DenverDude Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Would you guys want to know if your ex is in a relationship or not? For me, its been 3.5 months from the split, and I have no idea if she is in a relationship or not. My mind has been playing tricks with me.. what I mean by that is that friends and family will say certain things to me to help me heal - and I will somehow take their advice and spin it In my mind that she is dating someone. For instance : my mom referenced her divorce from my dad (it was a very public divorce as he held a high up government job) by saying "at least it's not in the news papers like your dads adultry was!".. I instantly took that as my ex is seeing someone.. weird I know... So I guess what I am trying to say is this. would you rather just know to help your healing process? Thanks everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
ForgingAhead Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 What are you going to benefit by knowing if she is or isn't? In order for you to heal it would be wise to find healthy distractions with the sole purpose of rebuilding yourself. If you don't mind me asking, what happened that caused the relationship to end? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DenverDude Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Hi forgingahead, thanks for taking time to reply. I just wonder if I knew she was seeing someone, than it would remove any of the false hope that is still in my system - which to me - would be a slap in the face, wake up call, reality check, to start moving on 100%. But I want you to know that I really am making huge strides on improving myself. I have been on a strict work out regimine for a few weeks. I have been eating more healthy, I have been strict no contact - including social media - which was really hard to do. I am playing in 2 separate co-ed sports leagues, and I have been trying to be just an overall better person. I guess where I struggle is that there is this other part of me that is still lingering within me.. that would be the false hope that creeps up from time to time. I am going to try to link my original post to this thread later - when I can get to my computer (currently using phone) Link to post Share on other sites
RedButton Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I don't want to know. If I ever saw her I would try to avoid that topic. I'm about 3.5 months after breakup/NC too and it's something I don't want to have to deal with. The idea of it doesn't upset me in theory, but I'm sure seeing her with someone else would hurt or make me start comparing myself and wondering if it will last etc. I'm lucky in that I was able to make a clean getaway from social media and mutual friends so I can pretty easily avoid knowing stuff like this. I'm sure we'll cross paths eventually but again, I'll do what I can to avoid that topic. Link to post Share on other sites
Norajess Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Yes I would want to know because it helps you to move on better. To be honest if I didn't know he is in a relationship I would still have that tiny amount of Hope that he still loves me. So why not? Sometimes you have to know the hard truth in order to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Learning my ex was in a relationship actually made me realize I was over him. I thought I wasn't because I obsessively checked his social media - that became a total addiction. Anyway, I saw something vague about a trip he was on and by checking his friends list like a psycho, I found that a woman was with him on this trip. I was prepared to be crushed. Instead, I realized I just didn't care anymore. From that day on, I haven't cried about him or checked any social media for him. It's amazing. I was dreading the day I found out there was someone else, but it turned out to be a really good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 For me, when I knew that she was with someone else the acceptance of the "loss" got real and it really accelerated my healing. In my opinion, accepting that your relationship is dead, is the first step of many. It's like closing a door, you can't go back so you have no choice but to move forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Atmosphere77 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I'd want to know but I wouldn't want to hear it from her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I think that knowing they have found someone new could help. but it could also not help at all. You may still be hanging on, convincing yourself that it is a rebound. You may end up telling yourself that she will eventually realize that she misses you and come back. I just saw a picture of my ex with the guy who told her he had a crush on her. It's not crazy to assume they are together now that she got rid of me. It made me very angry, and I don't really miss her as much because of it. At least for right now. The roller coaster of emotions I am on makes me think that I could crash at any moment. I'm enjoying this anger though, because it is motivating me to be the best person I can be without her. Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I recently saw my wife crossing the street with some other guy. I have no idea who he was/is or even if they were together. They may have just been walking in proximity to each other for all I know. I'd like to know exactly what their relationship is, because I think it would help me make decisions as to how to approach things from here on out. I am not going to ask her that question (been in near-total NC for two months). If I knew she was sleeping with someone else, it would hurt for a bit but also would make it easier in the long run because I would let go of all hope of her coming back. So I guess in the end I would want to know, but it would depend a bit on how I found out. Link to post Share on other sites
