Zahara Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I just wish i could get over it faster. Four months is significant enough for you to have an emotional connection, and it's normal for you to feel disappointed and affected. We all wish we could get over those emotions a lot faster but unfortunately it's hard to undo. But SG, you'll get there. You've been through these emotions before and you've moved on. You will be strong. Just another bump in the road. Better now than later. 2
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 All this makes me want to give up and avoid pain.
PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 F- that guy! Right now the ball is in his court and he knows it! DO NOT CONTACT HIM! The longer you can hold out, the stronger and more powerful you'll become. In a few weeks, he'll be scratching his head wondering why you didn't throw a hissy fit. Then he'll be doubting himself as to why YOU didn't contact him. DO NOT CONTACT HIM. 2
Zahara Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 All this makes me want to give up and avoid pain. Try not to jump ahead. Deal with what you have infront of you versus contemplating how you're going to handle the future. Your outlook today will be far different from your outlook in 6 months because your feelings will change. So, just focus on NOW and getting through this hurdle. 1
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 F- that guy! Right now the ball is in his court and he knows it! DO NOT CONTACT HIM! The longer you can hold out, the stronger and more powerful you'll become. In a few weeks, he'll be scratching his head wondering why you didn't throw a hissy fit. Then he'll be doubting himself as to why YOU didn't contact him. DO NOT CONTACT HIM. Ha ha - yes let him think his perfermence is lacking...
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Sucks. But yes, wish him well and let him know that you are there.
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Please explain to me why you were worried that he wasn't talking to you and then he did talk to you - one time, and then you got intimate??? And now you feel bad about that?? Why did you go ahead with that when you were having a lot of doubts beforehand??
Leigh 87 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Having an ill father is no reason to fly off the radar for days. MOST men who are really into a girl after 4 months - tend to want their girlfriend by their side - to talk to and just to offer hugs and support.... The fact he disappeared for days and didn't contact you daily just means he just isn't into you. Plain and simple. He is rude. I have an ill father - times he is in hospital with the doctors discussing potential open heart surgery - you can bet I don't go days without texting my boyfriend........ It takes 30 seconds to send a text.
katiegrl Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 The last time you saw or heard from his was V day and you were intimate. It's been nearly a week. I don't chalk it up to distraction about his father anymore because you did say that his father is out of the hospital and he was out with his friends even when his father was in the hospital. At this point it's just rude. Even if he didn't feel like talking or is distracted by his father and his friends, he can at least reach out and let you know that he needs some time alone to sort things out and he will contact you at some point. There is no reason not to extend some, even a little decency in caring for someone else's feeling, especially one that you've been dating and have been intimate with, and one you know has an attachment to you. Even if he comes back, you really need to think about whether you want to be with someone who disregards you this way. What happens when he has another difficult situation next month or 6 months from now? Disappear? Silence is a response. Personally, silence is an indication that you're either not in their line of vision or it's a coward's way of sneaking out. Don't contact him. Let him come back to you because he will at some point. I 100% agree with this ^^ ....and unfortunately I also think it's quite possible his dad's so-called illness was just an excuse to distance himself from you... Not saying his dad didn't"t have *something* wrong with him..but he may have played it up to make it sound worse than it was...to give him a plausible reason for needing space from you. Apparently he didn't need space from his mates though, did he.. OP, if it were me, not only would I not contact him, I would block him, delete him and go no contact immediately if not sooner! The guy is a bull shytter.....move on you don't deserve that crap.. 1
Author so gutted Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 I get it.. But he did: Contact me from another continent to tell me that he had to go there in an emergency.. Contact me 8 times a day on his return.. Had arranged a weekend away but coincided with his dads illness.. Organised all this on a meaningful day (v day).. Spent 4/5 hours with me as a friend each week.. So his disappearence is not only out of charecter, cruel but part of me thinks he should be made to explain and feel ashamed. Makes me reevaluate friends etc, anyone can exit your life without explanation . The only hint he did give was that he waited to make a move because he was unsure about his kids. His kids deserve a better father, if this is how he treats womenwhat hope do they have? Karma
Zahara Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I get it.. But he did: Contact me from another continent to tell me that he had to go there in an emergency. Contact me 8 times a day on his return. Had arranged a weekend away but coincided with his dads illness. Organised all this on a meaningful day (v day). Spent 4/5 hours with me as a friend each week.. That only reinforces that he had the capability of making contact and planning regardless of his father being sick. There is no reason to disappear for a week. So his disappearence is not only out of charecter, cruel but part of me thinks he should be made to explain and feel ashamed. I think that people who behave this way don't really care how you feel, therefore they have no capacity to feel shame or feel the need to explain. Makes me reevaluate friends etc, anyone can exit your life without explanation. It's all a risk. Nothing is a guarantee. The only hint he did give was that he waited to make a move because he was unsure about his kids. Unless he was found in a ditch and is in a hospital suffering memory loss, or someone dear to him has passed and he is intensely grieving and suffering, there is no reason why he cannot spend a few seconds reaching out. If he is rethinking this whole thing, he should at least say something.
Author so gutted Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Thanks. All true. Im venting out so that I can learn. Objectively speaking he has behaved in a really cruel way, getting to know me well and then intimately to reject me on v day. Part of me is still waiting, even though its too late to even consider any explanation. I met his friends and family. I went to his house, im now feeling really paranoid and not good enough. Im Embaressed that I bared all and got treated so badly. I got it very wrong.
Author so gutted Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Is it normal to want an explanation from someone who you liked and were friends with?
