DatingDirection Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 (edited) I'm 31 years old. I haven't been in a relationship for 3 years now, and id love to meet my best friend. Recently, I slept with a friend I knew for just over a year. After we slept together, he said he was interested in knowing me better, spending more time with me. He also said I was amazing in bed too, while we were sleeping together he said this. After we slept together, a few weeks later, we spent his birthday together, (no sex)...and then a few weeks later he turned around and said that im asking him for more than what he's willing to give to me, and that he started seeing someone else. I can't stop thinking about him, I was so attracted to him. We shared intense passion together, along with intense connection on a heart based level. I'm really tired of taking ****. How can I get it together, so that I get respect, and taken seriously, and noticed by men? What does she have that I don't have? Many people see me at very beautiful features, although im not a size 2 or size 8 for that matter. I have curves, I could shape up a bit more than I am. I'm not even sure, maybe im not attractive. I do find that the city I live in, men are so focused on their cell phones, and rarely look at me. On the other hand, I've been told that im really pretty, I dont' get why I don't get noticed. I've also been told that if I lived in a latin country, I would have 10 boyfriends chasing after me at once. Is it the North American culture, or is it me? Edited February 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Gloria25 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 It's American guys - especially certain races... They want their women to look like dudes, dress like their mommies, hobos and not wear make up. They also expect women to fart around them and vice-versa...even for you to do your business on the toilet with the door wide open. Oh, and forget cooking...they live on Red Bull and take-out/Taco Bell. They also don't appreciate a femenine body. Oh, and don't shower them with affection/great sex. That's akin to giving women who are now brainwashed by the femenist movement flowers - they have no idea why you do it for them and are uncomfortable with it. 1
Author DatingDirection Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 Wow, that is one smart, reply. I couldn't agree with you more! Honestly, I've had a two year relationship with a Spanish man, and although that came with a lot of heart break, he would have kicked my butt to the curb if I ever farted infront of him, and vise versa. I make it a point to dress classy and exude my femininity, while trying to apprieciate my body, but at times, I look around the context im living in, and feel as if I am a fish, without water...surrounded by men who apprieciate women who have men's bodies, and masculine habits. What are these mother's teaching their sons? Eat well, dress well, smell well, and all will be well...in Toronto, men love taco meat, while the majority of men love a quality steak, wtf?
Author DatingDirection Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 What do you suggest is the solution then?
SycamoreCircle Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I'm not sure I really follow this American guys want their women to look like dudes. Let's start from the beginning---you slept with a friend you'd known for a year. You say there was so much passion between the two of you during sex. Are you sure about that? If there was passion from his end, he'd be wanting more sex with you. It also sounds like you were someone he mostly thought of as a friend and one night his (and your) better judgment caved. He felt mixed about it but told you he wanted to see you again(out of social responsibility), but regretted the whole thing. Usually, if something romantic is going to happen between two people it's going to develop early and quickly. Dating is a numbers game. I'm a good looking guy with my own sense of style and interests. I've had women fawn over me and women brush me aside. You have to keep putting yourself out there until you click with someone and it shouldn't take a year. 1
Author DatingDirection Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 Most of my guy friends are not attracted to women who are very overweight. You say you have some curves, but that can mean anything these days. If you want men to notice you, work on your physique and your confidence. I completely agree with you, "some curves" can mean anything these days...however, I can definitely say, im the same physique as Marilyn Monroe was...p.s why is it, that men are all about the looks, anyways? Didn't they see the film Wolf on Wall Street, where the women turns to the man, after he looses his money and wants to leave him, she says,"Who did you think you married."
Author DatingDirection Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 I'm not sure I really follow this American guys want their women to look like dudes. Let's start from the beginning---you slept with a friend you'd known for a year. You say there was so much passion between the two of you during sex. Are you sure about that? If there was passion from his end, he'd be wanting more sex with you. It also sounds like you were someone he mostly thought of as a friend and one night his (and your) better judgment caved. He felt mixed about it but told you he wanted to see you again(out of social responsibility), but regretted the whole thing. Usually, if something romantic is going to happen between two people it's going to develop early and quickly. Dating is a numbers game. I'm a good looking guy with my own sense of style and interests. I've had women fawn over me and women brush me aside. You have to keep putting yourself out there until you click with someone and it shouldn't take a year. Yes you are probably right. If there was passion from the start, then it wouldn't have taken us a year to connect on that level. Perhaps I felt that I wanted something with him, but really what I wanted was, a close friend, and instead I mixed up my feelings for this person, took it too far, and now we are no longer friends. Although, there was a lot of attraction between the two of us, that's for sure, or perhaps on my end...im new to dating, in fact, im shy. I don't really know how to distinguish a guy that I want something intimate with vs. a guy that I just find really attractive and nothing more.
