 22 hours ago to be exact. I tend to think that, if a guy meets you and is excited about it and thinks " wow, gee she is cute, I would be doing well to date her and the spark was there" then they text you within a 24 hour span.... If you are on a guys mind, men are simple creatures; they text or call because they cannot help themselves when a girl is on their mind a lot.. Have any men here REALLY gone on a date with a girl, been genuinely into the idea of dating them, only to not text them for a day or more? I am not talking about the " meh she is such a nice girl and cute too" dates. I am talking about the girls you felt the spark for and were excited about the notion of dating them.... Any suggestions as to how I can stop assuming things about men and their actions? I always assume a guy just isn't into me. So far only the men I am not attracted to at all and have no interested in dating have been super keen, so I find it hard to believe a man I am into will ever be into me back. So far I have let him initiate ALL the texts - from before we met, and also after we met he texted first. I feel like an idiot - like I got all excited about having a Valentines date with a guy I was into and excited about - only to discover that oh... another fader....
Revan32 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 If i've had a great date with a girl, it's very hard to not text her right away. I usually try and hold off for a day or two though. Girls get scared of guys being to clingy just like guys do. Even more so i'd say. I think everyone experiences that part were someone they aren't that into likes them a ton, while their main crush is not into them. I'm going to try and treat them both the same now. If I acted a certain way with the girl i'm not that interested in, i'm going to try and mimic it with the girl I am really interested in. I haven't found a girl i'm really into for a while though, so I can't say how well it works yet. lol 1
MissBee Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I'm not a guy, but with every boyfriend or successful date that led to more, we either planned to go out again at the end of the date or they texted me when they got home to say they had a great night and we should go out again, or texted me the next day or called. Like Revan said, if they really like you (just like if you really like them) it's hard not to want to be in contact or be excited about setting up another date. You can wait and see or text him on your own. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Thanks for that. He did text me after I left pretty much right away within two hours - saying he cannot wait to see me again. I haven't heard from him for about 24 hours now. Since yesterday. It is still 2.30 pm here so maybe he will give me a call after he finishes work. I cannot help but think " well, if he doesn't text me at all today, I don't believe he is that into me. If I was on his mind I know he would text" I will also add - I hate incessant texters! I don't want them to spell it out tooooo obviously that they are into me with 100 texts a day spelling it out, and saying how much they want to see me, etc.... I just don't feel that a guy is into me if he goes a day without texting plain and simple.
MissBee Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Tried to edit and say: And sorry, if I like you, I don't consider it "clingy" to text me to say you had a good time the same night or call or text the next day. I think people misuse the word clingy often to describe behaviors which are not that. If you follow up after a date and a woman or man thinks you are clingy, they most likely are not into you, as if they were they'd be happy. Case in point Leigh, you liked this guy so WANT him to text you and are worried because he's allowed almost a day to pass. To me, this is normal. I would not want to be with a man who instead of contacting me decided to arbitrarily wait 2 days to not be clingy, Id assume he was not interested or was fickle personally. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 I'm not a guy, but with every boyfriend or successful date that led to more, we either planned to go out again at the end of the date or they texted me when they got home to say they had a great night and we should go out again, or texted me the next day or called. Like Revan said, if they really like you (just like if you really like them) it's hard not to want to be in contact or be excited about setting up another date. You can wait and see or text him on your own. We set up a date for Valentines day on the actual date. He texted me after I left him to say he couldn't wait to see me again. That was yesterday afternoon - it is now 24 hours later, the following day. If he doesn't text me today or tonight I will rule him out, as I just don't believe he would be like this with a girl he was excited about/into.
Revan32 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Thanks for that. He did text me after I left pretty much right away within two hours - saying he cannot wait to see me again. I haven't heard from him for about 24 hours now. Since yesterday. It is still 2.30 pm here so maybe he will give me a call after he finishes work. I cannot help but think " well, if he doesn't text me at all today, I don't believe he is that into me. If I was on his mind I know he would text" I will also add - I hate incessant texters! I don't want them to spell it out tooooo obviously that they are into me with 100 texts a day spelling it out, and saying how much they want to see me, etc.... I just don't feel that a guy is into me if he goes a day without texting plain and simple. So lets say this guy waited 3 full days to text you back to set up another date. Would you still agree to go out with him? Or would you think he's not as into you as you are into him and cut him off?
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Well he texted yesterday. If he doesn't text or call at all today at any time, in my mind he is ruled out, as I know deep down that if he met a girl he was excited about and he really though she was a catch - he would not be able to go a day without contact... I have only ever met apathetic men who were not that into or excited about a first date - who then went a day without texting - always, when they met a girl they felt " wow she is special, I am excited to see where this goes" about - they always, always texted her daily.
