binrob Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Before I start I want to say sorry for the long post. Ok..so my ex and I were together for 4 years. We were each others first. She left me 2 years ago saying she wasn’t happy, got a new boyfriend within a month, and then two months later contacts me saying she’s sorry and wants to get back together. I love her so much so I accept. We try again. Fast forward to eight months ago and I do some stupid things but we decide to work it out. Then in september we had a fight and she decides she wants to break up. She had just told me the month before how she had a “gut feeling about us since the day we met”, that we would last forever. She then goes and starts dating another guy within a week. But after about 1 month and a half I contact her and we start talking again. We say that we love each other. Text from morning til night, kiss, everything. I call her my heart which I had never done before and she got all teary-eyed when I said it and said so herself that she was so moved. However I did say I wanted to take it slow so we don’t rush into things again. She agrees. I found out that she kept my love note that came with the flowers I sent her when we broke up recently in the box where she keeps the watch I bought for her last christmas. Anyway, 3 weeks after we start talking she does a complete 180 and says she wants to break up for good this time. I ask her how she could go from loving me and wanting to try again to wanting to break up. She doesn’t give me an answer. 2 weeks later I see her at an event holding hands with another guy. Not the same guy from 2 months ago. Breaks my heart. We are neighbors so 2 weeks after that I see this guy with her and her family. She's already brought him home to meet her family. Then in the beginning of January I find out that they went on a vacation together. Her new boyfriend posts a collage of pictures of them together happy and on vacation as his facebook cover. However my friends told me that it's only him doing all of this. He has changed his profile pic to him and her dogs and his cover to them on vacation. She has yet to change her profile or her cover or anything since we broke up. I don't know if this means anything. I can’t understand how she can move on so fast while I’m still feeling like a wreck everyday. Can someone tell me how she can go from loving me and being with me for 4 years, wanting to work things out, to breaking up and getting in a relationship like nothing happened? Please help me, I feel like I’m drowning.
erklat Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 You won't drown but you'll suffer for some time. You'll get some air each time you think it's over. The reason you're blindsided is she emotionally cheated on you. She checked out months prior, had your replacement lined up and just waited for an opportune moment. We all made it, you'll make it too. Just make sure to be a better person on the other side. 3
dyna85 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I think she's gotten comfortable with her ability to run free and fall back into your loving arms as she pleases. In her mind, you're a sure bet, a reliable safety net. Of course she's acting like nothing happened. She knows at any point if she turns to you and says 'jump,' you'll ask 'how high, honey?' That's a pretty sweet deal if you ask me. She's carefree because she's got the best of both worlds. What you can do to help yourself is to stop letting her take advantage of your love. You've already seen what happens when you do your usual. Definitely do not initiate contact with someone who threw your a$$ to the curb without a second glance. You're all, 'but how could you?' (sad dog face) and she's off dancing in the moonlight with her new boy toy. Time to MAN UP and make her dust like she's done to you. You know the way... we all hate it. NC is seriously the biggest biatch, but it's gotta be done in times like these... I'm sorry your heart is suffering. You will regain your power and your rational thought will be restored in time though. When that happens, you will wonder why you let this pattern continue. Put a lock on it before you get hurt even more. 3
Ganz7 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 (edited) Yes it's gonna suck for a while and I've just been through 4 months of it. If it's any consolation - which it probably wont be, my ex walked out on me after nearly 11 years together. The shock, the anxiety, the sleepness nights, the lack of appetite, losing motivation to do anything and it seemed nothing mattered any more. It's a horrible place to be and I'm kind of still in there but slowly healing and looking ahead rather than in the past. If I'm honest I've only began reminiscing about the past since she left. When we were together I never really thought about her much. Sounds aweful but it's the truth. My ex betrayed me and used me in the end and that I can deal with it. Like yourself, it's the amazement that she could leave me after so many years. In fact, it's the only thing I really think about these days. I totally get the shock you are in as It gets me too. I'm having to accept that my ex didn't really want me but just needed me. I fulfilled what she needed at the time. Otherwise, if she really wanted me she would be knocking on my door. My ex said that she had changed as a person from when I first met her. She said it was sad that she was deciding to walk away but that staying together for so many years didn't mean we had to stay together another several years. Buddy, let her carry on. You need to do what I'm doing and get on with your life. Do the best thing and move on. My relationship was not perfect we argued a lot. Looking back I wish we had parted way sooner as I could have found someone else. Instead she found someone else and I'm left on my own! If a person really loves you they will show that in more ways than one. Move on as she sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and will only hurt you later on. I know that love can have such a strong hold that it can make you do silly things. I had a friend whose gf cheated on him and knowing this he even let her live at his place because, through love, he thought she might see the error of her ways and fall in love with him again. Of course it didn't happen. He met someone else after her and is now happily married with kids. Don't waste your time with her as she is wasting your time. Time stands still for no one! Ganz7 Edited February 11, 2015 by Ganz7 2
