Rejected Rosebud Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 But when you were having nothing but doubts about him and hadn't been seeing him for a while, why did you choose to be intimate with him as soon as you saw him?? And now you're feeling used??:confused: I know you can't turn back the hands of time or anything but would n't you have felt better if you waited until you knew a little more about your relationship status before crossing that line??
Author so gutted Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 The clarity is in his behaviour. In the past he has been slow, but always come back to me. I need to learn to trust him. I just want to know where i stand but now is not the right time to ask.
Author so gutted Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 Wow - nothing in 2 days. I feel very cheap. I keep hanging onto the hope that his dad has taken a turn for the worse. This is so wrong!
jazzybones Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) Wow - nothing in 2 days. I feel very cheap. I keep hanging onto the hope that his dad has taken a turn for the worse. This is so wrong! You need to back off. As everyone has already said, your concern during what's a tough situation for him is probably off-putting to him, because imagine what it would be like for him if something even worse happened... like if his father died and he's left with not just personal grief, but having to take care of his family, plan funeral arrangement and have to deal with you at the same time. All those things without juggling a girlfriend are already so overwhelming on their own. When you do hear from him, do you ask him about how he's feeling or do you ask about the relationship? Maybe show some sincere concern for his father if you want to be closer to him. If either of my parents were having serious health problems and a guy I was dating started texting me upset that I hadn't seen him in a couple of days, my first thought would be that he didn't respect my family. And then when my friends came around nice enough to take me out and help get things off my mind and he texts me and gets upset over that? I'd think he didn't respect my relationship with my friends. Don't use times like this as guidelines for how he's going to act in a normal, healthy relationship. Edited February 17, 2015 by jazzybones
Author so gutted Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 I think his dad is ok now. Do you not think its insensitive that after our first intimate time he has not even texted to ask me how i am? I asked about his dad a few times last week and he didnt respond. He arranged all this for v day and has now backes off? Is his dad an excuse or his kids? He waited this long to make a move and then backed off..
jazzybones Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 I think his dad is ok now. Do you not think its insensitive that after our first intimate time he has not even texted to ask me how i am? I asked about his dad a few times last week and he didnt respond. He arranged all this for v day and has now backes off? Is his dad an excuse or his kids? He waited this long to make a move and then backed off.. What's insensitive is reacting to someone's dad being in the hospital with serious medical problems with sulking concern over plans the two of you made for a holiday. Regardless of whatever his intentions are, the only person you're thinking about is yourself.
Zahara Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 I think his dad is ok now. Do you not think its insensitive that after our first intimate time he has not even texted to ask me how i am? I asked about his dad a few times last week and he didnt respond. He arranged all this for v day and has now backes off? Is his dad an excuse or his kids? He waited this long to make a move and then backed off.. It doesn't take but seconds to reach out to someone you care for and having dated for 4 months and recently being intimate, I understand your need for at least some sign of life. Personally, I'd be reaching out because in a difficult time, I'd want to be in touch to seek support and solace from those that I am close to. It doesn't take but seconds to reach out, if one is interested and attached. Granted his father is sick but that doesn't take away from the fact that if he still has time to invest in his friends -- the same should apply to you. Stop reaching out to him. He'll soon enough come around again. It's up to you to see how he progresses after he's back. 1
Author so gutted Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 Thanks. I thought i was doing the right thing asking about his dad. This is cruel. He waited ages, making me think he wAs making an informed decision and now cold feet. No excuses now, its a classic case of getting what he wanted (sort of) and disappearing. And what has changed? He said he was thinking of his kids... So now has he stopped thinking of them? He has never lied, promised me anything so why hurt me now?
Zahara Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Thanks. I thought i was doing the right thing asking about his dad. This is cruel. He waited ages, making me think he wAs making an informed decision and now cold feet. No excuses now, its a classic case of getting what he wanted (sort of) and disappearing. And what has changed? He said he was thinking of his kids... So now has he stopped thinking of them? He has never lied, promised me anything so why hurt me now? You did nothing wrong by asking how his father is doing. I can't answer the question as to why he is hurting you now or choosing to keep very limited contact. The only thing you can do is sit back and see what happens when he gets back. 1
Author so gutted Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 No contact. None of this makes any sense at all. The lack of contact after so long... We have been friends for 1 year before he made a move. Now im In limbo..
