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Gained weight, bf noticeably less affectionate


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Posted
The problem is that I emotionally overeat and I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I've gained and lost weight my entire life. It's something that I really need to explore and solve

 

This is the crux of the problem. You are using food and dieting to mask emotional problems, whatever they may be, and it's been going on long before your BF entered the picture. It's not about dieting and losing weight. It's about your unhealthy relationship with food. Weight gain and loss are simply the outward manifestations of the problem. I know exactly where you are coming from because I struggled with an eating disorder for many, many years before I finally sought help. I'm more concerned with how you are going to deal with this issue for yourself before dealing with how if affects your relationship.

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Posted

Sounds like your motivation for going to the gym the first time was to help deal with your feelings after the breakup. It wasn't to impress anyone or due to insecurity issues. That's good motivation IMO. A healthy outlet to deal with the emotional turmoil you were experiencing.

 

However, this time around it seems like your motivation for going to the gym is due to your insecurities. Not to mention I'm sure in the back of your mind you realize if you do lose the weight, and your only motivation for staying fit and in shape is to keep your boyfriend attracted to you, you're going to burn yourself out, lose your motivation, or both. Because if you stay with this guy long term, you're always going to be pressuring yourself to look good for him. That's also going to wear on you.

 

If you really do want to get back into the gym I suggest finding other motivation that doesn't (solely anyway) revolve around pleasing your boyfriend. You should also find ways to deal with your body image issues (easier said than done I know) which would probably make getting back into the gym less stressful.

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