MissBee Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 We set up a date for Valentines day on the actual date. He texted me after I left him to say he couldn't wait to see me again. That was yesterday afternoon - it is now 24 hours later, the following day. If he doesn't text me today or tonight I will rule him out, as I just don't believe he would be like this with a girl he was excited about/into. Okay, now that you've spelled out the whole situation, him texting after the date the same night and also you planned a date for the weekend....relax in that case I'd say. At first I thought you went out, had a good time then not a peep after or today. I know your threads and your affinity for the minutest of dissections...but I'd encourage you to relax and not go from A-Z. At least give it until tomorrow to see what happens next or wait to see if he confirms your date. If he does, I'd say that's good as if he didn't like you then he wouldn't bother to go. If the date is still on, see how it feels and then wait to see how things develop. I know your desire for instant chemistry and all the rest and I get it, but texting doesn't necessarily mean the same things to people so if he is planning dates and did in fact text you after the date, it would be rash for you to just assume no text today mean he doesn't like you. Maybe it does or maybe it doesn't....I think you need more info so just relax and wait until tomorrow and see and also wait to see if the date happens. Also, he could very well be thinking you haven't initiated contact so aren't as into him...that is also a possibility.You said he has initiated ALL messages. In the beginning I tend to allow the guy to take the lead but if I like him esp after having gone out, I at least send one message or reach out in some way. Guys are human too, they have insecurities too and want to know if you like them too, so if I like him, I make it clear by at least reaching out. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 So lets say this guy waited 3 full days to text you back to set up another date. Would you still agree to go out with him? Or would you think he's not as into you as you are into him and cut him off? We planned the next date on our first date. So if he just doesn't contact me even though he said he wanted to go out with me for valentines day, I would think he was inconsiderate and not into me if he overlooked out "date" we planned. I am not desperate enough to cling onto a man I may be into, but who sets up a date and then just doesn't follow through on it, nor bother to cancel.
Revan32 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 We set up a date for Valentines day on the actual date. He texted me after I left him to say he couldn't wait to see me again. That was yesterday afternoon - it is now 24 hours later, the following day. If he doesn't text me today or tonight I will rule him out, as I just don't believe he would be like this with a girl he was excited about/into. Wupps already answered my question. That makes no sense to me. Just because he MAY not be as into you as you are him, means you aren't even going to give it a chance to start? See this is why I feel no sympathy for girls in the dating world. You all just have so many options, you can just throw guys away without a single worry about where the next one will come from. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Okay, now that you've spelled out the whole situation, him texting after the date the same night and also you planned a date for the weekend....relax in that case I'd say. At first I thought you went out, had a good time then not a peep after or today. I know your threads and your affinity for the minutest of dissections...but I'd encourage you to relax and not go from A-Z. At least give it until tomorrow to see what happens next or wait to see if he confirms your date. If he does, I'd say that's good as if he didn't like you then he wouldn't bother to go. If the date is still on, see how it feels and then wait to see how things develop. I know your desire for instant chemistry and all the rest and I get it, but texting doesn't necessarily mean the same things to people so if he is planning dates and did in fact text you after the date, it would be rash for you to just assume no text today mean he doesn't like you. Maybe it does or maybe it doesn't....I think you need more info so just relax and wait until tomorrow and see and also wait to see if the date happens. Also, he could very well be thinking you haven't initiated contact so aren't as into him...that is also a possibility.You said he has initiated ALL messages. In the beginning I tend to allow the guy to take the lead but if I like him esp after having gone out, I at least send one message or reach out in some way. Guys are human too, they have insecurities too and want to know if you like them too, so if I like him, I make it clear by at least reaching out. He said he used to sweat and get so nervous about dates but he felt at ease with me - because we talked before meeting up and he though we got along so well. He also said - that he thinks I am better looking than him and he knows that I know that - so he seemed to act lucky to have me and he appreciated me on that front. On the other hand - he has a lot of friends on facebook - I can see he is well loved and has a lot of mates who care about him.. so he seems confident as a person. I don't believe in instant love at first tie fairy tales! But I have a switch - it flips when I am into a guy. Doesn't matter how hot they are. The men I am into that flip my switch - are never the hottest guys I have dated, but for whatever reason I am into them. The chemistry needs to be great but I have that fairly regularly so it isn't something that is rare or elusive - what is rare is a true connection.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Wupps already answered my question. That makes no sense to me. Just because he MAY not be as into you as you are him, means you aren't even going to give it a chance to start? See this is why I feel no sympathy for girls in the dating world. You all just have so many options, you can just throw guys away without a single worry about where the next one will come from. I only want to date men who are as into me as I am into them. It isn't a big ask. Having a laundry list of " he has to have this or that, has to have a high income, he has to be fit and hot" is unreasonable for the average woman, on the other hand!