Zahara Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 No contact. None of this makes any sense at all. The lack of contact after so long... We have been friends for 1 year before he made a move. Now im In limbo.. You're not in limbo. No response is a response. Sometimes you have to take matters in your own hands rather than let someone else decide your fate. 1
Omei Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 The amount of days thats gone by is odd he may of sensed your desperation of things being about you and decided to back off. Who knows but if it gos on for a week id move on
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 I have known him for one year. We were friends before. I have not said anything for a week, how can he sense anything?
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Somebody help me, im thinking of contacting him... I need some self restraint... All that time wasted, why befriend me?
PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Don't do it. You will feel like crap if he doesn't respond. Wait for him to contact you. It will be so much more meaningful.
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Thanks but how long do i wait for?
Zahara Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Somebody help me, im thinking of contacting him... I need some self restraint... All that time wasted, why befriend me? Don't do it. Let him come to you. He's ignored your contact. Again, silence is a response.
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 No i have not contacted him. We met on sat, nothing since. Its too cruel to contemplate not hearing back at all.
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 All I can tell you is that at the end of their lives, my parents became my world. I ignored everything & everybody including my husband to run after them. With his dad in crisis or just coming out of it, your BF may be stopping to catch his breath. He probably hasn't done laundry or gone grocery shopping in a while. He probably hasn't had a decent night's sleep. While a 4 month relationship isn't any thing trivial it's still not as important as everything else going on in turmoil around him. He may not contact you again. The fact is he was turning to his friends for comfort not you but he did reach out so that is something. Keep yourself busy. Assume you won't hear from him & chalk it up to bad timing but don't chase.
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Thanks. I know its a tough time but during that tough time he reached out to me on v day and spent intimate time with me. It doesn't fall in his character to use and abuse, which is what it feels like. I would not care as much if it was a OLD thing or a new man, i am hurt because he went out if his way to be friends first. He explained he was waiting for the right moment. Hints have been dropped (can you cook, do you want to go away for a weekend, i want to spend more time with you etc). The only thing that has changed is intimacy... Which was good. So why the silence?
applej4 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Hate to say this, but (usually) if it doesn't feel right, it isn't. So.....he has time and energy to go out with mates.....Stop contacting him. Don't call, text, or email. See what happens. Then you'll have your answer. If he cares and is serious he will maintain regular contact. Meanwhile, go on with your life.
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 So you think the intimacy was the problem? I think its following through thats the issue, he cannot (for whatever reason) commit to me. The easiest way out is to ignore me, easier then an explanation. Best i face up to it.
Zahara Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 So why the silence? The last time you saw or heard from his was V day and you were intimate. It's been nearly a week. I don't chalk it up to distraction about his father anymore because you did say that his father is out of the hospital and he was out with his friends even when his father was in the hospital. At this point it's just rude. Even if he didn't feel like talking or is distracted by his father and his friends, he can at least reach out and let you know that he needs some time alone to sort things out and he will contact you at some point. There is no reason not to extend some, even a little decency in caring for someone else's feeling, especially one that you've been dating and have been intimate with, and one you know has an attachment to you. Even if he comes back, you really need to think about whether you want to be with someone who disregards you this way. What happens when he has another difficult situation next month or 6 months from now? Disappear? Silence is a response. Personally, silence is an indication that you're either not in their line of vision or it's a coward's way of sneaking out. Don't contact him. Let him come back to you because he will at some point.
Author so gutted Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Thanks, you are kind. Yes this is the realisation im having. Even if he does contact me (he always has done just after a while) its not right. Its very rude, disrespectful and nothing to do with his dad anymore. I will not take his call, silence back is a good response. I just wish i could get over it faster.
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