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Have I just wasted 2 years?


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Posted

Me and my boyfriend started as flatmates two years ago and have become official 6 months ago. We know each other inside out, he says he loves me and I'm in love with him, always have been. He's never had such a committed relationship and he's 28. I moved from Spain to England to be closer to him but things are hard as I live with my dad. I've asked him if I can move in a month ago and I would move in September (miles off) his awkward answer was he needs to think about it. I've had enough now and plan on giving him an ultimatum this weekend: I move in to his in April or leave back to Spain alone.

Things with us are amazing when we're together but when I go back to work and my dads he gets very distant and makes me feel unwanted.

Can anybody give me some insight as to why he is being this way?

Posted

Don't give him an ultimatum until you guys at least sit down and talk about it first.... Sheesh.

 

 

It's his place and he gets to have a say whether you move in or not. Be reasonable.

 

 

Maybe if living at your Dad's isn't working out, find your own place? Or are you looking for a guy to take care of you in every way?

Posted

Out of sight, out of mind?

 

I would venture to guess that you didn't waste two years, but you're probably wasting your time right now.

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Posted

We've spoken about stuff a lot. But as soon as I go back he gets funny again. I can't afford my own place in the UK.

I plan on sitting him down and seeing where we're at I am just not coping living here.

It's weird, I've met and see all his family a lot, he talks about kids and marriage and future and it's fine. I mention anything of the sort and he closes up and distances himself. He just blows hit and cold.

Posted

At least talk to the guy before assuming the worst. You need good communication if you want a relationship to last for the long haul. Don't get pissy with him, get real about it....talk about your situation, your expectations, goals, etc ask him about his thoughts and ask him what he would do....make a compromise and work out a solution.

 

Don't forget to talk about his hehavior towards this subject....call him out on it.

  • Like 1
Posted

OP sounds like you're having relationship issues aside from the part about moving in. You might need to cut this one loose if he won't work with you.

Posted (edited)
We've spoken about stuff a lot. But as soon as I go back he gets funny again. I can't afford my own place in the UK.

I plan on sitting him down and seeing where we're at I am just not coping living here.

It's weird, I've met and see all his family a lot, he talks about kids and marriage and future and it's fine. I mention anything of the sort and he closes up and distances himself. He just blows hit and cold.

 

I would never move in with someone that I've dated for 6 months without having the ability to maintain myself financially, and especially when it's such a new relationship and my partner seems like he's waffling about it.

 

You're young. Why don't you save up your money, work a couple of jobs, find your independence by getting a small place of your own and date while living in separate quarters? You're in your father's home, now you want to jump into his home? Where's your independence?

Edited by Zahara
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Posted

I've lived alone for five years, moving into dads is because England is so expensive. I would be able to pay my way with him but can't afford £400 for a room! Also we've been together two years just officially 6 months, lived together in my old flats for half that. It's just all confusing. He's been cheated on before but I know he trusts me, this I know completely without detail.

Posted
I've lived alone for five years, moving into dads is because England is so expensive. I would be able to pay my way with him but can't afford £400 for a room! Also we've been together two years just officially 6 months, lived together in my old flats for half that. It's just all confusing. He's been cheated on before but I know he trusts me, this I know completely without detail.

 

My advice stands. If you can't support yourself financially, you shouldn't be putting your wellbeing in the hands of someone else. It's nice to play house with someone but you better have a solid back-up plan. Seeing how he's already going off track, what happens if you move in and two months later it doesn't work out ? Move back into your dad's place?

 

If you've been together for 2 years, lived together for all that time and now officially together as a couple for 6 months, it's even more of a red flag that he's waffling about you moving in and playing hot and cold.

  • Like 1
Posted

Is this really about moving in with him (or away from you dad) or is this about taking the relationship to the next stage? I think it is the later. And the fact that he doesn't want to take the relationship to the next stage is concerning.

 

So I would sit down and have THAT conversation rather than the moving in conversation. And be prepared to end the relationship at the end of the conversation.

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