Men on dating sites who "parade" their kids on their OLD profile

[toolforgrowth]

When I tried OLD I had a picture of my daughter and I up. It was a good pic; it was a beautiful summer day, we were in boat on a lake, and we were having a blast. The intention wasn't "Hey look at me aren't I a good dad??" It was more, "This is something I like to do and is a very happy memory."

 

Perspective from a dad who has done this will hopefully help.

[toolforgrowth]

It's a pathetic excuse to attract women....And there's something creepy about it

 

You're welcome to your opinions about it. But your opinions don't always jive with the individual's intent.

[RedRobin]

A big no no in my book.

 

To me, people who post pics of their minor children on dating sites are either being manipulative (look at me! I'm a great parent! Date me!) or they are obliviously stupid as to the dangers to their kids.

 

Neither option works for me.

 

 

... after the last guy I dated, and the not-so-great relationship he had with his kids, I'd have to agree with you on the posturing. He had maybe one or two pics of just him, and the rest were all these fun family outings... which, after dating him, I realized he probably had to bribe them to do.

 

 

So yea, no more of that...

[clevelander321]

It's a pathetic excuse to attract women....And there's something creepy about it

 

This is really odd to me..

 

As a divorced dad, I didn't really have many selfies, so i posted a pic I had with my son that I liked.. There was absolutely ZERO thought of trying to use my kid to attract women.. I guess some female minds work a bit differently.. Thinking of every possible manipulation aspect? OLD really isn't that serious to most of us guys.. We post any picture we have that we like in many cases..

 

It would almost seem more manipulative for a woman with kids to exclude them from her profile, as if they are not a part of her life..

 

And most dads are not looking for a new mommy, as the old mommy usually has custody.

[PinkInTheLimo]

This is really odd to me..

 

As a divorced dad, I didn't really have many selfies, so i posted a pic I had with my son that I liked.. There was absolutely ZERO thought of trying to use my kid to attract women.. I guess some female minds work a bit differently.. Thinking of every possible manipulation aspect? OLD really isn't that serious to most of us guys.. We post any picture we have that we like in many cases..

 

It would almost seem more manipulative for a woman with kids to exclude them from her profile, as if they are not a part of her life..

 

And most dads are not looking for a new mommy, as the old mommy usually has custody.

 

When we date a parent, we KNOW that there are kids. We just do not need to see pics of them in the early stages of getting to know each other. I get that you show me a pic after a couple of dates. But I don't get why you put your kids in the window for everyone on the datingsite to see.

 

Once again (and why is this so difficult to understand?) you are BREACHING THE RIGHT ON PRIVACY of your kid. And in my book that's a very serious offense. And apparently not only in my book because there are moviestars and well-known athletes who get paid a lot of money in indemnities from paparazzi after the latter have published pics of their kids.

Why else is it that sometimes the faces of kids are made blurry on pics in newspapers and magazines?

 

I get that the pic with the kid might show a moment of true happiness or that you don't have a lot of other pics on which you look good (I guess that's the case for most single people since we don't have a significant other who takes pics of us). But you should use your brain and understand that the safety and privacy of your kid has priority over your other considerations. But of course that's typical for the EMO-parenting these days: it's all about your instant gratification and never mind you are using your own kid for that.

 

Try to find another pic without the kid(s) which shows a happy moment and/or go to a good photographer to get some nice pics. The latter thing will make you look very good in the eyes of women because it will show that you have at least done an effort to post a decent pic, and most men are unbelievably lazy about this. I guess they think that the fact that they are a man makes them in any case irresistible.

[clevelander321]

Once again (and why is this so difficult to understand?) you are BREACHING THE RIGHT ON PRIVACY of your kid. And in my book that's a very serious offense.

 

But you should use your brain.....But of course that's typical for the EMO-parenting these days: it's all about your instant gratification and never mind you are using your own kid for that.

 

I guess they think that the fact that they are a man makes them in any case irresistible.

 

Do you have kids?

 

I am wondering why you seem so angry about this.. All I am saying is that for most guys it is just an oversight, rather than some well thought out manipulation to lure some woman into their life.