Revan32 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I only want to date men who are as into me as I am into them. It isn't a big ask. Having a laundry list of " he has to have this or that, has to have a high income, he has to be fit and hot" is unreasonable for the average woman, on the other hand! But you don't actually know if he's into you or not. He could be on some other website right now having a bunch of people tell him to not be needy and not to text you right away. Like it or not, you girls are always falling for the bad boy *******s who barely text back, and make a point of ignoring girls who are in love with them. Don't blame guys for seeing this and trying to mimic it. 2
MissBee Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 He said he used to sweat and get so nervous about dates but he felt at ease with me - because we talked before meeting up and he though we got along so well. He also said - that he thinks I am better looking than him and he knows that I know that - so he seemed to act lucky to have me and he appreciated me on that front. On the other hand - he has a lot of friends on facebook - I can see he is well loved and has a lot of mates who care about him.. so he seems confident as a person. I don't believe in instant love at first tie fairy tales! But I have a switch - it flips when I am into a guy. Doesn't matter how hot they are. The men I am into that flip my switch - are never the hottest guys I have dated, but for whatever reason I am into them. The chemistry needs to be great but I have that fairly regularly so it isn't something that is rare or elusive - what is rare is a true connection. Not debating connections or rarity or any of that. Just saying that your problem in this thread at least is that you have decided that a man should text a woman he is really into the next day and if he does not you cut him off because you have decided it means he is not interested (in spite of him setting up a future date and texting the night of). You also say a switch flips instantly for you and believe this is exactly how it should be for the other person. Those views are rigid and purely based on YOUR own beliefs and don't leave room for the fact that the folks you date aren't you so maybe what things mean or don't mean to you isn't the same for them, so you should at least give yourself time to learn them and see. I'm not saying you shouldn't date people you have chemistry with, I certainly only date folks I like and where we vibe, but I'm simply saying that if a guy planned a date in advance and also texted the night of, I'd wait at least to see what happens next (or reach out myself ) before throwing the towel in. If he doesn't text tomorrow or doesn't confirm the date go from there but don't jump the gun based only on what you would and wouldn't do without giving credit where it is due at least. 2
Woggle Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I don't see texting as a real form of communication so a woman should never get mad if I don't do it. Dating and relationships were easier when 24/7 contact wasn't even possible so needy people had no choice but to give some space in between. 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Not debating connections or rarity or any of that. Just saying that your problem in this thread at least is that you have decided that a man should text a woman he is really into the next day and if he does not you cut him off because you have decided it means he is not interested (in spite of him setting up a future date and texting the night of). You also say a switch flips instantly for you and believe this is exactly how it should be for the other person. Those views are rigid and purely based on YOUR own beliefs and don't leave room for the fact that the folks you date aren't you so maybe what things mean or don't mean to you isn't the same for them, so you should at least give yourself time to learn them and see. I'm not saying you shouldn't date people you have chemistry with, I certainly only date folks I like and where we vibe, but I'm simply saying that if a guy planned a date in advance and also texted the night of, I'd wait at least to see what happens next (or reach out myself ) before throwing the towel in. If he doesn't text tomorrow or doesn't confirm the date go from there but don't jump the gun based only on what you would and wouldn't do without giving credit where it is due at least. I see what you are saying. Okay then - I think it is reasonable that, as long as he keeps to the date we arranged, then it is all good. He could just as likely be wondering if I should text him (I haven't texted him either... it goes both ways). If he doesn't keep to the date we set, which is in two days, it is safe to say he just isn't into me at that stage. So if he doesn't text today - no biggie. Although I did notice that the days leading up to meeting me, he made an effort to text or call me daily. He seemed excited to talk to me each day.
