justhanginon Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Damn why did I do that?? Hi everyone. This is my very first post and it doesn't come easily. I love my wife and children dearly. They mean the earth to me. My wife and I have been together for about 15 years. 3 years later our twin boys came into the world and what beautiful boys they are! Two and a half years later our little girl was born and she is absolutely gorgeous. My wife was, (is) the most incredible person I have ever met. She breastfed our babies, (including her older daughter) for as long as she thought was needed. This turned out to be 8 years straight, (not including her eldest)!! She ground food out of god knows what in the hard times and managed our money to the cent to help pay off our mortgage that I got us in to whilst never earning enough money to pay it off. Totally way over our heads too I might say! I really lack that sensibility. In comparison my wife was paying off her own house when I first met her and had a secure job that paid well. As the years went on I really felt she wasn't giving me enough attention. The sex was good, (in my mind of course), but infrequent, about once a month. I also felt she wasn't at all in a good mood and I really had to watch what I said for fear of an ear bashing! Lectures were frequent and scathing, I felt terrible, always walking on egg shells. I felt I could not communicate with her at all! We never got on well it seemed and couldn't even agree on simple things like planting plants in our garden in certain areas. I'm complaining I know but it really was me that did most of the damage in our relationship, such as... Putting us under extreme financial pressure.Taking out an extra credit card putting us under even further.Watching porn to satisfy my urges.Having emotional affairs with women that were strangers to me.This is not all by the way but these are bad enough! Then... finally... late 2014 saw us improve to point where we were getting along swimmingly! She even agreed. Life was great! Then I really stuffed it up! I had an affair with a woman. We didn't have intercourse but we did enough to warrant me cheating. I wasn't even attracted to this woman! WTF!! Why did I do it I don't know?? I know there is a reason and I am seeing a psychologist to try and find out why. My wife at times was violent to me over many years but that was in reaction to all my mistakes, sorry, complete stuff ups! We thought that was why I did it, a revenge affair? I screwed up though, I didn't have to do that! That was a very poor decision, nothing manly about it, and as a result, I am 'just hanging on' to my marriage AND my children. They certainly aren't happy with me either. My wife has given me a second chance though. There are strict conditions however such as... I do 1 hour a day on relationship reconciliation. This involves a varied amount of things including, (I feel) posting this post! (I am a tradesman and have never done anything like this before).My wife handles my money, every cent.I have to be romantic once a week, I don't do romance by the way!!I have to pay for a marriage counsellor for both of us once a fortnight for as long as it takes!The list doesn't stop there but you get the gist right? I truly am sorry for what I did and I regret it immensely. Damn why did I do that! I am struggling with the demands and am wondering if its too much! I guess if I really love my family then its ok! I really do love my family! I hope I am strong enough to make this work. My wife is truly an amazingly beautiful woman and did not deserve this! My children are incredible! I plan to post again soon with an update on our relationship. Any encouraging words will be welcomed and any awful ones read with trepidation but I need to learn my lesson too. So go for it people!! Gee I even feel a little better now, positive maybe? Thank you for reading and thank you Love Shack subscribers for helping my wife get through this terrible time. Just hangin' on.
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