 

Are you really concerned about the child's "privacy" or is it something else? And why just mad at Dads? Check out any mom's Facebook and you will usually see thousands of kids pics..

[UnbreakMyHeart]

I don't really get it either! My son is 19, and whilst he is mentioned in my OLD profile is so much as I have a son, I wouldn't dream of sticking a photo on of him... I just find it a bit weird...

 

... BUT...

 

I am wondering if some men do it to show they are a decent person who still has input in their kids lives? My ex and I were together for close to 11 years and he had a daughter who was 12 when he and I met. He had a very strained relationship with her and was very honest in his reflection of him being too selfish to be a parent. It is one of the reasons why he has remained my ex despite his attempts to reconcile. I think it says a lot about a man if they continue to have a relationship with their kids despite the breakdown of their marriage/relationship with the mother. Maybe posting pics of them with their kids is their subconscious way of saying 'pick me - I am decent and I have morals'

[toolforgrowth]

Maybe posting pics of them with their kids is their subconscious way of saying 'pick me - I am decent and I have morals'

 

Or maybe it's because as a divorced dad, I didn't have any pics of just me, and the only pics I had were of me and my daughter that my friends and family took. Men don't really do selfies. Which I actually tried to do just for the sake of OLD, and they turned out horrible.

 

Again, your opinions about it don't always jive with the person's intent. They were the only pictures I had available, so I used what I had.

 

The funny thing is, out of all the pictures I put up, only two had my daughter in them, and they were the ones that got the most likes from other women.

 

You're perfectly welcome to think it's weird. I'm not going to try to change your mind. But I still tell you that the conclusions you are reaching couldn't be further from the truth in my case.

 

The really positive thing is I no longer have to worry about OLD. I met my girlfriend through mutual friends anyway, so going forward the issue is moot. But I think it's sad that you are reaching a conclusion about men that is entirely false. You could be passing up a great guy based on what I perceive to be a very superficial issue.

 

But I guess that's your loss, in the end.

[UnbreakMyHeart]

Or maybe it's because as a divorced dad, I didn't have any pics of just me, and the only pics I had were of me and my daughter that my friends and family took. Men don't really do selfies. Which I actually tried to do just for the sake of OLD, and they turned out horrible.

 

Again, your opinions about it don't always jive with the person's intent. They were the only pictures I had available, so I used what I had.

 

The funny thing is, out of all the pictures I put up, only two had my daughter in them, and they were the ones that got the most likes from other women.

 

You're perfectly welcome to think it's weird. I'm not going to try to change your mind. But I still tell you that the conclusions you are reaching couldn't be further from the truth in my case.

 

The really positive thing is I no longer have to worry about OLD. I met my girlfriend through mutual friends anyway, so going forward the issue is moot. But I think it's sad that you are reaching a conclusion about men that is entirely false. You could be passing up a great guy based on what I perceive to be a very superficial issue.

 

But I guess that's your loss, in the end.

 

But really - Is it entirely false? It may be in your case, but for every man sticking their kids on an online dating profile? We live in a world where many many men not only leave their wife, but they leave their kids too. Just take a look at this site alone and read the threads from women talking about their husband leaving and getting no child support and their ex refusing to have any relationship with their kids. Men take a lot of flak for this and I am not for one second suggesting this is the case with all men.... thankfully they are not the majority. This then means for a lot of men feel the need to prove they are not deadbeat dads

 

I have a 19 year old- we have a shed load of great photos taken together - we go to festivals together. We go to gigs together. I go visit him whilst he is away at Uni to go out for dinner. I have just never even considered putting a photo of him on my OLD profile because he doesn't need to play a part in that part of my life at that time and I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T if he was 9 instead of 19

 

Perhaps those women who liked those photos the best did so because it showed that you are not a deadbeat dad who has neglected his kids because his relationship broke down

[autumnnight]

While I wouldn't post pictures with my kids....I'm thinking that if someone is THAT bent out of shape and paranoid and judgmental just because my son or daughter might be sitting next to me in a photo...they probably aren't dating material for me anyway.