mammasita Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I'm with you Leigh.....no matter how busy I am, when I first meet someone and I'm excited about them, there is no denying it (from a woman's perspective of course). I'm in consistent (not constant) contact between dates. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 I don't see texting as a real form of communication so a woman should never get mad if I don't do it. Dating and relationships were easier when 24/7 contact wasn't even possible so needy people had no choice but to give some space in between. I guess in 2015 our generation are different. If someone is excited about a date they do tend to want to follow it up. Not with constant contact but they don't tend to let days go by without a text or call... At least the men I have experienced who have been into me after a first date - they all texted me daily there after. Some sporadically some more often, but they still all texted daily. I have never had a guy who was into me, not text for a day or two at a time. It is new to me but I am open to accepting it could be a possibility. If he doesn't text tomorrow night to confirm the valentines day date then I won't bother with him since he arranged a date.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 well it has only been 24 hours, it is still only the next day after, there is still all of tomorrow for him to confirm Saturdays date. I am into him but given my track record I wont exactly be " surprised" or "shocked" if he doesn't follow it up. Many guys who have seem into me have soon lost interest. And I am not the type to cling on to "any little sign' that a guy is into me, either:o Things like a great date - yeah, for US maybe, but doesn't mean it was for THEM - are not a sure sign a guy is into you. What got me thinking he MIGHT be into me was: - he made another date for valentines day - he texted me within hours of parting ways, saying he was looking forward to seeing me again -he told me in person, that he didn't feel like dating other people after having met me These are of course NOT sure signs a guy is into you! These are things that made me feel " ok cool, it is safe to feel a tad giddy and excited at times, since he hasn't given me a reason NOT to be happy for having met him. I don't even let myself bother thinking about a guy unless he gives me reason to believe there is the possibility that he could be into me.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 The reason I let the guy take the reigns when it comes to texting, is that on the occasions where I initiated - the guy wasn't that into me, but he went with it and replied to my texts, which lead to him asking to see me - which I can tell he wouldn't have otherwise done had I NOT bothered initiating a text - the guy in question wouldn't have texted me at all had I not bothered texting him - a guy will act interested enough to get sex if the girl over extends herself and does the chasing - where as he wouldn't have otherwise even bothered with the girl had she just NOT texted him.
Woggle Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I guess in 2015 our generation are different. If someone is excited about a date they do tend to want to follow it up. Not with constant contact but they don't tend to let days go by without a text or call... At least the men I have experienced who have been into me after a first date - they all texted me daily there after. Some sporadically some more often, but they still all texted daily. I have never had a guy who was into me, not text for a day or two at a time. It is new to me but I am open to accepting it could be a possibility. If he doesn't text tomorrow night to confirm the valentines day date then I won't bother with him since he arranged a date. I guess there is no putting the genie back in the bottle but the lack of texting, social media and all that stuff back in the day gave relationships the breathing room they do need to thrive. 1
thecrucible Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 He texted me after I left him to say he couldn't wait to see me again. What did you say in response? Yeah I agree with the 'guys are human too' answer from MissBee. I'm a lot like you in some ways. I try and find the ideal chemistry but I sometimes do myself no favours as I leave it too late to show I'm really into the guy also... It's so confusing when you want the guy to be intrigued enough but you want him to know that you feel as into him without spoiling the chase for him. I'd still give it time. Some guys don't value text communication that much, except when it's setting up plans. It's more about what it's like together in person. Have you considered he might have other women interested in him or that he has gone on dates with?
Revan32 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 well it has only been 24 hours, it is still only the next day after, there is still all of tomorrow for him to confirm Saturdays date. I am into him but given my track record I wont exactly be " surprised" or "shocked" if he doesn't follow it up. Many guys who have seem into me have soon lost interest. And I am not the type to cling on to "any little sign' that a guy is into me, either:o Things like a great date - yeah, for US maybe, but doesn't mean it was for THEM - are not a sure sign a guy is into you. What got me thinking he MIGHT be into me was: - he made another date for valentines day - he texted me within hours of parting ways, saying he was looking forward to seeing me again -he told me in person, that he didn't feel like dating other people after having met me These are of course NOT sure signs a guy is into you! These are things that made me feel " ok cool, it is safe to feel a tad giddy and excited at times, since he hasn't given me a reason NOT to be happy for having met him. I don't even let myself bother thinking about a guy unless he gives me reason to believe there is the possibility that he could be into me. Holy cow, those aren't sure signs for you!? I have only met one person in my entire life that I have ever said anything remotely similar to. lol Do you need a declaration of love to be 100% positive?
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 I'm with you Leigh.....no matter how busy I am, when I first meet someone and I'm excited about them, there is no denying it (from a woman's perspective of course). I'm in consistent (not constant) contact between dates. Tell me, do you expect good morning texts after the first date or so? Or do you just expect him to shoot you one text per day, where you have one quick convo? What has your experience been like? I realise guys don't have to send good morning texts to be interested - but yeah, my experience has shown men who are excited about having met you will tend to text you throughout the day at some point, or at least give you a call at night if they haven't texted you during the day. I am open to giving a guy a chance in this scenario - as long as he texts or calls tomorrow to confirm Valentines day plans. The reason I will give a guy in this predicament a chance - despite him not texting for a day or so - is because he may be just as anxious as me, and he may want the girl to show interest too. He may think I am not into him since I haven't texted. If he sticks to his date and he arranges ANOTHER date, ON that date, and he then sticks to it - then yeah, I wouldn't be phased if he doesn't text daily, but I prefer it to be daily.
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