King Bowls Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I can't remember if I've posted about this before, but I'm a 21 year old straight male, I think about my (now ex) friend's dad everyday. I've known him for about 7 years. I think about him every day, and want to hang out with him very much. I know that if I saw him or had the opportunity to go see him (like go out to eat or whatever) I would DROP everything and go do it. I would be super excited and ALL logic (logic about getting tasks done and that stuff) would be kicked aside. It would be like a guy getting a chance to get sex with a girl, everything is pushed to the side and clouds judgement Also, I've had dreams with my (ex) friend's dad in it. Also, every song by The Doors reminds me of him in some way. He is probably late 40s/early 50s, I'm 21. So is this attraction or obsession?
loverboy69 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Well my friend I guess you are realizing you are not 100% straight after all. Nothing wrong with it. It's also possible you are seeking attention and validation from an older male assuming you didn't get much of it growing up. Are your dreams about this guy simply platonic/paternal in nature or are they sexual in nature? Straight men don't obsess over other men all day long as a FYI. I'm a gay man who didn't come out till I was 26. I went through a phase between the ages of 18 and 24 where I felt I was bisexual because I would be turned on by both women and men depending on the person or circumstances. By the age of 25 I no longer had any sexual attraction towards women. When I was your age certain men in their 40's were super attractive to me whereas now I prefer guys my own age (mid 30's). 2
MidwestUSA Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Love the reference to the Doors. As usual, your posts rock! 3
Author King Bowls Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 Well my friend I guess you are realizing you are not 100% straight after all. Nothing wrong with it. It's also possible you are seeking attention and validation from an older male assuming you didn't get much of it growing up. Are your dreams about this guy simply platonic/paternal in nature or are they sexual in nature? Straight men don't obsess over other men all day long as a FYI. I'm a gay man who didn't come out till I was 26. I went through a phase between the ages of 18 and 24 where I felt I was bisexual because I would be turned on by both women and men depending on the person or circumstances. By the age of 25 I no longer had any sexual attraction towards women. When I was your age certain men in their 40's were super attractive to me whereas now I prefer guys my own age (mid 30's). You are probably right, I'm not 100% straight. I do and always will favor women, but I do in certain cases fantasize about guys. When I met him I was I think 14 years old (back in 2008)and I looked foward to talking to him and seeing him more than my own dad. The reason for this is because he's a very very funny guy and cracks some of the funniest and weirdest jokes. I laugh every time I talk to him. And my dad is the opposite to this, as he is very serious and critical all the time The most recent dream (the one I also remember best) I was at my uncles house, and he was there. To make a long dream short, he then touched my face. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. But then I woke up. That's the only dream I can remember since it was last week A big reason why I think I obsess over him is because the city he lives in is my favorite city. I'm obsessed with the city. And when I listen to songs by The Doors, I imagine him wearing a white long sleeve button down shirt with a long black tie with black slacks. I have that mentality that if I saw him I would forget everything else and do everything I could to do it -
Author King Bowls Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 Love the reference to the Doors. As usual, your posts rock! I appreciate that! I was beginning to think I have worn out my welcome here on LS (with people maybe getting tired of seeing threads started by me) 2
Haydn Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I appreciate that! I was beginning to think I have worn out my welcome here on LS (with people maybe getting tired of seeing threads started by me) Never King! Maybe explore your other side?
loverboy69 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 You are probably right, I'm not 100% straight. I do and always will favor women, but I do in certain cases fantasize about guys. When I met him I was I think 14 years old (back in 2008)and I looked foward to talking to him and seeing him more than my own dad. The reason for this is because he's a very very funny guy and cracks some of the funniest and weirdest jokes. I laugh every time I talk to him. And my dad is the opposite to this, as he is very serious and critical all the time The most recent dream (the one I also remember best) I was at my uncles house, and he was there. To make a long dream short, he then touched my face. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. But then I woke up. That's the only dream I can remember since it was last week A big reason why I think I obsess over him is because the city he lives in is my favorite city. I'm obsessed with the city. And when I listen to songs by The Doors, I imagine him wearing a white long sleeve button down shirt with a long black tie with black slacks. I have that mentality that if I saw him I would forget everything else and do everything I could to do it - You are living proof that human sexuality is very fluid and can't always be defined by hard rigid titles of "straight," or "gay." Even as a gay man there are times I'll see a woman and think "damn if only...." On a recent trip to Vegas with my straight friends I went all the way with a girl. I surprise myself sometimes. Only difference is that I have zero chemistry with women no matter how sexy they are. Good luck but remember this: In times even these little crushes will pass. When you reach 30 things you used to find attractive may wane and you might start falling for those who aren't even your type. I've had dozens of crushes and have fallen in love about 3 times over the past 12 years. You will too. Enjoy it and have fun. 1
MidwestUSA Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 I appreciate that! I was beginning to think I have worn out my welcome here on LS (with people maybe getting tired of seeing threads started by me) Oh, never! Hey, Amazon has a sale on shoes! 2
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Does this not have to do with the fact that your own father does not really give you a lot of love and warmth? I am absolutely convinced that a lot of men are gay because of a distant relationship with their dad and a too close relationship with their mother. I don't know any gays where this pattern does not play. Do you just want to be with this guy or do you also want sex with him? I totally understand the fascination with someone of your own gender. I can feel a strong pull by some women, nothing sexual but a real excitement at the thought of spending time with them. And finding them really beautiful and cool. But it's like when I was a kid when some friend of school came to play at my house. The excitement of showing them your room and books and toys. It might be that you have a stronge need for being validated by an older guy you admire and would like to be your mentor in some way. 1
preraph Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Well, what's your situation with your dad? Did you lose him? Did he abandon you? Trying to find out if this is about dad or if it's about you're not as straight as you think you are. 1
Author King Bowls Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 Oh, never! Hey, Amazon has a sale on shoes! Will have to check them out lol!
