Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) I'm kind of at a loss how I want to handle this. Met this girl on Match and we chatted for 2 weeks (couldn't meet right away since I had a work trip). When I got back we went out for drinks and talked for 2 hours, ended on a pretty good note, walked her to her car and hugged her good night. Just had our 2nd date and we got food/drinks and played a round of bowling, and I feel like we really haven't progressed anywhere from the first date. She still shows a lot of signs of interest, and she didn't rush the date (went for almost 4 hours), but when I told her I wanted to see her again, and asked for her number she acted a bit surprised, and I tested the waters and a kiss goodnight wasn't in the cards. I got this vibe that things didn't end on quite as a good note as Date #1. I just haven't felt that spark yet, and am at a loss how to proceed. I have no interest in continuing to date her if it continues to go nowhere. Or is the 2nd date too early to tell for Online Dating? Should I ask her how she feels, and if so how?? Edited February 10, 2015 by barcode88
OrangeParty Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Should I ask her how she feels, and if so how?? Upfront is always good. Something simple, like "I really like you, and I'd like to take you out again, but I'd also like to know where you stand." Perhaps she's one of those take-it-really-slowly types. Is 2nd date too early? That really depends on both partners. You would like to move things faster, so you should ask her if she is willing too. Just be polite, don't be passive aggressive, but let her know firmly that you'd prefer certainty over ambiguity.
mightycpa Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I just haven't felt that spark yet, and am at a loss how to proceed. I have no interest in continuing to date her if it continues to go nowhere. Or is the 2nd date too early to tell for Online Dating? Should I ask her how she feels, and if so how?? I'm at a loss here. You say that YOU haven't felt the spark yet, but you also want to ask her how she feels. WHY? 3
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) Upfront is always good. Something simple, like "I really like you, and I'd like to take you out again, but I'd also like to know where you stand." Perhaps she's one of those take-it-really-slowly types. Is 2nd date too early? That really depends on both partners. You would like to move things faster, so you should ask her if she is willing too. Just be polite, don't be passive aggressive, but let her know firmly that you'd prefer certainty over ambiguity. We talked about what we're looking for, and she said she's looking for a serious relationship with marriage as her goal -- I'm also looking for a serious relationship. I'm willing to take it slow, but in the past I've been strung along by people who just wanted to "take it slow" so I'm a bit wary. I'm at a loss here. You say that YOU haven't felt the spark yet, but you also want to ask her how she feels. WHY? I guess I didn't explain clearly enough. We both seem to be compatible in terms of what we're both looking for, and our life goals. I do enjoy her company she is fun to be around, but I just haven't felt that romantic spark yet. I don't know if she just isn't interested or what. Edited February 10, 2015 by barcode88
Frank2thepoint Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 when I told her I wanted to see her again, and asked for her number she acted a bit surprised Big red flag here. First off, it's surprising that you guys haven't exchanged phone numbers before date #1. But from her surprised reaction, it's not going anywhere. You can already envision how date #3 will go, so do yourself a favor and cut this one loose. 2
mightycpa Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I do enjoy her company she is fun to be around, but wait for it ..... I just haven't felt that romantic spark yet. I don't know if she just isn't interested or what. You don't seem to know that you're not that interested either, based on how you phrase it. Her interest shouldn't matter to you until you have an interest of your own. You literally say that you don't.... unless you mean you're really interested and you don't sense that she is. But twice, that is not what you've said. So, I don't think you're all that interested. And while I'm dispensing these pearls to you, "Looking for a serious relationship" is not the greatest approach in the world either. I would counsel you to recognize that love between two people is pretty special (meaning rare) and one that will last is even more rare. To go looking for it is a fool's errand. You'd do far better to just date around until you do feel that spark, and don't worry so much about the relationship itself. That will develop when you meet the right person, and you shouldn't really pursue it with the wrong people anyway. 1
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) Yeah, I decided to just talk to her and we both feel the same so we're not going to take it further. Oh well! wait for it ..... You don't seem to know that you're not that interested either, based on how you phrase it. Her interest shouldn't matter to you until you have an interest of your own. You literally say that you don't.... unless you mean you're really interested and you don't sense that she is. But twice, that is not what you've said. So, I don't think you're all that interested. And while I'm dispensing these pearls to you, "Looking for a serious relationship" is not the greatest approach in the world either. I would counsel you to recognize that love between two people is pretty special (meaning rare) and one that will last is even more rare. To go looking for it is a fool's errand. You'd do far better to just date around until you do feel that spark, and don't worry so much about the relationship itself. That will develop when you meet the right person, and you shouldn't really pursue it with the wrong people anyway. You offer really good advice, I've learned this the hard way in the past, and I'm doing my best not to repeat my mistakes =D I'm pretty okay with the fact that this didn't work out. Edited February 10, 2015 by barcode88
Mrin Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Yeah, I decided to just talk to her and we both feel the same so we're not going to take it further. Oh well! Good call. If it isn't there it isn't there. One thing to keep in mind for the future is that, at least for me, I need to have physical contact to judge the chemistry. No kiss, no chemistry. So something to keep in mind as you learn about yourself and others.
