Jimmy Shoes Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) It’s a strange world isn’t it.. the way in which male and female humans are wired so differently regarding their perception and usage of sex? The way in which men apparently need/want sex, but women simply use it as a tool. As a male, this is something that has bothered me for years.. to be perceived by women as some kind of dirty, single minded entity to whom which they hold both the key, and also the regulation of that key, to use as a hold over, as and when they please. The simple fact of life is that men want sex, and women use it.. they neither want it or need it, but simply use it as a means to manipulate the emotions of men. I’m not necessarily implying that in a bad way, as that would be like saying that women are evil or controlling, and that generally couldn’t be further from the truth.. but what I do mean is that, a woman will use sex in a number of different ways.. be it to please her man.. to alter his mood.. to keep him interested in her.. to strengthen the bond of a relationship.. to make her feel as though she is performing her wifely duty, to make her feel good about herself etc, etc.. the list could go on, but she most certainly is isn’t using it for her own personal pleasure! On reflection, she can also use it to negative effect too.. ie, if her man has done something that doesn’t please her, or isn’t quite to her liking, then she has the power to with-hold sex, knowing full well that he still desires it/needs it none the less.. it can be used almost as a weapon due to the way in which males and females perceive sex differently, and quite a powerful weapon it can be too! One thing is for certain, and that is that women do not WANT sex, but merely use it as a means to an end. There are hundreds and hundreds of articles which I have read over the years, about how, in reality, women dread ‘having’ to have sex with their partner, and would prefer to do anything else ranging from sweeping/mopping the floor, to inventing some illness (headache is a classic) or reason as to why they might not be able to have sex that night, perceiving it more as a duty to which a wife must begrudgingly fulfil, rather than something which they themselves may also ‘need’. So anyway, around a year ago, I decided that I was sick of this situation.. this demeaning feeling of being a person who had needs which were resented by someone else.. needs which could be met or with-held at the whim of another person's mood, basically handing them full control over my happiness.. and so I decided to do something proactive.. I decided to attempt to eliminate my sexual desire. Around twelve months ago, I unfortunately suffered a bit of an injury.. an injury which left it awkward for me to ‘perform’ for a short period of time. Due to this, my girlfriend couldn’t ‘expect’ me to want sex. This may sound strange, but you see, although, as I’ve already explained, women don’t ‘want’ sex.. they do ‘need’ YOU to want it! After all, if you no longer need it.. then they have essentially lost their power..they’ve lost their weapon! They start to wonder why they no longer have that hold over you, and begin to question their own attractiveness, and that is something I didn't want.. Now, due to the circumstance of my injury, this no longer became an issue.. I wasn’t needing sex, simply because I was in pain, not because I didn’t find her attractive. Making her feel unattractive was the last thing I wanted to do! This went on and on.. a little bit like going cold turkey I guess. Don’t get me wrong, in the first place, I really was in too much pain.. but as the pain subsided and I began to desire sex again, it was difficult at first. But you know what, it gets so much easier with time.. just like I could imagine coming off a drug, or quitting smoking might be.. the desire does begin to fade. And she just simply forgot about it. It has literally never been mentioned since! It’s now been a whole year, and I haven’t had the need to impose sex on her once! We are both in our early to mid 30’s if that makes any difference. She now seems happy to no longer have any ‘duties’ to perform, and I’m happy that I no longer have to feel like some sort of perverted human, whom has ‘needs’ which must be resentfully met by his partner.. she no longer has any hold over me in that department what so ever! So all in all, quite a positive end to my story.. a story I thought I should share in case my experiences can be of any help or inspiration to others in the same situation. Thank you for reading, and I hope this is of use to someone Edited February 10, 2015 by Jimmy Shoes
purplesorrow Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Is this real? I am a woman who wants and loves sex. It was never a weapon or tool to use against my husband. So what now? Are you just going to go without sex? 1
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I too am a woman and i have never viewed the sexual world the way you have described. In your first paragraph you talked about males and females being wired differently...and you whole dissertation is a perfect example...you THINK women think this way...when in reality this is the perception you have of how women think. We have to be careful when we start using generalities about people. All women do not think a like...all men do not think a like. Using the term SOME women...would be more appropriate. I have been married 42 years...never in 42 years have i withheld sex from my husband. I have never told him no. I have never punished him by withholding sex. I like sex too...why would i cut off my nose to spite my face? I have never viewed sex as a tool of any kind. I am sorry you have had this experience...i assure you not all women think the way you have described.