 

It's a picture. Take a breath.

[toolforgrowth]

But really - Is it entirely false? It may be in your case, but for every man sticking their kids on an online dating profile? We live in a world where many many men not only leave their wife, but they leave their kids too. Just take a look at this site alone and read the threads from women talking about their husband leaving and getting no child support and their ex refusing to have any relationship with their kids. Men take a lot of flak for this and I am not for one second suggesting this is the case with all men.... thankfully they are not the majority. This then means for a lot of men feel the need to prove they are not deadbeat dads

 

I have a 19 year old- we have a shed load of great photos taken together - we go to festivals together. We go to gigs together. I go visit him whilst he is away at Uni to go out for dinner. I have just never even considered putting a photo of him on my OLD profile because he doesn't need to play a part in that part of my life at that time and I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T if he was 9 instead of 19

 

Perhaps those women who liked those photos the best did so because it showed that you are not a deadbeat dad who has neglected his kids because his relationship broke down

 

My ex wife is the one who cheated and left the family. I could just as easily apply the same attributes to women that you apply to men: that they're all looking for a walking wallet who will screw around on you if given half a chance. But I know that all women aren't like that. So please try to remember that all men aren't like how you describe either. I devoted my life post divorce into making life for my daughter as smooth as possible. She was, and still is, my number one priority. That's why threads like this can be so frustrating; they completely minimize everything I've done and reduce them to cheap parlor tricks. Talk about enraging.

 

You're right, men do need to prove they are not deadbeat dads. Your first sentence in your post is a prime example why.

[clevelander321]

But really - Is it entirely false? It may be in your case, but for every man sticking their kids on an online dating profile? We live in a world where many many men not only leave their wife, but they leave their kids too.

 

 

Most divorced dads are pretty busy, and most are not thinking that deeply into an OLD profile.. I created mine in about 5 minutes, put a few pics up, used the site, then checked back in a couple of weeks.

 

Trust me, there was no underlying theme of me trying to look a certain way to impress women online, or trying to use my kids for attention, or trying to look for a new mom.. It is really just a photo I liked.. Out of 3 one had my son.. Big deal..

 

Are there a huge number of children kidnapped by women(or any) who saw a photo of a 2 year old on a MATCH.com profile? What is the real reason this bothers some women so much?

[toolforgrowth]

What is the real reason this bothers some women so much?

 

It challenges their preconceived notions about men: that they're all deadbeat dads who resort to manipulation to get women. They can't fathom for one second that a man may be authentically himself, and that his authentic self may actually be good.

 

I also think that some women (but certainly not all) scapegoat men for all of their problems. I can actually understand, as I went through a period post divorce thinking all women were cheating money grabbers. But that just isn't true. Some people who have been hurt haven't yet learned how to separate the person who hurt them from the rest of the opposite sex, and they all become one and the same.

[UnbreakMyHeart]

My ex wife is the one who cheated and left the family. I could just as easily apply the same attributes to women that you apply to men: that they're all looking for a walking wallet who will screw around on you if given half a chance. But I know that all women aren't like that. So please try to remember that all men aren't like how you describe either. I devoted my life post divorce into making life for my daughter as smooth as possible. She was, and still is, my number one priority. That's why threads like this can be so frustrating; they completely minimize everything I've done and reduce them to cheap parlor tricks. Talk about enraging.

 

You're right, men do need to prove they are not deadbeat dads. Your first sentence in your post is a prime example why.

 

I actually would apply the same attributes to women... but as a woman on a dating site I am not privy to what photographs they stick up there as my search results bring up males. It could very well be a case of 'look at me, I am mother of the year'. I don't get why they stick photos of their kids on their OLD profile either.

 

..... like I said, I am not for one second suggesting this is the reason ALL men do it, but it can't be discounted it is a reason SOME men do it

 

Would it actually stop me dating someone who had? No, it wouldn't. I just find it a bit weird

[PinkInTheLimo]

Do you have kids?

 

I am wondering why you seem so angry about this.. All I am saying is that for most guys it is just an oversight, rather than some well thought out manipulation to lure some woman into their life.

