Gaeta Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 Just an update: She didn't respond to my text. She isn't normally quick to respond especially if shes at work which I think she might be. However, she has never taken this long. 2.5 hours ago I sent it. Before I get a beat down about 2.5 hrs. She may be busy, working, on the toilet...what ever. I'll say that I understand that and I'll also reiterate that my comment is based on previous communications between her and I. Itching to ask what is going on..... Tempted to ask one of our mutual friends. Get in front of your TV and watch the Grammy Awards, that will keep you busy for the next 3 hours. You have too much time on your hands.
Author bohica Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 Get in front of your TV and watch the Grammy Awards, that will keep you busy for the next 3 hours. You have too much time on your hands. Ha....maybe. If you only knew how much I did today and I don't watch t.v.
irresolute Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 you got your answer there. silence means she doesn't want to deal with you right now. Do not insist.
Author bohica Posted February 8, 2015 Author Posted February 8, 2015 you got your answer there. silence means she doesn't want to deal with you right now. Do not insist. I think your right. Still nothing. If its not the intent then its certainly the message I'm receiving and my instincts were right. Need to cover up this heart on my sleeve and distance myself.
Author bohica Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) Heard back...5 hrs later. Hey (my name) ! Sorry it took so long. Ive had a busy day. I'm feeling better thanks. Hope your good too. Im not sure those following this can understand how massively formal and polite this text is compared to the last few weeks. Yes i read into it.....this just seems blah..like hey dont want you to think less of me if i dont respond at all... Last week it would have read... Hey! Oh man. Crazy day but i feel better. Thank you. Will i see you tomorrow? I'll text you when i get off. Edited February 9, 2015 by bohica
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 When she does not reply you are unhappy When she does reply you are still unhappy Yes I do get that she's being polite and not looking for a back and forth convo on text and it's disappointing to you. If this is not what you want, if you think at this stage in the relationship there should be more enthusiasm and familiarity then you will have to move forward toward someone more in tune with what you want. Right?
Author bohica Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 When she does not reply you are unhappy When she does reply you are still unhappy I see how it can certainly appear that way. ..
trolloperative Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Put a fork in it. There's zero enthusiasm. And things just aren't flowing.
Author bohica Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) I responded by saying something I knew might make her laugh. I wanted to just be normal for a minute. I wanted to try to make her laugh and to see what reaction I got. She laughed as one does on text. (haha, lol,). We exchanged a few text. Got the feeling she was just being nice. Text has no tone so I can't say for sure but she's just different with her responses. NYChag is right and my feeling all along. I ended up just saying call me when your feeling up to it but if I talk to her I might just tell her things don't seem right and that I am going to give her time. I'd rather just say something then disappear with out saying anything. At least she will know how I feel. Things change I guess. I'm very disappointed. What I haven't mentioned here is two weeks ago she told me she mentioned me to her mother, she told her friends she had finally met someone she enjoys. We had sex after our fourth date in which she told me if were going to have sex she didn't want to sleep with anyone else and expected the same. Edited February 9, 2015 by bohica
Eaglestar83 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Something is up, just be cool and watch her as she throw in the towel. When it happens, walk off immediately with a massive grin on your face knowing this is one time u didnt get to be fooled. Dont resist, dont ask why, spare yourself the BS, you already know aAmazes me how people are so blaze about sex and intimacy, why would she even be intimate and say she's enjoying things then suddenly flip? How old is she?