Gloria25 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 What do you suggest is the solution then? Give up on dating... Relax at home with a beer, good food, and something on the TV. You'll be happier and less stressed. 2
SycamoreCircle Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Yes you are probably right. If there was passion from the start, then it wouldn't have taken us a year to connect on that level. Perhaps I felt that I wanted something with him, but really what I wanted was, a close friend, and instead I mixed up my feelings for this person, took it too far, and now we are no longer friends. Although, there was a lot of attraction between the two of us, that's for sure, or perhaps on my end...im new to dating, in fact, im shy. I don't really know how to distinguish a guy that I want something intimate with vs. a guy that I just find really attractive and nothing more. I think the guy sets the terms of that decision. If his behavior, his choices and his course in life make you feel happy, warm, secure, comfortable, excited, silly, and free then I think he's a good guy to become intimate with. It takes a little time to understand these things.
Author DatingDirection Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 Give up on dating... Relax at home with a beer, good food, and something on the TV. You'll be happier and less stressed. I definitely won't do that. After all, don't you think that, human connection is the reason why were are all here on earth in the first place? I mean, even though, there are many systems in our society that are set up, for humans to be isolated, and measured against each other, that is at the end of the day, for the benefit of those who are in power, however the truth is, we, are all here to be connected to one another, through love. Does this make sense? 1
Author DatingDirection Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 I think the guy sets the terms of that decision. If his behavior, his choices and his course in life make you feel happy, warm, secure, comfortable, excited, silly, and free then I think he's a good guy to become intimate with. It takes a little time to understand these things. You think the guy sets the terms of what decision?
Gloria25 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I definitely won't do that. After all, don't you think that, human connection is the reason why were are all here on earth in the first place? I mean, even though, there are many systems in our society that are set up, for humans to be isolated, and measured against each other, that is at the end of the day, for the benefit of those who are in power, however the truth is, we, are all here to be connected to one another, through love. Does this make sense? No.... Dear, I'm going on 40 and am tired of trying to figure guys out. Besides, the dating world really sucks now a days too. I can get love from hugging my doggies and take care of my "needs" through masturbation. Like Beyonce's song, "Me, Myself, and I"....I know that "I" will never disappoint myself. Tired of the garbage out there trying to pass for "men". I can handle myself thank you, and will not let myself down. Now, to answer your question on your OP, if this isn't a case of culture clash (or not), next time don't jump into bed with dude without dating him and you two really getting to know each other cuz passion isn't enough to keep a RL going...things in common, common goals, progression (ie marriage, kids) is what will keep people together. Passion also blinds us to make us think something is there when it actually could be just lust, emotions, hornies. Think of passion as the icing on cake. Get to know a guy well (cake) before you put icing (passion/sex) on it. Cuz cake is good w/o icing, but icing sorta sucks on its own.
SycamoreCircle Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 You think the guy sets the terms of what decision?You said you didn't know how to distinguish a guy you want to be intimate with from a guy you just find really attractive.
Author DatingDirection Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 No.... Dear, I'm going on 40 and am tired of trying to figure guys out. Besides, the dating world really sucks now a days too. I can get love from hugging my doggies and take care of my "needs" through masturbation. Like Beyonce's song, "Me, Myself, and I"....I know that "I" will never disappoint myself. Tired of the garbage out there trying to pass for "men". I can handle myself thank you, and will not let myself down. Now, to answer your question on your OP, if this isn't a case of culture clash (or not), next time don't jump into bed with dude without dating him and you two really getting to know each other cuz passion isn't enough to keep a RL going...things in common, common goals, progression (ie marriage, kids) is what will keep people together. Passion also blinds us to make us think something is there when it actually could be just lust, emotions, hornies. Think of passion as the icing on cake. Get to know a guy well (cake) before you put icing (passion/sex) on it. Cuz cake is good w/o icing, but icing sorta sucks on its own. Yes, and I made the mistake of mistaking our friendship for over a year, as I know this guy well enough to take it to the next level and sleep with him. As I said, im still learning, and this situation definitely taught me, it takes more than just a year of being friends with someone, to build a relationship and sleep with them.
Gloria25 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Yes, and I made the mistake of mistaking our friendship for over a year, as I know this guy well enough to take it to the next level and sleep with him. As I said, im still learning, and this situation definitely taught me, it takes more than just a year of being friends with someone, to build a relationship and sleep with them. Yes, you can't count that year of friendship as knowing him romantically. Knowing someone when the parties have made it clear there is that they seek a romantic RL with them ("dating") is different than being friends cuz when you are friends, you don't show/do certain things that you would do if you were dating them. Like, I probably wouldn't pick my nose in front of a guy I'm dating, but could care less if he was just a friend.
