lizzygirl Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I feel as if I have lived a lifetime with my Narc boyfriend/fiancé/boyfriend and it was only 3 years. I wish more than anything to save someone else from going through this! It started with him bombing me with attention, special attention, almost stalking me, which at the time I thought was different and sweet. I was the world to him!! Then, all of a sudden mentioning his ex all the time. Then we had to ride by her parents’ house and he pointed it out. Then him mentioning she was moving back to our hometown while we were walking one day. Then orchestrating a meeting between us both at a bar one night. FB messages between them. Then he moved away for a job, gone for 2 weeks at a time. Then I found pictures of the ex on his phone and he lied about it. The distrust from the ex and him being away caused tons MORE distrust but I tried to hang on, which he knew he was lying about at the time but was perfectly comfortable raking me out for "being jealous." Next thing you know I find a million calls from females on his phone, which he says is innocent and just part of police work and I was too afraid to ask about at the time. He asks me to marry him “this weekend.” Needless to say, he never said another word about it when the weekend came. We had fights about the ex a lot but it was always my fault. Silent treatment for days at a time until I relented mixed with more love bombing. I tried to hang on. He asked me to marry him and made a big thing of it, giving me a ring – then posting on fb that “here is your shock and awe.” He just wanted to prove something to everyone. It wasn’t me or getting married! He had gone through a lot of trouble at his last job, being a cop, and said they tried to annihilate him, which I think now that it was just him being an ass and trying to dominate everything. His former wife shot herself. I always felt sorry for him for that, my heart went out to him. The small town we live in did try to crucify him because of it, “he is a cop and he can get away with it,” etc. I always thought that was small minded. Turns out they weren’t crucifying him for that, but for just being himself. But then he did not get her a headstone and everyone, her family came down on him for it, and he said to me one day “why does she need a headstone. She is dead as hell.” At the same time, he let his dad buy him a new $1200 rifle. Almost being driven to suicide myself because of him, I now understand what she went through. I gave him his ring back after about a dozen “you are crazy for not believing my bull****” and making me feel like crap afterward episodes. He invited me down to where he works and I noticed weird behavior with him and a female coworker, the fact that she sat all the way across the room from him, and then when the alcohol kicked in, she made a bee-line to him and I looked around and she was scratching his back in intimate little circles. Oh and guess what…I still tried to believe that she was just some insane, touchy-feely person he had never paid attention to. Let’s just say the weight of it all drove me insane. I started drinking like a fish, going nuts and flipping out and he actually called the police on me one night even after everything had calmed down and we were ok and he is a cop….he just announced it like a threat. He used everything that HE did against me! I got pregnant before he left and was so excited because he always made out like he wanted a baby and a family. Then he made me have an abortion because it was not the right time. He didn’t even bother going with me or hanging around with my kids and me that weekend I took the pills they gave me (although later when he sold his house, it was obviously ok to hang around with us when he had nowhere else to go. He never wanted to be around my kids) to take care of me or wonder if I was ok. And he paid me back for it, exactly half, about 6 months later. All I got was McDonald’s on Sunday and a 15 minute visit. Awesome. After not paying for his wife's headstone and getting a $1200 rifle. Oh, the kicker – he signed up for eHarmony. While he was lying in my bed, professing his love to me I found it in his email. I woke him up and told him to get out of my house and I will never have anything to do with him again. Oh but he swears he was just mad at me at the time and has never cheated on me. He wants me back and I am the love of his life and I got a dozen roses - after he realized I'd blocked him on my phone he sent me this in an email. Of course now he says he wants to make a clean slate, tell me everything - but I am still getting half truths in hopes that I will believe the other lies still. He had the first of a 2 hour session with the therapist today and says he is working on how effed up he is. Yeah right.
jus d'orange Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Hey Lizzy, Sorry you haven't had a reply over the last couple days. Seems like you need some validation that you're right to not want this guy around. He does sound like he has some serious issues to deal with, and I can't recommend strongly enough that you let him deal with those issues on his own while you go on living your life separately. There's nothing positive he's going to bring into your life as you've described it, and I'm sure you feel you deserve better. Go NC, figure out how to cut off all possible ties to him, and take care of yourself (mentally, physically, emotionally). Post here as much as you need!
PearTree Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Read your post again - would you advise a friend of yours to stick with a man like that? If not, why not?
Elle1975 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Hey Lizzi, why did you stick around? I know why.. but don't make the same mistake again. I'm sorry about the abortion. Take care of your kids, and stay away from him.
An0nymiss666 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Sounds like a real head case. That's typically what they will do, is claim the need to change or that they already have. Which includes the BS about him getting professional help...give me a break! My ex from years ago CRIED sappy tears to me about how much of a jerk he has been and how sorry he is. I foolishly took him back and ended up dumping him FOR GOOD a couple of months later. After a month or so of not speaking to each other he had the audacity to ask if it was really over! HA! Just don't do it! It might be the performance of a lifetime, but it will not pay off. Think of how terrible he has been until now, it's just an act of desperation. My most recent ex is a total narc too. Everything is just a show for him and he requires some sort of constant praise or acknowledgement that he is special. He also made jokes about me cheating or talking to other boys as if he needed constant assurance that I wasn't going around behind his back...definitely says something about him. We spent every day together in the very beginning of our relationship but he still lied to me about still talking to other girls. I also have reason to believe he was cheating towards the end, but god forbid I try to talk to him about it, even if I was being civil. That just made ME a nasty person and crappy girlfriend...yeah OK, cheating loser. He pretty much ceased communications with me towards the end. He basically told me if I didn't like it then I could go find someone else because I "treated him like ****" and he was sick of it. Excuse me?! Think he's got it all wrong. Since the breakup he seems increasingly miserable. Lashing out and being EXTREMELY nasty to his family and friends for no apparent reason. I'm just waiting for him to come crawling back because he's painted himself into his own miserable corner...and I can't wait to turn him down.
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