Author bohica Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) Something is up, just be cool and watch her as she throw in the towel. When it happens, walk off immediately with a massive grin on your face knowing this is one time u didnt get to be fooled. Dont resist, dont ask why, spare yourself the BS, you already know aAmazes me how people are so blaze about sex and intimacy, why would she even be intimate and say she's enjoying things then suddenly flip? How old is she? She's 35. Your saying don't say anything at all? I've never really just walked away from someone with out explaining myself. Especially after several dates. Depending on the circumstances I wouldn't do that after just one date. Someone here recommended saying: "is everything ok with you? You haven't been yourself lately" My fear is that she feels there is something up with me and if I don't say anything were both distancing ourselves for no reason...fear basically. If I say something at least she'll know this guy gets that something is up and he isn't sticking around. I know there are different opinions about all this. What to do, what not to do, what I did or didn't do,, etc.. etc... I also recognize I've beaten this post to death. Please understand this is an outlet for me at this time. I'm a confident guy but I often don't know how to handle dating situations and women. I work in a creative field where I am very often alone, and most my guy friends are married with kids and don't have a desire to hear my dating issues. Edited February 9, 2015 by bohica
Eaglestar83 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 That is fine, saying "is all ok?, ur not ur usual self etc" is ok, it shows that you are emotionally intelligent, and also if things do end, you won't blame yourself for just withdrawing without having communicated to her the fact that you felt something was off. I was referring to when/if she ends it, that you should just walk off, don't ask why or what made her change her mind, don't tell her you would change, please, none of that. She is 35 for crying out loud, she should know what she wants and should communicate like an adult. If she cares about this relationship and something is bothering her, she should bring it on the table so to speak. 1
Author bohica Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 That is fine, saying "is all ok?, ur not ur usual self etc" is ok, it shows that you are emotionally intelligent, and also if things do end, you won't blame yourself for just withdrawing without having communicated to her the fact that you felt something was off. I was referring to when/if she ends it, that you should just walk off, don't ask why or what made her change her mind, don't tell her you would change, please, none of that. She is 35 for crying out loud, she should know what she wants and should communicate like an adult. If she cares about this relationship and something is bothering her, she should bring it on the table so to speak. I agree with you....
losangelena Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Your saying don't say anything at all? I've never really just walked away from someone with out explaining myself. Especially after several dates. Depending on the circumstances I wouldn't do that after just one date. Someone here recommended saying: "is everything ok with you? You haven't been yourself lately" My fear is that she feels there is something up with me and if I don't say anything were both distancing ourselves for no reason...fear basically. If I say something at least she'll know this guy gets that something is up and he isn't sticking around. I don't know if I would approach it from that angle. I mentioned this to another poster sometime last week—what you have here is what I call the "principle of least interest." Maybe it is what you say it is—that you're both distancing yourselves because you feel like maybe the other one is distancing, too. But if she remains silent, and you remain silent, then you both will drift from each other's lives with nary an explanation as to what happened. I would not, right now, be so concerned as to what's going on with her (asking if everything's okay, etc), but rather, get crystal clear as to what YOU want, express that to her, and see what she says. I feel like I've read most of this thread, and I didn't get a great sense as to what you like about her, or if, at six weeks, you want to pursue something more serious with her. Have y'all had sex yet? Dating is a risk, always. We don't have guarantees that the other person involved will feel the same way; we may put ourselves out there and our find our feelings are not reciprocated. Right now, you want to be sure of how she feels before you make any kind of move, and you're miffed that she's not responding the way you want her to. But, I'd say, that if you value this woman and your relationship with her enough to want to take it to the next level, you may need to be the one to lay it all out there. Yes, it's a vulnerable thing to do, but vulnerability builds trust and it builds intimacy. At the very least you'll know and you can stop fretting about it and stop trying to read her signals. On the other hand, if you don't have enough invested, then let it fade and see what she does.
Author bohica Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Have y'all had sex yet? . Yes, go back two post. My first from this morning. To answer you I sense she is a very chill relaxed person that isn't ready or has any desire to speak about anything.
Author bohica Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 On the other hand, if you don't have enough invested, then let it fade and see what she does. Also, don't know what 'enough invested' means. We were intimate, I open up a little about personal things. It felt good. I was happy and excited, emotionally. I did not share any intimate feelings. Too soon. I'm having fun getting to know her and hanging out. Although, I did want to lay it on the line with her a little just before this happened so I am kind of happy I didn't. At least I know that isn't why she seems to be pulling back.
trolloperative Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Has she expressed her desire for a LTR? You say you've opened up to her on a personal level, has she? She doesn't appear to be disinterested but may be trying to slow down. The worst thing you could do is push for answers. Try pulling back and only contact her when she contacts.
