seekingpeaceinlove Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 (edited) Losangelena, you shouldn't feel bad for wanting your bf to put in the effort to make you feel special from time to time. Actually, reading your posts makes me feel like I need to step up and show my bf how much I appreciate him for what he's done for me throughout our relationship. He has planned really incredible weekends getaways away on the whim and given me some amazing gifts for b-day, v-day, and x-mas. He also pays 90% of the time that we go out. I have also made sure to get him gifts for special occasions and cook for him constantly but I know I've been spoiled and I think I've taken that for granted. So, this year for v-day I've planned a special night out...hoping to make him feel like a king. No, you shouldn't be doing all the planning and he should put in the effort too. You've expressed to him what would make you happy and if he cared enough, he would make it happen. I hope he does make you feel special on V-day just like I'm planning for my bf. FYI: My bf is also a procrastinator. He buys presents on x-mas eve and even waits till day of an event or a few days before to make plans or reservations...but..he still makes things happen. So, your bf really has no excuse. If he wants to make you happy..he will. Good luck! Edited February 12, 2015 by seekingpeaceinlove 2
Leigh 87 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 That's bullsh* Leigh, total and completely utter bullsh* If it's not working out it's incompatibility. Has zero to do with first date chemistry, stop pounding on that dum* idea. it's who people ARE. At the first date you have no clue who the people are!! Lack of chemistry can honestly prevent a man from feeling compelled to move mountains in order to make you smile. Really. It doesn't have to be the first date. I mean if the chemistry is lacking and it never builds. Men need to feel strong romantic chemistry for them to want to be romantic! I've been there. I know. I brew passionate about him but be never did about me because the attraction was never there to begin with. But mine grew. His didn't. And he never did anything romantic for me. Where as the men who felt ample romantic attraction DID buy me nice necklaces for my birthdays....
thecrucible Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I've felt like the OP in a previous relationship. In fact that guy was Indian too and we talked about getting married after a few years. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was making all the effort though (That actually wasn't true because I never noticed the little efforts he did make; it just that it got comfortable too quickly and he didn't care about impressing me. I just didn't necessarily feel the romance)...I just wouldn't dismiss it yet because I think sometimes this can be worked out. However, at the same time I long for the kind of guy Leigh waxes lyrical about - the guy who'd buy me random gifts of necklaces and really romance me. I've never had that before and I am a very romantic person at heart who has never had the opportunity to experience that :/ I wonder why? Is it me? Have I just not met the right one? I'd seriously let all discussion here glaze over my head if I was OP. I'd want to think solely about Valentine's Day and take it from there. I'd want to give the guy a chance to impress and see what he can come up with. 1
Author losangelena Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I'd seriously let all discussion here glaze over my head if I was OP. I'd want to think solely about Valentine's Day and take it from there. I'd want to give the guy a chance to impress and see what he can come up with. I plan to just sit on it. I've gotten so much contradictory advice! Ultimately, it is my decision. I do genuinely appreciate all the feedback.
JimmyBucket Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I'm not somebody who kisses up to the women on this site, not at all but OP sounds like a great girlfriend and the BF kinda sounds like a dick Just my opinion
Author losangelena Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I'm not somebody who kisses up to the women on this site, not at all but OP sounds like a great girlfriend and the BF kinda sounds like a dick Just my opinion Oh, thank you. In his defense, he's about the furthest thing from a dick. Dense and clueless? Yes. But not a dick.
adiamond Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I'm just giving my experience as I dated a Pakistani Muslim for about 4 years. In terms of Christmas, we never gave each other gifts. He never thought to give me one because he never celebrated and I never thought to give him one because I sort of celebrated but not really. Keep in mind I'm also a Chinese American. For days I celebrated like Chinese New Year, or Moon day, he never thought to give me a gift because he didn't celebrate and I was totally fine with that. But in return, he celebrated days like Ramadan, Eid Mubarak and I never gave him a gift (I never even thought to) because I never celebrated. For Valentines day, he always gave me a gift as well as birthdays because those are specials days and days for couples. I'm currently dating a American and I almost didn't give him a Christmas gifts because I didn't celebrate but I through something together at the very last minute because I thought he might have given me something. I mean well and it wasn't because I wasn't into him or anything.
BluEyeL Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I plan to just sit on it. I've gotten so much contradictory advice! Ultimately, it is my decision. I do genuinely appreciate all the feedback. That happened to me every time I posted questions on a forum. It's better to figure things out on your own.
Author losangelena Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I don't take a lot of stock in chemistry, either. I've had guys who were "super into me" at first, only to be revealed later as having less than stellar intentions. I do however, think that men need to have a certain depth of feeling for a woman to go the distance with her. This doesn't mean that sparks need to fly, certainly. I'd be interested to hear your take on that—I'm assuming you're a male.
Author losangelena Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I'm skeptical of chemistry as it's bandied about on this and many other sites. I don't believe it's the necessary basis of a strong and lasting relationship. I'm totally serious about that. I'm sorry if you've had bad experiences (judging from your recent thread), but not all women are the same/want the same thing.
Author losangelena Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Disregard those last two posts—they're in response to someone who I suppose was a troll. Just to keep everyone posted, I messaged him earlier just asking what the plan was this evening (Is he going to the gym? When are our reservations?). I saw just now that he texted back, "would you go to dinner with me," and then, "will you be my valentine?" Swoon. I told him that I now have a huge smile on my face. :) 5
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