Woggle Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 It's American guys - especially certain races... They want their women to look like dudes, dress like their mommies, hobos and not wear make up. They also expect women to fart around them and vice-versa...even for you to do your business on the toilet with the door wide open. Oh, and forget cooking...they live on Red Bull and take-out/Taco Bell. They also don't appreciate a femenine body. Oh, and don't shower them with affection/great sex. That's akin to giving women who are now brainwashed by the femenist movement flowers - they have no idea why you do it for them and are uncomfortable with it. God god relationships are effed up these days and it comes from both men and women. 1
gaius Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 No.... Dear, I'm going on 40 and am tired of trying to figure guys out. Besides, the dating world really sucks now a days too. I can get love from hugging my doggies and take care of my "needs" through masturbation. Like Beyonce's song, "Me, Myself, and I"....I know that "I" will never disappoint myself. Tired of the garbage out there trying to pass for "men". I can handle myself thank you, and will not let myself down. If anyone wasn't meant to be single it's you Gloria. The desire for a partner seeps from every pore. DatingDirection, you could try those clicky heels I see some women wear, those always shock me right out of my phone when I hear a pair coming. Other than that finding a way to put forth your personality despite being shy might help too. A great behind and lips are one thing but it's hard to keep interest if there isn't an interesting personality to match. That and the woman being a bit of a challenge is usually what catches my attention.
Author DatingDirection Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 If anyone wasn't meant to be single it's you Gloria. The desire for a partner seeps from every pore. DatingDirection, you could try those clicky heels I see some women wear, those always shock me right out of my phone when I hear a pair coming. Other than that finding a way to put forth your personality despite being shy might help too. A great behind and lips are one thing but it's hard to keep interest if there isn't an interesting personality to match. That and the woman being a bit of a challenge is usually what catches my attention. Thank you for your reply. It's true, most of the time im wearing runners, or in the winter, snow boots . Even though I am shy, it doesn't mean that I don't know how to initiate a conversation, or carry out one. In fact, I have many interests. I've studied sociology, I've travelled to marginalised parts of the world and have been able to see things from different perspectives. I love Just For Laughs gags, (practicle jokes) show based out of Montreal. When I was a child, I was chosen to model, and since then I have always been told how pretty I am, although to be honest, I have also been told, I am very pretty if only I lost 20-30 lbs, I would be a lot prettier, and a lot smaller too. I've been trying to keep in good shape and health, but people don't understand how hard it is, especially for women to maintain a certain weight, and loose weight. I don't go out really though, I don't like bars, clubs. I'm very sad in fact. I need to change my state of emotion.
ascendotum Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 (edited) ...I look around the context im living in, and feel as if I am a fish, without water...surrounded by men who apprieciate women who have men's bodies, and masculine habits. ... wtf? yeah wtf is right, but at what you say men want. Noooo men, do not want ladettes for gfs. If masculine women are up for a shag, then yes men will go along for the ride for a while....but wont go LTR if they have options. Just like hunky masculine men rock it for women, sweet feminine in form & nature women get men inspired for gf material. The more masculine and feminine good catch people get snapped up. Guys are dating farting, boozey, loud mouth, swearing, junk culture obsessed, tatted up, chunky build women, not necessarily because they see these women as hot catches but there are LOTS of these single women out there in the US/UK/AUS/CAN these days. Its what they have grown up with. Edited February 11, 2015 by ascendotum
Weezy1973 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Being overweight truly doesn't matter as long as you're also attracted to men that are overweight. I'm guessing your friend with benefits was also overweight like yourself.
Gloria25 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Guys are dating farting, boozey, loud mouth, swearing, junk culture obsessed, tatted up, chunky build women, not necessarily because they see these women as hot catches but there are LOTS of these single women out there in the US/UK/AUS/CAN these days. Its what they have grown up with. And, cuz now a days lazy and flabby is the norm. If you're overweight then you have an "addiction" and need a pill instead of getting off your fat butt and walking a mile. Or you have a "thyroid" issue And, you're considered a superficial pig if you don't accept fat/overweight women as "normal".
Woggle Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I don't want to date a woman with no class but I also don't want a priss who doesn't know how to have some fun and let her hair down every now and then. I am into women who I can do certain things with and take certain places without offending her delicate sensibilities.
katlover Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Well.. the reason he left you was because he was in lust not love. Someone in love will do anything for the other person. Someone in lust is harder to control. If you truly wanted a serious relationship with this guy and keep him, you should've made him fall in love with you first. So when the sex does happen, it will only further enslave him. You just have to be seductive if you want the attention and respect of men. Good luck.
elaine567 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Being overweight truly doesn't matter as long as you're also attracted to men that are overweight. I'm guessing your friend with benefits was also overweight like yourself. Wait a minute she said she was shaped like Marilyn Monroe, not that she was overweight or obese.... 1
regine_phalange Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Getting noticed and respected is mostly beyond your control. But you can control the amount of BS you'll believe. And it doesn't hurt to have stricter filters also. See who makes you feel great in their presence. Not because you've idealised them in your head but because they really make you feel good. 2
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