What's Next?

[Syn_Foster]

I will try to make this as short as I can!

 

I met this guy a little over a year ago. At that point, I'd told myself that I would not get involved with anyone for a very long time. I'd had enough of relationship/breakup heartache. But this guy swept me off my feet completely, like no man I'd ever known. I didn't want to fall, and I told him so. But it totally happened, and I think it happened on both our ends. We were wild for each other. We'd finish each other sentences. We had so many of the same life experiences, it was almost really creepy! Even so, because I wasn't new to dating, I knew that the honeymoon phase would calm a little. I looked forward to it. I looked forward to being challenged and making it through those challenges. I wanted to know him, through and through. So I was not READY for the honeymoon phase to end, but I was optimistic that we'd make it through.

 

Well.. I can't say that I totally understand why, but we hardly talk. The longest we've gone without talking is five days so far, but I'm guessing it will be more than that soon.

 

He told me he wasn't ready for a relationship after MONTHS of dating me. Before the "breakup," he started breaking promises, he started avoiding me, he'd never make plans, etc. My friends hated him for treating me like crap all of a sudden, and they STILL dislike him. I was devastated when he broke up with me, naturally.

 

He said that I did a few things to make him doubt me. For instance, my ex lives in another city. Sometimes, I have to visit that city for appointments and such; I lived there for some years, so I have a lot of business there. I visited once, and for some reason, this made him upset. I had NO idea it would upset him. I'd told him so so many times that there was nothing going on between me and this ex. It was so obvious that I was only into him. In fact, I slept on the couch and my ex slept on the sofa. That relationship was dead, still is dead and I made sure he knew that.

He NEVER EVER told me this made him upset. Instead, he broke up with me after it was too late for me to say "I'm sorry. I didn't know it hurt you. How do you want me to handle this going forward?"

 

Basically, I feel that he found out that I wasn't perfect and he held that against me. It hurts so much because he definitely has his flaws, but I accepted them. And I feel like he didn't do the same for me. I didn't think "He needs to change." I thought "This is him. How can I adapt to this? How can I be a better partner and work around this?"

 

I did everything you're not supposed to do when you're dumped. I begged. I pleaded. I explained. I even tried the "just friends" thing. (I know this was a huge mistake). And, still, he treats me as if he doesn't care whether I live or die. Previously, he would pop in every now and then and tell me that I'm beautiful and smart and tell me that he's still into me. I'd bite, and then he'd disappear again. But I think, even THAT'S going to stop.

 

He doesn't speak when he sees me. He doesn't send me any sweet messages anymore. I would constantly try to steal some time with him to talk about what's going on between us. Sometimes, he'd oblige; lately, not at all. In either case, I was always the one trying to fix things.

 

He says he was scared that he'd get hurt. But... isn't that ANYONE'S risk when diving into a relationship? Let's grant him that I did do things that made him shaky, such as the "seeing the ex" thing for business. Why couldn't he have said, "Maybe she doesn't KNOW I find this hurtful. I should talk to her"? Why didn't he try? Why did he give up? Is it just excuses? Did he really just find someone else or get bored? I can't know what behavior to curb if you never give me the chance to fix it, ESPECIALLY when he was never direct about his intentions with me. (We WERE exclusive, but there was no "YOU ARE MY GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND" talk, mainly because of our physical distance. We live in different parts of the country.)

 

I do believe, in my heart, that I am supposed to be with this man. When we DO talk, it's so natural and so... energizing. (Hard to explain). Even after all this time, even after the heartache, even after all the nights I've cried, we just GO together. We are productive together. We can be together without saying a word, and it is just bliss. Yet... even after that, he can go back to ignoring AND avoiding me.

 

What do I do if my goal is for us to be together again? Is there even a chance, you think? He seems to want nothing to do with me. He can't take even five seconds of his day to say "Hi" to me in a text or phone call. I mean nothing to him. And I absolutely disrespected my own self by trying to be a friend after he called things off. He probably has no respect for me anymore because I didn't even respect myself. Something feels different this time, after this period of ignoring me. It doesn't feel like he'll talk to me again; I just have this feeling. I hope I'm wrong, but it feels like the distance grows greater and greater. And he's not even remotely interested in talking with me about us, even when I've hinted that we should.

 

Is he just done with me? Is there a chance?

 

I'm so sorry for the long post. I just wanted to be as thorough as possible.

Edited February 11, 2015 by Syn_Foster

[fronk]

I'm sorry but it sounds like it is over and has been from his standpoint for awhile...again I'm sorry as I am going through a rough night too.

[Syn_Foster]

Thank you, Fronk.

 

I really wish you were wrong, but I am betting that you are not. I just don't understand where it went wrong.

Was it my fault? My friends keep saying it's not, but they are my friends. Of course, they would say that!

This is the first time that anyone has ever said I was behaving in a hurtful way. I'm the biggest pushover there is. So there's a big part of me that can't believe what he's saying and that he is, instead, finding excuses. Even if it were true, if I were worth it, wouldn't he have tried, even a little bit? I don't get it. :/