Author bohica Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) Has she expressed her desire for a LTR? You say you've opened up to her on a personal level, has she? She doesn't appear to be disinterested but may be trying to slow down. The worst thing you could do is push for answers. Try pulling back and only contact her when she contacts. I say in terms of sharing personal desires, goals, family, a little about my past. Lessons learned. Just being open. Yes, she has to. We get along very well. I have been pulling back since last Sunday. I duck in once in a while but that's it. I really give a lot of space. I don't bombard her with contact. At week three a close friend of hers actually told me maybe I should pick up my game a bit but i've enjoyed the pace and the type of enthusiasm I was receiving. Everything was fine and she appeared very happy. There has been zero talk about relationships and what we want. Edited February 9, 2015 by bohica
Author bohica Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 I would not, right now, be so concerned as to what's going on with her (asking if everything's okay, etc), but rather, get crystal clear as to what YOU want, express that to her, and see what she says. I feel like I've read most of this thread, and I didn't get a great sense as to what you like about her, or if, at six weeks, you want to pursue something more serious with her. Have y'all had sex yet? Simply asking her if everything is ok and stating she hasn't been the same lately could open the door to being crystal clear with her. OR depending on the answer can save me from the risk of putting myself out there at all. All at the same time showing I am emotionally mature and am willing to communicate effectively. Wouldn't you agree?
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Simply asking her if everything is ok and stating she hasn't been the same lately could open the door to being crystal clear with her. OR depending on the answer can save me from the risk of putting myself out there at all. All at the same time showing I am emotionally mature and am willing to communicate effectively. Wouldn't you agree? Personally I would do it but I am the kind of person that speaks everything that goes through her mind and I accept what ever the consequences. She did ask you the other day if everything was ok with you. Did you find it cligny or anything? no you didn't.
Author bohica Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 Personally I would do it but I am the kind of person that speaks everything that goes through her mind and I accept what ever the consequences. She did ask you the other day if everything was ok with you. Did you find it cligny or anything? no you didn't. No I didn't. She also said that if she were feeling up to it we should grab dinner tonight. So right I don't know if I should wait to see if I hear from her or reached out to her.
trolloperative Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) Well, when she asked it wasn't clingy because she said it in passing. Bohica, why haven't you asked her on another date? Dinner might be a good time to relax and talk. Also, are you dating other people? It will help alleviate the pressure off this situation. ETA: just read your response. Ask her when she's free for dinner since it was her idea. Don't push for it, if she brushes you off, write her off. Edited February 9, 2015 by nychag 1
Author bohica Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 (edited) Well, when she asked it wasn't clingy because she said it in passing. Bohica, why haven't you asked her on another date? Dinner might be a good time to relax and talk. Also, are you dating other people? It will help alleviate the pressure off this situation. Yes, she said it in passing. That and her dinner comment both sounded disingenuous. I haven't asked her out because all this has been going on since we last hang out on Monday. She works Wed through Sunday. She made the dinner comment on Saturday. All week I've been just seeing how it plays out. I've been low key, trying not to push things. Like I said, I'm getting a message. That is.... I'm losing interest and need my space. No, I am not dating other people. When she said she wanted sexual monogamy and she mentioned me to her mom I thought lets see where this goes. Plus, I am not the type to date several women once I like someone. I can contact her this afternoon but my biggest concern is that she really doesn't want to be contacted too much. Yet like you said, she mentioned dinner not me Edited February 9, 2015 by bohica
trolloperative Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Yes, she said it in passing. That and her dinner comment both sounded disingenuous. I haven't asked her out because all this has been going on since we last hang out on Monday. She works Wed through Sunday. She made the dinner comment on Saturday. All week I've been just seeing how it plays out. I've been low key, trying not to push things. Like I said, I'm getting a message. That is.... I'm losing interest and need my space. No, I am not dating other people. When she said she wanted sexual monogamy and she mentioned me to her mom I thought lets see where this goes. Plus, I am not the type to date several women once I like someone. I can contact her this afternoon but my biggest concern is that she really doesn't want to be contacted too much. Yet like you said, she mentioned dinner not me She requested sexual monogamy but isn't giving you any? Deal breaker! So she's only free Monday and Tuesday nights? Maybe ignore today and ask tomorrow for dinner?
Author bohica Posted February 9, 2015 Author Posted February 9, 2015 She requested sexual monogamy but isn't giving you any? Deal breaker! So she's only free Monday and Tuesday nights? Maybe ignore today and ask tomorrow for dinner? Haha. I hear ya. We've seen each other once in a week! We didn't have sex. The last time we saw each other was the prior week and we did. That's part of it! I'm not getting the usual I miss you, I want you one usual gets when something is new and we had fun! Don't want to turn this into a sex conversation. Yes, only Monday and Tuesday nights. Some Sundays. Listen, I can wait till tomorrow but when tonight comes and then tomorrow and I haven't heard from her I'll be even more confused and turned off.
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