markleymassraff Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I like daily contact. I don't like "all day" contact, like texting back and forth all day. I prefer to save things to talk about for in person. But I like "good morning" and "hope you have a good day" texts -- and short exchanges of something cool one saw or heard. I'm seeing someone now who doesn't give me daily contact but who I have on Facebook and in a group on Facebook, so I have contact with him indirectly even when he's not in direct contact with me.
GemmaUK Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Ninja's post sums up how I feel exactly. Daily contact is not at all necessary. I have dated 3 men (late 30's and early 40's guys) since I split from my LTR and each of them needed contact all day every day. I tried to find a happy medium with them all but that failed. All three would text from early in the morning (between 5am and 7am) until they went to sleep (for 2 of them this could be 1am/2am on a weeknight) so instead of keeping my mobile by my bed for safety reasons it would be downstairs and on silent. Two of these guys wanted daily phone calls also for an hour or two and one of them suggested I start taking a lunch break so he could talk for another hour then too. I would have happily compromised with maybe 4 texts a day but this was anywhere between 15 and 100 per day. If I couldn't reply to a text they would send several and then email me too if I hadn't replied. I have meetings, I can't take my phone into a meeting and text someone. When I knew my schedule I would warn them that I would be out of touch but even that didn't work. My own free time became time they saw as theirs too - and from the moment they assumed I finished work for the day, not the actual time I did finish work. I hankered for watching a movie or a half hour show without an interruption and actually be able to watch it and not lose track of the plot. As well as that I hankered for being able to eat, cook, do ANYTHING while having a bit of peace and quiet. Setting boundaries didn't work with them, nothing did. I wasn't not interested either but I just didn't want that feeling of suffocation to happen. Not only that but you end up with absolutely nothing to say. 1
rocketman122 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 im certain there are many men who would like the kind of R the OP wants. go out once a week or two, have fun, fkuk and have minimal contact...isnt that called FWB? I couldnt handle that kind of relationship. once a day call is minimum and a text here and there would be great. my ex and I started with a text in the morning and a call at night in the beginning to 3-4 calls a day and 5-10 texts towards the end. that may be excessive to most but OP's one every 3-4 days is on the extreme as well. if the person wants the same then thats great. but I dont think there are many what if he dated other women while he was pumping you once a week? youre not priority in his eyes (or yours)
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Setting boundaries didn't work with them, nothing did. I wasn't not interested either but I just didn't want that feeling of suffocation to happen. Not only that but you end up with absolutely nothing to say. I totally understand you and your last sentence is so true. In the end you will text each other each time you go to the loo and afterwards describe how your poop looked . Oh and of course also when you farted. Suffocation is the right word. If you see each other 2 or 3 times a week, I don't understand why you need to text in between. How can you ever build up longing to each other if you are in contact all the time?
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I am looking for a life partner, a man I will hopefully spend the rest of my life with. If someone gets my attention I want to hear from him, I don't want him to invade me, but I want to hear from him. I don't think marriages or living together couples are more succesful when the partners text each other all the time.
mammasita Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 ES, are you sure you like him enough and truly want to be dating right now? I get being in a demanding career with meetings and such but like I/we always say to others, when you are truly into someone you make time no matter what....whether phone or text. 4
Gaeta Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I don't think marriages or living together couples are more succesful when the partners text each other all the time. That is different. OP is talking about the very start of a relationship. When it's the period to get to know each other. And we're not talking texting constantly aren't we? or I miss read this thread. It's about texting daily, which means 1 time a day. My daughter text me 50 times a day. I can handle 1 text a day from a man I am into.
Els Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I wouldn't say it's 'necessary', but if I am into someone I've always found that I desired contact at least once a day - even if we've been together for years! In the early honeymoon stage that you are in, even more so. I think the key here is isolating your feelings re: contact with this guy, from your preferences in general. In the past, with exes you felt strongly for, how often did you desire contact? I often come from work meetings and find that I have number of texts to reply to and I find myself giving short replies as to not encourage more texts. It's not helping that I also have a lot of messages from friends and family along the lines "you have been distant lately" simply because I don't get around to replying to everything. How often are your friends and family messaging you? Do they expect you to carry on long text conversations on a daily basis? If you have high communication demands from friends and family then perhaps it is understandable that you would be exhausted and just want some time for yourself.
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 That is different. OP is talking about the very start of a relationship. When it's the period to get to know each other. And we're not talking texting constantly aren't we? or I miss read this thread. It's about texting daily, which means 1 time a day. My daughter text me 50 times a day. I can handle 1 text a day from a man I am into. You don't get to know each other by texting all the time. In any case, first you have to have the feeling and then you text. It seems to me that people are doing things all the time in order to get the feeling. But the act should be a result not the cause of the feeling. If my daughter would text me 50 times a day I would change my number. Seriously, why on earth is this necessary. Can't the kid be alone with her feelings for 5 minutes?
bohica Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 (edited) Does the OP eventually take a moment to reply? Have you explained that it's hard for you to reply right away and was it always daily contact? Maybe you feel a little too much pressure by the daily contact because your not that into him or a relationship at all. Does saying you want to take it slow imply NO daily contact or just imply a slow emotional pace? Sorry, didn't read the whole thread and jumped in late. Can I also ask how you feel when you text someone you like and they don't reply to you at all? Even if its a simple little note or question. I personally don't like it and feel that when a women does that it's sending me a message that she's not that into me. Anytime I've met someone who's really into me they like to hear from me. I always have the time to reply to someone. Especially someone I like. It may not be right away but I do. Edited February 11, 2015 by bohica 1
Gaeta Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 You don't get to know each other by texting all the time. In any case, first you have to have the feeling and then you text. It seems to me that people are doing things all the time in order to get the feeling. But the act should be a result not the cause of the feeling. If my daughter would text me 50 times a day I would change my number. Seriously, why on earth is this necessary. Can't the kid be alone with her feelings for 5 minutes? Once again. who is talking about texting all the time ?
carhill Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 OP, is high expressed interest no longer your relationship style? Beware of thinking the relationship dynamics. Slippery slope. Analyze less; feel more.
GemmaUK Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I totally understand you and your last sentence is so true. In the end you will text each other each time you go to the loo and afterwards describe how your poop looked . Oh and of course also when you farted. Suffocation is the right word. If you see each other 2 or 3 times a week, I don't understand why you need to text in between. How can you ever build up longing to each other if you are in contact all the time? I don't do the 'I just did this' text. The only times I needed to were when I was busy doing something and ..well..the last ex needed to know everything that I did each moment of the day. I had to justify what I was doing and why I was doing it. The cutting my toenails and 'why' I was cutting my toenails conversation was one of the best....oh dear! All 3 were long distance guys. I saw the last ex every other weekend. Every single time I went up to visit him though there was an argument because I switched my phone off to quick charge it (as he had sent texts all day and wanted a response to each) in the 30 mins I had to change, finish packing and get to the station to start my 5-7 hr train journey on the Friday night. He saw my getting ready to leave on time as chat time and saw no need for me to have a fully charged phone while travelling alone. Ugh! We had 2 hour calls each night anyway - and he got upset if I had nothing to say.... Back to topic - I'll never date again if contact has to be like that constantly. I would rather stay single. I was with a guy and we lived together in a pretty damn good RS for 14 years together. We barely ever needed to speak in any way during the day, there was no need most of the time. We were fine. It was healthy. We were happy.
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