nyfan1992 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Let me preface this by saying I am always one to overthink things and am admittedly sensitive. My girlfriend and I are in a wonderful relationship. We have so much in common and have so much fun together. Everything is just simple and fun. No fights. No drama. It's perfect. Since we first met, we've always teased each other as the colleges we went to are rival schools. It's always in good fun and they often lead to laugh filled conversations. We also tease each other in other ways, like I'll say things like "you're alright" or "I guess I wouldn't mind seeing you this weekend." She'll say similar things like once when we were talking about how well our relationship is going, she said "Yeah besides a few complaints it's going pretty well." Whenever we tease each other like this we always laugh so it's obvious it's a joke. Lately I've noticed her teasing has become more character attacking though. She once made a comment that I make it too easy for her to make fun of me. She said that laughing and I didn't feel that bad about it because I tease her often too. But that comment struck a chord when she made another comment last night. I was telling her a story about how in my senior year of college, guys at bars would often try to fight me for no reason at all and how funny it was. She said "well maybe it's because you look like a tool." The second she said that I could tell she instantly felt bad and before I even responded she said "you're not a tool." I know she was joking but I was honestly shocked she said that. It just kinda seemed disrespectful. I just wanted to hear someone's thoughts on this situation. Like I said, I tend to overthink things and take things personally. Maybe she's just joking and im being too sensitive. Or maybe she really doesn't respect me for whatever reason. We've never had a fight and we've only been dating for 2 months so I don't want to bring it up and start anything.
Nolan 93 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Relax, don't think too much about this. Your just starting the relationship, sometimes we both say things that hurts one another unintentionally lol. Try to have thick skin, you guys are joking, and notice her tone of voice when she says things like that. You should know when its a joke or not judging by the tone in a way. But relax and cruz and enjoy the relationship. 1
LoveRefreshed Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I don't know man. If my gf talked to me like that, I'd let her know real quick it is time to stop. I mean okay, joking is one thing, but if she said it like matter of factly, in an instant response, then it must be an honest thought. Also, on top of it, sarcasm is actually brutal honesty under the guise of a joke. I am having a hard time putting it into words to explain what I mean, but you gotta have some self respect. A stern look is all I would give someone who said that to me. Maybe I would just mention to her that you're a nice person, sensitive, but respect yourself and that you're not a tool and if she thinks it is the case, she can get bent and go find someone else.
Mr.D.E.B.T. Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I wouldn't be too concerned. She may have grown up in a household that jokes like this. Don't take it personal. She seems to be into you, so let things develop and see where it goes. 1
mightycpa Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 The comment was appropriate to the conversation, because only a tool would not know WHY guys always tried to pick a fight with him. He'd never guess the cause was himself. Don't worry. A tool thinks everybody loves him when they really don't. If you're a little oversensitive, you're kinda the opposite of a tool, not that this is a good thing. Given your thin skin, you might want to start a new game with your GF.
Chief Wiggum Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 It's not that she doesn't respect you. It's because, right from the very beginning of your relationship, you both became accustomed to poking fun at each other. It's something which is she now regards as normal/harmless. I doubt very much there's any malice/disrespect. However, if you're as thin-skinned as you seem to be, you probably shouldn't have let each other get into the habit of teasing each other. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Especially when I was younger I didn't have much of a filter. If the set up was there, I'd go for the funny line / joke even at the other person's expense. I wouldn't think through how a crack like maybe it was because you look like a tool would make the other person feel. I just wanted the laugh. Perhaps your GF suffers from the same problem I had. I got better with age & now take that extra second to make sure my laugh doesn't result in meanness. 1
Author nyfan1992 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 I just said something to her today that I think resolved this entire issue. She was teasing me about not understanding something she's working on at school and I replied with "I guess I really am a tool." She responded "you're not a tool" with an emoji of a hammer. So I gave her a hard time but in a way that was funny so she got the message without any confrontation. After that, we are back to talking happily. 1
GemmaUK Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I can tell you now that she loves that you can both dig at each other - it's just fun - honestly that is all it is. She likes you..just keep up the banter. PS. I would love to meet a man who could give it out and receive it just like I do. As yet..epic fail in the past few years! Ah well!
BeatsByDirk Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 That's bad, you look like a crybaby. You just lost some respect with her. You would have been better off saying, "I don't like how that came out, maybe you didn't mean it that way but it was disrespectful" The way you replied makes you look like you were brooding and obsessing. Saying it the way you said it is how a girl would respond to another girl or how a gifriend starts a fight with her guy. Just be clear that it's ok to tease in good fun but if she thinks you look like a tool or is going to make personal attacks maybe she needs to find a new boyfriend. You won't be attractive to her as a boyfriend if you already look like a tool then start acting passive aggressive or mopey.
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