sarah419 Posted April 3, 2005 Posted April 3, 2005 I am so depressed right now. I feel absolutely empty. I have been with my bf for almost four years. He is 25 and I will be 22 next month. We met at work and still work together. Over the years we have not only worked together but spent most of our free time together as well. People would ask how we could do it but actually we were always happy to be together and it was never issue. For the past six months or so I have felt this distance between us. He always wanted to hang out with his friends over being with me. When we were together I would try to be affectionate, mostly it seemed to irritate him. It was like someone let the air out of our relationship. I began asking him what was wrong. He would always say nothing or that he was tired. He and my parents do not get along and I thought this was all due to a pretty recent blow out they had all had. Finally yesterday I asked him to come over so we could talk. I told him I have noticed a change and I wanted us to talk about it. He wa so relieved. He told me that he dosen't want to be the bad guy but that he feels like he is married. He forgets what it is like to be single and that he dosen't want to answer to anyone. He says he loves me but he thinks we both need to be our own people and see what happens. He says it is nothing I did but he is really confused right now. I was totally shocked. I knew something was up but I had no idea it was this bad. I admit I have lost contact with most of my friends because I made him the center of my world. Because of this he is constantly pressured to be with me. I never nag him or anything. Actually I think it is the other way, I always try to make him happy. He even said "99% of the time you are thinking about me, you need to start thinking about you" My parents have big time drinkng problems so I can not turn to them for support. I really have no good friends to speak of and I feel completely alone. Of course today I did the worst thing possible by drilling him about why and if this is temporary. I was wondering if he wanted a break-up or just some time apart. I suggested not seeing eachother for awhile and them maybe getting together for a movie. He took this as not seeing eachother and then getting back into the old distant relationship. Then at the end of the converstaion he says "I love you and I know I would go crazy without you but I am just so confused right now" He also thinks working together is maing it worse. Seeing eachoher all day then hanging out at night. Not only am I sad but I am angry. I have been busting my a$$ for months trying to make him happy. Just sitting around as he mopes or dealing with it when he just decides to see his friends when we had plans. I wish he had just told me. We are not on bad terms. But we're not saying I love you or anything. It is so confusing. I guess I am in denial. We were just always so happy and we are so compatible. No one has ever loved me and taken as good of care of me as he has. I feel today like he was almost reconsidering but also that I made him do that but talking to him. I can't face losing him. I don't know what to do. Does this sound like a forever thing? What the hell should I do now?
Aguardiente83 Posted April 3, 2005 Posted April 3, 2005 I know exactly what your ging through. My girlfriend broke up with me six days ago for the same exact reasons. She didn't wan't to answer to anyone and she just wanted time to herself to be with her friends and stuff. I guess me and her have a different relation because I respected her decision and let her be but we still talk every day, nothing romantic, just friends. I think i've been acting so much as a friend that she's starting to miss me as boyfriend. In your case I would not contact him at all, don't call or e-mail. If he calls you just tell him that you want to give him the space that he needs, when you talk to him just act is everything is great in the world, don't sound sad or mad, that's a turn off. Soon enough he'll start wondering why your acting so cool about everything and he might realize that he made a mistake, and he might not. My best advice is to get it in your head that he's never going to go back out with you, that way you won't have to suffer that much. If he does decide to give another try then great, if not atleast your prepared.
curiousnycgirl Posted April 3, 2005 Posted April 3, 2005 It does not sound like a forever thing, but could be if you get all clingy. The first mistake you made was making him the center of your world. You need to go get your own life back. Reach out to those friends you used to have and re-establish your ties. Do what he's doing remember what its like to have your own interests, friends, activities, etc. Take the pressure off of him - but also allow yourself to be your own person. It is very important for both of you!!! Give him his time out with his friend - and go back to dating him!! That would mean getting together a couple of times a week - no more! Its hard because you see eachother at work all the time, but you CAN do it. I bet the relationship will actually be stronger in the long run.
Author sarah419 Posted April 3, 2005 Author Posted April 3, 2005 I know you both are right on. I am fighting myself trying to not pick up the phone. I know I need to get myself together and give him the same freedom. I just really hope things work out for us. As of now I feel like he has deserted me.
vickimonster Posted April 3, 2005 Posted April 3, 2005 Don't call him, not til your calmer. I know you want to. Realise that right now he is probably missing you and for him he is getting some perspective. Write him a letter if you need to, not one to send, but just one for you to get it all out, then in a few days you can re-evaluate what you want to say. If that is too much do anything to keep you busy!
simon_uk Posted April 3, 2005 Posted April 3, 2005 Agreed! Please dont send the letter. It will only make things worse, believe me, Ive been there. Keep Strong Simon
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