Am I really doing this?

[CrystalShine2011]

I broke it off recently with the sweetest guy: we dated for roughly 2 years, I was integrated with his two beautiful children (from a previous marriage of 10 years) and we seemed like the perfect little family.

 

Issues: We met online, he was 14 years older than I was, and I had never been in a relationship with someone divorced or anyone who had children. I was ALSO coming out of a relationship with a guy, who is now again, my boyfriend. The problem with the whole situation, is that I was still in love with my ex when I started to search online for something "fun". We hit it off, and I tried to forget about my feelings and my past. I was introduced to his children very fast, and obviously I fell head over heals for them, and still cry every day over missing them.

 

The relationship became very possessive on his end. I could tell he had fallen for me much harder than I fell for him. He was SO kind, and giving, and yet I couldn't shake this feeling of not being in the right place. Each time I brought it up I was met with crying and begging me not to leave. And I didn't, for 2 years.

 

Every day I tried to tell myself to keep at it, don't give up on this great family that love you and care about you: but every day was also a struggle to not think about my previous ex, and to will myself not to care. Eventually though, we become selfish. I knew he was what I wanted, I knew it from day 1 and I felt awful for not being the right woman for that wonderful family. I wish I was.

 

I broke it off, and it was probably the worst night I have ever had. He pulled out an engagement ring and proposed, trying to get me to stay. I will never forget the pain in his eyes when I said no, I think that will always haunt me. Needless to say, a few weeks later I met up with my current boyfriend and knew: he WAS the one. We have a connection like no other.

 

I am now dealing with the GUILT and the pain: obviously nothing compared to what my ex and his children and going through. HOW do I move past that and be happy? I feel like the worst kind of person!

[coryreply]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Had you moved in with your ex and his kids?

[KBarletta]

Every day was a struggle to not think about my previous ex

 

To be honest, your mistake here was at the very beginning, getting involved in something serious (with kids) before you were ready and while you were still thinking of your ex every day. This was actually probably a rebound relationship that turned into something it shouldn't have been.

 

That said, you need to forgive yourself. You made a mistake by getting involved while you were still in love with your ex. It's a mistake others here can learn from, but one you need to forgive yourself for if you are going to be happy. Why let that ruin your happiness with your former ex/current boyfriend. You were human, you made a mistake. Learn from it, move on and be happy. It's up to your recent ex, not you, as to whether he forgives you, but you can't let that hold you back from being happy.

[CrystalShine2011]

Thank you, I really appreciate the feedback. I think you are completely right.

 

And yes, we had a condo together, and had the kids there 50% of the time...

[coryreply]

KBarr made my point. This is another reminder of why it's just not a good idea to make serious relationship decisions (like moving in together, getting attached to kids, etc..) without the commitment level for the long-term relationship being there. You really can't avoid ppl getting hurt in those scenarios.

 

That being said, don't let the guilt of the past affect your ability to move forward in a healthy, wholesome way. Personally, when I'm dealing with things like guilt and fear based on my past, I have found prayer to be extremely helpful. God takes away those emotions and replaces them with his grace and faith.

 

I'll be praying for you today! Blessings to you!