Anxiety over dating/new girl...no response

[High_hopes]

Good Morning

 

I don't know why but I always get anxiety over dating a new women.

I tend to over think, analyze and literally can't refocus my attention.

 

Once something gets into my head I worry. It becomes a concern that the women isn't for me or that she isn't into me the way I wish a women were.

I think about it all day, I lose sleep, feel anxious......

 

I don't know if it's my gut instinct telling me this isn't the person for me or I am not being fare to myself. I am trying to learn to have a little patience.

I just don't know what goes on with me.

 

I am started dating someone who I like but sometimes things seems off. She seems to get a little offended with things I say recently. Not anything I say directed

at her but just little reactions I get. The below is an example of how I get.....pardon the subject matter. The subject isn't the point.

 

ex: (stupid conversation.) I said her kitten instinctively thinks she's her mother. She kind of jumped. "no I'm not. she doesn't think that. i'm not her mother" I was like ok. Don't get so touchy. I then said my mother is a bit of a cat lady, you would get along with her. To which she jumped and said. "why would I get along with your mother, just because I like cats"

 

This sounds so stupid and trivial but it's how she reacted. Seems kind of jumpy and easily offended. I keep thinking about this. I read into it because I don't want to be careful with the things I say. Ever.

 

This whole thing with cats is stupid but I mention this because I took a ride with her to get her cat vaccinated.....the cat was clearly a little traumatized.

 

It also bothers the hell out of me when I send someone a text that goes unanswered. This has happened several times over the weeks and leads me to believe she isn't so interested. I sent her a text last night asking how her kitten was doing and she never responded. This alone kept me up. I hardly slept and It consumes my mind.

 

Do I read into this too much. Do I require more patience. Is this my gut telling me this is wrong.....why do I get so worked up?

Edited February 11, 2015 by High_hopes

[PegNosePete]

I don't think you're mis-reading it at all. Her reactions to your conversation starters are aggressive and dismissive. It's like she doesn't want to talk to you.

[High_hopes]

I don't know man. I read into everything. I like positive reinforcement, I like a women to be responsive, and excited.

 

I do this all the time. I read into stuff and get great anxiety.

 

I don't know how to make the right call. Like I said the thoughts consume me and

and I am not sure if I need to learn more patience and to be less well nuts...

 

but again, maybe it's more gut instinct

[d0nnivain]

The cat thing was odd. If many of her statement to you have that kind of a defensive edge, something is clearly off with her.

 

 

The text thing, it's a text. Don't get so hung up on. Text is one of the worst ways to communicate. If it's important, call. Otherwise view it as a throw away & don't expect a response except to a direct specific Q e.g. what time are you getting here?

[High_hopes]

The cat thing was odd. If many of her statement to you have that kind of a defensive edge, something is clearly off with her.

 

 

The text thing, it's a text. Don't get so hung up on. Text is one of the worst ways to communicate. If it's important, call. Otherwise view it as a throw away & don't expect a response except to a direct specific Q e.g. what time are you getting here?

 

 

So I shouldn't be in my head thinking.... The person obviously sees the text and intentionally didn't respond because the contact annoyed them ?

 

I do stuff like that. Maybe it's because I personally never look at a text or get any type of message and decide not to respond.

 

Also, should I have more patience with those edgy responses or comments or consider them reg flags. I've been trying to just let it roll off me.

[mightycpa]

I don't know why but I always get anxiety over dating a new women.

 

You should work in that. #1 killer of relationships is being neurotic.

 

It becomes a concern that the women isn't for me or that she isn't into me the way I wish a women were.

 

Self-fulfilling fear of failure.

 

She seems to get a little offended with things I say recently.

 

This time, your worry sounds warranted. She's defensive, and even from here, it's offputting.

 

It also bothers the hell out of me when I send someone a text that goes unanswered.

 

Yeah, I'm glad you're re-examining everything. Not sure how to help you with your unreasonable expectations, except to say that they are unreasonable.

[High_hopes]

You should work in that. #1 killer of relationships is being neurotic.

 

 

 

Self-fulfilling fear of failure.

 

 

 

This time, your worry sounds warranted. She's defensive, and even from here, it's offputting.

 

 

 

Yeah, I'm glad you're re-examining everything. Not sure how to help you with your unreasonable expectations, except to say that they are unreasonable.

