ThisIsNotMyName Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Hello good people of LoveShack! I've just registered here out of desperation I'm trying to find some guidance on what to do now that she just broke up with me. Thanks in advance for reading me. Also english is not my first language so, sorry if something is written weird. So here is the thing, my now ex, broke up with me last week after 10 months because she thought that our personalities weren't compatible in the long run. I think she is wrong, we where compatible for a long while but there was this health issue that got us both stressed and got her thinking. She listed some differences between us that she thinks will make it impossible for us to be happy together and broke up with me without giving us the chance to try harder. God knows I would, I was well aware of those differences, but we had worked on some of them, we where willing to find common grounds on pretty much all those things, we had a great communication, breaking up so suddenly seems so unlike her. This situation hurts like hell, you know the feeling: Can't sleep, can't stop crying, f**king aweful. I think that all would have been great if not for the health thing, or at least we would talked out the problems and hopefully found a solution. We are currently in a no-contact situation (i asked for that at first, but couldn't resist it and wrote her, she responded very politely that we should stop talking for our own sake). I'm planning on contacting her again to ask about her health (she's seeing the doctor soon and I genuinely want to know what's up), but don't know if is the right thing to do. I want to check on her, and hopefully hear that she is better now, that's the main thing here, but I can't deny that I also want her to consider to give the relationship another try, maybe not now, but after while, so I know that's one big motivator for me. I know that I shouldn't come off desperate, and in other circumstances I would have waited longer before trying to contact. Anyways, what I'm asking is, do you think its OK to call to see if she is all right? break the No contact rule because of this particular reason? I really thank you for reading all my stuff! Appreciate it!
Invictus01 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Dude, if she cared about you caring about her health, she would be with you. Also, she dumped you, so it is really not up to you to give this thing another go, it is up to her. Let her be, you really don't have a good move in this. Any move towards her will make her take 5 moves away from you. 4
fronk Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 For your sake I would say no. I'm sure she has friends and family for all the moral support she needs.
Alexjones1 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 IMO, If you will sleep better at night knowing that you asked about her health thats for you. Its not for her. Your asking about her health for your own benefit. If you get no response be prepared, or you may get a hey thanks. Always do what you feel is best, we only offer opinions from our own experiences. Each one is different while they are all the same. lol Look at it like this. She already told you no contact. Now if she maybe would have just gone dark, and was not replying either way, it may be different. But.....either way I am not sure what you seek from doing it, If its a matter of a life and death thing yes I would say something along the lines of "Hope you got good news today!" And leave it at that! If its just some issues that can be fixed...i would think twice. IMO Alex
tikay00 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I don't think you fully move on, until you know for sure it's over, or once you're ex has a new person in their lives. In your case, go for it. You're gonna do it anyways. If she gives you a generic response, just chalk it up as, she's really not interested, and you need to move on. I only say this, because it's fresh, and you don't have months of healing to lose. It's better to truly grasp how over the relationship is in order to truly move on. In reality, it's over already, but it's best that you fully understand this.
Author ThisIsNotMyName Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Thank you all for your comments and thoughts, I really appreciate it
Elle1975 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 she responded very politely that we should stop talking Nop. It's just an excuse, even if it comes from a good place.
FLBuccaneer Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Dude be real here...you may care about her health, I'm not questioning that, but you are using that as a way to reach out after she told you to stop contacting her. Do you know what that will do on her end? I've been dating a girl for 2+ years and we just broke up, 3 days before her birthday (her idea) and I never even contacted her saying happy birthday. You need to get some self control and stop ignoring what she requested. If you want ANY shot at getting her back, you need to disappear from her radar entirely and give her the time, space, and quietness to miss you. As you said, this is a sudden breakup? Well let that shock her system that she doesn't have that safety net (you) during a difficult time where she needs support. This was her idea and you already attempted to contact her(bad idea) and she shut you down. Pay attention and don't be so disillusion. Good luck!
tikay00 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Dude be real here...you may care about her health, I'm not questioning that, but you are using that as a way to reach out after she told you to stop contacting her. Do you know what that will do on her end? I've been dating a girl for 2+ years and we just broke up, 3 days before her birthday (her idea) and I never even contacted her saying happy birthday. You need to get some self control and stop ignoring what she requested. If you want ANY shot at getting her back, you need to disappear from her radar entirely and give her the time, space, and quietness to miss you. As you said, this is a sudden breakup? Well let that shock her system that she doesn't have that safety net (you) during a difficult time where she needs support. This was her idea and you already attempted to contact her(bad idea) and she shut you down. Pay attention and don't be so disillusion. Good luck! Let's be real. It's over. He needs a kick in the pants. A lot of the time, people don't fully move on until they've gotten the final nail in the coffin.
FLBuccaneer Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Let's be real. It's over. He needs a kick in the pants. A lot of the time, people don't fully move on until they've gotten the final nail in the coffin. Closure is overrated.
Author ThisIsNotMyName Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 I think pretty much all of your thoughts are spot on, thank you... I do feel like a last kick in the pants would help me lose hope of getting back together. But what you all say is true, me calling won't do any good to her or me. And of course is just an excuse. I do care for her health but she is not alone, if I call I'll put extra stress on her, she will probably feel guilty, sad or confused. I won't do it, and I'll try to move on. I really appreciate that you guys are sharing your opinions and trying to help without knowing me. 2
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