 

Are you really concerned about the child's "privacy" or is it something else? And why just mad at Dads? Check out any mom's Facebook and you will usually see thousands of kids pics..

 

Whether I have kids or not does not matter in this discussion. I don't have them but if I would have them I would not parade them in my OLD profile nor on my Facebook.

 

I get so angry because it's stupid and selfish and these things make me angry.

 

Does not matter whether it is dad or mom who does it. I am a heterosexual woman so I only see the profiles of men.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Most divorced dads are pretty busy, and most are not thinking that deeply into an OLD profile.. I created mine in about 5 minutes, put a few pics up, used the site, then checked back in a couple of weeks.

 

Well I like people who take care of things they do and do think a bit deeper about their OLD profile.

[PinkInTheLimo]

While I wouldn't post pictures with my kids....I'm thinking that if someone is THAT bent out of shape and paranoid and judgmental just because my son or daughter might be sitting next to me in a photo...they probably aren't dating material for me anyway.

 

It's a picture. Take a breath.

 

The problem is not me. The problem is those who don't want or cannot see that they are breaching the privacy of their kids.

[toolforgrowth]

Whether I have kids or not does not matter in this discussion. I don't have them but if I would have them I would not parade them in my OLD profile nor on my Facebook.

 

I get so angry because it's stupid and selfish and these things make me angry.

 

Does not matter whether it is dad or mom who does it. I am a heterosexual woman so I only see the profiles of men.

 

Then you're entirely welcome to skip over profiles of people that do. Nobody is forcing you to date those people.

 

But to continue attributing negative traits to people who do, when multiple men have flatly stated their reasons are in direct contradiction to your preconceived notions about their true motives, makes me angry because I find that just as "stupid and selfish".

 

That's the great thing about freedom, though: we can do what we want without your approval.

 

EDIT: And if this is seriously the biggest thing you have to complain about in your life, consider yourself lucky.

Edited February 13, 2015 by toolforgrowth

[contact1]

My main gripe here is some claiming it is dangerous to post up a pic online for any to see. What is someone honestly going to do with the picture, search the child, get the address and than show up there? If a person really had the intent to harm a child, I highly doubt they would be going on OLD profiles to seek a child. Should we worry about every single person that passes by our kids school now? I mean someone can see hundreds of kids getting out and take their pick there, or at the mall, a restaurant, disneyland, etc...

 

And somehow, if someone did target my kid (I don't OLD) are my actions going to be different in protecting them than if it was someone that saw my kid in public? Is somehow my child being seen online going to make me less prepared or caught off guard?

 

With this paranoid thinking, my kid should remained locked up in our home until they are 18, since that's the fear right? Their picture being seen and now they are in danger. And FYI, a breech of privacy of a photograph is when a picture is used either to defame someone, used for monetary profit, or exposure of extreme private matters such as being fully nude or in a sexual act, not a pic of my child and me smiling at each other or playing.

 

And yes, when you are wasting another person's time about how "wrong" it is for them to have a picture of their child on OLD just to prove your own propaganda, it is witch hunting because I can bet any man that contacts you with a picture of their child will be going through your barrage of questioning about how oh so wrong it is for them to have a picture up. Good for the men with the picture up, if any good comes from it is dodging the massive bullet of a paranoid female.

[clevelander321]

My main gripe here is some claiming it is dangerous to post up a pic online for any to see. What is someone honestly going to do with the picture, search the child, get the address and than show up there? If a person really had the intent to harm a child, I highly doubt they would be going on OLD profiles to seek a child. Should we worry about every single person that passes by our kids school now? I mean someone can see hundreds of kids getting out and take their pick there, or at the mall, a restaurant, disneyland, etc...

 

.

 

 

Exactly.. it makes no logical sense, which is why I was asking for the real reason some women would become so offended if a guy has a photo of his son or daughter on a dating website.

 

I have a friend who does not have children,and she is unable to. She also complains about guys who have a picture of their child.