preraph Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Well, I'm sorry you've had that experience with women. Lots of women love sex. The essential difference is that for the most part, their sex drive is wired to their emotions. So if you're being a jackass and still expect to get sex from a woman to take care of your needs when she's hacked off at you, you will be barking up the wrong tree. That's not using sex. That's having feelings attached to it and not "feeling" like loving on you when you're being a jackass. 3
NJ123 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Well, I'm sorry you've had that experience with women. Lots of women love sex. The essential difference is that for the most part, their sex drive is wired to their emotions. So if you're being a jackass and still expect to get sex from a woman to take care of your needs when she's hacked off at you, you will be barking up the wrong tree. That's not using sex. That's having feelings attached to it and not "feeling" like loving on you when you're being a jackass. But if sex for women is so emotionally connected, why are so many women these days having one night stands & being so promiscuous? In those situations they barely even know the guys their sleeping with & not knowing whether their jerks or not.
Jessie1231 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 You've been having sex with the wrong women if this is how you think we all view it.
Giggle Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 But if sex for women is so emotionally connected, why are so many women these days having one night stands & being so promiscuous? In those situations they barely even know the guys their sleeping with & not knowing whether their jerks or not. Right, they aren't spending being a jerk and making us have no desire for sex with them. And some people really can't do that anyway, because they need that connection.
NJ123 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Right, they aren't spending being a jerk and making us have no desire for sex with them. And some people really can't do that anyway, because they need that connection. So than how can those women have sex with a guy without the emotional connection, if supposedly women need it to have sex with someone?
Author Jimmy Shoes Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) Is this real? I am a woman who wants and loves sex. It was never a weapon or tool to use against my husband. So what now? Are you just going to go without sex? Yes, this is very real unfortunately, and yes I/we just literally do without.. been a whole year so far, so I'm quite proud of my progress. I won't lie and say that it's been easy for me, as I do feel an actual physical pain when I see something which arouses me.. like a longing I suppose (at least, that's the way I tend to look at it) for times gone by when things were better for me. But this isn't all the time.. I try to remove myself from those situations when at all possible. My girlfriend has absolutely no idea of this as I have learned to hide it perfectly, and so it doesn't create an issue. Well, I'm sorry you've had that experience with women. Lots of women love sex. The essential difference is that for the most part, their sex drive is wired to their emotions. So if you're being a jackass and still expect to get sex from a woman to take care of your needs when she's hacked off at you, you will be barking up the wrong tree. That's not using sex. That's having feelings attached to it and not "feeling" like loving on you when you're being a jackass. I don't 'expect' anything from anyone.. if anyone does anything at all for me I'm utterly humbled that they would spend their time on me.. that goes for anything from a friend doing a favour or my girlfriend making me something to eat. I try to take no one for granted, and always show my gratitude towards them for their trouble.. I don't see why you've seen fit to label me a 'jackass'.. maybe I am.. sometimes I really don't know anymore. But I will say that I NEVER expect! You've been having sex with the wrong women if this is how you think we all view it. I too am a woman and i have never viewed the sexual world the way you have described. In your first paragraph you talked about males and females being wired differently...and you whole dissertation is a perfect example...you THINK women think this way...when in reality this is the perception you have of how women think. We have to be careful when we start using generalities about people. All women do not think a like...all men do not think a like. Using the term SOME women...would be more appropriate. I have been married 42 years...never in 42 years have i withheld sex from my husband. I have never told him no. I have never punished him by withholding sex. I like sex too...why would i cut off my nose to spite my face? I have never viewed sex as a tool of any kind. I am sorry you have had this experience...i assure you not all women think the way you have described. Perhaps I should have introduced my girlfriend to some of you lot.. maybe some of your enthusiasm would have rubbed off, lol. When we were having sex, yes she did seem to enjoy the part where the pleasure was directed towards her.. but completely bored for the rest of the time.. looking at the tv.. the clock, so much so that at times I'd just think to myself, what the hell am I even doing here.. but if I didn't 'finish things' (I hate to be crude, but I can't think how else to explain), she'd get insulted, saying that I don't fancy her any more.. I found it completely degrading towards her, that she should feel she had to endure that just for me, and so hence the reason I decided to put a stop to it. Yes, sure I thought of leaving the relationship, but as the old saying goes 'the grass is always greener on the other side'.. meaning that it never is, I just figured that this is my lot.. this is how it is to be for me. She has told me many times that no one else would have me anyway, and so I wouldn't particularly fancy my chances Edited February 10, 2015 by Jimmy Shoes
purplesorrow Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 So you are going to live the rest of your life with no sex? Why?
