LYC Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I spent over two years as the other woman. Most days I felt it wasn't that bad. But it took a toll. Every time he left me after having a great day to go home, I cried. When I joined this forum I am not sure what I was looking for. I read a lot of the same stories over and over. Things didn't change for me until I woke up and admitted being the other woman was CRAP and I refused to go on one day longer. The thing is you can't fake that feeling. You can walk away a hundred times but until you really are ready to break all contact, it won't change. I did let him keep in touch for the sake of our child but not for me. This forum is full of stereotyping but I never believed he was a cake eater. I knew him and I knew he was a good person. I had just had enough of that type of relationship. I also knew this "affairytail" people wrote about was crap. Were there feelings of elation? Absolutely. But there were also all the other feelings every other couple faces. Sure in a perfect world we would have never acted on our feelings for each other because we would never have gotten close enough to develop feelings. But this isn't a perfect world and we aren't perfect people. That isn't an excuse. Just the truth. He did leave his wife. And today we are in a legitimate relationship. And the excitement? It's still real. Even when we talk about bills and laundry and grocery shopping. 7
anika99 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 OP how long ago did your MM leave his wife? Has he divorced yet and has he come out in the open about the daughter that he has with you?
Author LYC Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 (edited) He left this summer. It took about a month after I ended things. It wasn't easy as she was moving out of the country. And she was mentally abusive towards him. They are divorced. And he hasn't told her about the affair and child yet. Not going to be an easy conversation for sure. Edited February 11, 2015 by LYC 1
Honypooh Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 It does happen. There are men there that are not cake eaters...I have one. We made plans to be together officially in May. We rented an apartment together, he slowly started moving his person possessions in. We were making our final plans. We went out on a Saturday evening...his wife went out with her friends. She made it home before he did. She was so enraged when he got home, she physically attacked him...hit him in the face and broke his glasses. Her adult daughter and boyfriend had to hold her back. So he told her that's it he is done. He moved the rest of his clothes in yesterday and went to hire a lawyer this morning. We are ahead of our planned move in date...but we feel like after 13 months we are beginning our life together.
Cinnimon Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Wait, I don't understand? Why, if he were going to leave, just go ahead and leave? Why on earth would he openly date you in front of his wife? Seems very cruel to me? Am I missing something? 3
scatterd Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Yes cheating openly is cruel I hope he does not do that to you later. The thing is he has not fixed the reason he cheats good luck.
anika99 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 The reason is because he fell out of love with his wife. Falling out of love is a good reason to divorce, not to cheat. 4
sookie321 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 (edited) LYC could you please tell us about your situation a bit more? How was it when you found out you were pregnant? Did you know he was to leave his wife for sure? Did they have kids? I just found out I'm pregnant and not sure how to act from now on. My MM is def not a cake eater by far. I'm just afraid he will not have the courage that is why I want to know more about your situation! Thank you in advance Edited February 15, 2015 by sookie321
minimariah Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I honestly think situations like these happen more often than people want to admit. I see it all the time in RL but somehow, those stories rarely make it to Forums like these. it can definitely happen, everyone's situation is different & it's definitely not as rare as people think it is. 1
minimariah Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 He did leave his wife. And today we are in a legitimate relationship. And the excitement? It's still real. Even when we talk about bills and laundry and grocery shopping. of course it's still real - you didn't even spend five years with him. you're only just starting, it would be ridiculous if the excitement vanished this early in your relationship. also - if he and his wife are divorced and don't have children, i don't see why he has to tell her about your lovechild at all. it's not her business anymore IF they don't have kids together.
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I just want to say your post was inspirational.
sandylee1 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I read a couple of other forums and it appears that a lot of men and women leave for the AP. I guess most of those people are happy and tend not to post in these forums. 1
purplesorrow Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I read a couple of other forums and it appears that a lot of men and women leave for the AP. I guess most of those people are happy and tend not to post in these forums. I don't get what them being happy or not has to do with them posting here. The op appears happy and posted.
MissBee Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 (edited) The title "the exception" itself gives credence to the idea that the opposite is the rule. You're not saying anything new. You said your situation was crap, made you cry, it was good sometimes but overall you ended it because you were unhappy and he left. I mean, aside from the leaving part, I don't think anyone would argue having been the OW that it's often like that. None of this sounds like a fairytale by any stretch, just a situation that seems to have run its course and, question, why is his wife moving to another country? Was it a choice made before or after he decided to divorce? Did he initiate the divorce or did she? She obviously knows nothing of the affair and you and is moving so it seems like, and correct me if I'm wrong, that it wasn't a case of him manning up but you and she getting tired around the same time so things ended. Whatever the situation is, I hope he is all in with you and your child. In your case too it's complicated by the fact that you have a child together. You two are grown so it's whatever in terms of what you do, but how is his relationship with the child? Obviously his family doesn't know of the child. An OW in a secret affair by herself is one thing, a child having to have a secret father is another. I'm happy for your child's sake that it's over because it's more than just you him and your romantic relationship but your child's place in his life. Given all you said, to be real I would be frickin furious, esp for my child's sake, and the fact that he left, eventually, in what looks to me (but admittedly I don't have all the info)like some default scenario, doesn't for me anyway, paint this story as a beautiful exception. Rather, it's the same old story of hurt and secrets and trying to live with it in spite of the fact, worse add a child raising the stakes higher, and now he finally leaves. The leaving part may be the only exceptional aspect but every other aspect, like you yourself admitted, has been rehearsed here again and again. It's not a conspiracy or people not wanting things to work out for OW. No one forces people to come here saying the same things. No one can say with certainty how anyone's case will turn out but it's about deciding if what you're getting is truly what you want and deserve even if the person never leaves, or if they do leave deciding if what you went through makes it worth it to continue with them, as well as giving advice to people based on what seems most likely given what they present. I wish you and your child luck! Edited February 15, 2015 by MissBee 3
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