ForgingAhead Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Hi forgingahead, thanks for taking time to reply. I just wonder if I knew she was seeing someone, than it would remove any of the false hope that is still in my system - which to me - would be a slap in the face, wake up call, reality check, to start moving on 100%. But I want you to know that I really am making huge strides on improving myself. I have been on a strict work out regimine for a few weeks. I have been eating more healthy, I have been strict no contact - including social media - which was really hard to do. I am playing in 2 separate co-ed sports leagues, and I have been trying to be just an overall better person. I guess where I struggle is that there is this other part of me that is still lingering within me.. that would be the false hope that creeps up from time to time. I am going to try to link my original post to this thread later - when I can get to my computer (currently using phone) The lifestyle you are engaged in will surely be helpful if not the healthiest approach you can take. I completely understand the curiosity, and it could be what you need. Personally, I already know my ex hooked up with someone else.. She lives upstairs, so I unfortunately got the wake up call around midnight when the guy was over. However it was brutal if not traumatic to experience that, and while it still hurts due to time invested, and who I thought she was, it's clear I now know who she really is and I feel I don't know her anymore. Fyi... I'm moving out Feb 15th... Got to move on, move up, and move on over her. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I think it can help in the long run. I have a friend whose fiance left her for another woman and ended up marrying the other woman within that same year. She said she feels that it helped her move on because she never held out hope of reconciliation. Once I found out my ex was engaged, it really propelled me to finally be done with him. Something about him being with another woman so quickly just disgusted me, and it made me loose any residual feelings for him. I didn't find out until after a year of NC, so I was pretty well done with him by that time anyway. I think I would have been devastated if I had found out when it was happening, but it might have helped me move on quicker too. Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 For me, when I knew that she was with someone else the acceptance of the "loss" got real and it really accelerated my healing. In my opinion, accepting that your relationship is dead, is the first step of many. It's like closing a door, you can't go back so you have no choice but to move forward. Exactly this for me as well. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 My ex left me for another girl.... it is the most horriblest feeling in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Cupid's Puppet Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I definitely would not want to know. That is my main motivation to not contact him. I think my heart might drop to my toes if I found that out. I would like to remember him one way. Even if I had someone else, I wouldn't want to see him with someone else. In my mind, he is the one who got away. Link to post Share on other sites
creyente7 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Me personally, I wouldnt be able to handle it. Ive shared too much of myself and know too much about her to even think about those things being shared to someone else. Even the smallest details. I cherished every part of her, treasured the little quirks as if she was a goddess. She truly was a great catch. She's a model, 5'11 in height, 36 DD's, a nurse, a damn sexy nurse that is. She was also really caring, smart, sweet, obnoxious, a child at heart, and a freak in bed. She won Ms. Panama City at 2014 spring break. She could cook, and she wasnt spoiled, she started working at age 13, and worked for everything she has. The list could go on, but unless I could find an upgrade, or somebody better I dont know if I could imagine her being with anyone else. Funny thing is, I didn't treat her the best, but she never cheated on me, she just got tired of my immaturity. 5 months later, im still dealing with the loss. To my ex: I know you'll never read this, but I just want you to know that I'll always love you. Despite knowing that we will never be together again. Link to post Share on other sites
LivinDeadGrl Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Personally I don't think I could handle it right now, but everything is still fresh and raw for me. The comfort I take in the "if" he was to see someone else, it would be that I know he can only put on a front for so long, and eventually she will be dealing with what I dealt with. On the other hand, I worry that maybe he will be better for the next one... I just can't wait for the day I don't care anymore. I don't care about any of my other exes and who they date, including my daughters father... So I know it will come and I can not wait to get there. Everyone is different. Some people it would crush, others it will help them to move on. You know yourself best. Link to post Share on other sites
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