Author Jimmy Shoes Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 So you are going to live the rest of your life with no sex? Why? It began to bore me I guess.. the more fed up my girlfriend tended to look, the more I'd be inclined to just pause, wonder why the hell I was even bothering, and then try to 'finish' (sorry) as quick as possible to get it over with. I suppose it just stopped being pleasurable.. especially for her. Well, like I said, she did enjoy the part where the pleasure was directed solely towards her, but it was just the rest that seemed to be a chore. When I felt that I was becoming a burden to her, it became almost impossible for me to continue with it.. it had to end somewhere. All good things come to an end as they say
serial muse Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) The simple fact of life is that men want sex, and women use it.. they neither want it or need it, but simply use it as a means to manipulate the emotions of men. Hm. This is not what I would call a "fact". Well, OP. You've got a sample size of one there. Your girlfriend, for reasons that aren't clear to us, doesn't want to have sex with you. No denying that that sucks. If you're now happy in this sexless relationship, well, that's your decision and it's your life. But if you aren't, or if you find yourself forming theories about all women based on the one person you're dating, you might reconsider that decision. I know a lot of women, including myself, who like sex for its own sake. So, no. Not a fact. By the way, I don't think preraph was calling you a jackass, OP. I think she was speaking hypothetically about one's partner acting like a jackass and women not finding that sexy, that's all. Edited February 10, 2015 by serial muse
Quiet Storm Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I don't understand. You decided to give up sex? Why not just find a new girlfriend? Do you have kids or some reason to stay with someone who doesn't meet your needs? I'm a woman who has been with my husband 24 years and still want sex. And Ive always been faithful to him. For me, and many women, our desire changes depending on our menstrual cycle. I have a week when I want a lot, a week when I don't and two weeks where I may not always crave it but still have lots of fun doing it. Sex drive is very much about hormones, which is why some women on testosterone therapy think about sex 24/7. In my own experience, being on the pill lowered my drive. So hormones and chemicals, whether they are fluctuating over the course of a monthly mentrual cycle, or from medication, will alter a woman's sex drive. It's not that women don't have a genuine desire for sex, it's just their sex drive operates differently due to our different hormones. I do think a woman's drive can be emotionally connected, and therefore more fragile, and can certainly be affected by negative emotions about their partner.
Timshel Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Wow OP! I am a woman and have never met another woman who is like your girlfriend. Honest. I'm really sorry this has been your experience. I don't have casual sex but when I do, the house could maybe be on fire and I wouldn't notice. I'm all in.
DatingDirection Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 You may want to take a look at Ralph Smart youtube video on why men love bitches. You're perception of segregated gender roles are, in my opionion, wrong. If men and women were just able to be ourselves, without playing out the sterotypes, and just be comfortable with who we are, there would be a lot more love in the world, and a lot less of these types of belief systems, such as the one at the top of this post. 1
Author Jimmy Shoes Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 Wow OP! I am a woman and have never met another woman who is like your girlfriend. Honest. I'm really sorry this has been your experience. I don't have casual sex but when I do, the house could maybe be on fire and I wouldn't notice. I'm all in. This thread is just making me feel tragic now.. I certainly seem to have drawn the short straw. You may want to take a look at Ralph Smart youtube video on why men love bitches. You're perception of segregated gender roles are, in my opionion, wrong. If men and women were just able to be ourselves, without playing out the sterotypes, and just be comfortable with who we are, there would be a lot more love in the world, and a lot less of these types of belief systems, such as the one at the top of this post. I did actually watch this video, and to be honest.. I've got no idea what the bloke was waffling on about, but I think the general gist of it was that you should love someone for who they are and not try to change them? Well, surely that's exactly what I have done? Don't forget.. My girlfriend is quite happy! I think that people are misunderstanding all this and assuming that I'm making life a misery for her.. I'm really not!
purplesorrow Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 This thread is just making me feel tragic now.. I certainly seem to have drawn the short straw. I did actually watch this video, and to be honest.. I've got no idea what the bloke was waffling on about, but I think the general gist of it was that you should love someone for who they are and not try to change them? Well, surely that's exactly what I have done? Don't forget.. My girlfriend is quite happy! I think that people are misunderstanding all this and assuming that I'm making life a misery for her.. I'm really not! Dude! Life without sex is misery. She should love you for who you are (were) too, a man with natural sexual needs and wants.
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