Author King Bowls Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 Does this not have to do with the fact that your own father does not really give you a lot of love and warmth? I am absolutely convinced that a lot of men are gay because of a distant relationship with their dad and a too close relationship with their mother. I don't know any gays where this pattern does not play. Do you just want to be with this guy or do you also want sex with him? I totally understand the fascination with someone of your own gender. I can feel a strong pull by some women, nothing sexual but a real excitement at the thought of spending time with them. And finding them really beautiful and cool. But it's like when I was a kid when some friend of school came to play at my house. The excitement of showing them your room and books and toys. It might be that you have a stronge need for being validated by an older guy you admire and would like to be your mentor in some way. Thing is with my dad is that he is very critical. Back when I was in intermediate school, junior high, and high school, any time I talked about some of my favorite subjects (like football) whenever I did bad in school, he would use stuff like that as ammo and say "instead worrying about that you need to worry about ...." All throughout my life, I haven't been able to go to my dad for a whole lot. Because of the fear of him getting mad. He was not an abusive dad, but had anger issues and was never ideal to talk to for many things. And since its been this way for so long, even now, being 21 years old, I still have that hesitation for going to him about stuff. And when I say stuff I mean almost any subject, besides maybe football and small talk occasionally. I'm trying hard to realize that I'm old enough to make my own decisions and I need to be able to make my own decisions without fear of what he says or thinks of it
Author King Bowls Posted February 14, 2015 Author Posted February 14, 2015 Well, what's your situation with your dad? Did you lose him? Did he abandon you? Trying to find out if this is about dad or if it's about you're not as straight as you think you are. Just trying to not have so much fear and worry of what he thinks all the time
gaius Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 My mother was a pretty unloving person so I ended up spending an ungodly amount of time fantasizing about my friend's mom, who was actually affectionate to me. She was a little chubby but if the opportunity arose today I'd still bang the hell out of her, even though she's probably like 60 now. 1
gaius Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Most of that will probably fade into the background once you get a real sexual partner that you're into King. 1
Mangina Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 I kind of had that impression when I read that thread about your feet.
Mangina Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 But hey this is nothing strange to this website
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Thing is with my dad is that he is very critical. Back when I was in intermediate school, junior high, and high school, any time I talked about some of my favorite subjects (like football) whenever I did bad in school, he would use stuff like that as ammo and say "instead worrying about that you need to worry about ...." All throughout my life, I haven't been able to go to my dad for a whole lot. Because of the fear of him getting mad. He was not an abusive dad, but had anger issues and was never ideal to talk to for many things. And since its been this way for so long, even now, being 21 years old, I still have that hesitation for going to him about stuff. And when I say stuff I mean almost any subject, besides maybe football and small talk occasionally. I'm trying hard to realize that I'm old enough to make my own decisions and I need to be able to make my own decisions without fear of what he says or thinks of it I think it is a very normal need to receive validation from your parents, especially the parent of your own gender. I have been physically and emotionally abused by my mother so you can imagine I have never received a lot of validation from her. And I feel that this is something I have missed sorely. With time, with therapy and with all kind of tools (yoga, reiki) I have been able to fill the void to an extent that I can live my own life without this constant pain, which I definitely had for a long time when I was younger. I had big hole in my heart. My mother is no longer alive, which is in a way a relief but the moment she died also meant that things were simply the way they were, without no more change possible. She had her very nice moments and I still think with a lot of melancholy of those. If your own father does not give you the validation and love you need, there is nothing wrong with finding some other male reference person in your life. I can tell you that all through my life I have had older ladies serve as a kind of positive mother figure for me. Don't immediately draw the conclusion that you are gay. You are 21 and still in the process of discovering who you are. Your need for a father figure is a very normal and healthy need, I would not conclude anything about your sexual preference from that. In any case, I would think that really being gay would more mean that you are attracted to guys your own age. 1
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