Broke no contact via text - what do you think about this situation

[fluidian]

Ok, I split with my girlfriend of ~8 years a few weeks ago. We had been in a long distance relationship for the past few years and had plans to try to co-locate in the next couple months. Truthfully, I think we had both checked out of the relationship and were more just going through the motions - I know I had thought about breaking up with her a few times. I don't entirely know how she had been thinking through things, but last time I saw her I was hoping to ask her what she wanted out of the relationship - she actually beat me to the question...given what I had been thinking about, I wasn't in a position to push back too hard, and we decided to break-up...it was probably the most anti-climactic, least emotional break-up I've experienced, which, at least to me, validates the fact that we were both a bit checked out from the relationship.

 

Anyhow, I live in Minneapolis, she in Chicago. A couple of months before we broke up, I had booked tickets to migrate through Chicago on the front end of an international work trip (i.e. see her on work's dime)...so I have tickets to migrate through Chicago this weekend.

 

I have yet to switch the tickets, so last night I texted her to see if she wanted me to switch the airline tickets (the cash to do so is a non-issue) - and I basically got the response of, "don't worry about it, it could be a bit awkward, but we'll make the best of it". I will/would get into Chicago this Friday evening - she had bought tickets for a play on Friday night, but mentioned she'd bail and pick me up at the airport if I wanted her to.

 

I don't think I have much interest in trying to make things work out (at least right now) - she's genuinely a great person - so I'm not sure if she's just trying to be nice and considerate to help me through a tough situation (as she likely thinks she was the one that ended things - even though it was effectively mutual, because I was mentally prepared to break-up with her on the same weekend), or what, but I'm pretty sure she's not thinking about getting back together either - as she mentioned in her text response that I should make sure to bring her keys when/if I visit.

 

Anyhow - kind of a weird situation for me given the timeline of our history (8years) - any thoughts on what I should do or thoughts on the situation? The short texts were our first contact since breaking up. I haven't responded to her response, but should probably say something to her today, just to be responsible...

[mightycpa]

I'd probably opt-out. You spent 8 years together, only to find it wouldn't last forever. Why spend another minute in the past?

[Holmes85]

fluidian,

 

I don't know what kind of advice are you looking for, based on your post above, you have already made the major decisions.

 

You have split up with your Ex girlfriend of 8 years, the reason behind it is that you just didn't feel it anymore, neither do you feel any kind of emotion or as you put it "it was probably the most anti-climactic, least emotional break-up I've experienced".

 

You are basically saying all the cliches, that she's a great person, she's being nice to you and all that, but you are just not into it anymore.

 

I don't know her side of the story, but it doesn't matter at this point.

 

I don't think I have much interest in trying to make things work out (at least right now)

 

If you are done with her and have no intentions of getting back together with her, make it crystal clear in your next messsage and stick to your decision and don't put in (at least right now).

[lolablue17]

If you both already checked out, and the break up wasn't so emotional, I think she has the right approach - to make the best of it.

 

You are no longer exclusive, but you may like each other, and maybe attracted to each other, so you can be FWB from time to time, if none of you gets hurt by that. Seems healthy and logical to me.

[fronk]

Ok, I split with my girlfriend of ~8 years a few weeks ago. We had been in a long distance relationship for the past few years and had plans to try to co-locate in the next couple months. Truthfully, I think we had both checked out of the relationship and were more just going through the motions - I know I had thought about breaking up with her a few times. I don't entirely know how she had been thinking through things, but last time I saw her I was hoping to ask her what she wanted out of the relationship - she actually beat me to the question...given what I had been thinking about, I wasn't in a position to push back too hard, and we decided to break-up...it was probably the most anti-climactic, least emotional break-up I've experienced, which, at least to me, validates the fact that we were both a bit checked out from the relationship.

 

Anyhow, I live in Minneapolis, she in Chicago. A couple of months before we broke up, I had booked tickets to migrate through Chicago on the front end of an international work trip (i.e. see her on work's dime)...so I have tickets to migrate through Chicago this weekend.

 

I have yet to switch the tickets, so last night I texted her to see if she wanted me to switch the airline tickets (the cash to do so is a non-issue) - and I basically got the response of, "don't worry about it, it could be a bit awkward, but we'll make the best of it". I will/would get into Chicago this Friday evening - she had bought tickets for a play on Friday night, but mentioned she'd bail and pick me up at the airport if I wanted her to.

 

I don't think I have much interest in trying to make things work out (at least right now) - she's genuinely a great person - so I'm not sure if she's just trying to be nice and considerate to help me through a tough situation (as she likely thinks she was the one that ended things - even though it was effectively mutual, because I was mentally prepared to break-up with her on the same weekend), or what, but I'm pretty sure she's not thinking about getting back together either - as she mentioned in her text response that I should make sure to bring her keys when/if I visit.

 

Anyhow - kind of a weird situation for me given the timeline of our history (8years) - any thoughts on what I should do or thoughts on the situation? The short texts were our first contact since breaking up. I haven't responded to her response, but should probably say something to her today, just to be responsible...

 

Sounds a LOT like my situation (crap she even lives in Chicago). No offense, but I think you are kidding yourself if think it's been a non-emotional breakup. You are posting on here for a reason....it's ok to be hurting no matter how stoic the relationship was. It especially hurts when you are the the one being dumped.

 

I think you have to ask yourself can both of you remain as just friends? I'm struggling with the same issues myself in a similar type of stoic relationship of 3+ yrs. But I won't deny that I am hurting nonetheless.

[fluidian]

I think you have to ask yourself can both of you remain as just friends? I'm struggling with the same issues myself in a similar type of stoic relationship of 3+ yrs. But I won't deny that I am hurting nonetheless.

 

I never said it didn't hurt, or that it was easy...it was 8 years and there wasn't a major catalyst for the break-up or problem, just something that we apparently were both thinking through at the same time. That's always going to hurt regardless of who pulled the plug - it doesn't matter if it was romantic or platonic - at a minimum it's losing a friend. That said, relative to other break-ups, it really wasn't emotional - I don't think either of us cried or fought to keep the relationship alive, which to me suggests that there weren't the typical love hormones in play, and that it had devolved into a platonic situation.

 

As for whether or not we can be friends? I truly don't know - I think there's a possibility, but if/when she gets involved with someone else, that would likely be strange for everyone, not fair to her new relationship, and not fair the other guy (regardless of my situation)...it's why it's hard to stay friends with ex's - at least good friends.