 

In my opinion I believe it offends her as the guy is showing he would continue to have a life OUTSIDE of any woman he met, and that kid might come first.. And perhaps that woman views herself as someone who MIGHT have to help raise that child,(a child that belongs to another woman) and maybe she views it as some major insult, as she has deep jealousy issues as well.

 

Because it makes no logical sense to rant about paparazzi, children's privacy, and claim men are "parading" their children just because they include a photo of them.

[autumnnight]

The problem is not me. The problem is those who don't want or cannot see that they are breaching the privacy of their kids.

 

Actually the problem is that you are all worked up over something that really isn't any of your business.

[UnbreakMyHeart]

Exactly.. it makes no logical sense, which is why I was asking for the real reason some women would become so offended if a guy has a photo of his son or daughter on a dating website.

 

I have a friend who does not have children,and she is unable to. She also complains about guys who have a picture of their child.

 

In my opinion I believe it offends her as the guy is showing he would continue to have a life OUTSIDE of any woman he met, and that kid might come first.. And perhaps that woman views herself as someone who MIGHT have to help raise that child,(a child that belongs to another woman) and maybe she views it as some major insult, as she has deep jealousy issues as well.

 

Because it makes no logical sense to rant about paparazzi, children's privacy, and claim men are "parading" their children just because they include a photo of them.

 

 

I am honestly not offended in the slightest by it. I just don't really get it and would it stop me dating someone who did it. NO - it isn't a read flag for me at all. I am a little concerned that photos of toddlers etc could be right clicked and saved on some paedophiles computer because he likes blonde curly 4 year olds... absolutely I am.

 

Like the responses have shown, and I fully appreciate the posters who have said they did if for no other reason than they wanted to show a pic of them that was nice but that it happened to show their kid too.

 

It is where that photo could end up that worries and no, i'm not talking about kidnapping etc etc. I would not like to think of my son at 9 being an 'aspriation' pic on some paedophiles computer.

 

That is all

 

In no way did I stereotype just males... I find it weird women do it too

 

Anyhow, I shall bow out now as insulting people was the last thing I wanted to do

 

:confused:

Edited February 14, 2015 by UnbreakMyHeart

[clevelander321]

The thread obviously has some anti male bias, as it is about men who "parade" their kid on dating profiles.. Why not people? why just men?

 

Secondly, I seriously doubt peadophiles will be reading single male dating profiles with the hopes of catching the glimpse of a kid standing next to his dad..

 

But guess what? My son goes to a pre school, and that pre school has a website with hundreds of kids on it that actually go to that school. Would that not be a better target? A simple google search of kids would yield millions of pictures.. What about Facebook moms? School year books? I can go on and on..

 

It is just ridiculous to pick on a single dad for having a photo of his child on the internet, but then not pic on anyone else for the same exact thing..

[PinkInTheLimo]

The thread obviously has some anti male bias, as it is about men who "parade" their kid on dating profiles.. Why not people? why just men?

 

I happen to be a heterosexual woman who dates men. Therefore I see profiles of men not of women.

 

But guess what? My son goes to a pre school, and that pre school has a website with hundreds of kids on it that actually go to that school. Would that not be a better target? A simple google search of kids would yield millions of pictures.. What about Facebook moms? School year books? I can go on and on..

 

In my country someone could sue that school and demand that these pics are taken down. Laws on privacy, it's as simple as that.

Same for Facebook and other media: parents should be careful and most of all respect their kids' privacy.

[clevelander321]

I happen to be a heterosexual woman who dates men. Therefore I see profiles of men not of women.

 

 

 

In my country someone could sue that school and demand that these pics are taken down. Laws on privacy, it's as simple as that.

Same for Facebook and other media: parents should be careful and most of all respect their kids' privacy.

 

Well, women do this is well in case you did not know.. Now you know..

 

What about kids on tv commercials? In movies? Tv shows? magazines? Do you feel as strongly about that? Or just single men who have a pic with their kid?

 

What about those soccer games where players come out to the pitch holding hands with a certain child? Think of the billions of people who see those kids.. What about their privacy?

Edited February 17, 2015 by clevelander321