Chi townD Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 How was she able to move on so quickly? Okay...let's look at it. You break up and within 30 days she has a new dude. You get back together and break up again and within a WEEK she has yet another new guy. You get back together and she only stays for a short period of time and she leaves again. And then two weeks later she has a brand new guy! I'm terrible at math but if we include you she's had 4 guys since she's been with you. If she got with one of those guys within a week, then odds are there was something already there in order for her to feel comfortable enough to start dating this dude. Thus, she was probably cheating on you. Now, how many girls have you had throughout your relationship with her? My guess is one. Dude, she was never truly invested in your relationship. She told you EXACTLY what you wanted to hear to keep you happy, but she always had her eye on other dudes. Always had one foot out the door. I'm going to take a stab at the times you two broke up it was because of arguments. And I'm going to speculate that she probably started most of those fights. She had another dude waiting in the wings for her (or you to get fed up with her sh*t) to break up. Dude, let this bitch go. She's going through a new guy every week. You deserve better. You deserve a girl that has a moral compass and knows how to dedicate herself to a relationship. Start NC and start making positive changes to your life. 3
Author binrob Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 I have considered that she might have done this but it doesn't make any sense. She was always very loving caring. She was always open about our relationship. We also live in a small town where you can't easily fool around with other people without it getting out. When she left me 2 years ago she had her reasons and she got into a relationship with this other dude. When she came back after 2 months she said he was great and all but he just wasn't me. After that we were a loving couple for almost 2 years before she broke up again. Isn't it possible that she's using these guys as a rebound? I mean if she wanted to sleep around why jump into another relationship? She has done this everytime we broke up. Jumped into something serious instead of just being free.
mightycpa Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I think maybe you need to get used to the idea that to her, you're the next best thing to nothing. She's gotten all that she can out of you. Listen, you need to drop this idea that what happened in the past was nothing. Rather, your relationship ran its course. She got to the finish line, and you didn't. Your first clue was in year 2, when she got another guy, then wanted back with you. You took her back easily, and that was your mistake. It was only a matter of time. Live and learn.
Chi townD Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I have considered that she might have done this but it doesn't make any sense. She was always very loving caring. She was always open about our relationship. We also live in a small town where you can't easily fool around with other people without it getting out. When she left me 2 years ago she had her reasons and she got into a relationship with this other dude. When she came back after 2 months she said he was great and all but he just wasn't me. After that we were a loving couple for almost 2 years before she broke up again. Isn't it possible that she's using these guys as a rebound? I mean if she wanted to sleep around why jump into another relationship? She has done this everytime we broke up. Jumped into something serious instead of just being free. It may not make sense, but lets look at the facts. With this back and forth with you two, everytime she ended it, she had a new guy immediately. Including you, it was 4. Whether they were rebound or not, it still doesn't change the fact that you can forget what she said to you. You have to look at her actions. And she's shown you on several occasions that you are replaceable regardless of what she told you and made you feel. And you said it yourself. Everytime, she jumps into something serious instead of being single and free for a while. Not giving herself time to mourn the loss of you and your relationship together. Okay, so you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else's business. She may or may not have cheated. But, you can't rule out the possibility that this other dude showed interest in her and she couldn't pursue this other dude while with you. So, you break up and she goes off to see what this other dude is all about. It's not cheating, but it's shady as Sh*t.
na49 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Dude, she was never truly invested in your relationship. She told you EXACTLY what you wanted to hear to keep you happy, but she always had her eye on other dudes. Always had one foot out the door. I'm going to take a stab at the times you two broke up it was because of arguments. And I'm going to speculate that she probably started most of those fights. She had another dude waiting in the wings for her (or you to get fed up with her sh*t) to break up. You just described my situation perfectly lol. As for you OP, you can't really go based on what she says. Listen, my ex told me that she was invested in me for good when she came back. I told her that I didn't want her leaving again. Welp, she left again. She doesn't seem to mourning the loss either. She is living it up with her friends, has got this new guy who told her he has a crush on her (while she was still with me), and is having a great time while I'm stuck trying to figure out what went wrong.
marimari Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 She is just using you, when she gets tired or bored with new boyfriends, she will run back to you. So snap out of it, and don't let her do that. If you let her do that to you, you will never be happy, and she will leave you again. You must love yourself and put yourself first.
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