Zahara Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Is it normal to want an explanation from someone who you liked and were friends with? Yes, it's very normal. He's done a 180 and when someone does that to you, a normal response is to wonder why and seek answers. But you have to let that go. I do believe he will be back, and with an explanation. Just don't go seeking it. And don't base your worth on his actions. You need to realize that he is the one lacking, not you. When people act badly, it's not about you, it's about them.
Author so gutted Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 I dont think he will be back as he has left it too long, and its shameful. Easier to cowardly hide.
katiegrl Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I dont think he will be back as he has left it too long, and its shameful. Easier to cowardly hide. I am sorry SG...that totally sucks. After rethinking this though...personally speaking I don't allow people to get away with treating me like that....it's crap and unacceptable! I would probably send him a scathing text calling him a weak gutless wonder who didn't even have the common human decency to end it like a man...choosing instead to "wimp" out like a coward. Tell him to not even bother responding as any further communication you receive from him is being diverted directly to your trash! Then block him and delete him from your phone, Facebook and all other social media....AND your life! Next! I know others will disagree but I would rather say my piece and be done with it. I wouldn't give a rat's rear end what he thinks about it...I would send that text FOR ME....it would make me feel better. For me, internalizing my feelings (anger) is not healthy for me. It would eat me up inside. That's just me though...you do whatever is right for YOU!
Zahara Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I dont think he will be back as he has left it too long, and its shameful. Easier to cowardly hide. These kinds always resurface. The longer they leave it, the easier to come back. It's with hope that they can hit the reset button. Again, if they don't have it in them to realize that they shouldn't be doing what they're doing, trust that shame is the last thing they feel.
Author so gutted Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Ha ha i dont want to give him that piece of me. Im not sure if im Pining over him or the hope that has been lost. Probably the hope and boost he gave me.
Author so gutted Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 These kinds always resurface. The longer they leave it, the easier to come back. It's with hope that they can hit the reset button. Again, if they don't have it in them to realize that they shouldn't be doing what they're doing, trust that shame is the last thing they feel. Even by his standards this is long. I never saw the nasty part of him before.
Author so gutted Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 I sent him an sms saying he had really disrespected me and knew we were mates before. Not nice. He called. His dad is back in hospital (he is 90) and weak. Had not seen his kids for a week even though they have holidays and had had 4 hours sleep and no food. I said i felt abandoned etc. I believe what he says, he did say i could have called. I think its bad bad timing and he could have sent an sms at least. I have called him up on it because despite what i said here his behaviour did not match what i knew of him. Nothing since - im wondering if i should ask how his father is or do i look pushy?
Zahara Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 (edited) I sent him an sms saying he had really disrespected me and knew we were mates before. Not nice. He called. His dad is back in hospital (he is 90) and weak. Had not seen his kids for a week even though they have holidays and had had 4 hours sleep and no food. I said i felt abandoned etc. I believe what he says, he did say i could have called. I think its bad bad timing and he could have sent an sms at least. I have called him up on it because despite what i said here his behaviour did not match what i knew of him. Nothing since - im wondering if i should ask how his father is or do i look pushy? He said you could have called but in your posts you mentioned you reached out but he never responded to you? Also, sending a text like that is only going to make him pull back even more. He's likely going to withdraw. I think you should leave it alone. If he's consumed with his father that he can't spend seconds saying something, anything, "hey SG, things are pretty difficult right now but I'll be in touch soon" -- took me 5 seconds to type that, just let him come to you. You can send him a text and tell him that you are thinking of him and hoping he's coping and that you are in this thoughts -- but leave it at that. What I don't understand is that when you're up in arms, then he has the ability to call and explain himself. And I don't particularly believe the dramatization of his kids, no sleep and no food. Sometimes people do that to make you feel guilty. So from the time you saw him till today he has had no food? Edited February 23, 2015 by Zahara
Author so gutted Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 He has always responded, just a bit curt the last time. He has had no food, no time whilw attending to dad and travelling to work. Si had to reach out it was making me ill. Now i have i feel better as i can see how lame it is. All the excuses but he still didnt say sorry or arrange anything. No reassurances, just a rundown of what he had been doing. I felt like i could not say much as his dad is back in hospital, im believe that bit. He is busy or preoccupied or whatever, i am not on his radar. Im planning other stuff with friends. Today i was off sick from work as I had worked myself up over the last few days. I wish i could dettach from it all and not ask for crumbs of contact. I am trying to get away from this situation but finding it hard. Now i have reinforced how i feel to Him and he is still busy i should leave it. I feel selfish for not asking about his dad as he is taking care of expensive medical bills but i cant be the one intiating again.
Zahara Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I asked about his dad a few times last week and he didnt respond.. Thanks. I asked if the operation went ahead yest and he did not respond.. You stated he never responded. I don't think you should be reaching out. Yes, you're not on his radar. If you want to say something, just a short message wishing him well and that doesn't indicate you require a response but that it's up to him if/when he is ready to reach out. But that's it. No more chasing for some sort of something. His father being sick doesn't justify falling off the radar. It takes but seconds to reach out. If he can call you now, he could have called you then or even a quick text. You need to start focusing on moving on with your other plans, your friends, your day to day -- I don't think this has the potential of going anywhere. 1
Author so gutted Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Oh yes ... True ... Sadly it doesnt, which means he used me.
Zahara Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Oh yes ... True ... Sadly it doesnt, which means he used me. You need to stop doing the "he used me" mentality because you'll keep yourself in victim mode. You often resort to that thinking in all your other threads as well. These things happen. They fall apart. Things change. He may have never intended to use you, or maybe he did. Who knows what's going in his head. You will never know.
Recommended Posts