 

So your feeling is that my thoughts are self destructive and that I am being unreasonable?

 

Do you think I should re-examine my own thoughts and have more patience? I mean, I want to have fun here and not get so caught up.

I'm trying to learn so if you think that's the case...

[mightycpa]

So your feeling is that my thoughts are self destructive and that I am being unreasonable?

 

Do you think I should re-examine my own thoughts and have more patience? I mean, I want to have fun here and not get so caught up.

I'm trying to learn so if you think that's the case...

 

Isn't that what you're doing? I got the feeling that you sense that these things you mentioned aren't helpful. You're right, they're not.

 

So maybe you can just change without knowing why, or maybe you need to self examine.

 

What you'll observe is that those guys who get all the girls are comfortable with themselves, and they don't obsess over perceived slights like "she didn't text me back". They're not afraid to decide they don't like the latest girl, and they don't spend a lot of time second-guessing themselves if they pass and move on to the next one. They are certainly not afraid of what somebody might think of them, and when someone comes along who isn't crazy about them, they don't wrap themselves up in a little ball worrying about it.

 

Is that you? Doesn't sound like it. Could that be you? Sure.

[PegNosePete]

So your feeling is that my thoughts are self destructive and that I am being unreasonable?

In general, yes.

In this specific case, no.

 

You said you like a woman to be responsive and excited. That is perfectly natural and most men like their women to be like that. Would you say that is how she is? Both of her responses that you quoted, are neither responsive nor excited. They are aggressive and dismissive. She's looking to start a fight rather than have a nice/funny chat about cats.

[High_hopes]

In general, yes.

In this specific case, no.

 

You said you like a woman to be responsive and excited. That is perfectly natural and most men like their women to be like that. Would you say that is how she is? Both of her responses that you quoted, are neither responsive nor excited. They are aggressive and dismissive. She's looking to start a fight rather than have a nice/funny chat about cats.

 

Well, it wasn't really a 'fighting' response. Just kind of jumpy, quick... just like o.k, chill, chill...(in my head)

 

I'd say that sometimes she seems excited and other times she doesn't. The first few weeks seemed to have more enthusiasm.

 

Just reading another thread here and someone pointed out... wouldn't you tend to like to hear from someone your into and want to respond. Even if you just saw them. Be it text or phone call especially in the early stages? OR is this not how everyone is...are my expectations too high based on my own personality or is it that it's part of my desires?

Edited February 11, 2015 by High_hopes

[d0nnivain]

You absolutely should not assume that the person failed to respond because the contact annoyed them. You should assume that most people won't respond to texts. Like I said, if it's important call.

 

 

I'd keep my eyes & ears open regarding the tone of her conversations with you. If the snippiness is isolated, then the subject was not of her liking. If everything she says has a jagged edge it's a problem.

 

 

If your goal is to have fun, in the short term, find a way to turn your brain off. Take things at face value. Only analyze them when you want something deeper than fun

[High_hopes]

You all have been very helpful...

 

You see, I like this girl but I guess I'm struggling with how I feel moving forward because of the things I've discussed. I really want someone who seems excited.

I was feeling pretty connected for a while but maybe not so much anymore. This girl seems really really chill but passionate and maybe a little sensitive, like me.

 

Maybe I should put the brakes on a bit, don't text as to not disappoint myself. Don't contact her daily. Let her come to me a bit and in the meantime keep my options

open and try not to get caught up in my own head.

 

When it comes to women and getting to know someone I sometimes think I'm crazy and other times think I have really great instincts.....

Edited February 11, 2015 by High_hopes

[High_hopes]

 

The text thing, it's a text. Don't get so hung up on. Text is one of the worst ways to communicate. If it's important, call. Otherwise view it as a throw away & don't expect a response except to a direct specific Q e.g. what time are you getting here?

 

Thinking about this.. my text WAS a direct question.

 

Maybe not as important as "what time are you getting here?" but a direct question non the less.

 

It wasn't.... Hey there, I just had a great ham sandwich ... It was "How is the cat doing?"

Edited February 11, 2015 by High_hopes

[High_hopes]

How do you break up with a women that your not really in a relationship with and that you have been only dating for a few months right at valentines day!?

I can't be alone with this one