flowergirl1980 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 (edited) My ex and I have been living apart for 2 months now dated for 3 He broke up with me because he wasn't sure if I was the one or if we had a future together that our relationship wasn't progressing and he needed to figure out what he wants. he was very confused when we broke up and said maybe we would start dating again and take it slow or start talking. He has been wanting to talk oncein a while and hangout at least 1 time every 2 weeks sometimes more. I recently decided it was too hard on my because I still care for him. The last time we went to dinner he made reservations at a nice place, complimented me and paid for dinner. But after I text him the following message to let him know it was too hard for me: I have been thinking a lot recently and even after tonight about everything between you and I. I don't know what you have been feeling I can only assume it's the same as when things ended between us and maybe it's easier for you to transition to friends. while I really enjoy spending time with you and have a desire to see you it feels really confusing for me. I obv still care about you a lot and if I'm honest I still love you and while I'm trying to make progress moving on when I see you those feelings come up in my heart and it sets me back. I know that after everything that's happened I need to try and let those feelings go. I want you in my life but not like this it's too hard for me right now to try and accept everything while still talking to you or seeing you. I really need to move on and in order to do that I don't think it's a good idea for us to keep in touch or hang out anymore. I hope you understand and respect that. I obv don't have you and if you ever have an emergency and need someone I am here but otherwise I would rather we not be in contact. I just need time to get over everything. I'm sorry and I hope you understand where I am coming from. He never responded. But would you say based on my text he knows I am here if he is willing to make the effort to show me he wants more but I can't do this casual no idea what's going on friends thing? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/515103-he-always-contacting-me-when-i-told-him-stop-no-response Edited February 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added link for context~T
BC1980 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 But would you say based on my text he knows I am here if he is willing to make the effort to show me he wants more but I can't do this casual no idea what's going on friends thing? No, I wouldn't think he would get that you wanted to try again from that text. In the text, you said it was better if you didn't talk to him anymore. You either flat out tell him how you feel and that you want a second chance, or go NC. Also, don't have these conversations over text. This needs to be in person. The text sounded very emotional and kind of all over the place to me.
Author flowergirl1980 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 No, I wouldn't think he would get that you wanted to try again from that text. In the text, you said it was better if you didn't talk to him anymore. You either flat out tell him how you feel and that you want a second chance, or go NC. Also, don't have these conversations over text. This needs to be in person. The text sounded very emotional and kind of all over the place to me. I just wanted to lay my feelings out and sometimes I think it's easier in a message. What if anything can I do about it now? Since he had broke up with me and was still kind of stringing me along I wanted to end that but I do want a second chance. at this point though after that message and no response is there really much of anything I can do to salvage things?
tikay00 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 From a guy's perspective, and I could be totally wrong. Let me assume the position of your BF. "Bro, I've been going out with this chick for a few months now, and I don't really see us going anywhere. I think I'm gonna break up with her tomorrow. The sex was good though. How should I set it up, where I can get some FWB action going, once a week?" I know I'm coming off incredibly insensitive, but I just wanted to throw in some male perspective on this situation. Again, I could totally be wrong, but I just want you to see this situation from a different angle. Might open up your eyes, and see through some of his BS.
stillafool Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Flowergirl isn't this the same thread you started yesterday or am I crazy?
Author flowergirl1980 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 From a guy's perspective, and I could be totally wrong. Let me assume the position of your BF. "Bro, I've been going out with this chick for a few months now, and I don't really see us going anywhere. I think I'm gonna break up with her tomorrow. The sex was good though. How should I set it up, where I can get some FWB action going, once a week?" I know I'm coming off incredibly insensitive, but I just wanted to throw in some male perspective on this situation. Again, I could totally be wrong, but I just want you to see this situation from a different angle. Might open up your eyes, and see through some of his BS. The only thing is while we hung out every couple weeks he never tried to hook up with me at all it was always platonic and this had gone one for 2 months. We dated for 3 years before he broke up with me I know it wasn't a FWB thing since we didn't even do so much as kiss now that's we've been broke up
Author flowergirl1980 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Flowergirl isn't this the same thread you started yesterday or am I crazy? Think you might be going crazy lol I just found this site today and created my thread....
elaine567 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Think you might be going crazy lol I just found this site today and created my thread.... You do have two threads running though.
tikay00 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 The only thing is while we hung out every couple weeks he never tried to hook up with me at all it was always platonic and this had gone one for 2 months. We dated for 3 years before he broke up with me I know it wasn't a FWB thing since we didn't even do so much as kiss now that's we've been broke up How long has it been since he responded?
Author flowergirl1980 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 How long has it been since he responded? Before I sent this text he was texting me at least every week maybe more and wanting to hang out every 2 weeks. I sent him this text on Sunday night and he hasn't responded so been 3 days.
stillafool Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Think you might be going crazy lol I just found this site today and created my thread.... Oh, I see you have it listed in two places. I responded to the one in Breaks and Breakups.
tikay00 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Before I sent this text he was texting me at least every week maybe more and wanting to hang out every 2 weeks. I sent him this text on Sunday night and he hasn't responded so been 3 days. Pretty cut and dry. Go NC, and I'm not just throwing this out there as a generic answer. He is respecting your wishes, and this pretty much proves that he's not trying to be with you. Imagine your intention was to actually be with someone. They send you a message like that. Wouldn't you say something like, "(Your name), I really wanted us to work at a new relationship blah blah blah...." His intentions were to just be friends, IMO. And contacting once a week, and seeing each other once every 2 weeks. Eh, I'd move on.
BC1980 Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I just wanted to lay my feelings out and sometimes I think it's easier in a message. What if anything can I do about it now? Since he had broke up with me and was still kind of stringing me along I wanted to end that but I do want a second chance. at this point though after that message and no response is there really much of anything I can do to salvage things? There's nothing you can do to get a second chance. When someone gets to the point of dumping you after 3 years, they've thought it through. It wasn't a spur of the moment decision. However, after a LTR, a person might want to ease their way out of it by keeping some contact. I'm sure it's difficult for him to abruptly cut you off as well, so he keeps some contact for his benefit. It's not for your benefit. There's also the guilt thing. If you agree to be friends, it will alleviate his guilt. Don't do that for him. My breakup sounds very similar actually. My ex strung me along for quite some time. 1
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