Chief Wiggum Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 You've been on two dates, and you don't have each other's number and she's reluctant to give it to you? Odd. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 To me sparks are instantaneous. They are either there or they are not. They don't develop later. What develops is getting to know the person & making sure the inside gives you the same feelings as the outside (can you talk to them as well as get busy with them) If there is no spark on your side, unless you have had the experience of it developing later, what is the sense of a 3rd date? The fact that she wasn't ready for a kiss simply says that she takes the physical side more slowly then you do, not necessarily that she doesn't want physical / kissing etc. 2
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 You've been on two dates, and you don't have each other's number and she's reluctant to give it to you? Odd. I've debated this with my buddies before and we all agree that its best not to push for a phone number too soon on online dating -- a lot of women are reluctant to give it out due to guys sending dick pics, bad first dates, clingy guys. So I usually don't push for it until the 2nd date. Seems to keep women at ease more, and we can still communicate via E-Mail.
mortensorchid Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 There are some odd things about this, she won't give you her number? Why? She's hiding something. You don't feel a spark for her either? Sorry, you're not good here. A few years ago I went out with a guy I had met on Match at some point, he was boring (and I don't mean "He's a Nice Guy but he's boring", I mean he was just boring). I asked him what he does for fun, he said nothing. He didn't have interests, he said he gets together to play cards with his buddies every once in a while. I think we saw each other three or four times because we were bored and didn't have anything else to do. When he never called after our last get together, I didn't feel that I had lost anything. Chances are you won't either.
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) There are some odd things about this, she won't give you her number? Why? She's hiding something. You don't feel a spark for her either? Sorry, you're not good here. A few years ago I went out with a guy I had met on Match at some point, he was boring (and I don't mean "He's a Nice Guy but he's boring", I mean he was just boring). I asked him what he does for fun, he said nothing. He didn't have interests, he said he gets together to play cards with his buddies every once in a while. I think we saw each other three or four times because we were bored and didn't have anything else to do. When he never called after our last get together, I didn't feel that I had lost anything. Chances are you won't either. Well I don't think either of us were boring, conversation/laughter flowed pretty smoothly. It wasn't until date #2 she brought up her religion which she's very into, and I decided to be honest and tell her that I'm more spiritual than religious, and it isn't a main priority of mine. We just talked a bit ago (after I started this Topic) and she said its a bit of a dealbreaker for her (which is why she was distant at the end of the date), so we decided not to take it further. I don't want to change myself or pretend to be something I'm not, so I'm honestly OK with the fact that we didn't work out. Edited February 10, 2015 by barcode88
Versacehottie Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Yeah, i could hear in your tone that you would be fine if she wasn't interested. If that is the case, you don't have the spark. I would suggest throwing out whatever your checklist is in the future and be open to being surprised by people. Often the people we feel a spark with and fall in love with are in SPITE of the fact that they aren't what we have predetermined that we want. Be open. That's where you will find spark. Good luck 1
An0nymiss666 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 In my opinion, I agree that either a spark is there or it isn't. You can't WONDER if there is/will be a spark of romantic interest. For example, I remember first going out with my exes, and every time I was wholeheartedly interested and couldn't get enough, and couldn't wait to talk to them, see them, etc. It seemed the same on their side as well. I went on a first date last week, and it was nice, but I really don't think there's a spark there. Wait, no, I KNOW, because I'm questioning it. Know what I mean? I had a decent time, and he seems like a good guy. But I just felt kind of awkward the whole time and not entirely interested, at least not romantically. So, having to think about it really says something...
bu2002 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 To me, the "feeling" should escalate or be stronger after date 2 than date 1 and continue to progress after that. It sounds like you had a positive vibe after date 1, but then after date 2, it was just kinda "meh". That's not a good sign.
Atticus9292012 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I dunno maybe I am odd....I have met someone and been a little on the fence the first date, but knew on the second date. I guess everyone is different, but I definitely would move on if it isn't there now.
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